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The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less Paperback – December 31, 2008

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The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less + The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever + How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Jossey-Bass (December 31, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 047040180X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0470401804
  • Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 6 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #339,212 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Haltzman's promise of stress-free marital bliss is attractive, but his advice grates, recalling the worst sort of paternalistic misogyny. After explaining that men's worst communication habits are the result of genetics, Haltzman goes on to say that men need to be nurtured, require acknowledgement for their efforts and only get married for sex. So much for wives "doing less"! Once readers recover from their shock, they'll begin to notice that whether Haltzman is focusing on arguing efficiently, spicing up your sex life or learning to recognize nonverbal expressions of love and remorse, the lesson is the same: a wife should always love and accept her husband for who he is and always has been, even after the initial throes of romantic love fade away. That core is sound, but it's hard to say who Haltzman treats less kindly on the way there: men, who are described as intractably difficult, or women, who are told to put up with them anyway.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.


As Haltzman (psychiatry & human behavior, Brown Univ.; The Secrets of Happily Married Men) knows-he’s been married for 20 years-the idea of shaping one’s marriage without it seeming like another job appeals to most women. Together with DiGeronimo (Raising Baby Green), he here proposes that men are hardwired to please women and that if a knowledgeable wife tailors her message to the way her husband can hear it, she will enjoy a deeper connection and achieve happiness without compromise. In a manner somewhat similar to John Gray’s in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, the authors advise married female readers to speak in shorter sentences, directly ask for what they want, and take charge of their own spiritual and intellectual need. Well done and recommended to update marital self-help sections.-Deborah Bigelow, Director, Leonia P.L., NJ (Library Journal, January 2008)

“…this delightful...humorous and entertaining book is a must- read for savvy brides-to-be.” (Ladies First, Spring 2008)  --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

Written well, with humor and intelligence.
As a marriage educator, I welcome Scott's work as a wonderful step for couples looking to help their relationships.
Susan L. Blumberg
I highly recommend "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" to improve your marriage today!
Kevin A. Decker

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

98 of 101 people found the following review helpful By C. Mccormack on January 25, 2008
Format: Hardcover
My husband and I have struggled for years to stay together. We have been in marraige counseling countless times, until recently I was only with him for our kids. I picked up the Secrets of Happily Married Men for my husband about a year ago. I told him about a month ago I thought that the marraige was over and that we should give up. I came home that afternoon to find him sitting in a chair reading the book. He then took it away with him on a business trip. I have known him for twenty years, and in that time I have never seen him read a book, never mind a book on marriage. I looked on line to see if there was a companion book for women and was so pleased to see that one had just been published.
These two books have changed our lives for the better. I can't believe all the years we have wasted and how easy the remedy is. We now "get it". We still argue, but its different.I understand where he is coming from now, my interpretation of what he is saying and doing is different. The books have turned it around for us.
The Secrets of Happily Married Women explains what men need and how women can supply it. It also explains what men want to give their wives and how we can graciously receive it. Every couple should read this book.
I must say there are some points that might be a bit tough for some women to read (goes against the grain of feminists). Give it a chance and see the goal is not to put you in a subservient role, but rather a role that makes your spouse feel loved by you. You will in turn feel that same love and appreciation from your spouse. It is a win, win.
I hope this book does for many other couples what it has done for my mine. I am so grateful.
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73 of 75 people found the following review helpful By Kevin A. Decker on February 7, 2008
Format: Hardcover
As an Author, Coach, and Motivational Speaker I read alot of books about people, their motivations, and their relationships. "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" by Dr. Scott Haltzman and Teresa Foy DiGeronimo gets an A for writing with clarity and humor, an A+ for stories that engage the reader, an A+ for the valuable information provided, and an A for the "Do Less" lessons at the end of each chapter.

I took this book on vacation with me figuring that I would read snippets when I had a chance. Once I started reading I found it difficult to put it down. I'm the kind of person that treasures books and almost never writes in them. My copy of "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" is covered in underlines, stars, and circles. Each marks a passage I think is must reading for my wife so that she could understand where I'm coming from. Also marked are discussion points for us to set expectations in our relationship.

There are 7 Secrets that Dr. Haltzman wants to share with women. After a brief introduction where he explains how he came to write the book, each secret is shared in its own chapter.

Secret 1: Know Your Husband

Dr. Haltzman explains the nature, needs, and challenges that men have in relationships.

secret 2: Nurture His Needs -- and Yours

Dr. Haltzman shares a revised serenity prayer "God grant me the serenity to accept the aspects of my husband's nature that I cannot change, but encouraged to direct his instincts in ways that will be mutually gratifying, and the wisdom to better understand who he really is." The "Do less" lesson at the end of this chapter is priceless.

secret 3: Fight Better

Conflict is a part of every marriage.
Read more ›
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29 of 32 people found the following review helpful By Rebecca of Amazon HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on February 1, 2009
Format: Hardcover
"The Secrets of Happily Married Women" is a book about how to meet your husband's needs. This in turn creates a happier marriage and therefore a more content wife. To have a better marriage Scott Haltzman believes you have to make your husband happier. He also gives advice on how to divide up household jobs and explains why you should reward good behavior and ignore bad behavior. Some of the secrets he unveils include why men find it difficult to say "I Love You," and why men tend to show emotions through actions. Scott Haltzman also thinks it is unrealistic to expect couples never to argue so he presents "six tips for fighting better." There are also simple things you can implement immediately, like telling a man why you are angry (instead of making him guess) or making it a habit to remind your husband of important days. This prevents frustration and disappointment. Expecting a man to be a mind reader is also discouraged. In general this book will help you understand your husband on a deeper level. If you are happy when your husband is satisfied and content then this might be the book for you. If you are looking for more books on marriage I can recommend:

Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language

How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You

...Read more ›
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