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The DNA of Relationships for Couples Paperback – January 1, 2006
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Top Customer Reviews
Everywhere I go, I hear about the impact of this book and the principles within. If you're struggling in your marriage, longing to see relational health, I highly recommend picking up a copy of this book. Dr. Bob Paul and Dr. Greg Smalley's proven and surprising insight will, if you let it, revolutionize the way you interact with and love your spouse.
In a lot of ways, the best-fitting program for a marriage that's in trouble probably depends on what the core problems are. Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" is a great book, but probably more helpful for marriage enrichment than for marriages in crisis. Willard Harley's "His Needs, Her Needs" and related materials can be for enrichment or a marriage in crisis. (Harley's work is very good too!) "The DNA of Relationships for Couples" speaks to marriages in crisis -- and while the messages would be helpful for marriage enrichment too, the stories are about marriages that are in significant distress. I'm not sure how I would respond to the book if I were in the midst of a marriage that was rolling merrily along.
The ideas about the Fear Dance, as well as scriptural mandates for self-care were very thought provoking and eye-opening for me. It's a scripturally-guided perspective that comes at marriage from a perspective I really did not expect. Instead of talking about endlessly sacrificial love, they do a good job of pointing out where "sacrificial" runs the risk of turning into "doormat." They make a good case for valuing oneself as a child of God, and setting appropriate, God-honoring boundaries in relationships when needed. They also do a nice job of emphasizing the importance of personal responsibility in marriage. The doormat message was one I personally needed to hear, and that makes the DNA book a very good fit for me.
I enjoyed reading the comments made to the couples as they discussed their problems (ranging from giving up on a long-term marriage to adultery). I found many of the therapists' comments unexpected and refreshing. It helped the couples to look at their situations differently, and gave them hope. Being in a group with other couples felt awkward to the participants in the beginning, but turned out to be very beneficial to each of them - a sort of positive peer pressure. The continuing sessions over a short-period of time (rather than short sessions over a long period of time) helped reveal personality traits and made it more difficult to hide emotions.
Obviously the DNA of Relationships principles were applied. But you will need to get their other book to have the principles spelled out. I did not read the other book first and still got a wealth of information out of this book.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
There are some good insights. It's written like a case study, kinda; you're the "5th couple" in a group session, observing the struggles of the "other" couples. Read morePublished 6 months ago by Mike
Written in a fictional format this book is useful for showing 'real life' examples of how reflective/ 'heart' listening can allow safety and promote true communication. Read morePublished 10 months ago by skipidell3
Great step by step counseling session but written as a story!Published 17 months ago by Amazon Customer
Such great help for couples in crisis and couples who just can't communicate well. Learning to communicate with my heart with my wife's heart and feelings instead of my mind and... Read morePublished 20 months ago by Robert B. Briscoe
This is an amazing book that my wife and I had great difficulty putting down. Time is precious, and we both finished it in about a week. Read morePublished 21 months ago by Gregory A Berstler
These 4 real couples are in a 4 day intensive counseling session. Written in a fiction like style but real.Published 22 months ago by Bonnie L Connolly
I found this very insightful. I think, regardless of your personality, you will relate to one or more of the stories in this book and pull lots of beneficial information from it.Published 22 months ago by Flint Wipke