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The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse Paperback – May 28, 1999


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Frequently Bought Together

The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse + The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse, 3rd Edition + The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, 20th Anniversary Edition
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 300 pages
  • Publisher: Cleis Press (May 28, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1573440795
  • ISBN-13: 978-1573440790
  • Product Dimensions: 10 x 7.1 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #715,881 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Sex-positive and daring, The Survivor's Guide to Sex will support any woman's pursuit of pleasure and confidence. In fact, its cheery outlook may startle those who have been addressing these issues in guarded terms with a therapist, or who haven't put their fears and desires into words. Haines ably discusses common negative reactions among survivors, such as withdrawal and dissociation, and suggests ways to move on. Her chapters on "Sexual Response and Anatomy" and "Masturbation and Self-Healing" may come as a revelation to women who have repressed their sexual feelings, and partners, too, will find much of interest. Some survivors of abuse may not be ready, perhaps, for the advanced course in radical sex that Haines eventually launches into, but it is still good to learn that "a suede whip will give more of a thud that spreads sensation at first; it will give more sting as it collects body oils." --Regina Marler

From the Back Cover

"What a terrific book! Every survivor needs this encouraging, down-to-earth guide-and the joy of freely-chosen, healthy sexual pleasure."-Ellen Bass, co-author, The Courage to Heal: Move over abuse, and move in pleasure! The Survivor's Guide to Sex is for all women-heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, partnered and single-who want to delight in their own sexuality. Based on the author's extensive training and experience in working with abuse survivors, The Survivors Guide to Sex offers a complete guide to sexual recovery: Pleasure and Desire- How to discover and fully own your desires on your own terms. Nonjudgmental support for all sexual styles and interests.Dissociation- Discover how you "checked out" to survive and how you can "check in" now for healing and your own sexual expression. Embodied Sex- No more grocery lists and wrestling matches with relics of the past! Learn how to be in your body during sex, present for yourself and your partners.Consent and Boundaries- The "yes," "no," and "maybe" of sex. How to say "yes" to your desires and develop boundaries to take care of yourself. Triggers- A sex life built around triggers becomes no sex life at all. Practical tools for healing through triggers while enjoying all the delights and complexities of a fully-embodied sex life. Sex Information- Chock full of sex-positive information on all aspects of sexual response, masturbation, and partner sex, tailored to the needs of survivors.

More About the Author

Staci K. Haines is a national leader in the field of Somatics, specializing in healing individual and systemic trauma and bringing somatics to social justice movements. She is a senior teacher at Strozzi Institute and a Master Somatic Coach. She is a co-founder of generation FIVE, a national organization whose mission is to end the sexual abuse of children within 5 generations, transitioning from Director to the board in 2007. She has been organizing and educating in the area of child sexual abuse since 1985 and has long term involvement in the sexual assault, racial justice, and environmental sustainability movements and the work to intersect these agendas. She is the author of the book Healing Sex (Cleis 1999, 2007), and the DVD Healing Sex (SIR Productions 2005) both offering a mind/body approach to healing from sexual trauma and developing vital intimate relationships. She recently co-authored chapters in The Courage to Heal 20th year anniversary edition (Harper Collins 2008). She is the originator of Somatics and Trauma and leads courses teaching community activists, social justice leaders, and healing practitioners to mend the impact of individual and systemic trauma. In 2009, Staci and a core group of movement leaders launched the Somatics and Social Justice Collaborative, a year long process to develop a change model integrating personal and social transformation, and informed by somatics. Staci is committed to the intersection of personal healing and social justice work, and sees that both have to be addressed to bring the change and justice we desire in the world.

Customer Reviews

Find your true self..and read this book.
L. Lane
At some point in their healing, all survivors of childhood sexual abuse should read this book.
Deadwood
This is also a very practical guidebook designed to help survivors in a real way.
clareandnestor@mindspring.com

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

69 of 69 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on December 1, 2003
Format: Paperback
as a survivor of rape and sexual abuse, i have read a bunch of books on the aftereffects of assault, being a survivor, et cetera, but most of the stuff out there is pretty dry and basic and i just didn't find it very helpful. this book is direct, incredibly right-on, it gives you hands on techniques for staying present in your body, it includes an amazing discussion of triggering. it also uses down to earth language and is not too self-help-y, and it acknowledges that certain terms might be alienating and medicalizing for some people.
FYI: although it is targetted at female survivors of child sexual abuse, i myself am not a woman, and the sexual assault/abuse i experienced occured during my teenage years, not my childhood. i still found the book very useful. there is also a great chapter aimed at partners of survivors.
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63 of 65 people found the following review helpful By Terry Farrah on March 16, 2001
Format: Paperback
For the past eight years, I have been slowly, painstakingly discovering for myself many of the techniques that Staci Haines details in this book. As far as I am aware, I am not a survivor of child sexual abuse, but I have many of the same difficulties - lack of trust, unclear boundaries, easily triggered, difficulty being sexually present.
I looked at books on recovery; they seemed only to tell me that it was OK to not have sex. I looked at TONS of books on sex and none addressed my difficulties - until The Survivor's Guide to Sex. I can say from my own experience that it's not easy to put Staci's suggestions into practice, nor do the rewards necessarily come quickly. But for some of us, this is the only way we're going to reclaim our sexuality.
I highly recommend this book if you feel numb, shut-down, or angry during sex, whether or not you are a "survivor". Chances are you have some deep healing work to do, and this book is the only guide I've seen for doing it.
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35 of 36 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on December 9, 2001
Format: Paperback
When I first found this book I was hoping it would be different, as a healing survior I have read alot of help books, and although comforting, they usually told me why I had the problems I did but didnt give me much advice on how to start living and having fun again in life, this book was amazing at that, it was what I had been looking to read since I started wanting to heal!! It would be a great book for anyone wanting good sexual information in a society that dosnt offer that much, I found it straight forward and honest and funny ..great book!! I loooved it!!:)
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27 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Deadwood on January 20, 2005
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
At some point in their healing, all survivors of childhood sexual abuse should read this book. It is straightforward and to the point, and this style helps the survivor feel that sexual feelings and actions are not something to be ashamed of. Many books for survivors tend to coddle the survivor because of the terrible ordeal she underwent, but this one presents a no-holds-barred discussion of sex and provides exercises to become more comfortable with sex. Very important book for the sexual healing process.
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful By clareandnestor@mindspring.com on June 14, 1999
Format: Paperback
This is a truly extraordinary book. It picks up where other books leave off by helping survivors move beyond the abuse into a fully satisfying life -- a life that re-incorporates sex without the painful associations of the abuse.
This book really has it all. It addresses the systemic problems of sexual abuse and sexism in our society and focuses on the particular intersection of these two forces in our sex lives. Haines provides both the context for understanding why it is so difficult for survivors to have an empowered sex life, and the tools to help create that life. And all this in Haines' caring and empathetic voice.
This is also a very practical guidebook designed to help survivors in a real way. I particularly liked the exercises Haines has developed, as well as the quotes from survivors. No woman will feel alone in her experience after reading this book.
Haines is an extraordinary woman. All survivors are lucky she is there to help us. I definitely recommend you read this book. Right now.
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 18, 1999
Format: Paperback
Finally! A book about sexual power for survivors of sexual abuse. A far reaching, fun, and accessable look at sexual healing and reclaiming by a gentle and astute teacher. Staci Haines speaks from the soul of the issue, emphasizing self care and adventure. Most importantly, her reccomended exercises help you get the message into your muscles. Not just your head. Which is where too many of us have lived for too long. Brava to you, Staci. A must read for everyone, survivors or not.
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful By "woadraider" on January 7, 2000
Format: Paperback
This book is a explicit guide to sex focusing on helpful instructions for those who have been sexually abused in their childhood. Possibly the greatest strength of this book is its approach to sexuality as something to be enjoyed to the fullest without shame and guilt. The reclaiming of the one's sexuality, sensuality and pleasure is something that often receives far too little attention in psychotherapy. A care free approach to sex is something that obviously is more difficult to obtain for those who have experienced sexuality as a devastating influence in their life. In my opinion, if this book is going to be used as educational material in clinical practice it is important to be aware of the conflicts that may arise the mind of the client who has been sexually abused. Having said this, a free, explorative, empowered experience of sex is a beautiful thing to be striving for, and this book can be of help achieving it.
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