The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror [Hardcover]

Christopher Moore (Author)

Book Description

Release date: November 1, 2005

'Twas the night (okay, more like the week) before Christmas, and all through the tiny community of Pine Cove, California, people are busy buying, wrapping, packing, and generally getting into the holiday spirit.

But not everybody is feeling the joy. Little Joshua Barker is in desperate need of a holiday miracle. No, he's not on his deathbed; no, his dog hasn't run away from home. But Josh is sure that he saw Santa take a shovel to the head, and now the seven-year-old has only one prayer: Please, Santa, come back from the dead.

But hold on! There's an angel waiting in the wings. (Wings, get it?) It's none other than the Archangel Raziel come to Earth seeking a small child with a wish that needs granting. Unfortunately, our angel's not sporting the brightest halo in the bunch, and before you can say "Kris Kringle," he's botched his sacred mission and sent the residents of Pine Cove headlong into Christmas chaos, culminating in the most hilarious and horrifying holiday party the town has ever seen.

Move over, Charles Dickens -- it's Christopher Moore time.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This audiobook starts off innocently enough—with a few minutes of bright, punchy Christmas music—but as we meet each resident of Pine Cove, Calif., the story bends, becoming as twisted as an image in a funhouse mirror. Lena Marquez is the sanest of the bunch, even if she does have a habit of wreaking violence on her ex-husband, known here as the "Evil Developer." Then there's Lena's best friend Molly, a former B-movie actress who hears voices, occasionally believes herself to be "The Warrior Babe of the Outland" and is married to the town constable, Theo, a former pot addict who's slipping off the wagon. To top that off, there's Tucker, a lonely pilot who has a Micronesian fruit bat for a pet, and a rather witless archangel named Raziel who comes to Earth to grant one boy's Christmas wish. It is that wish which turns this Christmas comedy into a holiday horror story. Roberts narrates the whole affair with skill, using his warm, hearty voice to great effect. His is the kind of voice that one would expect to hear in the audio version of A Christmas Carol or a children's storybook, which makes him the perfect reader for this book since it is, in part, a parody of the Christmas classics—albeit a gruesomely entertaining one. Whether crooning a few bars of the blues, personifying the dead or delivering one of the story's uplifting messages ("Life is messy. People generally suck"), Roberts's velvet voice rings with mirth, accentuating the humor and absurdity of each moment.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

From Booklist

Readers of The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove (1999), the cast of which returns in this yarn, will confirm that, if any town could put the eerie back in Merry Christmas (whaddaya mean it's never been there--aintcha read Dickens?), it would be Moore's cut-rate California coastal paradise, Pine Cove. It all begins a few chapters in, when Dale Pearson accosts his ex, Lena Marquez, while she is stealing Christmas trees and ends up with a shovel-blade in the neck. Seven-year-old Josh Barker glimpses Dale's demise and, since Dale has on his Caribou Lodge Santa suit, assumes the jolly old elf's been offed; his Christmas wish becomes to have Santa back. Unfortunately, dim-bulb angel Raziel has drawn angelic Christmas duty, which is to grant one child's Christmas wish, and eventually (nothing is ever in a hurry in Moore's lurching, Margaritaville version of the world, though it reads fast) Dale/Santa is resurrected, along with quite a contingent from the same graveyard, just in time for the Christmas party in the nearby chapel. Delirious! Ray Olson
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; Enhanced edition (November 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060842350
• ISBN-13: 978-0060842352
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (263 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #58,146 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Christopher Moore is the author of eleven previous novels: Practical Demonkeeping, Coyote Blue, Bloodsucking Fiends, Island of the Sequined Love Nun, The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove, Lamb, Fluke, The Stupidest Angel, A Dirty Job, You Suck, and Fool. He lives in San Francisco.

Amazon Author Rankbeta 

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#58 in Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Horror

#58 in Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Horror

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

147 of 153 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars I should've seen it coming November 10, 2004

By Chris Rachael Oseland

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I've been a big fan of Moore's work since "Coyote Blue." If "Lamb" is the first book of his you've picked up, you should know that while a wonderful read, it is a different kind of good from the rest of his body of work.

For any self proclaimed Grinches out there, this book is a hoot. Moore pokes shameless fun at the weird things people do around Christmas, from aggressive Salvation Army bell ringers to Xmas Present Amnesty.

At first, I was a bit put off by the returning cast of characters from previous books. Theo Crowe and his wife Molly Michon were in "The Lust Lizard of Meloncholy Cove," as were Theo's friend Gabe Fenton and his now ex, Valerie Riordan. The Mastersons and Mavis Sand were in "Lust Lizard" and "Practical Demonkeeping." Tucker Case and Roberto made it to Pine Cove from "Island of the Sequined Love Nun."

While the characters are familiar, years have passed since the last time we saw them, and life has moved on. This book isn't a sequel, it's a deliciously funny tale in a familiar setting.

Like all of Moore's books, relationships are at the center of the plot. No one wants to be lonely, not at Christmas, so just as quickly as people break up, they seek to pair off, if only through New Year's Day. Misunderstandings occur when Theo and Molly have their own O. Henry "Gift of the Magi" moment. Tucker Case, now divorced, is so desperate for compay he proceeds to successfully hit on a woman who has just defended herself to the death and doesn't know what to do with the corpse.

Unfortunatly, the corpse is dressed like Santa, and one little boy who wittnessed the murder is about to be visited by an Angel here to grant him a Christmas wish.

There are a lot of predictable places the story could go at that point.... I thought I was braced for the right one. I won't give away the end, but I cheerfully admit I snorted strawberry-banana smoothie in shocked laughter. It took all my self control not to call people and read the last few chapters over the phone, just so someone would howl in laughter with me.

But that would be cruel.

Instead, I'm writng this reveiw, urging you to pick up this short, fast, fun read (only 275 pages on smallish paper). The buildup is fun, but where it goes is a laugh-out-loud, rib cracking good time. Believe me, this one is worth the price of a hardback. Read more ›

29 of 30 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A unique Christmas story October 12, 2004

By Sara Leigh

Format:Hardcover

Christopher Moore has written a Christmas book like no other. Bringing characters from several of his past novels together in Pine Cove, CA, the site of his first hilarious book of terror, "Practical Demonkeeping," he tells a story that will have you rolling on the floor with laughter. When a child who's just seen "Santa" killed meets up with the angel Raziel, last seen in "Lamb," who's been selected to perform a most-important Christmas Eve task, a series of misunderstandings culminate in a hilarious, horrific send-up of your favorite so-bad-they're-good horror movies.

Moore's twisted sense of humor shines in the odd pairings he cooks up -- the biologist Gabe and his dog, whose ruminations will have you laughing out loud; the pilot Tucker Case and the talking fruit bat he got as part of his divorce settlement; sheriff and former pot-head Theo Crowe and his wife, Molly Michon, the former scream queen who's gone off her meds and thinks she really is the warrior babe from her movies. The action starts on page one and doesn't let up until the final word on the last page. For devoted fans, this is a long-awaited delight. For those who've not yet experienced one of the Author Guy's hilarious terror trains, prepare to be hooked. There's always a surprise when you least expect it.

32 of 38 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars "Life is messy...People, generally, suck." October 21, 2004

By Mary Whipple HALL OF FAMETOP 100 REVIEWER

Format:Hardcover

Whenever you read something by Christopher Moore, you enter a whole new world. In the case of The Stupidest Angel, the world you enter is familiar, if you have read Moore's previous books. Moore is reprising many of the most popular characters from the past in this Christmas-inspired satire of life in Pine Cove, a California coastal community, filled with "holiday quaintage" and "festive doom." Lena Marquez, divorced from Dale Pearson, an unmitigated boor, first appeared in The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove, and becomes the subject of the major plot here when she inadvertently "kills" Dale, who is dressed as Santa. The local constable, Theophilus Crowe, also appeared in Lust Lizard..., and Tucker Case, who comes on the scene and falls madly in lust with Lena, was the main character in Island of the Sequined Love Nun. His sunglass-clad, talking fruit bat, Roberto, also plays a role.

Lena's argument with Dale is witnessed by young Josh Barker, aged seven, who is distraught at the thought that "someone killed Santa." Soon Josh is visited by the Archangel Raziel, who appeared in Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, a klutzy angel whose mission it is to go to earth and "find a child who has made a Christmas wish that can only be granted by divine intervention," and do something for him. Josh wants Santa to come back to life.

As always, Moore's off-the-wall imagination takes over, and the investigation of Dale Pearson's disappearance becomes complicated. As the holiday comes closer, Raziel starts to work his bizarre magic and bring about his Christmas "miracle...." The juxtaposition of the Christmas message and the violence in town are seen in sharp, ironic relief, and the question of whether there are any heroes in this novel and whether Raziel is truly an archangel come to the fore.

A no-holds-barred, let-it-all-hang-out free-for-all which gives a whole new meaning to "the willing suspension of disbelief," this is a fast-paced narrative that will keep you in stitches. The young at heart probably will not bat an eyelash at its profanity, its vulgar hilarity, and its unexpected satiric twists and turns. Your staid and proper Aunt Martha, however, may be more than a little startled. Mary Whipple Read more ›

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Christmas has never been so insane October 15, 2004

By Shayne Waters

Format:Hardcover

Santas and zombies and angels, oh my! And Fruit bats in Ray Bans! And a dog that is far more clever than myself!

If you've never read any of Chris Moore's stuff, than you are missing a chance to brighten the most foul of days. If you have, then nothing more need be said about Moore, you already know. TSA is no exception from the rest. It's a laugh out loud funny holiday romp, with a tact I dare say has never been attempted before. Its the rare author that can fill a Christmas story with zombies and a functionally retard angel, a stoner cop, a psychotic B-movie actress, and pull if off with aplomb.

With a cast of lovable losers and misfits for his other works, Moore spins a tale that will have you rolling on the ground with laughter, or at least getting you funny looks if you are reading it in public. You would be seriously remiss to pass up this dose of holiday cheer.

If this is your first exposure to Moore, go back and read the books in order. You don't want to miss the history of the characters. You won't be sorry.