on May 11, 2012
I loved the Tao of Dating: the Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistable. I've read a lot of relationship books but this one seemed to resonate with me the most. It's kind of hard to describe what it is about this book that makes you feel so special, so sensual, so...womanly. It's about harnessing the inner goddess, the one who is downplayed because in our society we have to be strong and stand on our own, and we don't need a man! But...we still want one. It's hard to find the balance between the yin(feminine) and the yang(masculine) when our yin is muted so much. It's time to remember what it means to be a woman and stop worrying how to get a man. They will come. Men want women. Period. Stop caring so much. The idea of being detached and expecting no outcome was incredibly uplifting to me. Imagine the freedom of not having to worry what a man thinks of you...who cares! This book shows you a new perspective on how to look at these situations. For instance, say someone doesn't like champagne, that doesn't mean that champagne is bad, maybe it's just not for them. This approach will make it easier, not to mention you will learn how to stop feeling rejected. You can let go of the striving to be more, you already are everything you want! A metaphor from the book that I truly enjoyed-(paraphrased)...A sapling of great redwood is still a redwood, even when it is just a sapling. At every point of its journey, it is a great redwood, it just keeps growing.
One aspect of this book that I really loved was the thought that I shouldn't ask for something because it affirms that it is missing in my life. Replace desire with gratitude. Instead of focusing on the fact that I don't have a good man, car, etc...I am thankful for what I have and I seek to serve others. The world, in turn will seek to serve me. I am a server and I have been practicing this when I get bad tips. I am grateful that I have more money than I did when I came in, and I am continuously repeating to myself that I am grateful for the abundance in my life. It makes the bad tippers not matter as much and the good tips reaffirm the abundance. I have been making a lot more money recently! I also have been practicing the embodiment of characteristics of femininity. I mostly focus on feeling radiant and everyone I work with has been saying that I have a glow about me that wasn't there before! It's amazing.
I really liked the idea that pain is wishing the world is different than it is. Now I understand the Buddhist thought that desire leads to suffering. Focusing on the positive brings more of it your way, if you focus on negativity, you will get negativity. "When you have gratitude for something, you are accepting its presence into your life and affirming it to the world. In return, the world will do the same and manifest the object in your life."
So now, I am thankful for all of the witty, creative, handsome amazing men in my life!
You will also learn 5 behaviors that send men running, as well as ways to keep them around. One of my favorite thoughts from the book- "Women control the depth of the relationship, men control the direction." Stop directing ladies! Let men be men! You be a lady! Enjoy your wonderful sensual self and others will follow.
on October 30, 2011
I have read many books about relationships and dating, but the Tao of Dating is one of a kind, so different and mind-blowing in its common sense and simplicity that is impossible to put it down once you start reading. To be honest, I can't understand why there aren't 200 reviews instead of the poor thirty something that can be found here.
It is by chance that I came through the Tao of Dating and I purchased it. One of those days that you feel like pressing too often the "buy with one-click" button for kindle, or any online shopping button, just because it is, well, one click. I am not a religious person at all or into new age mumbo-jumbo, so this would have never been, in theory, my first option nor the book I was looking for. Moreover, being as rational as I am, I thought, jeez just 35 reviews is not much for a dating book!
But, alas, here I am, so very much impressed and affected by this book. In fact, the book has already produced a mental shift in me, an internal one. This is so because it makes sense, and most importantly, empowers me as a woman.
I love the fact that the book is written by a man who loves and respects women, clever women specially, and understands we are wired differently from other women. Besides, most of the NLP exercises he proposes are excellent, very fulfilling and enjoyable per se, so even if they don't help us to find a man, they will still be cool to do. The sort of exercise that I/you could do to get rid of stress, for example.
The main difference between this book and most of the dating literature out there is that The Tao of Dating goes inside our head and your heart and helps you to unlock those doors that, without we knowing, we alone have locked. If they were unlocked, more good men would be approaching us and, we would see more of them immediately approaching.
Most clever career/intellectual women, the ones still single, are emotionally autistic. I have always recognised that and asked myself, where are the clues? How do I send clues? How do I read clues from/to men? Why despite my talent, mystique and femininity I am single? Why aren't a bunch of hot men at my feet? This book helps you to understand yourself/myself better and to change within, to bring the best of us, still being us, Mary, Josephine, Alissa or whomever you are.
This is the book that any good woman, with brains (or without) should read because, no matter what, it will produce a better version of yourself. To me, just that, is priceless.
on May 2, 2010
Dr Ali's style is no nonsense, but gentle - like a kind brother or friend. The book uses both a scientific and spiritual approach. There are lots of good practical suggestions - for example on where to meet potential dates, and how to spot men who ultimately won't be able to measure up but also there is the spiritual Tao side which helps one to let go a little and trust in the abundance of the universe.
I thought the book had two main themes - one is to be the best version of yourself you can be for your own sake and working towards that. The other is the insight into the way men think and what is important to them and appreciate it is different from women, but no less valid. Knowing what matters to them helps you interact differently and more successfully - and to be prepared if things don't go quite as you hoped.
Like one of the other reviewers I don't fit into the professional, IQ off the chart model - but the advice and ideas put forward by Dr Ali will apply to all sorts of women. The book has helped me to understand how important it is to be myself and that being authentic is so much more attractive.
There's lots of great information in the book, and I have read it through more than once - in fact writing this has reminded me of so many good bits that I'm going to read it all again.
on April 28, 2010
Here's an example of one of the best things I learned from Alex that got AMAZING and IMMEDIATE results from men I actually wanted!
First, I have to tell you that I despite beautiful, smart, successful, well off, fun, funny, and sexy, (and I'm NOT exaggerating or just being positive here), I found myself constanty frustrated to no end with only men I didn't want pursuing me and treating me like I wanted to be treated, but no interest, no pursuit from the ones I wanted!
I felt dating was hopeless. I was always irritated with the ones pursuing me, wishing "now why can't so-and-so, who I actually WANT, treat me like this???" I had read all of Paige Parker's e-books and listened to all of Christian Carter's CD books (both excellent companions to Dr. Benazir's work, but no substitute!) and found that what Ali had to say in much more succinct terms was not only the missing piece, but the main meat of what all the others were trying to say in their dozens of more expensive products.
Everything changed for me because of a few things I absorbed from Ali's material. (One of these things that I reiterated as my own belief, had the man of my dreams "joking" about eloping just two weeks into it!)
THE FIVE THINGS A GODDESS GIVES A MAN by Dr. Ali Benazir
1. Give him his Freedom
2. Give him your Faith
3. Give him your Bond (be there for him, be reliable, show up on time, do as you say, be a true partner)
4. Give him your Praise
5. Give him your Grace (your forgiveness)
on April 20, 2011
I received this book yesterday at 4pm and had finished it - complete with notes in the margins, underlines all over the place, and dog-eared corners - by 8pm. If I'd only read this book a month ago, I could have saved myself SO much trouble! When I say that you should read this book before your next first date, I'm not kidding.
It's a little bit like the Player's Bible for women, minus the yucky connotations of conquest for the sake of conquest. And it isn't even that the author is telling you brand new things, it is that it is so easy to focus on what you think you need and what your girlfriends are telling you is true. This book cuts through all that surface stuff that confuses the situation and gets down to what is going to help you navigate the world of dating.
In an on-line marketplace that offers a ton of men trying to capitalize on women's insecurities and fears by telling a woman how to manage herself through dating (anyone else see Steven Colbert point out that if you want to make a lot of money, invent something new for a woman to be insecure about?), this book stands out for its gentle approach, its emphasis on the positive, the way it dovetails / advocates with a whole-life approach to owning your inner Goddess, and operating from your strengths not your fears. Adding to the author's credibility is the fact that he freely quotes and references others - Don Ruiz from the Four Agreements and John Gottman, one of the leading researchers on what makes a good marriage. You really do have to read the right books to write the right book, and the author has clearly done so.
Commanding the right relationship is in your control. If all the advice from your girlfriends and your internal insecurities have completely obscured the basics, get this book and by all means, read it before your next interaction with a romantic prospect.
on May 13, 2012
Here's the thing about The Tao of Dating for Women by Dr. Ali Binazir: I didn't like it the first time I read it. I bought it with a score of other dating how-to books, all of which were tossed, save this one, which I ultimately passed on to a girlfriend. It wasn't like I was intending to just follow the bullet points and land a hot, ubersmart guy (although I certainly wasn't going to fight that if it happened!). I had a vague intuition that there was more to this dating stuff than I knew, and the yin-yang image on the cover had me intrigued and convinced that Dr. Binazir might be on to something deeper. I read the book, but nothing really clicked with me. Quite simply, in retrospect, I was not in a place on my own journey to hear what he was saying.
Cut to several years later. The Tao of Dating for Women is gathering dust on my bookshelf, and I am, if anything, further from my romantic relationship goals than I've ever been. But the enterprising and hypergraphic Dr. B has me on his mailing list (with my consent, of course), and I receive regular links to his blog posts, Huffington Post articles, recorded author interviews, and videotaped personal appearances. Based on my skewed recollection of his dating guide, I want to dislike this guy, but I can't. In fact, the more of his philosophy I encounter, the more sympatico he starts to feel to me. My life circumstances have been turned upside down. I give The Tao of Dating for Women another try, and it's like drinking a great cabernet on a clean palate after having tried it before with a mouthful of Listerine.
If you read enough about Taoism, you'll find that it really sort of defies definition. It's more like a constellation of concepts, one of which is that there is a basic truth which governs the universe, truth which like an oxbow in a river, will come back to you if you let it. Befitting its title, The Tao of Dating for Women contains many truths, not just harsh ones about the real thoughts and behaviors of men, but truths that I think most women have a tough time accepting, because they are too hard on themselves. One of the greatest gifts of the Tao of Dating for Women is self-acceptance, the reminder to love ourselves where we are at this moment, not when we lose 20 pounds or get that big promotion at work. Sure, there are a lot of authors out there telling us to be goddesses, but how many of them are men? It makes a difference hearing this advice from someone who genuinely likes women but isn't one himself.
Another gift of the book is that it is provocative. Over the last year especially, it has left me pondering the nature of relationships of all kinds, which brings me to another concept of the Tao: fluidity. The ideas in Binazir's book keep rattling around in my brain as my life circumstances change, to be viewed with fresh perspective. While my friends might tell me I could stand to be a little less cerebral, a bookish, abstract thinker like myself finds this absolute brain candy. A book you can mentally chew on over and over again is a real find. Ironically, Dr. Binazir claims he is an expert on dating, not relationships. I don't think, however, he'll mind having inadvertently made the jump for some of his readers.
While I can't say that the book has brought hoards of men into my life, I can say it's made me more conscious of relationships in general and my role in them. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of an enthralling precipice, having sorted out who I am and what hasn't served me well in the past to create a delicious vacuum for new experiences more in line with my authentic self. You can certainly read The Tao of Dating for Women as a literal dating guide, and you will glean numerous dating tips from it, but I recommend reading a little between the lines and letting bits of it digest for a while, then re-reading for a richer takeaway.
Five stars from me in the dating category, for its superb mix of Eastern and Western philosophies presented in an engaging style. It's humorous but neither snarky nor condescending, and you can make the information as breezy or as profound as you like. I'm really curious to see what he'll write next.
on September 6, 2011
I've been meaning to write a review for the Tao of Dating for Women ever since the book arrived and I read it that same day! However, much like the Tao Te Ching principles from which the book's philosophy is drawn, the concepts aren't a "fast food" solution to the questions and principles of successful dating (and there are plenty of those kinds of books out there), but rather require a slower and more thoughtful digestive process. It's kind of like the "yoga" of dating books, if you will - take your time, focus, and concentrate... So, I decided an immediate review would not do it justice, and thus I took the time to go back and reread it (and surely not for the last time), to allow more of the wisdom and subtleties to come through. Having read a bunch of the dating genre books, I absolutely think this is one of the best I've read because of the simplicity, wisdom, and calmness of the underlying principles. In my opinion, books such as `The Rules' and the like, are more focused on actively trying to craft or create a certain perception or worse yet, control another person's behavior, by imposing a list of mandates (ie, "don't ever call a man back, or wait X many days before you talk to him", etc.) - almost as if following a checklist in order to convey the desired impression. In all fairness, perhaps this sort of approach can be of some benefit to anyone who struggles with self-esteem issues and has trouble drawing a line or standing firm, (which is why following a rule about not calling back immediately might actually be helpful) but I feel this is more of a "Band-Aid" approach and not the cure. By that, I mean that type of approach is essentially externally correcting your internal thoughts and actions without really addressing the core reason of why the problematic behavior exists in the first place. The Tao book takes a different approach, such that the underlying principles are more related to a way of "being" than simply how to create a certain façade (and in that sense seems more like a cure in that it is conveying life principles to address what is driving the underlying behavior). As a result, it seems a much more sincere, genuine, and positive approach in my opinion. Dr. Alex does a great job of drawing upon the Tao principles, and finding just the right way to articulate the essence of being a goddess as well as how to navigate the dating scene in way that is more based on spiritual wisdom instead of just the usual "rules". For those of you who enjoy reading spiritually-based books, the underlying concepts will seem familiar - ie, do not clutch onto anything, but only hold it with an open hand, etc. These types of concepts are universally true and anyone who has had the occasion to test them knows that to be the case (which is exactly why attempting to control someone will have the exact opposite effect to what is intended). In the grand scheme of things, there are ultimately only two emotions upon which all behavior is based: love and fear. It seems to me that the "Rules" types of approaches are almost always about operating from a fear-based perspective (if you do/don't do this, you will lose him, etc...). I believe the Tao of Dating and other spiritually-based principles seek to teach one to operate out of love, and when you can truly embrace that, there is no room for fear. The dating world can be stressful enough, why not learn how to relax, operate out of love, and enjoy the journey?
on August 18, 2011
One of the main themes of the book is the necessity of polarity between masculinity in the man and femininity in the woman. The author explains that feminine energy is passive, receptive, and yielding, while masculine energy is active, leading, giving and dynamic. The author believes that one of the results of empowered women in the workplace is that they are exercising their masculine energies, which leads to reduced polarity between man/woman in relationships. To remedy this, he says, "As in ballroom dancing, it's the man's job to lead."
If you can accept that as truth, then you will probably enjoy this book and find it quite useful. For me, that one assumption, that the man leads / woman follows, overpowered most of the good in this book. (And some of his ideas/themes were indeed good, as many reviewers state.)
I'm sure there are some men who would appreciate me following passively. That's how men ruled the world. But that's far too great of a price to pay for a date.
on October 18, 2012
This book is full of great advice for any woman, whether you are in a relationship, looking for a relationship, or just looking to improve your life. It's written with the purpose of being a dating book, hence the word dating in the title, but if you practice the advice in this book, you can improve yourself emotionally.
However, if you suffer from low self-esteem, or like I do, self-hatred, do not start with this book. Come back to it once you've gone to the self-help section and found some other books. I bought a few dating books in spring and read them. I met a great guy in June and he really cared about me. But because of my self-hatred, I couldn't trust in the relationship, in the fact that someone could care about me (how will he feel once he sees the real me?), or that I deserve happiness. I am working on those issues.
I'm not using this review to air my dirty laundry, but to hopefully help someone if they feel the same way about themselves as I feel about myself. I am working on my self-esteem and self-hatred. I just hope that if you feel similarly to me, you will start with books on how to work on yourself, and then come back to this great book for advice on dating. Until you learn to love yourself and accept yourself as you are, and forget about the past (or at least deal with it and learn to forgive), you may not be ready for dating books.
If you are looking for great books on how to improve your self-esteem, start with Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on it and You can Heal Your Life, in that order. Then based on those books, Amazon will give you other recommendations. Read the reviews and the descriptions of other self-help books.
This is my journey: if you are on a similar journey, I hope this advice helps you!
on May 3, 2013
I was married for 25 years to a verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive man. As you could guess after that my self-esteem, on a scale of 1-10, was -16. After the divorce, I began dating and had that, "please, please, please like me" mentality. This led to several unhealthy relationships over the last 5 years. Not long ago, my sister and her husband who does individual and family counseling suggested Dr. B's book, "The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistibl." Reluctantly, I bought it for my Kindle and read the first chapter, just to make the family happy, and, I think, to prove to them I was "fine" and didn't need any dating advice. By page 2, I was hooked.
Now, a month later, I've read the book through at least 3 times and have read portions here and there more times than I can count. The impact it's had on my life in just this short time is unquantifiable. (Is that a word?) My friends and co-workers have begun to notice a new confidence, a new happiness and contentment about me as I go through the day. Strangers make comments about my smile in the check-out line. And guess what??? I don't hold back. I'm happy to share how I learned to have more self-confidence, how my self-esteem has risen and how I will no longer "beg" a man to "pick me."
Part of the fun is receiving reglar emails from Dr. B after purchasing the book, giving greater insight into some of the truths he shares in each overflowing chapter. Today's lesson spoke to me loud and clear: Instead of selling myself, I should be "buying: What does this guy have to offer me?
My self-confidence has risen to the point that just today I completed my enrollment in a Master's program to reach my next goal of becoming nationally certified in my field of work and to come one step closer to achieving the goal of obtaining my national teaching certificate, a dream of mine to become a teacher since I was 10 years old.
By the way, I'm 51 with 4 children and an awesome grandson.
Thank you, Dr. B., for helping me become who I am at this moment, anxious and excited to see who I will become tomorrow!