The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire [Paperback]

David Deida (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: 2004

The Ultimate Spiritual Guide for Men

What is your true purpose in life? What do women really want? What makes a good lover? If you're a man reading this, you've undoubtedly asked yourself these questions—but you may not have had much luck answering them. Until now.

In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives—from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality—to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. Join this bestselling author and internationally renowned expert on sexual spirituality for straightforward advice, empowering skills, body practices, and more to help you realize a life of fulfillment, immediately and without compromise.

"It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart," writes David Deida. "It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine." The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge—and reward—for today's man: to discover the "unity of heart and spine" through the full expression of consciousness and love in the infinite openness of the present moment.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"I keep giving this book away; I think I've owned 30 different copies already. I tend to pass it out to anybody, man or woman, who has made a commitment to—or even has a passing interest in—the art of loving. David Deida gets it, like no one I've ever read, and he writes about it forcefully, honestly, and downright poetically."
—Michael Tucker, actor and author

"The Way of the Superior Man is quite wonderful. Finally, a guide for the noncastrated male. This book will offend and infuriate some, inspire and test others, but challenge virtually everybody. I found it wise, insightful, occasionally brilliant, and always resourceful. To transcend the body-mind means to transcend and include its sexuality, not transcend and evaporate it. Few are the books that discuss strong sexuality within strong spirituality, instead of tepid sexuality diluted by a mediocre spiritual stance. This book steps straightforwardly into the challenge. Love it or loathe it, it is a shout from the heart of one perspective of the eternal masculine."
—Ken Wilber, author of Sex, Ecology, Spirituality; No Boundary; and Grace and Grit

"At last! A book that explains the heart and soul of a woman to men. As a woman, I've never felt so understood and validated. This book is a key to helping men and women take their relationships one step further. Finally, a clear and brilliant guide to unraveling the mystery of relationships."
—Marci Shimoff, co-author of the New York Times #1 bestseller Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul

"The Way of the Superior Man lays out a challenge before all men to fulfill their true purpose and to be authentically masculine. It will guide you on your journey to a successful and spiritually complete way of life. I invite you to live in the moment, to love openly, and to step up to the plate with this book in your hand."
—Tony Robbins, author of Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

"David's work speaks to the core of our work as men. He offers a bold view of men, and challenges us to stand up and lay claim to the beauty and power of the masculine. He does not advocate superiority as in 'superiority to women.' He speaks of superiority as the Greeks might. The challenge is strictly internal. The invitation is to rise above our mediocrity, to let go of making excuses for our own laziness, to stop apologizing for who we are, and to stop blaming others or our childhood for how we've become. He asks that we step into the fullness of our being—intense, focused, powerful, clear. And directly connected to our hearts."
—Dennis Mead-Shikaly, Executive Director: The ManKind Project / New Warrior Network

About the Author

David Deida is internationally renowned for his revolutionary insights into mens and womens consciousness and his commitment to deepening genuine spiritual and sexual practice. His books are published in more than 20 languages, and include Finding God through Sex (Sounds True, 2004) and Dear Lover (Sounds True, 2004).

Product Details

• Paperback: 207 pages
• Publisher: Sounds True; 1 edition (2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591792576
• ISBN-13: 978-1591792574
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (348 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,504 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #3 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Social Sciences > Gender Studies > Men
  • #19 in Books > Self-Help > Spiritual
  • #44 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance

More About the Author

Known internationally for his unique workshops on spiritual growth and sacred intimacy, Deida has designed and developed a remarkably effective program of transformative practices that fully addresses spiritual awakening in mind, body, and heart. He is a founding associate of Integral Institute and has taught and conducted research at the University of California Medical School in San Diego; University of California, Santa Cruz; San Jose State University; Lexington Institute, Boston; and Ecole Polytechnique in Paris, France.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

209 of 240 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Doers Love It; Slackers Hate It October 1, 2003

By A doer

Format:Hardcover

I've noticed that the positive reviews of this book all are by people who say they've taken the advice, while the pans all have come from people who put forth a lot of excuses for why the book would never apply to them or contains advice unpalatable to them. I've received this same reaction from people to whom I've suggested the book or to whom I've read passages. Those who refuse to even try the advice in "Way of the Superior Man" truly seem unable to comprehend what richness of life they are missing.

Many reviews here have misconstrued the advice to say that the woman should not help with family income or other relationship- or lifestyle- work. Nothing in the book claims any such thing; but the book does offer a fundamental paradigm shift in identity for anyone in a relationship who will simply try the advice for even a single day.

This book rocked my world to its very foundation and changed my view of life at the most profound possible level. I was moved to tears (manly ones, though, of course) by the last three chapters.

I was amazed at how the book just kept getting better and better and better. Most self-help books run out of steam by the end, or leave a reader feeling: "Yeah, yeah, I get it already, I don't need to see every possible permutation of the patterns you've been describing for page after numbing page," but this book just keeps building and building in intensity until it reaches a mighty crescendo. At the same time, the language simultaneously becomes more earthy and more direct. The building urgency and impact of the message, couched in ever-more human, no-bull, language, turns every sentence into divine poetry.

Lines like: "There is nothing to wait for and no one to blame," spoke to me at the very deepest levels. And I was knocked almost out of my chair by the line: "You were born as a sacrifice." It is amazing how those six short words sum up the entire meaning of life.

The message for the reader, male or female, seems to be: Get off your ass and start making something special of your life and your relationships. This book identifies the deep truths about the healthiest viewpoints for the two genders to hold about their individual identities, and if thought of on a societal scope, it also points to the reason this nation is saddled with a leviathan government run amok in the Sysyphean task of taking care of all the self-proclaimed victims and professional excuse-makers who leach off this great land of ours.

I urge this book upon anyone with even a glimmer of surviving self-respect. If you apply it to your life, you'll never look back.

53 of 60 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Lots of good, lots of bad June 30, 2012

By Janus

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

First of all, if I wasn't already familiar with the good ideas in this book, I would have summarily dismissed the whole thing as feel-good spiritual nonsense. Deida's writing looks like mine when I just start writing what I feel without really trying to make any logical sense. The effect on me while reading was that even though I knew in my head that the words were gibberish, I knew exactly what he was trying to say and which important concepts he was trying to impart. It was an odd experience.

The good:
- Not only does the book start from the premise that there IS a desirable middle ground between being a timid wuss of a man-boy and being a knuckle-dragging, chauvinistic thug; the whole book attempts to be a manual on how to become that middle ground. I would say it's even a good start at succeeding.
- Emphasis on living in pursuit of your own purpose. Not your dad's, not your girlfriend's, not that of disembodied pop culture. Yours.
- The fundamental principle of giving to the world instead of taking.
- The focus on rooting out insecurity.
- The discussions about fundamental differences between masculine and feminine. If you take away nothing other than the realization that there are in fact big differences, the book is worth the read.
- Discussions on things like ego death, living consciously, and the notion of "emptiness." These are basically repackaged Buddhist and samurai concepts. They aren't new, but they are important.

The bad:
- If I read the words "truth" or "love" one more time I thought I might try to reach through my Kindle and choke the author. I disagree with the top positive reviewer: the writing got repetitive VERY quickly.
- The spiritual slant of the writing probably alienates a lot of readers, including me. Luckily it didn't get that bad until later in the book.
- When trying to make legitimate points, like how women often say what they feel instead of what they think, the extremity of his examples undermine him and just make him sound ridiculous. It's no wonder so many women take offense at this book, and it didn't have to be that way.
- Sometimes his writing actually IS just feel-good nonsense. I notice this when he covers the most sensitive subjects, like how men will be attracted to multiple women and how women become less physically attractive as they age. In these subjects, he covers up what he really wants to say in flowery gibberish. This is upsetting to me because he spends the first half of the book preaching about being 100% open and truthful and how real men never hold anything back. Apparently Deida isn't a "superior man" even by his own definition.

Conclusion: It's worth a read, but take it with a HUGE grain of salt.

91 of 112 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars I AM a woman in love with a Superior Man! June 14, 1999

By A Customer

Format:Hardcover

This book has made a great difference in our relationship! At the point of almost giving up after 29 years, my husband and I found this book. We read it together in bed at night. For my husband, it has meant a deeper understanding of who he is in the Masculine essence, being fully present. For me, it has meant a greater understanding of that Masculine essence as well as a deeper understanding of how my Feminine essence is more about radiance - my being is different than that of my husband - and the difference is beautiful! At first, the book hit me with some unusual insight, and I would say: "Wow!" Then the point shifts to the feminine and I would say: "What?" (because I am not sure I like what Deida is saying - sounds like it could be sexist, but it is NOT!), and then he pulls it all together in a way that is deeply moving, empathic and compassionate of BOTH men and women! David Deida cares about people and has a unique manner of stating the needs (AND desires) of both sexes, while honoring them at all times! He definately understands women! WoW! I love this book! I am excited for his future and mine!