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The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive Paperback – January 31, 2006


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The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive + Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce + Two Homes
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Plume; Reprint edition (January 31, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0452287162
  • ISBN-13: 978-0452287167
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #117,738 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Psychology professor Emery knows firsthand how difficult divorce can be for children. He has an adult daughter from his first marriage, and while he regrets some of his behavior with regard to his ex-wife, he also recognizes that he and his former spouse were effective parents. When there are children, a divorce doesn't end a husband-wife relationship. Emery believes too many couples say they don't want their children hurt by their divorce, but the children still end up stuck in the middle, almost always facing discomfort. So, Emery writes, "The first order of business is negotiating a working relationship with your ex." Emery explains how to establish and develop the foundation of a co-parenting partnership by understanding emotions, managing anger and setting boundaries. Drawing on examples from his clients, he elaborates upon how individuals can agree on custody arrangements, schedules, discipline and other issues. In a relaxed style, Emery elucidates a very stressful subject. He doesn't sugarcoat the situation; one of his examples is about a vindictive couple whose children are hurt by their anger over the failed marriage. His book will benefit parents going through divorce, as well as attorneys and therapists who work with divorcing parents and their children.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

“Finally, an internationally respected scholar tells parents the absolute truth about divorce and its effect on children.”
—John Gottman, PhD, author of The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

More About the Author

Robert Emery, Ph.D. is Professor of Psychology and Director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of Virginia. He is the author of over 150 scientific publications and several books.

Marriage, Divorce, and Children's Adjustment (1999, 2nd Ed., Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications) won the Outstanding Academic Book award from Choice magazine, and was translated into Chinese. Abnormal Psychology (2012, Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall [with Thomas Oltmanns]) is in its seventh edition. Renegotiating Family Relationships: Divorce, Child Custody, and Mediation (1994, New York: Guilford Publications; 2nd Ed. 2011) was translated into Italian (Il Divorzio: Renegoziare le Relazioni Familiari).

The Truth about Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive (New York: Viking [Plume paperback, 2006) has been featured when Dr. Emery presented on the Today Show, Good Morning America, The Jane Pauley Show, National Public Radio, in Newsweek magazine, and in many other print and electronic media. The book has been translated into Italian and Korean, and is being translated into Spanish and Croatian.

Dr. Emery has lectured extensively on his research across the United States and in numerous countries throughout the world. He recently won an award for Distinguished Contributions to Family Psychology from Division 42 of the American Psychological Association. In addition to his research, teaching, and administrative responsibilities, Dr. Emery maintains a limited practice as a clinical psychologist and divorce mediator. He is the father of five children.

Customer Reviews

This book is a good guild with helpful advice.
P. Little
This book was helpful not only in helping the children, but, it was helpful to the parents and grandparents.
Lydia J. Buza
I would recommend this book for anyone that is even thinking of getting a separation or divorce.
N. Ellender

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

50 of 52 people found the following review helpful By Gunnar J. Gitlin on October 2, 2004
Format: Hardcover
As a divorce (aka) matrimonial lawyer, I review books involving the effects of divorce on children because it is important to my practice and clients. This is perhaps one of the best books on the subject. Many books on divorce are pessimistic in terms of their overall approach and focus. Dr. Emery is one of the few individuals who basis his writings, etc., on controlled studies as to the effect of divorce upon children (instead of the norm of opinions based upon anecdotes). On my own web site I have recommended this book.
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46 of 49 people found the following review helpful By H. Gillespie on September 14, 2010
Format: Paperback
This book does an excellent job of reminding you the children are first, giving you tips for dealing with your emotions, and presenting stories about other couples which can demonstrate the message the authors are trying to relay. My problem with the book was when the authors started expressing over and over that the goal is to keep the children in an environment which is as good as it was before, and for them to continue to live the life they would have led if their parents had not divorced. I am getting divorced primarily to prevent that from happening! I do not want my child to continue to live the life he was living, or to think the relationship his dad had with either of us was the way marriage should be.
I skimmed the rest of the book after I realized this message was being so strongly portrayed, and never found a section which dealt with the fact that sometimes a divorce removes a child from a very dysfuntional family (beyond the typical "Mommy and Daddy are fighting") and how to make it ok that we are actually happier now. Yes, I completely understand the divorce has an effect on the child. But it is naive to assume their old life had qualities which we should strive to continue to have.
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32 of 33 people found the following review helpful By Lynn M. Selby on February 9, 2005
Format: Hardcover
As a clinical psychologist, I am grateful to have this book to recommend to my patients who are in or contemplating a divorce. In "The Truth about Children and Divorce", Dr. Emery provides parents with an overview of the divorce research that is neither fatalistic or sugar coated. From his years of clinical practice, he offers detailed and specific "scripts" of what to say to tell the children at different ages and in different situations (such as when there is an affair), thoughts on different custody schedules and advice about establishing a co-parenting relationship. Most importantly, Dr. Emery writes in the compassionate and personal voice of someone who has coached many a parent through the difficult road of separating their pain from their parenting, and who has traveled this difficult road himself. If you only recommend one book, this should be it.
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22 of 25 people found the following review helpful By K. Westbury on September 6, 2004
Format: Hardcover
This book is a wonderful resource,written with warmth and wisdom. I was both touched and enlightened by Dr.Emery's accounts. The author brings home highly useful and important concepts with an easy and enjoyable style. For myself and many of my divorced friends,parenting through divorce has presented sometimes painful challenges with little guidance available. This book offers the kind of thinking, insight, tools and reaching out that families and parents need in a difficult time. The author emphasizes putting children first, but even more, based on many years of experience and insight, actually describes for parents how to do it. It is a compelling and heartening read.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By K. Arnold on November 11, 2007
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I needed some words to use to tell my teen-aged daughter and pre-teen son about our divorce. Dr. Emery wrote it is important to tell children in this age who initiated the divorce, and I used a his words, almost to the letter. So far, that has backfired with my daughter, who is very, very angry with me. I still believe the book will be a good reference, but I am ambivalent about taking his advice quite so literally.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By GC on January 9, 2007
Format: Hardcover
If you are contemplating a divorce or in divorce proceedings or even divorced and if you care for your children, read this book. Not only did Dr. Emery open my eyes to what my children have esperienced and will experince from divorce but also what both their parents are experiencing. Dr. Emery's insights are both personal and clinical and his guidance always puts the children first. This book is written in a very clear and straight forward style. You won't get lost in complicated psycological explanations or depressed from a gloomy outlook for your children like many of the other books on this subject. Buy two! One for each parent.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Karin Quirk on January 4, 2007
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I heard of Dr. Emery from several child development specialists I met at a seminar. They consider him to be the current expert. I bought several volumes (at full price) to give to my clients who were contemplating divorce and wanted to know what was best for their children.

My clients have raved about the book. They quote it to me, highlight sections and bring in the book with lots of bookmarks. The advice is practical and helps the clients focus on the important issues. I work with people on cooperative divorce (see divorcewithoutwar.info) and this information helps me accomplish our goal of working for the best interests of the children and keeping the divorce process civil.

I recomend this book to any one with children who is contemplating a divorce. It will really help them make good decisions and hopefully make the entire process less stressful.
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