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The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond Paperback – January 18, 2010


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Frequently Bought Together

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond + Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men + The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself (Fawcett Book)
Price for all three: $29.94

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media; Third Edition edition (January 18, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1440504636
  • ISBN-13: 978-1440504631
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (258 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,082 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"The book that helped change Brandy's life." Oprah.com "A groundbreaking book..." --Newsweek "A great, great book." --Sonya Friedman, CNN"

About the Author

Patricia Evans is the bestselling author of four books, including The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out, Controlling People, and The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change? A highly acclaimed interpersonal communications specialist, public speaker, and consultant, Evans has appeared on Oprah, CNN, national radio, and in Newsweek and O, The Oprah Magazine. Evans lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and can be reached via her website at www.VerbalAbuse.com.


More About the Author

Patricia Evans is the bestselling author of five books, including The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out, Controlling People, The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change? and Victory Over Verbal Abuse. She has appeared on Oprah, CNN, national radio, and in Newsweek and O, The Oprah Magazine. She has spoken to groups throughout the US, Canada, Madrid at the "Commission for the Investigation of Violence Against Women" and in five cities in Australia. Patricia lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and can be reached via her website at www.VerbalAbuse.com.

Customer Reviews

This book was an eye opener to me, and it is saving my life.
madameclaws
Here are some examples of what it can sound like: "You think XXX. You are trying to XXX. You always XXX. You need to XXX. You just want XXX."
artemishunter
If you ARE or HAVE BEEN verbally abused in a relationship, READ THIS BOOK.
Junebug

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

160 of 164 people found the following review helpful By carola on February 21, 2013
Format: Paperback
Several weeks before leaving my abusive husband after 42 years of marriage, I read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. I noted many passages that clearly described the abusive tactics he was using on me.

The information, however, was just so irrefutable, so undeniably true, it was far too painful for me to fully realize and assimilate at the time.

Sixteen months after leaving him, I picked the book off the closet shelf and re-read it, this time noticing many more abusive characteristics of his and experiences I went through in the past. Numerous passages were boldly marked this time, and many more notes were made. Virtually every page held so many similarities to what I had been experiencing in this abusive relationship.

After decades of being unaware of this type of abuse, I finally arrived at the realization that he was indeed extremely verbally abusive during our marriage. This was a tremendous revelation to me, as I had unconsciously hidden and "forgotten" even the physical assault that occurred early in the marriage. Before we married, however, he was attentive and I thought he loved me as I loved him.

I thought that verbal abuse was mainly name calling and hurling outright insults. My to be ex husband did not often call me names and obvious insults were rather rare, although he did call me stupid and crazy a few times. Yes, he did beat me severely early in our marriage, but he was mainly a covert abuser. His methods were insidious and had me feel that I was to blame for just about everything that went wrong.

He would often criticize men and women on TV, their physical faults, mouth too large, crooked nose, too fat, too thin, etc.
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64 of 66 people found the following review helpful By IT Specialist on April 17, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I am a man who didn't find the information in this book biased towards woman in the slightest. By the end of the first chapter I was swapping the gender of the pronouns without conscious thought. This book is about recognizing and responding to abuse. Regardless of gender, people in abusive relationships have been systematically trained not to trust their own inner voice. Criticizing this book seems to risk further befuddled those that need it most. I think the lack of sensitivity to this possibility on behalf of the critical reviewers suggests that either they don't fully understand the dynamics of abuse, or else they DO understand the dynamics and want the potential purchasers of this book to keep doubting their inner voices.

To address the issue of gender it might be useful to add a chapter of research on how verbally abusive women differ from their male counterparts, as well as how male victims differ from female victims. As a man trapped in an abusive relationship for 20 years I can make an educated guess that there are some significant differences. For instance since men are often not as in touch with their own emotions as women are, and because the stereotypical male prototype is John Wayne, I would guess that many men silently suffer abuse right to their grave. It would be a worthwhile chapter if it helps just one male victim to begin trusting his inner voice.
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70 of 75 people found the following review helpful By Hmmmmmm on August 3, 2011
Format: Paperback
If you are even looking at this review, that means you or someone you know has made you think about verbal abuse enough to come and check out this book. If you have had to think about it even that much, then THIS BOOK WILL BE OF UNBELIEVABLE VALUE TO YOU!!!!

Get it today. Read it the minute it arrives on your porch.

(If there is concern that the book did not get 5 starts, be sure to look at the one star revies--almost all by the same reviewer.)

If you think you just have a grumpy spouse, or if you know they guy is way out of line: GET THIS BOOK. If you feel alone even when he is around, or if you can't get him off your back: GET THIS BOOK.

Verbal and emotional abuse can be so subtle, so subtle that you don't even realize it is abuse. The effects confuse you about your own experiences, and make you doubt your own judgement, to the point where you know you are unhappy, but you feel like it is your own fault. So you may not think this book is for you.

Do yourself a favor...if there is even a whisper of curiosity in you about the subject, you or someone you care about will benefit from your access to this knowledge.

This book defines very specifically and clearly what constitutes abuse, emotional evidence that you are being abused, ways to respond to make the abuse stop, and a clear picture of the mentality of the abuser. Trust me, they are not seeing it the way you are. We all make the mistake of thinking that our spouse's understanding of love is the same as our own, which is why we just don't understand WHY they do what they do to us.

Be prepared to see everything in a whole new light. (For some of us, the first light we have seen in a long, long time.)

This book gives you hope.
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58 of 65 people found the following review helpful By My Two Cents on October 31, 2010
Format: Paperback
I have read this book many times and given it to friends. In my professional life I was in control, competent and confident. At home, I was passive, disorganized, afraid, and insecure. I talked to no one about my problems because I was embarrassed about how badly I was treated by my husband and I thought I was to blame and that all I needed to do was try harder and not be so sensitive. This book transformed my life. It validated my feelings, convinced me that I was not crazy and helped me to understand myself and my husband. Understanding verbal abuse gave me the power to quit blaming myself, to quit making excuses for my husband and to address it in my life and in my marriage. It also gave me the knowledge and the tools to help my children understand it and to lessen their tolerance for it. It helped my husband and I understand our pain and how we were hurting each other. It has taken me years to recover from the damage of emotional and verbal abuse and today I look back and say, "who was that person?" This book was the start of the healing for me, my husband and my children. Verbal abuse is a matter of degree but none of it is acceptable and all of it is harmful.
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