Owning our desires should be neither embarrassing nor uncomfortable. Nor should they be subject to anyone else's moral judgment of what is right or wrong, good or bad, normal or abnormal. Combining communication and information is the key. By shrugging off the taboos against talking about our preferences and experiences when we're being sexual, we will take the first and most important steps toward ensuring our own fulfillment. The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women is an unflinchingly honest, responsible, and thoroughly comprehensive exploration of female sexuality. Topics include: The physical types of orgasm, such as electrical, flying, pounding, deep, waves, and blips; orgasm as an emotional release; the "elusive orgasm" and why some women have difficulty having one; how often we fake them and why; masturbation; multiple orgasms; the male-female dichotomy; penetration and the G-spot; defining the erotic; and the joy of sex toys.
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"Here’s a book every woman should have on her bookshelf. Or nightstand." —Entertainment Realm
"This guide shows women how to ask for what they need and embrace their complexity, with discussion of multiple orgasms, how personal history shapes sexual experience and the power of fantasy." —AVN
"This book has a lot to offer the woman who wants to understand and explore deeper into her erotic experience." —The Dinah Project
"I think this book is a great place to start for women who are looking to improve their sex life, whether they already have orgasms or not." —Buzz on Vibes
"I enjoyed this book wholeheartedly, and I think it will help a lot of women. In this book you will find new ideas about orgasm and why you may not be so different in your ways at all." —Kissin Blue Karen
"The author, Mikaya Heart, definitely tried to cover a plethora of information and did a fabulous job of presenting things with an attitude of open acceptance. So many women don’t discuss many of the personal and intimate details of our sexual selves. This book helped me to recognize that I wasn’t alone in some of the things I have personally experienced. It also helped me understand why some women don’t appreciate sex as much as others. One of the most important things that I am taking away from this book is that we must express our desires and needs. If we do not voice our needs and ask for what want in a loving but direct way we are preventing ourselves from enjoying one of the most pleasurable things our bodies, minds and spirit can experience." —Romancing the Book
"This book as a whole is an engaging mixture of practical advice and spiritual (in a broad sense) discussion." —Kissed By Venus
"The book... offer[s] freedom to self-define what a healthy sexuality means for each of us, as individuals, without necessarily referencing a "norm." Is it worth buying? Absolutely!" —Fresh Fiction
"Chapters cover anatomy and general techniques; the physical, “energetic,” and spiritual experience of orgasm; variations and problems; youthful experiences; relationship contexts; and concerns relating to penetration, the G-spot, female ejaculation, fisting, and anal sex. Several good anatomy drawings, numerous referrals to appropriate other books, a safer-sex appendix, and a comprehensive resource list round out the work. VERDICT Designed for women misled by notions of “one right way to orgasm,” Heart’s guide should provide something useful for nearly all self-helper women at any stage of sexual growth and of any sexual orientation. And while more illustrations would have been nice, the book’s relatively modest appearance could be a plus for some challenge-shy librarians. Recommended." —Library Journal Martha Cornog, Philadelphia
"By diving so deeply into the types of issues that plague many women, Heart is able to show readers that they’re not alone if they have trouble getting pleasure, and for those that don’t, the author brings them to another level. By gaining an understanding of their emotional lives, personal histories, and belief systems, women can better know what works, what doesn’t, and why. Heart is an exceptional guide, and this comprehensive exploration of female sexuality is likely to become a well-used map to discovering new mountaintops in a familiar land." –Foreword Magazine
"Mikaya Heart's Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women, will help women to release old taboos and fears so they can embrace sexual confidence and enjoy a fuller sex life. A must-read for any woman who wants to expand her vocabulary of sex." —Betty A. Dodson, PhD, author of Sex for One
"Mikaya Heart provides a fresh and illuminating look at that most elusive and tantalizing of targets, the female orgasm. There are nearly as many varieties of orgasm as there are women, and this book will open your eyes to possibilities you never imagined." —Janet W. Hardy, co-author of The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventure
From the Back Cover
The Essential Guide to Pleasure for All Women
Everything you need to understand women's orgasms—what works, what doesn't and why:
• How to ask for what you need and want • Multiple orgasms, extended orgasms and energetic orgasms • The "elusive" orgasm and why some women have difficulty climaxing • How often we fake them and why • How personal history shapes sexual experience • Orgasm as an emotional release • Masturbation • The power of fantasy • Penetration, the G-spot and ejaculation • Defining the erotic • The joy of sex toys
There are tons of books filled with advice about orgasms, but many women find their relentless cheerleading lacks an honest discussion of their real needs. Mikaya Heart changes all that. The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women is a forthright and comprehensive exploration of female sexuality. Normalizing all women's experiences, Mikaya Heart provides the information, permission and support women need to enhance their own fulfillment.
Mikaya Heart (www.mikayaheart.org) grew up in a rural part of Scotland. She developed a deep love of nature from an early age, which sustained her through a difficult childhood. At York University, long before the environmental movement had started, she studied ecology. Unable to accept how disrespectfully our planet is being treated, she dropped out, finding herself most at home in the radical hippie culture of the seventies. In 1978, she came out as a lesbian, and in the same year, trained as an agricultural mechanic. Disillusioned with the homophobia and sexism in the UK, she immigrated to Northern California, where she ran an organic market garden, raised pigs, and built her own house out of recycled lumber in the backwoods.
She is a keen writer and has always worked hard at her personal healing, often using shamanic methods. Since she was sexually abused as a child, this led to a book on women's sexuality - When the Earth Moves: Women and Orgasm, published in 1998. Sex, at its best, is a profoundly shamanic activity, so this fitted well with the belief systems she was developing. Several of her short stories, and one other book - The Straight Woman's Guide to Lesbianism - have also been published. She has two books coming out this year - one on the Art of Being Human, and the other on her travels in Indonesia and Thailand.
Mikaya started studying earth-based spiritual practices with a variety of teachers in the eighties. The concepts of shamanism came to her easily as a result of her personal growth work and her ease with the rhythms of nature. She has always had an obsession with truth, and over the years, that crystallized into existential questions, such as, what or who am I? Who put me here on this planet, and why? She found answers to those questions through AMAG, a number of non-physical beings who speak through Dayana Jon.
A horse riding accident at the age of 48 turned out to be the first step in a "shamanic break" which led to profound changes. She sold all her property, in order to be absolutely free, and took off traveling on her own, visiting Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, Hawaii, Mexico, North America, the Caribbean, and Brazil. She finds it essential to spend time alone in nature, feeling the being-ness of a place, and consequently her traveling is usually about camping in the wilderness. One of her most memorable experiences was an eight day solo kayak trip in Prince William Sound, Alaska.
Her favorite pastimes are dancing, singing, horse-riding, and kitesurfing, all of which she experiences as deeply spiritual. She now identifies most strongly as a marveling mystic, since she has a very powerful awareness of herself as a being of spirit, and is constantly amazed at the extraordinary beauty of this world. Kitesurfing is her greatest passion. She has become the woman who follows the wind, intent on experiencing the delight of dancing with water and air whenever she can.
I was hoping this was going to be more of a "how-to" book. I am amazed that some women can have orgasm via penetration, and I was hoping this book would explain how-not just say, "some women can't orgasm this way." Why? Why can some women (as per this book) orgasm by having a breeze blow through a window? by having their finger sucked? I have been having sex for a long time. Even when I was young and had extraordinary PC muscles, I really never felt anything from vaginal penetration. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me; that I was missing a piece. I eventually learned how to masturbate and married a very wonderful man who basically allows me to do what I need to do without feeling threatened and we have a very enjoyable sex life, but I would love to orgasm like the women in movies and books. Is this real? Does it really happen? Why? There's got to be a reason. Is their clitoris positioned closer to their vaginal opening?
I know this is a weird review. I was hoping my questions would be answered by this book, but they were not. This was not at all a "how to" book, as it states, but a collection of different women's orgasm experiences with no explanations at all.
Review by Patti: This was an interesting and very informative book. I had an expectation that it would be boring and written like a textbook, it was not. It is not a step by step how to book either. I found myself alternating between surprise and nodding in agreement. Some of the things that I learned have made me think quite differently about my body and my expectations for pleasure. It was very interesting reading the many quotes taken from interviews with people sharing their personal experiences, feelings and descriptions. I was not aware how different every woman's body is and how we each experience sex and orgasm quite differently.
The book was broken down into chapters focusing on different aspects of women, their bodies, their emotions and spirituality. I did find that there were a few things that seemed repetitive but the information was relevant to the chapter. It helps to have an open, nonjudgmental attitude while reading this book. This was definitely written so that straight, bisexual and lesbian women were all involved in the interviews and the examples. Regardless of your sexual preference you would benefit by reading this. Some of the language used was a little strong, sometimes crude and could turn some people off, but it is worth reading. The author definitely tried to cover a plethora of information and did a fabulous job of presenting things with an attitude of open acceptance. So many women don't discuss many of the personal and intimate details of our sexual selves. This book helped me to recognize that I wasn't alone in some of the things I have personally experienced. It also helped me understand why some women don't appreciate sex as much as others. One of the most important things that I am taking away from this book is that we must express our desires and needs. If we do not voice our needs and ask for what want in a loving but direct way we are preventing ourselves from enjoying one of the most pleasurable things our bodies, minds and spirit can experience.
Favorite Quote: Learning to love fully involves opening your heart. Opening your heart is not easy if you have learned to keep it closed to prevent experiencing pain and loss. You will experience pain and loss when you open your heart, but you will also experience the love, joy, and connections with other beings that make life worth living.
Mikaya offers a refreshing view about how sexuality has a lot to do with being authentic. Mikaya stands up for being who you are with your panties on or off. Listening to yourself is the most important thing about sex. Knowing that there is a wide variety of orgasmic possibilities gave me permission to just be who I am in the moment, rather than feeling performance anxiety. Reading about the nature of orgasm was also really helpful also----to acknowledge that our bodies needs may change with our menstrual cycles or with hormone shifts like menopause. My favorite chapter is the one on Kundalini energy.
