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The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love Paperback – May 29, 2007


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 276 pages
  • Publisher: Plume (May 29, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0452288185
  • ISBN-13: 978-0452288188
  • Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 5.9 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #619,270 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Paul Dobransky, Md, is a board-certified psychiatrist, a former associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Colorado, a national speaker, and a business consultant. He has appeared on broadcast and cable television numerous times and in a wide variety of print publications, including USA Today, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, and First for Women. He is also the sex and dating columnist for Maximum Fitness magazine.

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Customer Reviews

In this way, we can learn to see and understand relationships with others as a reflection of self.
Luisa V. Nayhouse
Dr. Paul Dobransky successfully synthesizes various theories of psychology into a very understandable model that is practical and helpful.
Rebecca of Amazon
Dr. Paul's book delves into the whole process of falling in love but underlying all the mechanics is this little twist called serendipity.
Joseph Ritter

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

63 of 71 people found the following review helpful By L. Power TOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on June 7, 2007
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Dr Paul describes the 9 step process that women can use to find the man of their dreams. Previously, Dr Paul has outlined the same process for men, which is a little different. I have used his other products, so its all familiar.

The 9 steps are more than enough to justify buying this book. It explains the Triune brain theory, our reptilian, mammalian, and higher brain function, which are responsible for attraction, bonding, and commitment. Relationships falter between there is lack of communication between partners on all three levels simultaneously, and this is how the 9 step process comes into play. If the entire 9 steps are not followed in sequence or steps are overlooked years can be wasted, and you can be left wondering where the relationship went wrong. For example, one important step in the attraction phase is make him compete to win you. As a man I understand why this is important. As a woman you may wonder, until you read this book.

There is however so much other gold in this book. As an experienced psychiatrist, with substantial case experience, he has developed models of how to deal with various issues both personally and in relationships. In particular, I liked his definition of self esteem, and his maps to deal with this, anger, sadness, anxiety and depression.

This book is far more complete than the title would suggest, offering many proven processes to fine tune your relationship. Perhaps the most important concept of all is the "Cool Eye" which as human beings we all have, but very few of us use it consciously as a tool to improve our lives. Quite simply though, you cannot evolve without it.

How do you know if a man will commit?
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20 of 25 people found the following review helpful By Rebecca of Amazon HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on June 20, 2007
Format: Paperback
"The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love" is based on a scientific approach that is far from clinical. The intriguing case studies of how couples interact with each other keeps your full attention as Dr. Paul Dobransky analyzes these stories and presents a pathway to true love.

Diagrams throughout make the psychology lessons easy to understand and the idea of allowing natural stages of courtship to unfold makes complete sense. This book is mainly for women who want to secure a long-term relationship and are willing to thoughtfully analyze each step in the process.

What are the character traits that make men irresistible?
What are the three main stages to all romantic relationships?
How can you avoid breakups or divorce?
What makes men and women successful at relationships?

To bring about a full understanding of how we fall in love, Dr. Paul Dobransky explains how our brains function. This is truly brilliant because it gives a realistic viewpoint to an otherwise unexplainable phenomena. Falling in love is normally so mysterious and veiled and the information presented here explores the reptilian (brain stem), mammalian (midbrain) and higher brain (cortex) in detail.

During each stage of courtship a different part of the brain takes center stage. By understanding how the brain works while you are hopelessly falling in love gives you insight into what is actually occurring. This gives a woman much more control over her emotions and allows her to sidestep many of the dangers involved with only relying on the reptilian brain or physical attraction stages. There are detailed lists of what to look for if you suspect you may be with Mr. Wrong.

Dr.
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12 of 14 people found the following review helpful By Joseph Ritter on July 4, 2007
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Dr. Paul's book delves into the whole process of falling in love but underlying all the mechanics is this little twist called serendipity. For me that was the real power of the book. It's not about Mr. Right it's about finding the story you're meant to live.

The 9 steps are safety instructions. So you can live with your eyes open and make good choices. And when your story comes along you won't trap or win Mr. Right but you will be clear to make the best choices and join the story.

I'm married and I definitely see strong parallels in all 9 steps to the unfolding of our story. Read the book, live your life and keep an eye open for your story!
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20 of 26 people found the following review helpful By Stacy S. on April 19, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As some people said, there are a few points in this book that are worthwhile and notable psychology theories/concepts about why/how we fall in love. The main word is few. It seemed that the author kept drilling the same few concepts over and over. Yes, I got it the first time, thanks. He made physical attraction a main point (in women attracting men) and I found it to be condescending. He obviously thinks that an overweight woman cannot find love or anyone that will find her attractive. I can re-write his book in about 20 pages. A lot of it I find is absolutely unnecessary. I love psychology. I have my BA in it, and I STILL couldn't manage to make myself finish this book. I was thinking this book was going to have more theory on the physiological reasons why we fall in love or psychological reasons why we are attracted to one another. Nope.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful By mary Fiori on February 11, 2008
Format: Hardcover
what a great book!if you want real help finding the right man,this book is for you.the author includes tests to use on men to see if they're right for you.he gives the reader a "roadmap" that relationships should travel if they are to be sucessful.if you're a fan of sex in the city,there's a section that will blow your mind.he attaches a "type"to each of the four women and explains how all women fall into one of those types.then he explains which type of man is your best compliment.i learned real tools not just the same b.s like most other dating books.
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