The Ring Makes All the Difference: The Hidden Consequences of Cohabitation and the Strong Benefits of Marriage [Paperback]

Glenn T. Stanton (Author)

Book Description

Release date: August 19, 2011

Cohabitation is hands-down the fastest growing family form in the United States and most Western nations. Most of these couples view the arrangement as a step toward marriage, or as a substitute for marriage. But does living together truly give people what they are longing for? Author Glenn Stanton offers a compelling factual case that nearly every area of health and happiness is increased by marriage and decreased by cohabitation.

How can young couples determine if moving in together is a wise move?  With more than half of American women now cohabitating sometime in their adult lives, pastors and counselors need to be prepared to advise young adults with factual and scriptural truth. With credible data and compassion, Stanton explores the reasons why the cohabitation trend is growing; outlines its negative outcomes for men, women and children; and makes a case for why marriage is still the best arrangement for the flourishing of couples and society. 

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Many believe nothing is better for their future marriage than a trial period - cohabitation. It's the fastest growing family type in the U.S.  So how's that working out? Are people truly happier?

Glenn Stanton cites a wealth of research that looks at the effects of cohabitation and marriage on all areas of health and happiness. The results may surprise you.  Well-done, unbiased science supports the traditional, Biblical view of the importance of marriage.

 

If you're considering moving in together or currently living together, take the time to read this book. See for yourself the impact your current decisions will have on both your future and that of those you love. You'll quickly see that all relationship forms are not equal.  Cohabitation is not "marriage-lite."  Marriage is an action, a decision, a statement. Truly, The Ring Makes All the Difference.

"Christians believe traditional marriage matters because it is outlined for us in the pages of sacred Scripture.  But guess what?  Science, reason, and history are also on our side.  In this excellent book, my friend Glenn Stanton explains how all of these roads point to the importance of marriage." ~ Jim Daly, president - Focus on the Family

"LOVED this book!  An easy and insightful must-read for anybody thinking about living together or getting married as well as those working with young couples, such as pastors, counselors, or mentors." ~ Julie Baumgardner, president and executive director of First Things First

"This ... explains why marriage is different from other relationships like cohabitation, and how marriage benefits adults and children by signifying clarity about the nature of the commitment between two partners.  It is both an important and a useful book."  ~ Scott M. Stanley, research professor, University of Denver; author, The Power of Commitment

The Ring Makes All the Difference tells us two hard truths: Cohabitation puts adults at risk for marital failure, and puts children at risk of being exposed to a relational merry-go-round that all too often ends in neglect or abuse." ~ W. Bradford Wilcox, director of National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia   

GLENN T. STANTON is the director for Family Formation Studies at Focus on the Family. He debates and lectures extensively on the issues of gender, sexuality, marriage, and parenting at universities and churches around the country. Glenn is an author and contributor to many books and is quoted as a leading spokesperson on marriage and family issues. Glenn and his wife have five children and live in Colorado.

About the Author

GLENN T. STANTON is the director for Family Formation Studies at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs and is directing a major research project on international family formation trends at the Institute of Marriage and Family in Ottawa. He debates and lectures extensively on the issues of gender, sexuality, marriage and parenting at universities and churches around the country. He served the George W. Bush administration for many years as a consultant on increasing fatherhood involvement in the Head Start program. Glenn is an author and contributor to many books and is quoted as a leading spokesperson on marriage and family issues. Glenn and his wife have five children and live in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Product Details

• Paperback: 160 pages
• Publisher: Moody Publishers; New Edition edition (August 19, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 080240216X
• ISBN-13: 978-0802402165
• Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.4 x 9.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #378,214 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Glenn is the Director for Family Formation Studies at Focus on the Family and a research fellow at the Institute of Marriage and Family in Ottawa. He debates and lectures extensively on gender, sexuality, marriage and parenting at universities and churches around the country. He served the George W. Bush administration for many years as a consultant on increasing fatherhood involvement in the Head Start program.

He and his wife Jacqueline have five endlessly growing kids and they all live relatively happily in the shadow of Pikes Peak in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating Results from 40 Years of Research Studies January 16, 2012

By WatermarkedOne

Format:Kindle Edition

I've often heard my peers say things like that living together is a safe way to "test out" a relationship to see if it is going to work before you make a permanent commitment to marriage, or that they are "practically married" and don't need a piece of paper to solidify their relationship. I confess I've often been rather tongue tied, not knowing how to respond.

When I saw that there was a book compiling the findings of four decades worth of scientific studies on the impact that living together has on relationships, I was instantly interested. This fascinating book explains research findings on the effects of cohabitation on a wide range of relational issues and shows some surprising results, such as that:

1) Couples who live together before getting married are 50-80% (!) more likely to get divorced than couples who have not lived together beforehand (l. 949)

2) The rate of violence for cohabiting couples is twice as high as for married couples, and the rate for "severe" violence is nearly five times greater (l. 679.) Similarly, women living with boyfriends are nine times more likely to be murdered by their partner than married women (l. 695)

3) Live-in boyfriends are nearly four times more likely to cheat than husbands (l. 704), and men who cohabited before marriage are more likely to cheat after they get married

4) Married men typically spend 8 more hours a week helping with housework than live-in boyfriends (l. 753) and contribute more financially (l.2084)

5) Living together without relational clarity/commitment tends to foster controlling and manipulative behavior patterns, which continue into marriage (l. 1076)

6) Married individuals have health benefits roughly equivalent to being ten years younger than they are, whereas living together shows no such benefits (l. 1641)

7) Although cohabitation was originally presented as a way to give women more freedom and power in relationships, studies overwhelming show that men benefit more from living together than women do (l. 1840)

The book was particularly fascinating to me because it simply focused on presenting research findings from respectable institutions, not on interpreting the results or presenting a religious viewpoint on relationships. The author does briefly discuss Biblical teachings about marriage and relationships in two chapters, but the bulk of the book examines the scientific evidence from the studies on cohabitation.

The well-documented and overwhelming conclusion from the dozens of research studies is that living together before marriage is one of the absolute worst things a couple can do in terms of its negative effects on their overall wellbeing and chance of having a happy, long-term relationship. I have seen many times that God knows what he's talking about and says what he does because he wants me to be happy, but it is fascinating to see so much secular research from well-respected institutions clearly backing up Biblical commands.

This is a great resource for anyone trying to make decisions about their relationships or trying to help friends do so. The book points out that, thanks to four decades of research, "couples today considering marriage or cohabitation can make informed decisions about what type of relationship is more likely to lead to the happiness, intimacy, and longevity they seek. Smart couples will make use of such an opportunity" (l. 579).

23 of 28 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Crisp, Clear, Candid - One of Stanton's Best! September 13, 2011

By Jules loves to shop

Format:Paperback

Focus on the Family's Glenn Stanton is a student of not only the social science surrounding and supporting traditional marriage, but also the culture, both religious and secular, in which it resides. With a strong command of these two spheres, this makes Stanton the ideal author to examine the chronic but worsening trend of cohabitation.

In the early 1970s, at the apex of the Cultural Revolution, American model Lauren Hutton, succinctly put to words the fears of her generation. In an interview with Time Magazine, Ms. Hutton was unapologetic when acknowledging that she lived with her boyfriend. When asked about the prospect of marriage, she said that it was "great for taxes, necessary for children, abominable for romance."

That such a lie took root amidst the tumultuous turn of culture's tide is not surprising. However, as Stanton convincingly points out with grace, just believing a lie doesn't make it true. Over three decades removed from Hutton's progressive perspective, there is conclusive evidence that the cohabitation experiment has failed, and miserably so.

"This is a rare instance where there's a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon between what many young adults believe and the proven reality of their experience," Glenn writes. "And it is not the moralizing preachers and traditionalists saying so."

Stanton wades through the scientific research indicating that cohabiting couples, if they ever marry, are 50% to 80% more likely to divorce than those who live apart prior to the big day. Cohabiting couples are also at much greater risk of suffering "serious relational impairments" - a gentle term for general discord and dysfunction.

Orthodox Christians will resonate with the early part of the book, which affirms the multi-millennial and Biblical case for marriage. Stanton saves the latter-half, though, for his most compelling and original material. Cohabitation, the author argues, clearly favors men over women. Ironically, liberation from marriage was considered a cornerstone of the feminist movement, and yet decades later, the research now concludes living together outside of marriage is nothing short of a relationship on the guy's terms, whereby a man enjoys easier access to sex, minus any formal commitment.

The tone of Stanton's analysis is redemptive, suggesting that despite disconcerting trends, the institution of marriage remains solid. Such optimism brings to mind the man who once suggested that the large number of divorces indicate that America is still the land of the free. Yes, replied his friend, and the marriage rate shows that it's also still home of the brave.

19 of 25 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This is a must read! September 14, 2011

By holly11

Format:Paperback

Cohabitation. Many couples go this route to "test drive" their partner for marriage. What they don't know is how detrimental it is to their future relationship. Using current statistics, Glenn Stanton presents the case that couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce than those who don't.

I had often heard that cohabitation was bad for a relationship, but I hadn't heard the statistics and reasoning behind it, beyond the church circles that say it's wrong. Stanton does an excellent job of presenting the fact in an unbiased manner. In fact, if I didn't know that Stanton comes from a Christian viewpoint, beyond the first and last couple chapters, I would think I was reading a secular sociological study. What is interesting to me is Stanton's conclusion that God knew what He was doing when He commanded against fornication. All of the statistics point to God's perfect plan.

This is the second book I've read and reviewed by Glenn Stanton. I have also read a lot of his material on Boundless.org, and am impressed with his research skills and interesting take on today's issues.

This is a great book - one I think would be great for anyone who counsels or works with youth or singles, or married couples.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Moody Publishers, through NetGalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."