"I do believe it is possible," says Marabel Morgan, "for almost any wife to have her husband absolutely adore her in just a few weeks' time. She can revive romance, reestablish communication, break down barriers, anfd put sizzle back into her marriage. It is up to her. She has the power."
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51 of 54 people found the following review helpful
Format:Mass Market Paperback
My wife bought this book just before we were married, and we read it together. On the whole, I'd say it has some useful suggestions. However, before reading this book, please consider the following:
This book ISN'T FOR EVERYONE. Why? Well, consider this:
One of the biggest lies I've ever heard is that "We're all the same deep down inside; we just have different ways of expressing ourselves."
Well, that's not true at all. I've found that different people are very much looking for different things in life, in love, etc. A relationship that might be very satisfying to some might be hell for others.
It really comes down to your own hardwiring. Some people are cut out to be drawn to certain things, some aren't, and that's the bottom line. There's nothing wrong loving a book like "The Total Woman"; conversely, there's nothing wrong with saying "This book just isn't for me, and that's that!"
Having said that, allow me to offer a few points:
1) First and foremost, if you are of the feminine persuasion, and find that you firmly believe that the man should be the Head of the household, King of the castle, President of the family, etc., then this book is definately for you. You'll find a lot that's useful here. If you aren't, then you won't.
It's that simple.
If you are "the man is the boss" type, then just accept that as being what's in your heart. Read this book (along with "The Surrendered Wife", "The Joy of Sex", and "Fascinating Womanhood") to find out more about creating the marriage you want.
[Please take note: If you don't buy into "the man is the boss" belief system, you might still benefit from reading this. You still might be able to cherry-pick a few good ideas. First amoungst those good ideas is that men (like most people) generally respond very well to being treated with kindness and consideration.]
2) Mrs. Morgan informs her readers about something quite specific to the masculine gender: Respect and admiration, especially when coming from a woman he loves, can oftentimes be valued by a man more highly than even true love itself. This, along with a genuine willingness on his wife's part, to respect his opinion regarding issues that he really does know more about than some other people (you, for example), really do go a LONG WAY towards fostering love in a man's heart. Far more so, anyway, than do belittling, insulting, controlling, incessant nagging, and cold-hearted, condescending behavior.
Having said that ...
3) PLEASE BE WARNED: Nothing in "The Total Woman", nor in the books just mentioned above, will change the heart of a violent, abusive, and controlling husband. If he is hitting you, verbally abusing you, or elsewise engaging in demeaning, hurtful, derogatory actions, then move out, and move out now. He has no right to treat you as though you are his own personal dumping ground. He is the one with the problem, not you. Get counceling, get help, and make it clear to him that you aren't going to take it anymore. Just be very clear: "The Total Woman" CANNOT solve such marriage/relationship problems as violence, verbal and sexual abuse, etc.
Now that that's out of the way ...
4) Even if you are a woman who believes that the man is the President/King/Head of the family, there are a few ideas here that one should be cautious about.
For example, while it's a great idea to be alluring and seductive (most husbands adore seeing their wives in stiletto heels, sexy hairdos and lovely lingerie), many of the suggestions here might not be specific to what your husband likes. Some men love a woman in a sexy evening gown; others like tight jeans, high heels, and a revealing halter top; some very much love both, some like neither, and the list just goes on. I'd recommend looking at the big picture on this one. Find out what seems to "do it" for your man, and then ... do that!
Simply put, Mrs. Morgan's suggestion to greet one's husband wearing nothing but saran wrap may delight him ... and it may not. You know best what will work for you and your husband. If you don't, you may just need to experiment a little. You'll find out what works as you go along.
Please keep in mind here that finding attractive attire is as much about how you feel as it is about how you look. Remember that you wear the clothes, they don't wear you. The key is to find the alluring attire that expresses your unique feminine beauty, and lights your husband's fire too. That's what it's all about.
5) A word about following his leadership: This book recommends that your husband shall make the final decisions about things; this advice is supported by a conservative interpretation of relevant Biblical text.
Even if you completely agree with that conservative interpretation, please be advised: I DON'T recommend biting your tongue. Your insight as a woman, specifically your woman's intution, is of ENORMOUS VALUE to your husband. The value of women's intuition simply cannot be over-stated. Any man would be foolish to ignore the insight that his wife has to offer, not just to their marriage, but also to his life. This is where the Biblical concept of "Two are better than one" very much comes in.
Please keep in mind, ladies, that a man who loves you WANTS to hear what you think, and he wants to know what you feel. Please don't interpret anything you read in this book as "just don't ever disagree with him, and he'll be crazy in love with you ..."
... Because that just doesn't work.
What does work, especially in a Bible-based marriage, is finding a respectful, tactful way of expressing your views when you two don't agree. Is it possible to pay a compliment even as you're expressing dissent? For example: "You are very intelligent, and I'm always seeking your insight and advice regarding issues that confront me, both at home and at work. Still, it seems that this time, I'm just seeing things very differently than you are. I'm not trying to win this argument at all costs, mind you: I just need to know that you've heard my differing views, and that we can agree to disagree if that turns out to be what's best. I just need to know that you respect the way I feel, even if you don't agree. I know that you always have good reason to decide things the way you do; it's just that I do, at least in this particular instance, feel very differently about this than you do."
Granted, that's a bit long-winded, but it does lay a foundation for keeping the intimacy in your relationship healthy, even when there are disagreements. Marabel is very correct about one thing: Men very much need to know that their wives have a great deal of respect for them, and don't look down upon them. Nothing is more repulsive to a man than a condescending, controlling woman; this is exponentially true in his homelife.
If your husband responds to the above by trying, at all costs no less, to convince you that his views are the right ones, listen to him, and give him the space to say what he needs to say. However, when he's done, be as lovingly fiesty as you need to be to get him to recognize that now, it's YOUR turn to express to him how you feel about things.
Be clear that you don't demand that he agree with you, and that you're not so much trying to convince him, as you are simply expressing your need to be heard, and your freedom to be yourself, and have your own views. Didn't he fall in love with the woman that you are, even if the two of you don't always agree?
If hubby can't handle that, then that's his problem, not yours. Gently remind him that as much as you truly, deeply respect him, your heart is just in a different place regarding this issue at hand. Saying "It's not that I don't love you, of course I do. I just need you to recognize my right to be distinct from you, even as we are united in marriage as one. We are two different personalities, and you are a man, while I am a woman. There will be times when we just can't agree. I deeply respect you, and I need to know that you respect me, too."
It might be a tough concept for him to accept at first. Sadly, men can be slow to see the wisdom of the above; a man tends to think it's all about winning the argument and bringing you around to HIS way of thinking. However, eventually, if you are gentle-yet-adorably-fiesty in your application of the above, you'll see good results.
PLEASE TAKE NOTE: Even if you do incline towards the man-is-the-boss persuasion, don't tell him you agree with him if you really don't. "Thou shalt not give false witness to thy neighbor" very much comes into play here. God doesn't want you to misrepresent yourself, and you won't be doing the man you love any favors if you do. Just tell him the truth about how you feel. Be respectful and tactful ... and completely truthful.
The rest of the book contains a few pearls of wisdom here and there. Learn what you can, and move on to other books.
Well, this review has turned out to be longer than I intended; it seems I had a lot to say. Suffice it to sum up that, while "The Total Woman" has its uses, and can be quite helpful, your marriage is ultimately yours to figure out. While that's no easy task, this book help you along your way. Just remember to pick and choose only the things that you believe will work for you, and experiment a little to see what works best.
This book ISN'T FOR EVERYONE. Why? Well, consider this:
One of the biggest lies I've ever heard is that "We're all the same deep down inside; we just have different ways of expressing ourselves."
Well, that's not true at all. I've found that different people are very much looking for different things in life, in love, etc. A relationship that might be very satisfying to some might be hell for others.
It really comes down to your own hardwiring. Some people are cut out to be drawn to certain things, some aren't, and that's the bottom line. There's nothing wrong loving a book like "The Total Woman"; conversely, there's nothing wrong with saying "This book just isn't for me, and that's that!"
Having said that, allow me to offer a few points:
1) First and foremost, if you are of the feminine persuasion, and find that you firmly believe that the man should be the Head of the household, King of the castle, President of the family, etc., then this book is definately for you. You'll find a lot that's useful here. If you aren't, then you won't.
It's that simple.
If you are "the man is the boss" type, then just accept that as being what's in your heart. Read this book (along with "The Surrendered Wife", "The Joy of Sex", and "Fascinating Womanhood") to find out more about creating the marriage you want.
[Please take note: If you don't buy into "the man is the boss" belief system, you might still benefit from reading this. You still might be able to cherry-pick a few good ideas. First amoungst those good ideas is that men (like most people) generally respond very well to being treated with kindness and consideration.]
2) Mrs. Morgan informs her readers about something quite specific to the masculine gender: Respect and admiration, especially when coming from a woman he loves, can oftentimes be valued by a man more highly than even true love itself. This, along with a genuine willingness on his wife's part, to respect his opinion regarding issues that he really does know more about than some other people (you, for example), really do go a LONG WAY towards fostering love in a man's heart. Far more so, anyway, than do belittling, insulting, controlling, incessant nagging, and cold-hearted, condescending behavior.
Having said that ...
3) PLEASE BE WARNED: Nothing in "The Total Woman", nor in the books just mentioned above, will change the heart of a violent, abusive, and controlling husband. If he is hitting you, verbally abusing you, or elsewise engaging in demeaning, hurtful, derogatory actions, then move out, and move out now. He has no right to treat you as though you are his own personal dumping ground. He is the one with the problem, not you. Get counceling, get help, and make it clear to him that you aren't going to take it anymore. Just be very clear: "The Total Woman" CANNOT solve such marriage/relationship problems as violence, verbal and sexual abuse, etc.
Now that that's out of the way ...
4) Even if you are a woman who believes that the man is the President/King/Head of the family, there are a few ideas here that one should be cautious about.
For example, while it's a great idea to be alluring and seductive (most husbands adore seeing their wives in stiletto heels, sexy hairdos and lovely lingerie), many of the suggestions here might not be specific to what your husband likes. Some men love a woman in a sexy evening gown; others like tight jeans, high heels, and a revealing halter top; some very much love both, some like neither, and the list just goes on. I'd recommend looking at the big picture on this one. Find out what seems to "do it" for your man, and then ... do that!
Simply put, Mrs. Morgan's suggestion to greet one's husband wearing nothing but saran wrap may delight him ... and it may not. You know best what will work for you and your husband. If you don't, you may just need to experiment a little. You'll find out what works as you go along.
Please keep in mind here that finding attractive attire is as much about how you feel as it is about how you look. Remember that you wear the clothes, they don't wear you. The key is to find the alluring attire that expresses your unique feminine beauty, and lights your husband's fire too. That's what it's all about.
5) A word about following his leadership: This book recommends that your husband shall make the final decisions about things; this advice is supported by a conservative interpretation of relevant Biblical text.
Even if you completely agree with that conservative interpretation, please be advised: I DON'T recommend biting your tongue. Your insight as a woman, specifically your woman's intution, is of ENORMOUS VALUE to your husband. The value of women's intuition simply cannot be over-stated. Any man would be foolish to ignore the insight that his wife has to offer, not just to their marriage, but also to his life. This is where the Biblical concept of "Two are better than one" very much comes in.
Please keep in mind, ladies, that a man who loves you WANTS to hear what you think, and he wants to know what you feel. Please don't interpret anything you read in this book as "just don't ever disagree with him, and he'll be crazy in love with you ..."
... Because that just doesn't work.
What does work, especially in a Bible-based marriage, is finding a respectful, tactful way of expressing your views when you two don't agree. Is it possible to pay a compliment even as you're expressing dissent? For example: "You are very intelligent, and I'm always seeking your insight and advice regarding issues that confront me, both at home and at work. Still, it seems that this time, I'm just seeing things very differently than you are. I'm not trying to win this argument at all costs, mind you: I just need to know that you've heard my differing views, and that we can agree to disagree if that turns out to be what's best. I just need to know that you respect the way I feel, even if you don't agree. I know that you always have good reason to decide things the way you do; it's just that I do, at least in this particular instance, feel very differently about this than you do."
Granted, that's a bit long-winded, but it does lay a foundation for keeping the intimacy in your relationship healthy, even when there are disagreements. Marabel is very correct about one thing: Men very much need to know that their wives have a great deal of respect for them, and don't look down upon them. Nothing is more repulsive to a man than a condescending, controlling woman; this is exponentially true in his homelife.
If your husband responds to the above by trying, at all costs no less, to convince you that his views are the right ones, listen to him, and give him the space to say what he needs to say. However, when he's done, be as lovingly fiesty as you need to be to get him to recognize that now, it's YOUR turn to express to him how you feel about things.
Be clear that you don't demand that he agree with you, and that you're not so much trying to convince him, as you are simply expressing your need to be heard, and your freedom to be yourself, and have your own views. Didn't he fall in love with the woman that you are, even if the two of you don't always agree?
If hubby can't handle that, then that's his problem, not yours. Gently remind him that as much as you truly, deeply respect him, your heart is just in a different place regarding this issue at hand. Saying "It's not that I don't love you, of course I do. I just need you to recognize my right to be distinct from you, even as we are united in marriage as one. We are two different personalities, and you are a man, while I am a woman. There will be times when we just can't agree. I deeply respect you, and I need to know that you respect me, too."
It might be a tough concept for him to accept at first. Sadly, men can be slow to see the wisdom of the above; a man tends to think it's all about winning the argument and bringing you around to HIS way of thinking. However, eventually, if you are gentle-yet-adorably-fiesty in your application of the above, you'll see good results.
PLEASE TAKE NOTE: Even if you do incline towards the man-is-the-boss persuasion, don't tell him you agree with him if you really don't. "Thou shalt not give false witness to thy neighbor" very much comes into play here. God doesn't want you to misrepresent yourself, and you won't be doing the man you love any favors if you do. Just tell him the truth about how you feel. Be respectful and tactful ... and completely truthful.
The rest of the book contains a few pearls of wisdom here and there. Learn what you can, and move on to other books.
Well, this review has turned out to be longer than I intended; it seems I had a lot to say. Suffice it to sum up that, while "The Total Woman" has its uses, and can be quite helpful, your marriage is ultimately yours to figure out. While that's no easy task, this book help you along your way. Just remember to pick and choose only the things that you believe will work for you, and experiment a little to see what works best.
13 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
What's wrong with the art of homemaking and being a loving wife?
December 10, 2009
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Marabel Morgan wrote this advice book in 1972, around the time when one wave of the women's movement was cresting. There's a light smattering of quotes from biblical scripture, then it goes on to four parts. Organization Woman (Part I) takes the Charles M Schwab's $25,000 plan (prioritize your tasks) and lays out a plan for any women to get things done on time. Man Alive (Part II) looks at the delicate male ego and what a wife can do to restore it. Sex 201 (Part III) is about keeping the spice alive. Building Bridges (Part IV) shows how interaction within the family unit can influence children.
Books like this will always garner the venom and knee-jerk reactions from a particular segment of women. Even before they read the book, these same people will drag out economic inequality, oppression of women as homemakers, doormat policies all leading inevitably up to domestic violence. NOWHERE in this book does the author promote ANY of these ideas. What the book does do is to advise women who have ended up - either by choice or by circumstances - in the home on how to make the best of it. To excel in homemaking; to provide a nice place to return to; to look after and support your husband; to realize that in marriage, giving in is as important as taking; to show love to your children. Is all this really that bad?
Sure, there's the danger of the marriage going south and a wife ending up in the shoes of Terry Hekker. But that's a danger in any marriage. So why not start making lemonade?
I'm willing to bet that if the roles were reversed and all the advice was written for husbands...and the wife became the recipient of the attentive husband, this book would immediately be hailed as a must-read for all men.
Any advice book should be approached the way we treat high fashion: Take what you can use, water it down a little, and keep the rest in the back of the closet. No one can be expected to walk around in Saran Wrap to keep the hubby sexually enchanted, but rotating sexual turn-ons and outfits to keep the spark alive is a definite keeper.
I know this book experienced some raised eyebrows from the religious community when it came out, particularly the chapters concerning sex. Because we women having forgotten how to blush, we've had to rely on some unsubstantiated myth to hold on to our men. Miss Morgan shows that we need to put solid hard work into it. A marriage can stay together on conceptual ties like mutual respect, joint returns, and prenups, but heavens how boring it would all be! Still you could apply all that in addition to the advice given in this book. I would think any woman would want to have all the tools at her disposal.
Like Helen Andelin's book Fascinating Womanhood, the focus on men's fragile ego is a priceless piece of advice. I want to say if one were a fly-on-the-wall in a room where men are talking alone... but then I remembered, men rarely talk about their feelings. But compliment and admire any man, and you immediately see the gratitude in their eyes.
In this day and age when so many of us are complaining about how men are no longer men....Miss Morgan gives you the keys here. If men are no longer men, it's because WE are no longer women.
Books like this will always garner the venom and knee-jerk reactions from a particular segment of women. Even before they read the book, these same people will drag out economic inequality, oppression of women as homemakers, doormat policies all leading inevitably up to domestic violence. NOWHERE in this book does the author promote ANY of these ideas. What the book does do is to advise women who have ended up - either by choice or by circumstances - in the home on how to make the best of it. To excel in homemaking; to provide a nice place to return to; to look after and support your husband; to realize that in marriage, giving in is as important as taking; to show love to your children. Is all this really that bad?
Sure, there's the danger of the marriage going south and a wife ending up in the shoes of Terry Hekker. But that's a danger in any marriage. So why not start making lemonade?
I'm willing to bet that if the roles were reversed and all the advice was written for husbands...and the wife became the recipient of the attentive husband, this book would immediately be hailed as a must-read for all men.
Any advice book should be approached the way we treat high fashion: Take what you can use, water it down a little, and keep the rest in the back of the closet. No one can be expected to walk around in Saran Wrap to keep the hubby sexually enchanted, but rotating sexual turn-ons and outfits to keep the spark alive is a definite keeper.
I know this book experienced some raised eyebrows from the religious community when it came out, particularly the chapters concerning sex. Because we women having forgotten how to blush, we've had to rely on some unsubstantiated myth to hold on to our men. Miss Morgan shows that we need to put solid hard work into it. A marriage can stay together on conceptual ties like mutual respect, joint returns, and prenups, but heavens how boring it would all be! Still you could apply all that in addition to the advice given in this book. I would think any woman would want to have all the tools at her disposal.
Like Helen Andelin's book Fascinating Womanhood, the focus on men's fragile ego is a priceless piece of advice. I want to say if one were a fly-on-the-wall in a room where men are talking alone... but then I remembered, men rarely talk about their feelings. But compliment and admire any man, and you immediately see the gratitude in their eyes.
In this day and age when so many of us are complaining about how men are no longer men....Miss Morgan gives you the keys here. If men are no longer men, it's because WE are no longer women.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
By JacksonB
Format:Mass Market Paperback
To me, the Total Woman is nothing but an insulting conflation of Playboy and Paul's Epistles. Modern evangelicals who buy into this tripe seem to believe it is perfectly acceptable for women to tart up, play sexy and act like Salomes, all in the name of being submissive to their husbands. Sex in marriage should be equal and mutual. It is perfectly fine for women to want sex as much as men want it. It is not, however, the responsiblity of a wife to keep her husband from committing adultery; each partner is in control of their own fidelity. And the concept of a wife giving her husband a little action so he will accompany her church is nothing but abject bribery. What a sick commentary on evangelical men and the poor women who are stuck with them. Just another ignorant example of the two thousand year old version of misogynistic Christianity, as best expressed by Augustine, that states women's bodies are bad, they are only good for sex, procreation and raising children. I am as afraid of this sick mentality almost as much as I am of racism and homophobia.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Gift....
I bought this for a friend that was going through a tough time. I had read it many years ago, but, men are men and in their heads they don't change much! Read more
Published 18 days ago by Linda Tasker
1.0 out of 5 stars
Reading this book made my marriage worse
I read this book a few weeks before my marriage and decided to apply these principles. In a matter of years I went from being a very self-confident young woman who everyone admired... Read more
Published 15 months ago by CuperLady
5.0 out of 5 stars
Good book
This is a must read for every woman. I purchased more than one copy and gave them as gifts to friends who were having problems in their marriages as well as newly weds. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Momof6plus2
5.0 out of 5 stars
If you are married READ THIS BOOK
If your marriage is dull or in trouble read this book with an open mind.
It will work if you are willing to try it. Read more
It will work if you are willing to try it. Read more
Published on February 14, 2011 by happy wife
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Total Woman
Excellent book for wives to learn what a Godly Woman really is. Husbands might get a lot out of this one too! Hope it comes back into print again.
Published on February 11, 2011 by Bettina
5.0 out of 5 stars
AMAZING BOOK!
This book is absolutely amazing! Although it is set to discuss the trials and tribulations of the 1950's housewife, it is still somehow applicable to 21st century women and... Read more
Published on July 3, 2010 by SWEETY13
5.0 out of 5 stars
Thanks, Marabel!
I thought this book was fun and inspiring when I read it, probably close to 30 years ago. I've been the happy wife of a good man for 37 years, and I credit this book as part of... Read more
Published on February 2, 2010 by GI
1.0 out of 5 stars
Thanks, but no thanks
OK, I read most of this book when I was much younger. It may have some good points. But honestly, I do not have to make my husband the undisputed king of the household to show I... Read more
Published on August 21, 2009 by E. Loftin
5.0 out of 5 stars
Gracious Author
It was 1975. I had a difficult marriage, a new baby, and was lonely living in a new city. I turned on the Phil Donahue Show and saw Marabel. Read more
Published on October 24, 2008 by Psalm Reader
1.0 out of 5 stars
Deception and manipulation
If a feminist is someone who believes in equal pay for equal work, equal opportunity in the workplace, and respectful treatment for all women, then I am a feminist. Read more
Published on September 23, 2008 by .
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