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ADAM WASSON is a Scotch-swilling, Marlboro-smoking, relationship-sabotaging MWM. He enjoys walks on the beach, sodomitical literature, and good food. He is looking for: a small but vehement cult following.
JESSICA STAMEN is an SWF with a kind heart, questionable morals, and a history of Oprah-esque weight fluctuation. She is looking for: a man.
CONGRATULATIONS! In picking up this book you have already accomplished more than you may realize. For one thing, you've made a statement about yourself—you are not someone who simply follows the crowd. Let's face it, there are thousands of books on how to avoid self-destructive behavior. As far as we know, however, this is the world's first book on how to embrace self-destruction, enjoy it, and pursue it to its fullest extent. Take a moment just to congratulate yourself on being unique enough to recognize this fact, and brave enough to investigate it.
The self-hurt goal
Our goal here is simple: We want to help you not help yourself To that end, we offer advice on everything from how to stalk an ex to how to smoke with emphysema. Wondering which gateway drug is right for you? This book will help you decide. Not sure how much degradation you can take? Probably more than you think: We'll help you push your limits.
No matter what self-destructive behavior you're interested in pursuing, chances are we've got some valuable advice and encouragement for you.
Destruction Isn't Death
Self-destruction is not suicide. In fact, they are very different. Suicidal people want to end life altogether, whereas self-destructives enjoy debasing themselves, degrading others, and generally wreaking physical and emotional havoc on the world around them. There is nothing more life-affirming than total destruction, whereas death, in our opinion, is zero fun.
If you are suicidal, then you have probably lost all sense of irony and should look elsewhere for help.
If, on the other hand, you hope to mastermind and botch multiple suicide attempts in order to frighten and manipulate people who care about you, we've got some real gems for you in chapter 8.
Your self-hurt journey
We're not going to lie to you. Self-destruction can be a difficult and sometimes lonely road. That is why, if you remember only one thing as you read this book, we want you to remember this: The whole point of self-destruction is that it's fun. If you're not having fun, then you might as well be taking vitamins, "working" on your relationships, and reading self-help books.
Your goal here should be to develop and pursue your destructive tendencies to their fullest potential, and to have a good time doing it. Before you read further, we'd like you to reflect for a moment on the most self-destructive thing you've ever done. Gratifying, wasn't it?
Okay, let's get to it!
I give this book to everyone I know who has a sense of humor. It will make you laugh out loud constantly.Published 17 months ago by Jane Humphrey
Read it. It's a book, it has pages and words and pictures and stuff. Great ! It is in English and I understood a good part of it.Published 22 months ago by Fred Gloppins
I was hoping to get a book that gave insight into self destruction and helpful ways to deal with it. Instead I got a bunch of random anecdotes about the authors life.Published on August 17, 2013 by Matthew Campbell
I was just bored and wanted a quick read. Its a very cute book. I let my friends borrow it as wellPublished on May 30, 2013 by Megan Fernandez
I love this book, it's sarcastic and funny. 8 Steps to an unhealthier you. I am also a fan of the stick figures.Published on December 12, 2012 by Amazon Customer
This is the funniest book I've read since Woody Allen's Side Effects and Chelsey Handler's Hey Vodka...! Wasson is brilliantly funny. Read morePublished on September 3, 2009 by Minelli
Finally a self-no-help book that I can relate to. If you're tired of cliches and platitudes that try to make you believe that you can actually better yourself when all you want to... Read morePublished on September 27, 2006 by David Title
This book can be very entertaining at times. However, I found myself falling asleep at certain times while reading this book.Published on August 23, 2005 by baligathi