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The Vampire Kitty-Cat Chronicles [Paperback]

Ray Rhamey
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)

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Book Description

February 1, 2010 0615261884 978-0615261881
The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles turns vampire mythology on its head when Patch, a calico tomcat, is turned into breakfast--and a vampire kitty-cat--by a starving vampire. Narrated by Patch in a deliciously snarky cat take on the world, Patch struggles to find a new life, as it were. In the process, he's almost skewered with a stake by a mob with blazing torches, tried for murder, nearly crunched by a seven-foot undead guy, just about shotgunned into undead pieces, comes inches from having his tail cut off and seconds from being fried by the sun, and kidnapped twice. Oh, yeah, and turned into a (shudder) politician. On the other paw, he does hook up with that sweet Siamese, and it looks like he's on the way to winning that election . . .

Product Details

  • Paperback: 292 pages
  • Publisher: Platypus (February 1, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0615261884
  • ISBN-13: 978-0615261881
  • Product Dimensions: 0.7 x 5.4 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,056,688 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ray Rhamey was born and raised in Dallas, Texas. Leaving graduate school (psychology) at the University of Texas/Austin for the working world, he toiled in advertising/marketing communications for several decades, creating for national advertising clients and universities. Then he spent a few years working on scriptwriting in Hollywood. Then he took up editing and the writing of his blog on the craft of storytelling, "Flogging the Quill" (

Now living in the Pacific Northwest and focused full-time on book editing and design ( plus writing (, Ray has published five books--nonfiction on writing, "Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells," and four novels: "The Summer Boy, a novel of Texas;" "We the Enemy," a speculative political thriller; "Finding Magic," contemporary fantasy; and "The Vampire Kitty-cat Chronicles," a humorous spoof of the vampire myth as told by a cat.

Ray has always been drawn to creative work, starting with a longtime desire to be a cartoonist and artist. He has done some cartooning, and now applies his visual talents to book cover and interior design, although he sees a graphic novel in his future. He loves mentoring other writers and does this by presenting workshops at writers' conferences.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars I tried... February 26, 2010
I received an advance review copy of this book in December and eagerly started in on it, but about three chapters in, I had to set it aside. I glanced at it a few times in the past few months, the pressure to finish building like it was an overdue assignment, but I couldn't bring myself to pick it up again. Today I finally did.

I am a fan of Ray's Flogging the Quill: Crafting a Novel that Sells and I really wanted to like the vampire kitty cat story, I really did. But there was no joy for me. I searched hard for signs of the campy, quirky tale I'd hoped for, but all I got was a case of severe irritation.

Some of the major premises of the tale annoyed me so much they knocked me flat out of the story. The first sign of trouble for me was the severely-anthropomorphized protagonist. I couldn't make it past the first kitty high-five - I kept thinking of Toonces from the old SNL skits. The undead demanding their rights to social services and suing under the ADA to keep government offices open at night? Uhhh... no. Sorry. My left-brain self kept thinking about budgetary constraints. Arresting a cat and taking it before a judge? Really?

Plus, as the story went on, I had serious problems with the most of the main characters' flip-flopping between 'good' and 'evil' with little or no motivation just in time to create a new crisis. To me, these did not feel like part of the genuine, natural flow of the story arc. I don't think I once found myself 'lost in the story'.

I'm having a tough time pinpointing what was missing from this story for me. Maybe the style was way too stripped down, too matter-of-fact somehow, for the subject matter.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars LOVE THE BOOK!!!!!!!! SO FUNNY!!!! February 19, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
i love this book, not only because of the new, fresh twist to the whole average vampire story, but because it is so funny! i would recomend this book to people of the younger age, but if you are an adult that just wants a light funny read, try the sample. patch gets turned into a vampire by a girl named meg, and the story is about how they deal with the whole proccess. there are lots of laugh out loud times, and it is a good deal for two dollars. i hope that my review can help you with your decision to buy the book, and if you do, it is worth you while!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars This One's Pure Fun April 5, 2010
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
There are lots of reasons to a read book. To learn something. To get wrapped up in a mystery or drama. To get insights into the cosmos. And, sometimes just for the pure fun of it. This one is for the pure fun. A terrific premise. (A vampire cat? With Groucho Marx sarcastic wit?) A fun cast of characters. (Including an over-the-top preacher who reveals phonies everywhere.) A non-stop plot involving vampires, phony wizardry and even a political campaign. (Complete with vampire fund raisers.) I enjoyed this from page one until the sun finally came up (kind of) for the vampire cat. You can try to find a moral here about prejudice or honesty or something -- but, for me, the pure fun was quite enough! Bring on book two, Mr. Rhamey!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Great fun January 15, 2010
Is this horror? Would you call The Munsters horror? Of course not. But it's cheesy, campy, and hilariously funny. There's even a Garth Marenghi feel in a few rare places.

Rhamey knows how to write a slick story that draws you in. I'm dying to read the next in the series.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars just plain fun November 23, 2011
In this vampire (tail) you get a cat's-eye view of the world from Patch--the unfortunate Calico tomcat who finds himself a newly sired vampire tangled up with slick lawyers, religious nuts, political fanatics and an underground society of vamps fighting for their rights to be un-dead.

Often hilarious and sometimes thought provoking, this well told story is a true original--unlike any other vampire novel out there.

This book was just plain fun. You'll flipping pages to find out what happens next. Young and old alike will enjoy this read.

Ray Rhamey has created a character in Patch, the Vampire Kitty-Cat, that I'm sure we'll be reading about for years to come.

The Vampire Kitty-Cat Chronicles is a novel that even a dog person will love.

Bring on the next adventure, Ray!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Kitty portrayal that's (un)dead on September 30, 2011
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I'm a cat lover, not necessarily a vampire lover, and I found this treasure of a tale fun and fast-paced. Anyone who's owned a feline will love Patch. Any anyone who's willing to suspend reality for just a second won't be able to put this action-packed gem down. It's a page-turner right up to the end. Well done.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Beth from Baltimore December 26, 2010
Format:Kindle Edition
I found this novel both easy to read and engaging. It goes places other vampire novels never consider. The result is often laugh out loud funny. I truly look forward to reading more about Patch's misbegotten adventures!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not your ordinary vampire novel July 13, 2010
By Jeane S
This book was given to me by a friend and I held off reading it for quite a while because I am dead-sick of this whole "wouldn't it be cool to have superpowers or be so special I could attract one who does and then have a creepy romance with the undead?" vampire craze. Turns out, though, that this hilarious romp is not so much about vampirism as it is about (a) cat-think, (b) political satire (c) how power corrupts and (d) interspecies love. Ray Rhamey definitely speaks very good cat language, and he's got the background to qualify: check out the dedication to all the cats he has known and loved.

Rhamey knows vampires as well, and has come up with some excellent new twists that I'll bet the makers of True Blood wish they'd thought of. "DeathSavers," for instance--a blood flavor of LifeSavers for vampires having a low-blood attack.

This book is full of wry humor, and yet somehow strangely believable. I would highly recommend it, even--in fact, especially--to people who would otherwise pass it up because they have no interest in the subject.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars Not great, but not totally lame either
I'll admit, the idea of a kitty-cat vampire intrigued me. It is why I decided to get this book. I wasn't sure how it would be done, but I really thought it held a large amount of... Read more
Published 19 months ago by Lynxie
4.0 out of 5 stars Cute
A very different take on the vampire persona. You feel sorry for the Kitty when he's unwillingly made into a vampire. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Vicki Z
5.0 out of 5 stars Tongue-In-Cheek At It's Best!!!
Fun, fun,and more fun!!!! This is the purrr-fect book to pick up after a long day when you need a few laughs or just a light read for the beach. Read more
Published on December 31, 2011 by M. Stoudt
5.0 out of 5 stars Enthusiastically recommended for fans of the vampire genre
Just when you think that the vampire genre is pretty much exhausted and headed toward cookie-cutter, assembly line style repetition, along comes Ray Rhamey's "The Vampire Kitty-Cat... Read more
Published on March 11, 2010 by Midwest Book Review
4.0 out of 5 stars Good entertainment
Not a vampire fan, not a cat lover, but I was thoroughly entertained by this novel.
I read it in about 3 sittings stolen from a hectic schedule. Read more
Published on March 10, 2010 by Richard M. Weber
2.0 out of 5 stars Clever idea with poor execution
I received an advanced reader copy of this book in December and finally got a chance to read it right before the New Year. Read more
Published on February 6, 2010 by M. Turner
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