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The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge [Paperback]

Tristan Taormino
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (58 customer reviews)

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Book Description

March 13, 2012
The Ultimate Guide to Kink is the first major guide to BDSM in a generation—a bold and sexy collection of essays that run the gamut from expert how-to tutorials to provocative essays that delve into complex questions about desire, power, and pleasure. The book brings together diverse voices from the kink community in an unprecedented way: each chapter is written by a different sexuality/BDSM educator. Divided into two sections, the first section features thorough, thoughtful pieces—on everything from flogging to bondage—packed with techniques and beautifully illustrated with original images from artist Katie Diamond. The second section is dedicated to role-playing fantasies and personal manifestos. From age play to masochism, these chapters cover some of the edgiest, most taboo and controversial elements of kink in depth. The Ultimate Guide to Kink features the expertise of renowned educators writing passionately on their favorite subjects, including Patrick Califia, Midori, Laura Antoniou, Barbara Carrellas, Lee Harrington, Jack Rinella, Lolita Wolf, Madison Young, Hardy Haberman, Felice Shays, Ignacio Rivera, Sarah Sloane, Mollena Williams, FifthAngel, and Edge. It will educate, inspire, and challenge both newcomers to the world of kink and experienced BDSM players.


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The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge + SM 101: A Realistic Introduction + Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Whatever you’re into, whatever you try, the authors want you to do it right, consensually, and safely."
—A Roll in the Hay

"I can't recommend this enough."
—Krissy Novacaine

"It's essential reading. Each chapter focuses on a different kink, and each is written by a different expert in that field. It is an excellent tome for introducing someone to kink and for deepening your own interests (if by chance you are into that kind of thing). Contributors include Patrick Califia, Midori, Laura Antoniou, Barbara Carrellas, Lee Harrington, Jack Rinella, Lolita Wolf, Madison Young, Hardy Haberman, Felice Shays, Ignacio Rivera, Sarah Sloane, Mollena Williams, Fifth Angel, and Edge, writing about spanking, bondage, fisting, rough sex, domination, submission, masochism, sadism, tantra, and role play, among others. This is a rock star sex educator lineup which includes just about everything you'd need to know to pique your interest, juice up your Fetlife profile, and get yourself out into the world of leather, BDSM, and kink. It's not a substitute for hands-on learning, classes for which are abundant in most major cities, but it will get you started and deepen your understanding of any of these topics—be they brand new to you or something you'd like to deepen. Tristan Taormino, as usual, gathered the definitive words on the most common kink skills and philosophies, and this book is essential reading for kinky and queer sexual adventures."
—Lambda Literary Summer 2012 Cliterotica Review

"It will educate, inspire, and challenge both newcomers to the world of kink and experienced BDSM players."
Erotica Readers and Writers Association

"Enter The Ultimate Guide to Kink. This opens that door for people to embark on that journey of knowledge and understanding, through unique and honest insight from people really in the know. I actually think that’s one of the books greatest appeals; rather than this just being a general guide describing various forms and subtypes of kink, it really takes you into the world of each topic. And, I believe, this has been achieved so very well because Tristan Taormino has sought out some of the most experienced and knowledgeable people for each topic, to talk about their special areas of interest and expertise (I have included a complete list of contributors and the chapters they wrote at the end of this review), giving the reader the feeling that they really are getting a genuine and authentic insiders view."
–Distinctly Female

"In this collection Taormino smoothly manages the difficult task of creating a book that can speak to a wide range of audiences. The Ultimate Guide to Kink provides what I imagine is an approachable and welcoming introduction to many aspects of BDSM play that I wish I’d had available to me when I jumped into BDSM a decade ago. From Felice Shay’s chapter on “Playing with Rough Sex” to edgier and taboo role play like “Digging in the Dirt: The Lure of Taboo Role Play” by Mollena Williams, the book truly has something for folks of all experience levels, from a beginner who’s curious about exploring to more experienced readers interested in being challenged by discussion of kink community/culture, edge play and consensually pushing our limits. The Ultimate Guide to Kink is a landmark collection destined to be a touchstone classic to recommend to anyone interested in BDSM exploration."
—Lambda Literary

"An informed and informative 475-page compendium focusing upon diverse verse varieties of unconventional human sexuality, The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino provides 'user friendly' techniques and creative ideas for bondage, spanking, flogging, sensation play, rough sex, and incorporating alternative sexual activities into one's sex life. Of special note is the information presented on sexual role-play fantasy. Clearly for an adult readership only, The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge is highly recommended and instructive reading for men and women seeking to expand their experiences with respect to their sexuality."
—Midwest Book Review

"This book is exactly what you need if you have ever had questions about kink. This book is such a nice introduction into kink, and it is also an instructional guide if you are not sure where to begin."
—Kissin Blue Karen

"If you have ever wondered about kink then you need to pick up this book. This book will answer all of you questions. If you are curious about kink or an old hand at it this is a book you need to add to your collection. There are chapters on role-playing, dominance, submission, and much much more. If you are new to kink this book explains the different types of things you can try as well as a having a safeword. There is a chapter that shows you how to do bondage using ropes or scarves. There are tips and techniques. They even talk about aftercare at the end of the chapters. This is the complete deal."
—Night Owl Reviews

“So many of the people who write me at ‘Savage Love’ are curious about kink — some days it accounts for half the mail — but they don’t know where to start. I’m going to be recommending this collection of essays. This is more than just a guide to kink, it’s more than a sex manual. Editor Tristan Taormino has brought the players, thinkers, and rock stars of the kink scene and together they have created a book that not only lets people know where to start, but why to start, and what they’ll get out of it. Vanillas, novices, old hands, old guard — everyone can learn from this collection.”
—Dan Savage

"Tristan Taormino has gifted us with a magnificent collection of essays from kinkdom's finest educators: consider it required reading for every kinkster who lives life on the hot side."—Dossie Easton, co-author of The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book

"Tristan Taormino has created a perfect compendium of kink that covers the nuts and bolts (with illustrations!) of spanking, bondage, role-playing, rough sex and much more, as well as the philosophies, motivations and deeply personal experiences of an array of BDSM players. If "Brutal Affection" sounds like an oxymoron to you, read on. Keep a copy in your bedroom—and your toy bag!"
Rachel Kramer Bussel, Editor, Spanked and Best Sex Writing 2012

"Finally, a smart, comprehensive, and brave book on kinky sex for this generation. Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Kink is the first really good new book on the subject in years. BDSM and kink aficionados are lifelong learners, endlessly fascinated with their own sexual and personal growth. They do love their sex guides! I expect this to be the BDSM bible for the next decade." — Felice Newman, author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book

From the Back Cover

Expand Your Erotic Horizons Beyond the Ordinary

"This is more than just a guide to kink, it's more than a sex manual. Editor Tristan Taormino has brought the players, thinkers and rock stars of the kink scene and together they have created a book that not only lets people know where to start, but why to start, and what they'll get out of it. Vanillas, novices, old hands, old guard—everyone can learn from this collection." —Dan Savage

Award-winning author, filmmaker and sex educator Tristan Taormino presents this bold and sexy treasury that runs the gamut from expert tutorials on kinky erotic practices to thought-provoking essays that delve into complex questions about desire, power and pleasure. The Ultimate Guide to Kink features the expertise of renowned educators writing passionately on their favorite subjects, including Patrick Califia, Midori, Laura Antoniou, Barbara Carrellas, Lee Harrington, Jack Rinella, Lolita Wolf, Madison Young, Hardy Haberman, Felice Shays, Ignacio Rivera, Sarah Sloane, Mollena Williams, FifthAngel and Edge. This comprehensive volume includes:

• techniques and creative ideas for bondage, spanking, flogging, sensation play, rough sex and more, illustrated by Katie Diamond

• lessons on how to eroticize power, cultivate deeper connections and incorporate kink into your sex life

• role-playing fantasies from the popular to the taboo

• provocative and personal manifestos on dominance, submission, sadism and masochism

Product Details

  • Paperback: 475 pages
  • Publisher: Cleis Press (March 13, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 157344779X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1573447799
  • Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (58 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #69,716 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
43 of 44 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Exceptionally good May 10, 2012
Format:Paperback
Whenever I read a book edited by Tristan Taormino, I look forward to her introductions just as much - and sometimes more - than to the stories. This is no exception. She starts out by giving us readers some heartening news about how kink has become more and more "mainstream" in recent years, thanks to the internet. It's about time, right? Then she proceeds to explain how and why this guide is relevant at this point in time. Let's just say that, if I'd been highlighting interesting and well-crafted sentences in her writing, the whole introduction would have been highlighted. For instance, the following sentence defining what kinksters do when they get together in public events:

"We learn skills that we can translate into every part of our life: how to claim our desires, negotiate for what we want and need, set boundaries, communicate limits, acknowledge power dynamics, celebrate sexuality, and accept each other's differences."

This is not fiction, people. This is a comprehensive collection of clear, concise, and expert advice on kink. The concept of kink itself is open and all-inclusive. The definition of the term, according to Ms. Taormino is: "an intimate experience, an exchange of power between people who can be physical, erotic, sexual, psychological, spiritual, or, most often, some combination. It's the people, practices, and communities that move beyond traditional ideas about sex to explore the edges of eroticism."

To me, that sounds like enlightenment.

The book is divided into two main parts:

* "Skills and Techniques" which includes a glossary of terms, and sections on spanking, bondage, fisting, rough sex, and other kinks. This section is a simple to understand and easy to read "how-to" manual for those topics.
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35 of 37 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars I love love love Tristan Taormino, but... January 23, 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book just seems like it hasn't nailed down what its audience actually is. For example, the two sections of the book both begin assuming you're a rank novice who doesn't know what S&M is an abbreviation of, and who has never played dirty-cop with a sex partner. And that's great - I'm always on the hunt for beginner-friendly books, things I can pass along to my friends for education or entertainment.

But then it moves onto essays on animal roleplay, or age play, or Mollena Williams' piece on edge play that includes scenes of rape, incest, gay-bashing, and a bit where a handicapped person gets thrown out of their wheelchair and beaten, and I go "oh thank god I didn't lend this to anyone yet." Don't get me wrong - these essays are brilliantly written, informative, and interesting, and definitely worth reading, but they are probably not necessary or useful in a book that *seems* to be aimed at beginners.

So, in short, even though it seems (to me) like a book for newbies, I would NOT recommend it for beginners or novices unless they're unflappable or you're trying to scare the pants off them, or they're reading it in conjunction with many other books on the subject.
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Belongs on every kinky bookshelf everywhere! July 17, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
If you are kinky, or think you may be kinky, or you hope to possibly find out that you're kinky, I can't recommend this book enough. I don't care how long you've been in the scene, or how many pins are on your bar vest, you should have a copy of this book! I guarantee that there will be something in it that you didn't know, or haven't tried, or haven't looked at in quite that way before. And chances are very, very good that there will be something among those new areas that will make you curious, if not tempted. The ultimate guide to kink is a fantastic variety of essays on so many different ways to express our kinky sides, all written by people who really know their stuff in the area they're writing about.

While I didn't recognize all of the names in the list of authors, I recognized enough for it to read like a Who's Who of the BDSM education circuit, all grouped together in one convenient tome to tell you all about the areas about which they're most passionate. While the voices differ (understandably) they are all thoughtful, insightful, passionate, well-written, well-edited and arranged with a flow that makes you want to read the whole thing in one sitting, cover-to-cover. And sexy! This book is put together in such a way that even for the things that might not be "my kink" I couldn't help but feel the erotic charge that was brought to the table by those who love it. This is one seriously hawt book.
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19 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars More than I'd hoped for! April 27, 2012
Format:Paperback
It has been quite a few years since we have had a new BDSM 101 book, leaving us with books that were generally written in the mid to late 90s - perfectly good and useful books but dated nonetheless. Tristan Taormino's latest book, The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge is a excellent way to break that long dry spell!

I was hooked with the introduction, but to be fair I'm generally a huge fan of Tristan's writing. Beyond that though, The Ultimate Guide to Kink deviates from the norm for books on BDSM in that each chapter is written by someone who has extensive experience with the given topic. When I first heard about it, I was disappointed that the whole thing hadn't been written by Tristan, but after reading a few chapters I was convinced this is a far better idea. Rather than one author trying to cover all the bases, this gives you not only the information but also the passion these people feel for their topics. These include plenty of the standards, some upper level topics and some things you'll only find at the edgier conferences. I found a good solid handful of new ideas, which is rare seeing as I've read most of the BDSM 101+ books on the market.

This book left me itching to go play which is what a good BDSM book should do, right?
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting
Interesting read for the open minded individuals that are looking to learn before or after exploring the world of kink.
Published 1 month ago by Juana s. Diaz
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful book
This book is filled with enlightening essays on a wide variety of topics, from taboo to etiquette. It is a good read for those who are new to the scene or useful as a refresher for... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Phantom of Light
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read
I enjoyed this book. I liked that each chapter was written by a different author. You were able to get a specialized view on each topic.
Published 2 months ago by CuriousCutie
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy to read, understandable, and accurate
I have some experience in this area. Found this book right-on the mark. Information is accurate and written in an enjoyable style.
Published 4 months ago by Ronald Mackenzie
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone new or interested in trying the BDSM lifestyle ....very informative and easy to follow
Published 4 months ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Definitely a complete guide for a curious beginner.
Good read. Very informative. Eye opening book for a beginner. Techniques and 'how to's' are explained in detail. Enjoy your adventures.
Published 4 months ago by Joe Grimes
5.0 out of 5 stars The title says it all!
It covers loads of ground in an insightful way, and is consistently inclusive in terms of gender pronouns, roles, sexuality etc. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Ra
5.0 out of 5 stars The mystery of kink revealed
If you've ever wondered where to go to get good kink information this is the book to read. With wonderful illustrations, examples, and just plain old easy to understand common... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Lindsey
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome!
This was a great beginners guide filled with good personal stories and pointers. My husband and I both read it in one sitting!
Published 6 months ago by Caryn A Betzing
4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Guide
This book is an excellent guide to those who are starting out or even those already into BDSM. It explains quite a bit but is a little more on the hardcore side of the BDSM kink.
Published 8 months ago by MicheleinNY
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