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The Way Out: The Gay Man's Guide to Freedom No Matter if You're in Denial, Closeted, Half In, Half Out, Just Out or Been Around the Block Paperback – May 16, 2006

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Frequently Bought Together

The Way Out: The Gay Man's Guide to Freedom No Matter if You're in Denial, Closeted, Half In, Half Out, Just Out or Been Around the Block + Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, A Psychiatrist's Own Story + Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers
Price for all three: $40.03

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: HCI (May 16, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0757303927
  • ISBN-13: 978-0757303920
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #844,476 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


--The Long Beach Blade

(The Long Beach Blade)

“Christopher Lee Nutter's new book gives every indication that it's more than a conventional gay self-help tome.”
--Publisher’s Weekly

(Publisher's Weekly)

“You may not immediately want to, but you’ll surely recognize yourself in these pages.”
--Genre magazine

(Genre magazine)

“Nutter is on to something, and the timing of The Way Out has been ideal.”
--Time Out New York

(Time Out New York)

“A gay Dr. Phil with a heavy dose of Dalai Lama.”


“Christopher Lee Nutter’s mix of ancient wisdom and contemporary idioms is bound to resonate with young gay male readers.”
--Echo magazine

(Echo magazine)

“In The Way Out, Nutter uses his life’s humorous anecdotes as a guide for gay men who are coming out, as well as those who are ‘aggressively gay’, come to the realization that the typical gay life doesn’t have to be one of pain and confusion.”
--Bay Windows

(Bay Windows)

“Nutter attempts to help gay men work through their baggage, overcome insecurities, deal with a busted heart, and essentially empower themselves to live the most honest, healthy, authentic life they can.”
--Frontiers magazine

(Frontiers magazine)

The Way Out expresses the newness and adventure of a man who is finding his soul, and who has the courage to say publicly what he’s learning.”
--San Francisco Bay Times

(San Francisco Bay Times)

“When we speak of role models, many times we think of athletes, movie stars or historic figures. Christopher Lee Nutter is the real thing.”
--Ambiente Magazine

(Ambiente Magazine)

“Leading the way out, Nutter offers advice on escaping the ‘gay herd’ mentality.”
--Express Gay News

(Express Gay News)

The Way Out should be required reading for gay readers of all ages, from questioning teens to experienced adults.”
--Miami New Times

(Miami New Times)

The Way Out is a means to step outside of habitual thoughts that cast the self as an unwitting and powerless victim of circumstance.”
--Edge Miami

(Edge Miami)

“Writing this deeply confessional book required an astonishing amount of self realization for the author himself.”
--HX Magazine

(HX Magazine)

The Way Out is going to be revolutionary.”
--AOL Coaches

(AOL Coaches)

The Way Out is a book about eliminating the confusion of social identity and finding your true self.”


The Way Out is a guidebook written specifically to assist gay men in breaking out of the self-imposed prisons of ‘straight’ and ‘gay’ into an authentically powerful life of compassion and wisdom, but the insights it contains are essential to breaking out of all self imposed prisons.”
--Gary Zukav, author The Seat of the Soul and The Dancing Wu Li Masters

(Gary Zukav)

“Christopher Nutter shares his personal story with candor and honesty, providing insights and observations that are sure to help other gay men no matter where they happen to be on their own journey.”
--Neil G. Giuliano, President, Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation

(Neil G. Giuliano)

“Christopher Nutter’s own self-exploration identifies real challenges for gay men, and gives insights and tools to help us be our best selves.”
--Alan Van Capelle, Executive Director, Empire State Pride Agenda

(Alan Van Capelle)

The Way Out may prove to be an enduring ‘post-gay’ survival gay for the twenty first century gay man.”
--Jack Drescher, MD, Chair, Gay and Lesbian Committee, American Psychiatric Association.

(Jack Drescher, MD)

“Christopher Lee Nutter is a new player in the great American debate about values.”
--The San Francisco Chronicle

(The San Francisco Chronicle)

“One of the Best LGBT Books of 2006.”
--IN Los Angeles Magazine

(IN Los Angeles Magazine)

“The Way Out chronicles what it means to be a gay man in America.”


“Nutter brings us a how-to for the gay everyman, both a handy guide for newbies and a thoughtful refresher for those of us who think we’ve already been there, done that.”
--Out magazine

(Out magazine)

“The author of a compelling new book for gay men, The Way Out relates his own journey from the closet to the party scene to despair to enlightenment – and invites you to join him on his path to affirming the true self.”
--The Advocate

(The Advocate)

About the Author

Christopher Lee Nutter has been shedding new light on the gay experience for over a decade through ground breaking journalism in The Village Voice, Details, The Advocate, The New York Times, Vibe, The Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide, and many others. He has also written for Cargo, New York Magazine, Time Out New York, HX, The New York Post, Lambda Book Review and appeared on VH-1 and the Metro Channel's Naked New York.

More About the Author

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Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
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See all 17 customer reviews
I read this book five times and I learned something new every time.
Change Parker
I would recommend this book to anyone who is thinking about coming out and to every gay man.
I developed a sense of power, self-affirmation and independence from reading it.
J. Craig

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 21 people found the following review helpful By MT on June 19, 2006
Format: Paperback
The Way Out is a superb guide for gay men who want to achieve true freedom and peace of mind in their sexuality and relationships, and ultimately, the liberation promised by the greatest spiritual teachers of past and present. I cannot say enough good things about this book. I sincerely believe that nearly every gay man would profit tremendously by reading it and taking its recommendations seriously.

Nutter doesn't attempt to impose a new paradigm onto what it means to be gay, but rather helps us realize the importance of breaking out of ALL limiting paradigms so that we can be truly free. And yes, this is possible! Like the author, I've tasted it myself. As Nutter points out, it's only our unexamined beliefs that cause us pain and apparent limitation. Anybody who doesn't understand this has not yet taken the time to look at and critically examine his or her beliefs. And if the idea of doing this makes you uncomfortable, which it might, it's probably because you're just holding onto a belief about what it might mean.

The Way Out is NOT just another "coming out" guidebook. While it treats coming out with great depth and clarity, it the only book I know of that takes the idea of "coming out" ALL the way -- right through complete self-acceptance into self-liberation. This is the only true liberation possible for anyone, straight or gay.

Nutter has obviously navigated a challenging life road, and he candidly shares his fascinating stories with humility, honesty, humor and the clarity born of the willingness to follow one's own truth. Doing so has brought him enormous wisdom for a man still in his 30's. At 41, I've been following my own path of freedom for many years, but Nutter's book has offered me insights that I crucially needed.
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35 of 50 people found the following review helpful By G. Charles Steiner TOP 1000 REVIEWER on February 4, 2008
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
The editors who put the author up to writing this manifesto of silly mystical trash ought to be run out of the publishing business. This ridiculous, nearly hysterical screed of a book in no way shows "the way out" to anyone about anything.

If the author actually meant to indicate some kind of door to freedom for gay men, it's certainly not a psychological door. It's a back door -- back to another kind of closet, the religious closet, one in which you can hide or, better, disguise (or deceive) your "fabulous self" (a phrase used frequently in the book) and drop your gay identity so as to become One with God and everything -- but still have sex, of course (though probably not as much as you're used to).

The author is offering the reader an "alternative religion" closet (as compared to the Roman Catholic priesthood closet, for example) to step into. Religion and "spirituality" can perform these (verbal) "tricks" so well. It's called "word-magic." Like standard religions, Nutter's particular brand of theology (New Age) has all the answers so you don't have to use your tired out, stressed out brain to do any more thinking! Just follow the golden stream -- er, dream!

There are eight (8) chapters to this book. Passing over (or even pissing over - no matter) the required Introduction, the second chapter is tentatively about coming out consciously, but what the author means by "conscious" won't be hammered onto the reader's brain until much later in the book. This chapter, like all the other chapters, however, reads like a fifth grade reader, as spoken by a teenager, not a mature adult. "If you look into what Jesus said, he really had it down about how the universe works." Curiously, Mr.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Dennis on November 21, 2007
Format: Paperback
I really enjoyed Christopher Lee Nutter's book. For me when I came out, I thought the hard part was just that - telling family and friends and the world "I'm gay." For me the hardest part was coming out to myself. That was dealing with my own homophobia, fears and so forth. I came upon this book well after coming out to others. It helped me with my own ongoing inner journey of accepting and loving myself just as I am. Chris' honesty and openness about his own journey helped this reader embrace the book and its important messages.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Roxanne on November 24, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book was my first insight to the world of gay life. As the parent of a gay son I have had to deal with my own prejudice and ignorance on gay lifestyle and this book not only de-mystified some of this but also addressed specifically the nature of personal responsibility as a gay person - responsibility to themselves and their spiritual and emotional well being. This was an incredibly empowering and uplifting text nurturing the same spiritual principles promoted by writers such as Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer and Neale Donald Walsh. A must read for the spiritually aware and for all gay people pursuing personal growth and inner peace.
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By Andy Hunter on March 19, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I enjoyed this read - found Nutter to be thoughtful and intuitive about what he shared - I have recommended this book to numerous friends who really struggle with being gay. I would recommend this to anyone who is struggling with being out and or coming out. It would be helpful for therapists dealing with gay clients as some of Nutter's thoughts could really help clients.
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