The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment [Hardcover]

Scott Haltzman (Author), Theresa Foy DiGeronimo (Contributor)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 29, 2009

Proven ways to create a more loving family

Research proves that happy families are good for health, longevity, peace of mind, productivity, and success. In The Secrets of Happy Families, Scott Haltzman offers an original approach to building family contentment that works for families of all ethnicities and make-ups–two-parent, single-parent, blended, childless, or same-sex couple. He provides a "positive psychology" way of solving family problems through strategy and leadership, including knowing and accepting who you are, taking a leadership role in loving and united relationships, building a network of support in extended families and communities, and making quality time for fun, adventures, holidays, and rituals.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Living in a happy family is good for your health, longevity, productivity, and success. Written by best-selling author Dr. Scott Haltzman, The Secrets of Happy Families is filled with smart, wise, and often humorous tips for families who want a healthy and harmonious home life in good times and tough times.

The Secrets of Happy Families is based on the groundbreaking results of a survey of 1,266 men and women who reveal their family secrets on topics from sex to childcare. Dr. Haltzman interweaves cutting-edge research and examples from his own clinical practice to arrive at easy-to-apply strategies that can boost the happiness in any family:

Stick Together—Know your core values and work together to set a course for happiness that includes everyone in the home.

Commit and Communicate—Children feel more secure when they know that parents are committed to stay together. Using good communication seals the deal!

Lean—You don't have to do it all on your own. Reaching out to others makes you and your family sturdier and steadier.

Teach to and Learn from Children—Parenting takes patience, but while you're teaching your children, they're teaching you!

Blend—Grouping and regrouping with step-, adopted, and foster families isn't always smooth, but the process can enrich everyone involved.

Handle Conflict—Knowing how to master conflict can lead to a more cohesive family.

Bounce—Healthy families know how to rebound from adversity and grow stronger in the process.

Breathe—Making time for fun, adventure, and rituals sets the stage for a loving family over a lifetime.

The Secrets of Happy Families will be the book your family turns to again and again for raising healthy children, solving everyday crises, creating a stable loving home, and building positive memories.

From the Back Cover

"This is a wonderful book. I recommend it to all families as required reading."
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. author, Getting the Love You Want and Giving the Love That Heals: A Guide for Parents

"This is a beautiful book—timely, passionate, and powerful. It is also so well written, it's a page-turner and you'll find wealth of insight on every page. If you have specific questions about how to make family love last, this book has practical answers."
—Michael Gurian, author, The Minds of Boys and The Wonder of Girls

"Scott Haltzman's writing is so engaging, it's the kind of book you pick up in a bookstore and find yourself still reading a half hour later. Inspiring and enlightening, it is filled with fascinating facts, educational anecdotes, and wise advice that you will remember, use, and repeat to others, even years from now. Don't miss this outpouring of love from a seasoned writer and psychiatrist."
—Susan Page, author, Why Talking Is Not Enough and If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

"Few well-written and easily read books treat us to solid research, a wide range of thoughtful quotes, and the author's real-life experience on perhaps life's most important subject: creating a happy family. This book does it all!"
—Warren Farrell, Ph.D. author, Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say and Why Men Are the Way They Are

"Haltzman's latest entry into the 'advice to families' genre is a gem. Grounded in solid family research and his own survey of families, Haltzman offers sound, practical, and compassionate advice for families. His recognition of the diversity of contemporary families is one of the great strengths of this book. The accessible style is sure to please a wide range of readers from parents to family professionals."
—Ross D. Parke, Ph.D. Distinguished Professor of Psychology, Emeritus, University of California, Riverside; and past president, Society for Research in Child Development

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1 edition (June 29, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0470377100
• ISBN-13: 978-0470377109
• Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1 x 9.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #218,957 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Scott Haltzman, M.D., is board certified in Psychiatry and is a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He is a graduate of Brown University class of 1982, and received his medical degree from the Brown Medical School in 1985. He completed his psychiatric training and chief residency at Yale University, and then moved back to Rhode Island with his wife and children. He served as a Clinical Assistant Professor at Brown University for twenty years, and is currently Medical Director of NRI Community Services in Woonsocket, Rhode Island.

Dr. Haltzman has gained international recognition for his work in support of marriage and committed relationships. He has appeared on the Today Show, 20/20, Good Morning America, and in TIME Magazine, Glamour, Redbook, Parent's Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune and local and national radio, TV and print.

Dr. Haltzman is a member of the "Love Network" of Redbook magazine. He co-authored the chapter, "Men, Marriage and Divorce" in the American Psychiatric Press book: "Men and Mental Health." He is an internationally recognized speaker, presenting at the Annual Smart Marriages conference and at the annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association. In 2007, he was honored by the Women's Resource Center of Newport & Bristol Counties (Rhode Island) as one of 19 "Men who Make a Difference."

Scott Haltzman, M.D., is the founder and editor of www.DrScott.com and www.365Reasons.com and author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men," "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" and "The Secrets of Happy Families."

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Happy Families Forever September 16, 2009

By Lynette R. Fleming

Format:Hardcover

Remember the scene in Robin William's movie, "The Birdcage," during which the right-wing parents of the fiancé of Armand's son are faced with his two mothers ... one biological (a female) and the other the drag-queen companion of his father? "Which one is your mother?" they ask. When many of us think of families, we think of the traditional "Leave it to Beaver" family ... father, mother, and children. But today there are so many other kinds of families ... grandparents raising grandchildren, foster families, adoptive families, same-sex couples, and so on. The great thing about this book is that the advice in it applies to any family, defined by Dr. Haltzman as "two or more people committed to sharing their life together who are related by blood, adoption, marriage or cohabitation, legal decree, or personal devotion."

After defining "family", Dr. Haltzman goes on to define happiness and gives us his eight secrets to the enduring happy family. Secret one, Stick Together, which isn't just about divorce but also includes how to set your family values and creating a family document ... The Family Mission Statement. We have one at work ... why not have one at home? Once you have established your family values, you'll move on to communication, teaching and learning from children, blending, handling conflict, bouncing back, breathing, and evolving.

Happy families don't just happen because two people fall in love and procreate. To continue our happiness, we must establish our values and become adept at nurturing our relationships. Know someone who can't stand their mother, father, or kids? It happens all the time. This book will teach you how to stop those conflicts in their tracks and put your family life on the right track to continuing happiness.

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Great book! August 15, 2009

By Jodi E. Deangelis

Format:Hardcover

The Secrets of Happy Families is all that it is advertised to be! Dr. Haltzman begins the book by exploring the definition of family, and has an inspiring and educational chapter about happiness (did you know that people that win the lottery don't end up being any happier in life and people who become paralyzed?).

I found Haltzman's division of family happiness into eight "keys" extremely helpful. For instance, on his chapter called "commit and communicate" he talks about the importance of maintaining a stable family for the growth of the child. This seems like common sense, but the fact is that it is politically incorrect to say that people should marry because it's better for children. Other chapters talk about dealing with conflict, step families, values, and resiliency.

What was most impressive about this was Dr. Haltzman's use of humor. He seems to be saying that we should take a families seriously, but not so seriously that we are not able to enjoy all of the highs and lows that are part of being a family. The book gave me good ideas about how to enjoy fun and meaningful activities when I get together with my family. And how to argue less.

I am eager to read Dr. Haltzman's other books because he seems to be a voice of reason and humor when other authors are either sanctimonious, boring, or banal.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Valuable lessons for a Happy Family February 26, 2010

By Kevin A. Decker

Format:Hardcover

As an Author, Coach, and Motivational Speaker I read a lot of books about people, their motivations, and their relationships. "The Secrets of Happy Families" by Dr. Scott Haltzman and Teresa Foy DiGeronimo gets an A+ for writing with clarity and humor, an A for stories that engage the reader, and an A+ for the valuable lessons provided.

Dr. Haltzman begins by setting expectations about what a family is, going way beyond the traditional nuclear family of 2 parents and 2.5 children to include the single parent family, extended family, blended family, adopted family, foster family, etc. Coming from a blended family with a father married 6 times impacting 21 children and having a more traditional family with 2 parents and 2 children I was interested to see what secrets he could share to make my family a happy family.

In chapter 2 Dr. Haltzman defines happiness and identifies a number of circumstances and behaviors that can impact the happiness of families. He ends the chapter with this line "by proactively shaping the family life you desire, that life can be yours. Read on."

Secret #1: Happy Families Stick Together. Dr. Haltzman creates context with a values matrix to help you identify a shared understanding of what's important to your family, and each of the people in your family. He then helps you create a family mission statement as a powerful bond that helps the family stick together.

Secret #2: Happy Families Commit and Communicate. Dr. Haltzman identifies what "committed" means. He identifies 3 stages in a relationship and what it takes to stay committed in each stage. Communication through words and action is the top-secret of happy families. Gender differences can create conflict or you can embrace the differences.

Secret #3: Happy Families Lean. Happy families look to each other for support and that support is returned. Dr. Haltzman says" a secret of happy families is that they abide by the code of support and caring even if it's at the cost of personal convenience or comfort". Another key is to identify friends and organizations that can support, encourage, and champion your marriage.

Secret #4: Happy Families Teach to and Learn from Children. Children divide your attention, take time, are expensive, are loud and messy, will challenge your beliefs, and are individuals that won't always share your beliefs, values, hopes, and desires. On the positive side children can bring joys to your family and give you love. Haltzman shares valuable lessons in disciplining children. I love how the lessons learned in his research into the behavior of rats can be applied to disciplining our children. His story of dealing with his daughter Alena reinforces his message that conflicting issues affect our decisions as parents, we need to take them into account, and make the best decision we can.

Secret #5: Happy Families Blend. In this chapter Dr. Haltzman identifies types of blended families and walks through the 5 step process they go through: hopefulness, confusion, crisis, stability, and finally a shared commitment. He also provides strategies and techniques to create a successful blended family.

Secret #6: Happy Families Handle Conflict. Dr. Haltzman shares 5 basic fair fight facts:

1. All couples fight.
2. We all need to be heard.
3. We need to treat each other with respect to survive conflict.
4. A hostile start results in a harsh and.
5. The fight must be over by bedtime.

I don't know if I agree with #5 five but the 1st 4 I find absolutely true. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. Dr. Haltzman reinforces work by Dr. John Gottman identifying 4 powerful behaviors that can predict a failed relationship; criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Happy families limit use of these behaviors, deal with conflict, and bounce back

Secret #7: Happy Families Bounce. It's easy to be a happy family when things are going well, but when things are going bad you can still be a happy family. The key is resiliency. Dr. Haltzman provides keys for actively coping with family challenges.

Dr. Haltzman wraps up his book with "Happy Families Evolve." He says "my hope is that by spending time reading this book and learning how all the individuals within a family give happiness to each other, you'll be inspired to make a conscious effort to give happiness to everyone in your family, and will then in turn enjoy the happiness they give back to you or the rest of your life."

I highly recommend The Secrets of Happy Families. You'll find powerful lessons to create your Happy Family.

Kevin Decker