The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide: Field-Tested Strategies for Staying Smart, Sane, and Connected While Caring for Your Kids [Paperback]

Melissa Stanton (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 3, 2008

Melissa Stanton’s The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide is an all-encompassing, truth-telling how-to book that addresses the many practical and psychological issues facing stay-at-home moms today.

How do you create time for yourself? Is there really time to do it all (feed the kids, keep them busy, clean the house, balance the checkbook, and take a shower)? How do you deal with the absence of the “professional you"?

An invaluable resource for mothers, The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide includes interviews with stay-at-home moms, discussions with experts (family therapists, educators, medical specialists, career counselors), checklists to help you make the most of your time and keep you balanced, and Melissa Stanton’s own experiences leaving a career as an editor for People magazine to become a stay-at-home mom herself.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Melissa Stanton never set out to be a stay-at-home mother.

It just sort of happened as the result of a confluence of events -- her husband taking an out-of-state job, her own long commute to a high-pressure New York magazine editing job, and the Sept. 11 terror attacks.

'I woke up one day and said, `You know what? That's it. I need to live a different life,'?' she said.

Ms. Stanton, who now lives in Davidsonville, admits she didn't know quite what she was getting into when she left the workforce. But she's gained a lot of experience and is determined to pass it on to other women.

Her book, 'The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide: Field-Tested Strategies for Staying Smart, Sane, and Connected While Caring for Your Kids,' came out June 1. It packs plenty of advice for moms who may be feeling a bit isolated and under-appreciated in their new roles.

'It's so chock-full of tips (and) practical things,' said Krista Lyons-Gould, publisher of Berkeley-based Seal Press, which put out the guide.

Ms. Stanton, 43, consulted with about 100 stay-at-home mothers and surveyed more than 60 in detail to gain a broad perspective for the book.

The guide includes chapters on everything from finances and friends to sex and strategies for keeping sane.

'There's a little humor and a lot of substance,' said Ginny Meerman of Edgewater, who has four children and has been a stay-at-home mother for 18 years.

'I'm still amazed that I did it,' she said. 'The book was a lot of work, but it was really good to have done it. I hope it gets attention. I think it's a useful book.' -- Hometown Annapolis, June 19, 2008

No one ever said that staying home with kids was easy. But now, thanks to this new book by Melissa Stanton, you'll have somewhere to turn whenever you're feeling a little lonely, under-appreciated, or overwhelmed. Stanton, a magazine editor turned stay-at-home herself, understands all too well both the joys and the challenges that come with staying home with your children full time. For this book, she draws not only on her own experience, but also on the experiences of other moms, who she spoke to and surveyed at length. With information about dealing with everything from money and scheduling to friendships and marriage, Stanton has the advice you need for every situation and the sympathy and understanding you've been hoping for. No one understands a stay-at-home mom like another stay-at-home mom, which gives Stanton the insights to make this Survival Guide a valuable resource for moms everywhere. -- Mom Central, June 26, 2008

Product Details

• Paperback: 386 pages
• Publisher: Seal Press (June 3, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580052479
• ISBN-13: 978-1580052474
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1.1 x 7.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #181,872 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Prior to becoming a Stay-at-Home mom to a son and twin girls, Melissa Stanton was a senior editor at LIFE and People magazines. (Since her days are spent in kid-mode, her book, The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide, was written at night.) For more information about Stanton and "The Guide," please visit stayathomesurvivalguide.com.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

45 of 45 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Thoughtful exploration of the central issues of being a SAHM June 13, 2008

By Ask Moxie

Format:Paperback

Cross-post with my review of the book on http://www.askmoxie.org

I loved this book. There are a couple books I recommend without reservation, and this is one of them. I don't think you'll get much out of it if you're not a SAH parent and don't plan to be one, but if you are or have been or want to be or are planning to be a SAH mother, you will get something out of this book.

The first strength of this book is that the author had a big career, then was home for a year with her first child, went back to work more-than-full-time for a few years, and is not back at home with her (now) three kids (including a set of twins, one of whom has special needs). So she's seen the gig from a lot of different angles. There were things I took for granted about being at home before I went back, and I know I'd have a different view of being at home now if I could go back to thatom and I think the book does a good job of picking out things that are unique to the at-home gig, but also universal to at-home moms.

The second strength of this book is that it hits the correct topics. The central tension of being at home, IME, is that tug-of-war between wanting to be with your kids all the time and feeling like you're missing something by being at home. (I think the flip side is the central tension of WOH--being out in the working world, but feeling like you're missing something with your kids.) And that's one of the central themes of this book. It is not at all one of those "yes it can be tough but SAH moms are riding along on a cloud of rainbows raising the future of the world" books. It acknowledges that there are many reasons women stay home to care for their children, and that sometimes it's not because that's what they'd choose if the choice was really possible. It gives equal weight to the joy and also the tedious nature of being at home, and discusses the very real sacrifices women make to stay home.

The chapter on finances, in particular, is strong. I've seen other things about finances for SAHM, and they all seem to be about how to economize on paper towels to stretch your family's money. Stanton's chapter on SAHM finances stresses knowing what your finances are, different ways of dividing the labor and responsibility of keeping track of money, and making sure you are not left in the lurch if your partner dies or you separate.

Another big theme of the book is laying on the table the idea that being a SAHM sometimes ends up being a 24/7 job, and one that your partner devalues because you aren't contributing any money. That's something that causes tons of pain for lots of women (as seen in the comments on yesterday's post here, for example), and there doesn't seem to be an answer. The right thing, clearly, is for a partner to look around and realize that forcing one person to be on duty all the time while the other's work hours are limited to 40-60 hours a week is patently ridiculous. But there are still partners out there who seem to think that they deserve a break while their wives do not. Stanton doesn't have an answer for that (neither do I, for that matter), but she discusses it and gives examples and commentary from a bunch of SAH women on the way it works in their households.

This book doesn't tell you what to do (except to keep your resume updated). It explores the light side and the dark side emotionally and logistically of being at home with your kids. It gives a bunch of data points. It doesn't blow smoke up your skirt about how great it is, or how horrible it is. It acknowledges that you're a person--not just a role, not "just" a mother, not just a political demographic. In short, it's a lot like you guys do for each other here.

Now for the bad parts: Honestly, I only have a couple of teeny minor points with this book: She uses the word "gal" a lot, she assumes most SAHMs have cars, and the only reason she acknowledges for divorce is adultery. But those are really, really minor points, and I'm only mentioning them so you know I actually read the book. Overall, I thought The Stay-At-Home Survival Guide took on the major emotional topics involved in being a SAH parent. I highly recommend it for anyone considering doing it or who's in the middle of it right now.

39 of 39 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Not bad, not too helpful June 13, 2010

By W. Michael

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

If your husband is an active parent and you knew, going in, that being an at-home mother would be challenging, this book is probably not for you. It was interesting to read about the experiences of other at-home parents, but that was all I really got out of this book.

What I wanted was a real survival guide: how do I get a shower? how do I balance kids' needs and household chores? what do I DO each day to keep my self esteem up and take care of the kids and myself? There are a few interesting bits, but overall, the book was not worth the precious few minutes I get to read each day.

14 of 16 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars VALIDATING! August 19, 2008

By J. Beard

Format:Paperback

This book is refreshing in its honesty! Finally a REAL perspective on what it's like to be at home, with kids, all day, every day...and not loving it all day, every day. I found the book totally validating - I felt like the author had a window into my actual life. It's crystal clear that Melissa Stanton has walked the walk, and her perspective will make so many of us SAHMs feel supported and understood. I keep this book right next to my well-referenced collection of parenting books by the Sears and Brazeltons out there, but the difference is that THIS author has truly lived what I am living today. I am grateful to be a SAHM for my kids, but it certainly isn't a fairytale, and Melissa Stanton GETS IT. The good days are SO GOOD, and on the not-so-good days, I can pull out this book and remember that I am not alone. Finally, I feel connected, understood and supported. Thank you, Melissa, for being totally unapologetic and unflinching in your book - it's honest and real.