The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism [Hardcover]

Temple Grandin (Author), Sean Barron (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1, 2005

Silver Award Winner in the 2005 ForeWord Book of the Year Awards!

 

Born with autism, both authors now famously live successful social lives. But their paths were very different. Temple's logical mind controlled her social behavior. She interacted with many adults and other children, experiencing varied social situations. Logic informed her decision to obey social rules and avoid unpleasant consequences. Sean's emotions controlled his social behavior. Baffled by social rules, isolated and friendless, he made up his own, and applied them to others. When they inevitably broke his rules, he felt worthless and unloved. Both Temple and Sean ultimately came to terms with the social world and found their places in it. Whether you are a person with autism, a caregiver in the autism community, or just someone interested in an "outsider" view of society, their powerful stories will enthrall and enlighten you.

 

Helpful sections include:

• Two Perspectives on Social Thinking
• Two Minds: Two Paths
• The Ten Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, which include:
• • Rule #1: Rules are Not Absolute. They are Situation-based and People-based
  • Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things
  • Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes. It Doesn’t Have to Ruin Your Day.
  • Rule #4: Honesty is Different than Diplomacy
  • Rule #5: Being Polite is Appropriate in Any Situation
  • Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend
  • Rule #7: People Act Differently in Public than They Do in Private
  • Rule #8: Know When You’re Turning People Off
  • Rule #9: “Fitting In” is Often Tied to Looking and Sounding Like You Fit In
  • Rule # 10: People are Responsible for Their Own Behaviors
    
     

   

Editorial Reviews

Review

“If you’ve ever wondered, ‘What is going through my child’s mind? Why can’t he get social interactions?’ then this book is for you! ‘A-ha!’ moments abound.”
Veronica Zysk, editor of Autism/Asperger’s Digest and this book, both published by Future Horizons.

 

“I wish I had this book when Sean was a child. It would have helped me understand Sean so much more.”
Judy Barron, co-author of There’s A Boy In Here and mother of author Sean Barron.
 

“I would love to have the ten rules from page 119 as my screensaver!"
Lindsi Cavender, Person with Asperger’s Syndrome
 

About the Author

As a child, Temple Grandin could not speak. Her silent existence was broken only by rhythmic rocking and occasional fits of screaming and thrashing. Diagnosed with autism, Temple’s many caregivers eventually helped her contradict her doctors’ morbid predictions and go on to become one of the autism community’s most beloved success stories. Temple Grandin, PhD, is a popular international lecturer on autism and the author of Emergence: Labeled Autistic, Thinking in Pictures, Animals in Translation, and Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships. One of the world’s leading experts in livestock facility design, over half of the cattle in North America are handled in facilities designed by her. She credits her visual thinking and her systemizing mind, both characteristics of autism, for her ability to be “the woman who thinks like a cow.” Temple continues to be an inspiration and role model to millions.

Sean Barron is a very interesting and intelligent young man who has faced the challenge of autism. He and his mother wrote an insightful book on their lives together. There’s a Boy in Here has won many accolades for offering the unique perspectives of two people who look at the same world but see and feel entirely different things. Mr. Barron has progressed to the point that it is difficult to even realize that he once was truly impacted by autism/Asperger’s Syndrome. He is now a freelance writer, lives independently, and recently co-authored Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships with Dr. Temple Grandin. Sean is a graduate of Youngstown State University, and works as a reporter for the Youngstown Vindicator. He’s pursuing a second degree in journalism.

Veronica Zysk has been working in the field of autism since 1991. She served as Executive Director of the Autism Society of America from 1991-1996, and then joined Future Horizons as Vice President of Administration. Veronica moved into an editorial position within the company in 1999, as Managing Editor and visionary for the first national magazine on ASD, the Autism Asperger's Digest, winner of several Gold awards for excellence. She continues in that position today. An award-winning book author, Veronica co-authored with Ellen Notbohm, 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, a Learning Magazine 2006 Teachers’ Choice Award winner, and has been the editorial driving force behind several collaborations with Dr. Temple Grandin: Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, winner of ForeWord magazine’s prestigious Book of the Year Silver Award and Dr. Grandin’s most recent autism release, The Way I See It, based on columns written for the Digest magazine.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 383 pages
• Publisher: Future Horizons (November 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 193256506X
• ISBN-13: 978-1932565065
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 1.3 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (55 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #21,685 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

295 of 300 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful! November 20, 2005

By Just me

Format:Hardcover

I love this book and would strongly recommend it to anyone interested in autism and/or sociology. I mention sociology because, even if you have no interest in autism, the book is a great look at all of the unwritten rules and codes in our society that we live by but may be unaware of. Also, we are reintroduced to Sean Barron, thirteen years after we first met him in "There's a Boy in Here".

I really feel that anyone who is working on social skills with someone on the autistic spectrum should read this book. I have looked at plenty of other books on teaching social skills, but there are some things that the books written by non-autistic authors just don't cover. Temple and Sean give frequent accounts of their reactions in social situations during various points in their lives, followed by explanations of why they reacted this way and what their rationale was at the time. There is a ton of really useful information here!

One point perhaps worth mentioning is that the focus of this book is very much on teaching those on the autistic spectrum about the rules and expectations of our society, so know that going in. This is a point that people may feel differently about - while some people advocate teaching these things to varying degrees, there are those who (in my understanding, at least) advocate for autism culture and believe in less 'adjustment' on the part of people with autism and instead more acceptance of the autistic way of doing things. Either way, I think there should be something in this book for many different types of readers, be it a background in teaching social skills, a look at sociology, two interesting partial auto-biographies, etc.

95 of 96 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating Guide to Understanding & Teaching the Autistic Mind March 28, 2007

By Jack Gardner

Format:Hardcover

Fascinating. One author with minimal, and one with maximum, emotionally-influenced autism, provides a range of insights for understanding and teaching minds on the autistic spectrum.

One important theme is that professionals often don't know what they are talking about and may do more harm than good, though many are trying and helping. Often, determined parents and common sense are the best approach, though understanding how to teach the autistic mind is difficult.

For example, one mother was aggravated over her son's tracking dirt in, constantly telling him to wipe his shoes and punishing him over time. One day she noticed as he came in that he bent down and carefully wiped the top of his shoes. Once she demonstrated what she meant by wiping one's shoes, there was no more problem.

Kids are unique. Being corrected about how to place eating utensils and napkins at a dinner table is a helpful learning experience for Temple, but a depressing condemnation for Sean. He sees his error as incompetence and something everyone else knows. Must first gain a perspective on how important this error is in the broader scheme of things.

The first half gives insights into how these two learned things and why they had troubles. The second half of the book gives ten rules of life that autism makes it difficult to understand and suggests ways of teaching these.

131 of 137 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars I don't know when I last recommended a book this widely... June 17, 2006

By valentine03 VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

...or this fast! I haven't actually finished it yet, you see, but every page seems to be a revelation. After sharing several passages with my teen son, who has Asperger's, today he took it away from me and began reading it himself. The front flap is his bookmark, the back flap is mine.

This book has incredibly valuable information for everyone who has contact with someone on the autism spectrum, most especially parents and teachers. My plan is to order a number of copies, highlight personally relevant passages, and hand out free copies to teachers and administrators as my son enters high school. I am convinced that the information in this book has the power to improve not only the life of my son, but of every other child and adult on the spectrum, diagnosed or undiagnosed, that they have contact with.

Great, great thanks go out to Temple and Sean and their genius of an editor. This is a book with the power to help effect positive change for a long time.

63 of 66 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Great for Parents....Not so much for patients November 2, 2009

By Guillame Avallone

Format:Hardcover

I have Asperger's Syndrome, so you would think this book would've helped me. And while I could identify with a few aspects of the authors' experiences with Asperger's, I found precious little that could help me cope with life in the non-autistic world. The book goes into great detail about how to raise, teach, and help folks with autism and Asperger's, but it doesn't really offer much for folks who have the syndrome. Then again, I've yet to find a book written as a guide specifically for aspies. Most of the literature out there is geared toward teachers and parents. I guess they figure we can't handle it :P

44 of 45 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book for anyone, but especially parents of autism spectrum children April 29, 2006

By Grandma

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I have been reading a new book by these two autism spectrum individuals who have

been successful in adult life, entitled "Unwritten Rules of Social

Relationships:Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism," and on the back cover Sean's mother says, "I wish I had this book when Sean was a child. It would have helped me understand Sean so much more."

As I am reading it, I am seeing echoes of my grandson's struggles over and over again. And also the two individuals who wrote it, with some help from an editor, are quite different from one another. Grandin is an Asperger's thinking-type scientist, and Barron is an emotion-feeling-type autistic individual, more like my grandson in many ways. Both of them, however, feel deeply and intensely.

As adults (Grandin is now almost 60), they have been able to review and process

their own life struggles to help others through the maze of what sometimes seem like alien social customs. And they have come up with 10 Rules that if we can help our children understand them, will make life much easier for them. At the risk of giving away the plot (;-)) I'm going to list the first six here:

"Rule #1: Rules are Not Absolute. They are Situation-based and People-based.

Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things.

Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes. It doesn't have to ruin your day.

Rule #4: Honesty is Different than Diplomacy

Rule #5: Being Polite is Appropriate in any Situation.

Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend.

I highly recommend this book.... Tomorrow I'm going to be filling in for a nearby

pastor who is going away for the weekend, and I have to do a children's sermon. I had already decided to print out a copy of a traffic light, and talk about how "Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right"--two red lights don't make a green light...to the assembled young kids at the front of the congregation. Much to my surprise, when I started to read the book, Temple quoted that in the first paragraph of her first chapter as an example of a rule that helped her in her childhood in the 50s.

By the way, if we could get the neurotypical population to understand Rule

number 1, we could have a lot better inclusive school system and society. Read more ›