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A.J.: Congratulations on this book -- it's amazing. I predict that my family's happiness level will rise approximately 63 percent after I incorporate these tips. You say you read tons of parenting books and most were eye-glazingly dull. Why?
Bruce: First, 63 percent. That’s better than our family! As for parenting books, the biggest problem is they’re out of fresh ideas. Meanwhile, in every other world – from Silicon Valley, to corporate America, to elite peace negotiators, to the U.S. military – there are cutting-edge ways to bring groups closer together. I asked what those folks were doing with their families, then tested their ideas out with mine.
A.J.:I absolutely love the idea of weekly family meetings. I’m going to start holding them this week. Any tips for keeping kids from zoning out?
Bruce: Holding weekly family meetings is the single best improvement we made to our family. My wife adores them. Tips: play a short game at the start; have your kids pick their punishments; stop after 20 minutes. Oh, and give allowance at the end; that keeps ‘em interested!
A.J.: You talked to a number of experts about how to fight smarter, including simple changes you could make around the home. Which of these improved your life?
Bruce: My wife and I changed where we have conversations at night after we discovered we fought more because my spot put me a power position. As a family, we implemented one of my three favorite tips from the entire book: when we discipline our kids, we sit in upright, cushioned chairs. (My other favorites are “The Law of Two Women” and the “What Do You Know?”)
A.J.: As you point out, the Tiger Mom approach has some downsides. Is there an animal you more identify with?
Bruce: Pillow pet.
A.J.: In the section on Warren Buffett’s guide to allowance, you talk about the importance of having kids work. But the lemonade stand market seems overcrowded. Any alternative?
Bruce: First, I was quite surprised by the advice that it’s better for kids to earn – and lose – their own money. Buffett’s banker told me, “It’s much better to make a mistake with a $6 allowance than a $60,000 salary or a $6 million inheritance.” And I’m a believer in lemonade stands, but remember that the lemonade’s a loss leader -- the money’s in the cookies.
A.J.: Are you worried you can never lose your temper at your kids in public, or people will say “Hey, aren’t you the Happy Family guy?”
Bruce: Oops, was that you behind me at the supermarket the other day? Seriously, I wrote about happy families not because we had one, but because we wanted one. Unlike most “experts,” I didn’t have an ideology to promote. I had a question: What do happy families do right and how can the rest of us make our families happier? We’ve definitely improved, but kids change, so we keep having to turn back to the book.
A.J.: You start off with Tolstoy’s famous maxim “All happy families are alike.” Do you agree?
Bruce: I didn’t at first, but now I do. Happy families have certain larger things in common: They adapt all the time. They talk. A lot. They go out and play. And they work at it. We try to improve at our jobs, our hobbies, even at being ourselves, yet somehow we forget to work on the one thing that most defines our well-being -- our family. That’s my biggest takeaway. Want to have a happier family? Try.
Very easy to read with lots of great ideas, I found it to be very informative.
In his latest book, The Secrets of Happy Families, New York Times Best-selling author Bruce Feiler explores the interpersonal dynamics of families.
Its a great book that lays out things you can do to have a better family life.
A great insight to tweak your family unit and create new traditions and facilitate family participation.Published 18 days ago by Cindy De Garceau
A good read, there were a lot of helpful tidbits in here, unfortunately every time I suggested my husband and I implement anything from the book he acted like I was torturing him... Read morePublished 20 days ago by JBH
Bruce Feiler has written a thoughtful, helpful book filled with ideas on how to create a strong, wholesome family. Read morePublished 21 days ago by chris oakes
Wonderful book. A must read for any family but specially those with small children. It's better than a self help book and better than a parenting book. Read morePublished 26 days ago by Deborah Guzman
Loved this book - very practical advice on a wide variety of topics pertaining to family life! Gave it as a gift to my sister in law and best friend. Read morePublished 1 month ago by S. Maroof
Has some really great ideas. Some chapters better than others, but overall really interesting collection of lessons pulled from a variety of disciplines.Published 1 month ago by Betsy (Eco-novice)
Wonderful book. I plan to buy several copies to share with family. The book is just full of information, along with references to other sources. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Eleanore Miller