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The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever Paperback – January 2, 2007


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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Haltzman begins this marriage guide for men by emphasizing the biological differences between men and women, arguing that traditional approaches to marriage counseling can devalue men and ignore immutable male qualities. Evolutionary biology along with explanations of the limbic system governing emotions provide the foundation for Haltzman's argument that much psychological dogma is possibly wrong, buoying married men by suggesting that it might be healthy "to keep your feelings to yourself" or that getting in touch with feelings is not a panacea for a better marriage. Then Haltzman, a psychiatry professor at Brown and operator of a Web site devoted to the "secrets of married men," launches his eight strategies with remarkable vigor. Despite the author's unorthodox theoretical groundwork, the strategies are commonsensical—make marriage your job, learn to listen, know your wife, aim to please. More important, they are extraordinarily well fleshed out and convincingly supported with useful "to do" lists and a multitude of examples. They will no doubt prove helpful to many men struggling to build a happy marriage. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

Haltzman begins this marriage guide for men by emphasizing the biological differences between men and women, arguing that traditional approaches to marriage counseling can devalue men and ignore immutable male qualities. Evolutionary biology along with explanations of the limbic system governing emotions provide the foundation for Haltzman's argument that much psychological dogma is possibly wrong, buoying married men by suggesting that it might be healthy "to keep your feelings to yourself" or that getting in touch with feelings is not a panacea for a better marriage. Then Haltzman, a psychiatry professor at Brown and operator of a Web site devoted to the "secrets of married men," launches his eight strategies with remarkable vigor. Despite the author's unorthodox theoretical groundwork, the strategies are commonsensical—make marriage your job, learn to listen, know your wife, aim to please. More important, they are extraordinarily well fleshed out and convincingly supported with useful "to do" lists and a multitude of examples. They will no doubt prove helpful to many men struggling to build a happy marriage. (Jan.) (Publishers Weekly, November 7, 2005)

Asserting that men have the power to fix their broken marriages because they are men, psychiatrist and marriage counselor Haltzman put together a guidebook that helps men give their wives exactly what they want and receive from them exactly what they hoped for the day they got married. Drawing on years of clinical experience and responses on his web site (secretsofmarriedmen.com), the author cites several "secrets" that differentiate the happily from the unhappily married men. Those who are satisfied have learned to listen to and know their wives; they aim to please and expect conflict and have learned to deal with it. Haltzman writes guy to guy, with anecdotes and humor. While it may be a challenge to get men to check out this book, it is highly recommended for all libraries. (Library Journal)

MANLY MEN REST assured: You can hope to become a better husband without having to get in touch with your feminine side. Psychiatrist Haltzman doesn't ask men to change so much as to harness their best masculine strengths. Lively and entertaining, this broad guidebook provides Haltzman's insights illuminated by anecdotes from his online discussion forum for married men. The upshot: Men would do well to approach their marriages with the same commitment and sense of purpose that they bring to a job. (Psychology Today) --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1 edition (January 2, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0787994146
  • ISBN-13: 978-0787994143
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.8 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (76 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #39,855 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

64 of 67 people found the following review helpful By M. Wester on January 26, 2007
Format: Hardcover
I'll start by saying I never read self-help/relationship/marriage books. I mean never. I usually can't get past the first few pages without being bored. My wife bought this book on a whim(she loves this kind of reading) and casually handed it to me and said "I know you may not be that interested but here...". She had only skimmed through it a bit.

I love this book. It has stimulated several moving conversations with my wife and as I read it I can only think "wow, this is exactly what happens to me in my marriage". It's like the author is reading my mind.

I would recommend any man(married or not) to read this and just as importantly, any woman(married or not) to read this book.

Peace
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84 of 91 people found the following review helpful By Matthew Aron on January 10, 2006
Format: Hardcover
Did Dr. Haltman spy on my wife and me? I've been married for more than five years. I'm very competent at my work (sales) but my wife makes me feel like I'm incompetent at marriage because I don't do thing like she does. He describes my situation to a tee.

I bought this book because I liked the premise: that men have different abilities than women, but can use them to make marriage better. This is a great book! It made me feel better about myself, has reinforced things I felt about my contribution to the marriage.

Better yet, when I do some of the things the author suggests, it really works, especially when it comes to dealing with conflict (Chapter is called: Expect conflict and learn to deal with it). One example, I started to focus on what she was saying, rather than on what my response to her words. It cut back on the tension when we "debate" things. I think my wife likes that I am reading hte book. (She reads this stuff more than I do usually)

When I'm done re-reading the book, I'll give it to my wife to read. Then we'll all be "on the same page".

I highly recommend this book. Can I give it more than 5 stars?
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35 of 40 people found the following review helpful By David H. Peterzell PhD PhD on May 23, 2007
Format: Paperback
Last week, Scott Haltzman gave a three hour talk to the San Diego Psychological Association, a group of clinical psychologists. I wasn't sure what to expect. He had appeared on national TV and radio, and he has a website. What I found online looked OK. At the same time, none of what I found appeared to distinguish him too clearly from anybody else who writes about successful marriages. The online advice seemed reasonable, and his credentials were striking, but I wondered if he could tell us anything new. (Many of us have training and experience in doing couples' therapy). There's so much out there that seems pretty good - Christensen and Jacobsen, Gottman, Hendrix, Schwartz, Bader, Solomon & Teagno, etc., etc. I've read quite a few books on the topic of successful marriages, and I feel like I have a decent sense of what is out there.

Fewer than 10 SDPA members showed for the continuing education talk, despite multiple announcements of this presentation. This was a bit surprising given the strength of Dr. Haltzman's credentials and his national reputation. Dr. Haltzman seemed OK with the low turnout, and used it as an opportunity to interact with his audience by asking and answering questions.

As he spoke, it quickly became obvious to me that this guy is an entertaining and dynamic speaker. Picture Bill Maher as a psychiatrist, with a genius for marriage therapy. At some point during the first hour, it hit me... This guy IS the real deal. He really IS passionate about saving marriages. He really DOES have a unique perspective that is informed by research. He integrates other experts' opinions with PLENTY of his own wisdom about marriage. Dr. Haltzman seems to exhibit a strong intuitive and analytical sense of what works in marriages.
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43 of 50 people found the following review helpful By J. L. Jagers on September 3, 2006
Format: Hardcover
This book accomplishes several things: (1) It takes the mystery out of the language of intimacy and romance. (2) It provides guidance in positive (non-critical) language. (3) After my wife and I spent an evening discussing the eight ways I can do better, she agreed that it would indeed win her heart forever. It passed the acid test!

-- Dr. Lee Jagers, Director of Counseling Services, Dallas Theological Seminary, Dallas, Texas
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28 of 32 people found the following review helpful By Jack Rosenblum on January 7, 2006
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
"MEN ARE SUCH JERKS!" How many times have you heard that, sometimes even from other men? Scott Haltzman doesn't think we're all jerks. In an unusually wise and frequently funny book, he urges us to use the skills that make us successful in work and sports to become, in effect, world-class husbands who, in return for our efforts, have a much improved chance of being appreciated, maybe even cherished, by our wives.

I'm in the marriage education field and (full disclosure) know Scott Haltzman personally. Since around 70% of divorces are now being initiated by disaffected wives with their husbands frequently not knowing what hit them, this book is an extremely effective antidote to male obliviousness. Any man who reads this book will know what to do to avoid being blind-sided by his wife's abrupt announcement and departure. Of course, knowing what to do is one thing; heeding the sage advice and actually doing it is quite another. A book can only do so much, but this one does a lot.

The big question is: since women buy and read most of the marriage self-help books, how will this gold mine of information get into the hands (and heads) of the legions of husbands who badly need it? It's too bad women couldn't administer the book to their husbands intravenously, but maybe as a gift.

With a 43% divorce rate for first marriages (60% for second marriages), marriage is clearly a beleagured institution. By working the male side of the street, Haltzman has made a major contribution to our understanding of how we husbands can use our male competence to properly attend to the care and feeding of our precious marriage.
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