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The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth [Kindle Edition]

Elaine N. Aron
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $25.99
Kindle Price: $12.99
You Save: $13.00 (50%)
Sold by: Hachette Book Group

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Book Description

Elaine Aron follows up her bestsellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love. From the bedroom to the boardroom, her strategies will enable us to escape feelings of shame, defeat, and depression; dissolve relationship hostility; and become our best selves. With Aron's clear, empathetic writing and extraordinary scientific and human insight, THE UNDERVALUED SELF is a simple and effective guide to developing healthy, fulfilling relationships, and finding true self-worth.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Psychotherapist and "social psychologist" Aron (The Highly Sensitive Person) presents a "rich, complex and deeply layered" approach to building self-esteem, suitable for studious readers ready to work for understanding and change. Introducing lots of psychology terms and ideas, Aron's guide requires attention and concentration; regarding quick fixes like self-affirmations, Aron contends that research shows "they can make those with low self-esteem feel even worse about themselves." Instead, Aron investigates the basic concepts of ranking and linking, which play a role in all of our relationships and contribute to the ways we undervalue ourselves. Using a series of true/false questionnaires, case studies and analytical observation, Aron identifies the masks and self-defense strategies we use unconsciously to deal with traumatic events, and how those strategies affect self-worth. Topics under consideration include dreams, the specter of the Inner Critic, and self-sabotaging behavior like the Protector-Persecutor paradigm. Though the material can be hard to grasp, dedicated rereading will give readers a sophisticated understanding of low self-esteem, and concrete steps to improve it.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


"Elaine Aron is a protector of the heart-a woman who offers a wise perspective on what it means to be a true, authentic human being who honors his or her soul. The Undervalued Self takes a critical (and insightful) look at what keeps people from fully expressing their power and engaging in the highest form of human activity-connecting with others in a deep and respectful way. I highly recommend this book!"—Cheryl Richardson, New York Times bestselling author of Take Time for Your Life and Life Makeovers

"Elaine Aron's newest book, The Undervalued Self, is the centerpiece of a new psychology of liberation that is must reading for all of us--the timid and the bold alike. She carries her keen insights on human nature over from her bestseller, The Highly Sensitive Person, to this new domain of advising us how to free ourselves from the many constraints that limit our potential. She guides us on a path to discovering new joys and fulfillment in our personal and professional lives."—Philip G. Zimbardo, author of The Time Paradox and The Lucifer Effect

Product Details

  • File Size: 554 KB
  • Print Length: 289 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0316066990
  • Publisher: Little, Brown and Company; 1 edition (April 6, 2010)
  • Sold by: Hachette Book Group
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0035II91G
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #257,996 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
42 of 42 people found the following review helpful
Undervaluing yourself can lead to a self-fulfilling spiral of declining opportunities out of lack of confidence -- and thereby missing out on opportunities that might have been beneficial and missing a chance to build confidence. If you relate to this scenario, The Undervalued Self will likely be an eye-opener and lead you on path to healing if you're willing to work through the helpful exercises.

Important note for fans of Aron's other books: The Undervalued Self does not specifically focus on Highly Sensitive People, though there is a connection that Aron saw in many of her patients. As discussed on pages 92-93, being highly sensitive could increase the risk of having an undervalued self on two fronts. On the innate tendencies side, 1) highly sensitive people are more easily overstimulated so may not do as well in high-pressure situations as they expect of themselves, and 2) they tend to be conscientious and aware of consequences so pay extra attention to their mistakes. On the personal history side, 1) as members of a numerical minority, they may be criticized for being "too sensitive," and 2) they may be more affected than others by the same childhood trauma.

Even if you don't undervalue yourself, you probably interact with people who do. In Chapters 4 and 7, Aron shares tips for effective communication (with some similarities to techniques such as non-violent communication), with a focus on challenging the reader to respond honestly instead of with self-protective behaviors, and helping others do the same. Aron even provides specific conversation-starter questions and several compelling dialogues that illustrate how to connect with someone who is using self-protective behaviors.
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44 of 45 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Self Help For Finding Your True Worth March 11, 2010
In A Nutshell: After reading it, I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. The Undervalued Self is a great resource that I will continue to return to for many years, in fact, a lot of the pages have been tagged for future reference.

I especially like the active imagination sessions and connecting the past to the cause. If we can retrace our past life experiences we can connect the dots on the present way we think about ourselves.

In chapter five (my absolute favorite chapter, one I wish I could recreate here word for word) is called Linking with the Innocent. Who is the Innocent? Well, my friend that is YOU! You know, the you before now, before the learned behaviors, attitudes and way of thinking that have brought you to your lowest moments.

Dr. Aron pieces it all together in the most effective way.

This book WILL help you.
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39 of 43 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What Do You Think of Yourself? March 16, 2010
By Grapes
Elaine N. Aron, PhD's book the undervalued self is filled with interesting journaling tests, personal experience stories and the pros and cons of how and why, the undervalued self, manipulates needs and desires to protect the inner child.

I especially felt drawn to the personal stories. I could see myself so easily acting in the same way in order to gain some sort of power or recognition from family and friends. Until I read Dr. Elaine N. Aron's book, I did not realize that striving to remain passive or trying to overachieve can result in what I do not want to see happen in my life. It's like working for a golden star. Then receiving not a golden star instead I receive a bulky round ball of twine. Of course, my disappointment is going to sky rocket. Still, the ball of twine is always mine simply because I do not know how to develop an authentic self value.

This book is fascinating. I feel as though reading it more than one time will only make my new self stronger and more able to face future situations involving who I am ,undervalued or valued.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Undervalued Self February 23, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
As a coach and mediator for HSP's I highly recommend this book to most of my clients. Such a pity that it is not translated into Spanish, as I work with people in Spain and South America. Many hsp's suffer from a low self esteem. One of the causes being that they never stop and think about themselves, about who they are and what their needs are. It is not uncommon amongst HSP's to become lost in 'the other' or 'the environment'. As an HSP it is so essential to learn how to set your own personal limits. This book of Elaine's is a big help. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
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18 of 20 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Tuning and Turning April 10, 2010
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Aron tunes us in to our operating assumptions, the basis from which we make a lot of choices. She gives us eyes to see how we developed ways of being and doing that do not serve us very well, that lead to and perpetuate pecking orders. In pecking orders, somebody gets pecked and nearly everyone's feathers are ruffled. She tunes us in to our internal conversations, our well-contrived protection systems for avoiding the pain of shame. She turns us in a different direction, to a more conscious, less-distorted way of relating that open doorways to healing, mutuality, and perhaps even our best destiny by explaining the dynamics of ranking and linking. If one is spending energy fighting oneself and others for position, one does not have that energy to use employing one's gifts to create, build, and expand or to receive those gifts from others. Perhaps we knew that, but we didn't know the alternative or how to engage in it effectively. Aron uses plenty of examples to illustrate and define, as well take psychological jargon and rename it so it's both memorable and useful. In the end, life can be more satisfying and hopeful.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Read This Book!!
This book changed my life. It's brilliant. I think it should have won a Pulitzer Prize. I'm recommending it to many people in my life. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Celia Homesley
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Clarity at a time of need
Published 2 months ago by Glenna McCarthy
5.0 out of 5 stars One of my favorite books
I highly recommend this book for everyone.
Published 2 months ago by Jack
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Published 3 months ago by Yu-Wen (Maggie), Chen
5.0 out of 5 stars For Anyone Needing a Lift
Elaine Aaron knows. Her writing is clear,
her advice is practical, and her wisdom is
healing. The therapeutic technics she shares take you deeper on your journey. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Joan
4.0 out of 5 stars This book was very helpful
This may be one of the most helpful books on psychology I have read. I have a new perspective on the way I think about myself when I am with others. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Kathleen
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting book
The text is easy to understand, (I'm not used to read English), and I like how the Author present psychology issues and analyzes both sides of a problem. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Bente S. Rundborg
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Self Help book
I had taken this book out at my local library. I decided that I liked it enough that I wanted to own a copy. Read more
Published 10 months ago by Freedom
3.0 out of 5 stars Close similarities
It was a fair read for Dr Aron who is usually more detailed the last three felt like something from Phd John Gray
Published 13 months ago by Peter Amerson
5.0 out of 5 stars An amazing book
I wish this book was around for me to read 40 yrs ago, I am sure my life would be different. I am a highly sensitive person who is also an Adult Survivor of abuse. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Amazon Customer
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More About the Author

Elaine Aron, Ph.D., is recognized internationally as one of the leading scientists studying the psychology of love and close relationships. Dr. Aron's research on love, conducted with her husband, Dr. Art Aron, has been featured in the New York Times, Time, and National Geographic. She is the author of The Highly Sensitive Person, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, and The Highly Sensitive Child. She has lived in many places all over North America, from a geodesic dome on Cortes Island to an aging southern mansion on Peachtree Street in Atlanta, and now divides her time between New York and San Francisco.


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