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The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace Paperback

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The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace + Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand: (. . . When you learn that it is better to receive than to give) The Superwoman's Practical Guide to Getting as Much as She Gives + The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Touchstone (January 8, 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743204441
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743204446
  • Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (249 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #28,530 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews Review

Self-proclaimed "feminist and former shrew" Laura Doyle sets forth a whopper of a game plan for establishing profound intimacy in one's marriage. Building on the gender stereotypes defined by bestselling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), Doyle seeks to heal the overworked, underappreciated wife who snarls at her mate's every thought or action. Her message to these smart, self-sufficient types: check the nitpicking, the unsolicited opinions, and--egads!--the finances at the marital door (although she says it's still okay to wield control at work). Many women will find such advice archaic and offensive; some will simply laugh off this credential-free anachronism when they receive the book as a bridal-shower gag gift. Still others, identifying with Doyle's profile of a controlling wife, will be curious enough to dabble in her proposed art of "surrendering."

According to Doyle, the wife who chooses to surrender must learn to take care of herself first, overcome the desire to have more power, and abandon the myth of equality. Delving into the personal tales and sisterly advice shared within each chapter's pages, surrendering wives will further note the need to master unsavory phrases like "I can't," and "Whatever you think"--tough to swallow for a generation of women who value their own opinions. While she fully acknowledges that a few bills will go unpaid and a few deadlines or freeway exits will occasionally be missed, she also insists that surrendered wives will encounter less worry and fear, more money, and better sex. Hey, "Whatever you think...." --Liane Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

A natural for audio, Doyle is perky, enthusiastic, friendly and confiding as she shares her secrets for a happy marriage. Her main point is that when she criticized, nagged and tried to control her husband, the marriage suffered; but when she "surrendered," letting him do things his way and make decisions for the family, he rose to the occasion, becoming a responsible and loving husband and making her feel protected and cared for. Doyle's "one size fits all" approach is not likely to fit everyone; indeed, it's hard to imagine any wife (or husband, for that matter) feeling emotionally satisfied in a marriage where every one of the husband's suggestions is met with a demure "Whatever you think best, dear." Doyle's insistence that the husband should control all aspects of the family's finances is also likely to raise a few eyebrows. But such extremism aside, Doyle makes some worthwhile points. Nagging and criticizing are not conducive to marital harmony, and treating a man like an incompetent child turns the wife into his mother which isn't likely to make either party happy. Doyle also points out that wives need to take time to care for themselves (going to lunch with friends, getting facials or whatever activities they enjoy), instead of constantly martyring themselves to the needs of others. Based on the Fireside paperback.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

A real man wants to marry a real woman, not some marshmallow that will bend to his every whim.
To be fair, though, some of the extreme or silly advice in this book might be the only way for some women to stop nagging and criticizing.
Just keep applying the points in the book and see your life, your marriage, and your husband all change for the better.
Maureen A. Hall

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

117 of 130 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 22, 2001
Format: Paperback
As a recovering control freak, I loved this book, and am putting into practice, with modification, many of the author's suggestions. As a professional woman with my own business, I need to tweak Laura Doyle's suggestions regarding turning over finances, so that my husband and I find a financial arrangment which works for us. What Laura Doyle is basically suggesting is giving up inappropriate control in marriage, not all control, and each reader needs to determine what that is. I understand how people without control issues would find this book to be ridiculous, but for a woman who is afraid to trust an inherently good man with even small things, this book is an eye-opener and a vehicle for healing. So for you readers who realize your need to control your husband is ruining your marriage, give this a shot. The people who wrote the highly critical reviews are coming from a different place, and probably don't have difficulty with inappropriate controlling habits. All I can say is, that as I read this book, I started to relax for the first time in six years, because it was giving me answers I was seeking. I didn't agree in all the details, but the essence was a powerful tonic for me. Much gratitude to Laura Doyle.
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283 of 331 people found the following review helpful By Sarah on October 18, 2001
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
For those women who have actually read this book (not just the back cover) and still find fault with its overwhelmingly simple premise-that of respecting your partner in life-I can only suppose that complete control is more important to them than happiness.
To be sure, reading the book and following through with Doyle's suggestions require courage. I'll admit that I bought the book on a lark, since its title and wildly differing reviews intrigued me-but, as I read through the first chapter I began to realize that I wanted what Doyle promised; I wanted happiness and fulfillment in my relationship, and I wanted my partner to adore me. Yes, the prospect of relinquishing control over my partner was uncomfortable and even frightening, but the final payoff was so much more appealing to me that I decided to follow through with the rest of the book.
Careful reading through this book reveals no mention of "submitting," and Doyle is careful to mention that no woman should ever surrender to an abusive husband or one who is in the grip of an addiction. But, this aside, the chances are that your husband is a worthwhile and loving man who deserves to be treated the way you want to be treated-with trust and respect. I accepted this premise by reasoning that it didn't reflect well on me and my own judgment if I had chosen to be with a man who was untrustworthy and incapable of making his own decisions-and so much so that I had to take over the management of his life.
What Doyle means when she says to "surrender" is to let go of unnecessary control over your husband's life. It does not mean to relinquish control of your own life to your husband.
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57 of 70 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 4, 2001
Format: Paperback
I suspect that the angry, sometimes fearfilled reactions to this book come from those who have not read it. A thorough read of the book deals with the misconceptions that riddle posting on this page. The title is extremely misleading and does not mean submitting to husbands. The book takes a wife's perspective, but could easily be applied to anyone who is in a relationship that is defined by a power struggle. The premise is that to end the struggle, stop trying to control your parter. If your partner is a decent and good person (which they probably are), they will react in kind and exceed your expectations. (If they are not decent and continue with abuse or infidelity, she recommends getting the heck out. Fair enough.)
It is too easy to read the title and skim the idea and come to the conclusion that the book is telling women to let their husbands dominate them, that conclusion is wrong. The book is a non-academic study of how women take part in this "cold war" like power stuggle and how to go about turning the relationship around by ceasing hostilities. This is not submitting, this is taking a higher stand in good faith.
The title is unfortunate, but then again, if it was given a less controversial title, I may never have stumbled across this wonderful book. I have no doubt that books that speak to husbands and couples will follow as a natural evolution of these ideas.
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56 of 69 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 20, 1999
Format: Paperback
I really enjoyed reading this book. It is well written and a must read for every wife who wants more from her husband. Being surrendered might sound offensive to some women but it's really about trusting and allowing your husband to give you what you want. If you can't trust and respect your husband, why did you marry him? I think Mrs. Doyle's ideas are very insightful and worth checking out. Most men want to please their wives. If your husband is not doing all that you want him to do maybe it's because you're trying to change him. Why not change yourself and let go. "The Surrendered Wife" gives you lots of helpful suggestions. Give it a try. Your husband might just surprise you at how loving and giving he can be. It's already working for me.
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