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The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right Mass Market Paperback – February 1, 1996


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Mass Market Paperback, February 1, 1996
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Product Details

  • Mass Market Paperback: 192 pages
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (February 1, 1996)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0446602744
  • ISBN-13: 978-0446602747
  • Product Dimensions: 0.5 x 4.2 x 6.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 3.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (821 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #688,287 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

An unexpected bestseller, this self-help book for women who want to hook a man seems to have struck a chord with desperate American women. Fein and Schneider, whose main credentials seem to be that they are married, lay out the rules to be followed for successfully snagging a dream hunk. And these rules are hard as cast-iron--Rule Five: Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls. The idea is to return to pre-feminist mind games, exploiting the male hunting urge by playing hard to get. The result seems unliberating--Rule Seventeen: Let Him Take the Lead--but it seems to be capturing female minds. Rules Girls are eyeing the phone with steely resolve, and Rules seminars are springing up nationwide. Curious bachelors have been observed studying The Rules, some frowning, others with the supercilious smile of the hunter. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

The Rules is not just a book; it's a movement. -- Time, Elizabeth Gleick --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Customer Reviews

I have been married 5 years and read this book 15 years ago.
L. H.
You could say that guys agree with a lot of the points the book makes, even if they won't admit it, but they can never buy into the premise, and neither should you.
happy_wanderer26
Even worse than pursuing The Rules when dating, you're still supposed to play hard to get once you land the guy, and even when married!
Groovy Vegan

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

285 of 304 people found the following review helpful By Spiderling on December 3, 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I'm very glad The Rules came out.
After finding "The Rules" I gained an insight into the game that *certain* types of men expected me to play, and were themselves playing.
However as I was trying to do the Rules, I realized that "The Rules" just don't work on some people, and that doesn't make it a bad relationship or a bad situation -- it just means that these people don't follow the same male/female roles.
I agree with Dr. Tracy Cabot, and the previous reviewer who mentioned Kiersey/Myers-Briggs persoality typing, in that "The Rules" fail to take into account individual sensitivity. In short, it's a good description of some people... but not of others.
Despite its flaws, I find "The Rules" is a good guide for survival out in the dating world. I can see how this book has its merits. It is a very useful guide to how to set your own limits, and not get taken advantage of.
I don't think it has universal applicability, and I think you need to exercise some critical thinking about each rule.
The basic spirit of "The Rules" is don't get with anyone who doesn't already like *you*, don't make yourself totally available with your time, make them do their share of the work, and don't let them - too early in the game - think they've 'won you' before you've actually set up a committed relationship.
This is great advice for *anyone*. This is especially great advice for those "nice guys" out there who can't get women to like them as anything more than friends. Basically the message is... "don't let them win the race before they've actually crossed the finish line." Don't give your all to someone who hasn't given their all.
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142 of 157 people found the following review helpful By Jo Montana on July 8, 2009
Format: Mass Market Paperback
After yet ANOTHER time of starting out a potential relationship with the guy being totally infatuated with me and then ending it within a few months, I read this book.

All this time I have wondered why on Earth guys started out thinking I was this interesting, intriguing, wonderful, irreplaceable woman then did a total 180, and here this book lined it all up for me. I started out being myself--sassy, feisty, interesting me--and as I turned towards liking a guy, I'd completely lose myself in the relationship, which would cause him to lose interest in me. I wasn't me anymore, I was doormat shell of a me.

I was able to identify actual moments in this last relationship where his interest in me started slipping--and it was all stuff that I was doing that the Rules warn against.

Granted, this book does not have ALL the answers--for example, I would imagine that you can only tell someone so many times that "I have plans" or "I'm so busy" without giving a single detail as to what you're doing before they think you're a liar or a manipulative cow. The book doesn't go into what to say when they ask "Doing what?". And it doesn't cover cell phones/text messaging/social networking stuff.

But a lot of it is teaching women to be courteous to themselves and their friends. We shouldn't break plans with friends or avoid making weekend plans in the hopes that the guy will call last minute. We shouldn't sit by the phone waiting to pick up after half a ring. We SHOULD resist the temptation to find excuses to call, and the temptation to bend over backwards for him without getting the same treatment in return. We SHOULD expect romantic and thoughtful gifts--measured by effort, not by cost--from someone who loves us.
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474 of 546 people found the following review helpful By LittleDee on July 11, 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback
"The Rules" keeps returning like a bad hot dog. I'm embarrassed to admit that, against my judgment and ethics, I can't quite seem to dismiss it altogether. It's like watching somebody pick their nose at a stoplight -- you know you *should* ignore it -- you *want* to ignore it -- but somehow, you can't help yourself.
"The Rules", for those fortunate enough to have avoided the book until now, is an instruction manual telling how women can/should trick alpha males into marriage through withdrawal and manipulation.
Besides the book's cruel, self-esteem-undermining premise -- that the reader is worthless without a man; and moreover, that it requires complete falsification of her looks, mind, personality, and spirit to make her even marginally acceptable...
Besides the paradoxical hollowness of "success" with a false self -- you lose even if you "win", because it's not *you* who succeeds, it's the façade...
Besides the likelihood that persistent coldness, while screening out the uninterested, would also screen *in* the neurotic Don Juan who wants whatever he doesn't have until the instant he gets it, or even outright stalkers and psychos...
Besides how simplistic, morally corrupt, and insulting to *both* genders the book is...
Besides how abominably, sub-literately written it is...
Why does this book provoke such extreme reactions in everyone with a shred of intelligence, integrity, and/or self-esteem? Why is it like a stone in your shoe -- irritating as all get-out, yet impossible to ignore -- rather than simply irritating as all get-out?
Is it the obnoxious, infomercial scamminess and inflated promises?
-- "Sound too good to be true? We were skeptical at first, too.
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