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The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism Hardcover – November 1, 2005


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The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism + The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed + The Way I See It, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: A Personal Look at Autism and Asperger's
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 383 pages
  • Publisher: Future Horizons (November 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 193256506X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1932565065
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 1.3 x 9.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (83 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #70,168 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“If you’ve ever wondered, ‘What is going through my child’s mind? Why can’t he get social interactions?’ then this book is for you! ‘A-ha!’ moments abound.”
Veronica Zysk, editor of Autism/Asperger’s Digest and this book, both published by Future Horizons.

 

About the Author

Temple Grandin earned her Ph.D. in animal science from the University of Illinois, went on to become an associate professor at Colorado State University, and wrote two books on autism, including the seminal ""Thinking in Pictures."" One of the most celebrated -- and effective -- animal advocates on the planet, Grandin revolutionized animal movement systems and spearheaded reform of the quality of life for the world's agricultural animals.


Barron is a graduate of Youngstown State University.

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Customer Reviews

It's a well written, easy read.
Doug Domeny
All of Temple Grandin's books are very useful for Asperger Syndrom people to read and retain.
Joel M. Wilson
A must read for parents, teachers, etc. who work with children with Autism and Aspergers.
Lori Emig

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

312 of 318 people found the following review helpful By Just me on November 20, 2005
Format: Hardcover
I love this book and would strongly recommend it to anyone interested in autism and/or sociology. I mention sociology because, even if you have no interest in autism, the book is a great look at all of the unwritten rules and codes in our society that we live by but may be unaware of. Also, we are reintroduced to Sean Barron, thirteen years after we first met him in "There's a Boy in Here".

I really feel that anyone who is working on social skills with someone on the autistic spectrum should read this book. I have looked at plenty of other books on teaching social skills, but there are some things that the books written by non-autistic authors just don't cover. Temple and Sean give frequent accounts of their reactions in social situations during various points in their lives, followed by explanations of why they reacted this way and what their rationale was at the time. There is a ton of really useful information here!

One point perhaps worth mentioning is that the focus of this book is very much on teaching those on the autistic spectrum about the rules and expectations of our society, so know that going in. This is a point that people may feel differently about - while some people advocate teaching these things to varying degrees, there are those who (in my understanding, at least) advocate for autism culture and believe in less 'adjustment' on the part of people with autism and instead more acceptance of the autistic way of doing things. Either way, I think there should be something in this book for many different types of readers, be it a background in teaching social skills, a look at sociology, two interesting partial auto-biographies, etc.
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110 of 112 people found the following review helpful By Jack Gardner on March 28, 2007
Format: Hardcover
Fascinating. One author with minimal, and one with maximum, emotionally-influenced autism, provides a range of insights for understanding and teaching minds on the autistic spectrum.

One important theme is that professionals often don't know what they are talking about and may do more harm than good, though many are trying and helping. Often, determined parents and common sense are the best approach, though understanding how to teach the autistic mind is difficult.

For example, one mother was aggravated over her son's tracking dirt in, constantly telling him to wipe his shoes and punishing him over time. One day she noticed as he came in that he bent down and carefully wiped the top of his shoes. Once she demonstrated what she meant by wiping one's shoes, there was no more problem.

Kids are unique. Being corrected about how to place eating utensils and napkins at a dinner table is a helpful learning experience for Temple, but a depressing condemnation for Sean. He sees his error as incompetence and something everyone else knows. Must first gain a perspective on how important this error is in the broader scheme of things.

The first half gives insights into how these two learned things and why they had troubles. The second half of the book gives ten rules of life that autism makes it difficult to understand and suggests ways of teaching these.
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143 of 151 people found the following review helpful By valentine03 VINE VOICE on June 17, 2006
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
...or this fast! I haven't actually finished it yet, you see, but every page seems to be a revelation. After sharing several passages with my teen son, who has Asperger's, today he took it away from me and began reading it himself. The front flap is his bookmark, the back flap is mine.

This book has incredibly valuable information for everyone who has contact with someone on the autism spectrum, most especially parents and teachers. My plan is to order a number of copies, highlight personally relevant passages, and hand out free copies to teachers and administrators as my son enters high school. I am convinced that the information in this book has the power to improve not only the life of my son, but of every other child and adult on the spectrum, diagnosed or undiagnosed, that they have contact with.

Great, great thanks go out to Temple and Sean and their genius of an editor. This is a book with the power to help effect positive change for a long time.
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84 of 89 people found the following review helpful By Guillame Avallone on November 2, 2009
Format: Hardcover
I have Asperger's Syndrome, so you would think this book would've helped me. And while I could identify with a few aspects of the authors' experiences with Asperger's, I found precious little that could help me cope with life in the non-autistic world. The book goes into great detail about how to raise, teach, and help folks with autism and Asperger's, but it doesn't really offer much for folks who have the syndrome. Then again, I've yet to find a book written as a guide specifically for aspies. Most of the literature out there is geared toward teachers and parents. I guess they figure we can't handle it :P
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I have a 13yo girl who is a VERY high functioning Aspie. She is a straight A student, very smart, very verbal. And there are still places where her Aspie traits trip her up. It is hard to write IEP goals for someone who is high functioning, because the typical "social skills training" is not what she needs. This book is brilliant because Temple's "rules" articulate the hidden norms that society runs on. Knowing what the norms are makes it easier to learn and apply them. From there, it's much easier to write social skills goals designed to help high functioning kids learn to deal with complex social situations. I know my Aspie really well, and I am still surprised by her reactions to some social situations. Her disabilities sometimes show up in ways I'd never anticipated. Temple's "rules" identify the stuff that NT's seem to "get", especially those that I vaguley understand but don't know how to express. I am often my daughter's social interpreter in complex high school interactions, and it makes it so much easier to explain complex social interactions when I understand the rules myself!

For example, how do you teach someone to rank rules in a situation where several rules apply and they conflict with each other?? This is something most people do automatically. If you don't realize that this is an issue with Aspie/autist kids, they can make some really bad choices. So the IEP goal becomes: "student will learn to rate the relative importance of following conflicting rules in a given situation and follow the rule that is most important." That way teachers and parents realize that the various rules have to be articulated, discussed, ranked, and then how to apply the rules in different situations has to be taught. Difficult, but possible.

This book is brilliant.
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