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The Truth About Grief
 
 

The Truth About Grief [Kindle Edition]

Ruth Davis Konigsberg
3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $26.00
Kindle Price: $9.99 includes free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
You Save: $16.01 (62%)
Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Veteran journalist Konigsberg offers a spot-on critique of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's seminal theory--the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This "staged" approach "prioritizes negative emotions over any positive ones that might occur, say, from a happy memory of the deceased." Konigsberg also looks at various scientific studies on how people cope with grief, noting, "On average, those who got help experienced no less distress nor recovered more quickly than those who didn't." She maintains that people cope with grief thanks largely to the human capacity for resilience, relying heavily on the work of psychologist George Bonanno, though Konigsberg acknowledges that this isn't the case for those who experience the intractable grief that Freud called "melancholia." Konigsberg makes few distinctions among different mourning situations and among various therapeutic approaches (e.g., individual versus group treatment; long- versus short-term counseling; cognitive-behavioral versus psychodynamic treatment). In general, she has researched her subject, writes clearly and engagingly, and uncovers a host of interesting facts. Despite a few conceptual flaws, this book is well worth reading. (Jan.)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

Review

“This hopeful book upends old ideas and emphasizes resilience.”

People

“A liberating message: there’s no ‘right’ way to respond to a loss.”

—Vanna Le, The New Yorker

The Truth About Grief challenges the received wisdom about how and why we grieve and, through healthy skepticism and admirable research, brings us to a more hopeful place.”

—Judith Warner, author of We've Got Issues and Perfect Madness

“Konigsberg’s challenge to the orthodoxy surrounding death is both profound and urgent. This is one of those books that will change you forever, altering—for the better—your perspective on one of life’s most essential, inevitable tasks: grieving the loss of a loved one.”

—Peggy Orenstein, author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter and Schoolgirls

“A pithy review of our grief culture, its wobbly underpinnings and the frequently opportunistic industry that preys upon it.”

Kirkus Reviews

“Veteran journalist Konigsberg offers a spot-on critique of Elisabeth KÜbler-Ross's seminal theory. . . . [Konigsberg] writes clearly and engagingly, and uncovers a host of interesting facts….this book is well worth reading.”

—Publishers Weekly

"Eminently readable and intelligent."

—Claire Lambrecht, Salon


Product Details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 2369 KB
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster; 1 edition (January 4, 2011)
  • Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B003V1WWE2
  • Text-to-Speech: Not enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #200,979 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

25 Reviews
5 star:
 (11)
4 star:
 (3)
3 star:
 (3)
2 star:
 (1)
1 star:
 (7)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
3.4 out of 5 stars (25 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 47 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars A worthy addition to a collection of grief-related books BUT..., January 3, 2011
By 
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If I had to pick one book which should be at the top of anyone's list, I confess that one book would be the stellar " The Year of Magical Thinking", a very raw and heartfelt memoir (one noted - and not positively - in "The Truth About Grief.") But I'd still recommend "The Truth About Grief", a very different book which offers a range of perspectives about grief and how it is handled. Taken together, the two books could provide comfort and some measure of relief for the inevitable pain that accompanies deep loss. Readers will have to decide which book resonates most deeply. Also, "The Truth About Grief" explores the way books like "The Year of Magical Thinking" could be unhelpful and lead to prolonged pain for readers - although I disagree. Each person's grief is unique.

Why do I recommend both books? Mainly because "The Year of Magical Thinking" is a memoir where the pain is almost palpable while "The Truth About Grief" explores the various methods and beliefs about how to tackle the very difficult task of grieving a deep loss, with an emphasis on resilience and not falling prey to therapeutic and other methods which may worsen things.. My only reservation about the "The Truth About Grief" is the emphasis on a specific and relatively short stage of mourning as being normal, although the author does note that some feel losses deeply or can end up in an abnormal melancholic state that persists longer than usual. For those who simply grieve for more than a year, the book could make some readers feel abnormal.

While I agree that humans can be far more resilient than they believe, the way one approaches grief is affected by many variables, including personality, background experiences, and the way parents taught children how to handle loss and setbacks. Not everyone is prepared to accept loss as well as others and mourning can last for years in some cases. Is this wrong? Is it dysfunctional? Perhaps not - for that person.

The author has researched the various techniques and resources for help which are out there. This could be very helpful to readers. She also attacks the "five stage" theory of grieving and leaves room for more individuality about the whole grief process. In the end, the book falls on the side of hope and emphasizes that grief can lessen - if one hangs in there.
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25 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars 40 years late, February 13, 2011
By 
Bill Hoy (Crawford, Texas) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Konigsberg's book would have been well-timed if it had only been published 40 years ago in the early years after the publication of what she calls Kubler-Ross' "seminal work." While she is right that the journalism field, of which she is well-known member has kept the "5-stages" alive these four decades, most professionals in the bereavement caregiving field have long-since departed from the theory as anything more than a relic of history.

Even if encountering the theory in training, professional counselors like myself, learn pretty early in our careers working with bereaved people that Kubler-Ross' model is woefully inadequate. The news flash is that it has taken so long for the mainstream media to catch on to what we've all been saying!

Bereavement is a multi-dimmensional and multi-determined phenomenon subject to many, many personal, cultural and spiritual factors, a fact made amply clear by most of the theories published in the first decade after Kubler-Ross' 1969 book. Now that a journalist has said it, perhaps the media will catch up to the current thinking in our field instead of quoting a theory that is more than four decades old!
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23 of 27 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars the next stage, January 16, 2011
By 
R. Poshek (Chicago, Illinois USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
THE TRUTH ABOUT GRIEF is a welcome next "stage" to our growing understanding of death, dying, and all it entails. Being of a "certain" age, I had the opportunity to work with Dr Kubler-Ross during the early years of my clinical training. She would have welcomed this book with open arms as she never considered her work to be the final word. Rather, as a scientist, she understood the evolution of knowledge and our understanding of such complex human mysteries. In the 1980s & 1990s, a large part of my practice was focused on death, dying, & grief. I welcome THE TRUTH ABOUT GRIEF and recommend it highly.
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More About the Author

Ruth Davis Konigsberg was born in New York City in 1968. After graduating from the University of Pennsylvania, she began a career in magazine journalism and worked as an editor for New York and Glamour and has written for publications such as The New York Observer and ELLE, often about psychology. Konigsberg lives in Pelham, NY with her husband and their two children.

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Loss is forever, but acute grief is not, a distinction that frequently gets blurred.) &quote;
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probably the most accurate predictors of how someone will grieve are their personality and temperament before the loss. &quote;
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Mourning is about achieving separation but the purpose of The Year of Magical Thinking is not to let go of Didions lost loved ones but to keep them alive. &quote;
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