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The Weird Ones [Kindle Edition]

Steve Vernon
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $2.99

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Book Description

Some stories tiptoe up and whisper in your ear – all sweetness and gumdrops and happy-ever-after-after-there-you-go.

Then, there are the weird ones.

We’re talking talking-chickens, blue plague spam monkeys, tug boats of unbridled and fetid fecundity, tulwar-swinging cab drivers, malls that maul you, gnawing on screwdrivers and jig-lining elder gods coming at you faster than a ride-on mow-down massacre mower shopping cart caravan.

This is a collection for the seriously messed up minds of all you readers who have grown tired of the trite detritus of day-to-day storytelling These are some of the weirdest, most messed up mind-bending kind of stories that have ever been written – and I’m daring you to read them now.

Plague Monkey Spam – a novella of spider-gods, storytelling and the kitchen sink Gnarly Ho-Tep Hoedown Two-step – a story told over a hand of potato chip poker Hunger Time at the Midnight Mall – a yarn of belly-grumble and fear The Last Curl of Gut Rope – chicken, egg, chicken, egg, crack this riddle if you dare.

All of this wonderful madness is brought to you by Steve Vernon – the creator behind the cult novella classic - Long Horn, Big Shaggy: A Tale of Wild West Terror and Reanimated Buffalo.

Read this if you dare.

Editorial Reviews


" PLAGUE MONKEY SPAM is multi-layered, fascinating, thought provoking, and intense." - FEARZONE

"Not truly horror or fantasy, PLAGUE MONKEY SPAM sits somewhere between the two. Novella is the perfect size for this aerodynamic tale of blue monkeys, talking spider gods, and sentient webs." - HELLNOTES

"One of the weirdest pieces in this is collection is "The Last Few Curls of Gut Rope" by Steve Vernon. The title is a tad bit misleading, because Vernon's tale is really a surrealist piece rather than a gorefest - although you won't be disappointed in the climax if a little gut-wrenching splat is what you're seeking. It's one of his best tales yet." - GORELETS.COM

"If Kafka had a sense of humor he'd have written this." - KINDLE BOOK REVIEWS

Product Details

  • File Size: 319 KB
  • Print Length: 119 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Crossroad Press & Macabre Ink Digital; Crossroad Press Digital Edition edition (September 25, 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,808,304 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Weirdly Terrific! January 28, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
"The Weird Ones" is an understated title for this collection of stories by warlock of words Steve Vernon. If Kafka had a sense of humor perhaps he'd have written this way. And certainly Vernon would see the humor in waking up as a giant cockroach. In a sense, he finds humor in nightmares--as well as idiosyncratic wisdom, which is the best kind. And Vernon's writing style is breathtakingly readable. By the time you finish reading "The Weird Ones," you'll feel like you've taken an acid trip--but without all the harmful side effects. Young people curious about drugs could be given this book to read as a diversionary tactic.

Trying to reduce these stories to their plots is a lost cause, but I'll give it a try. First is the novella, "Plague Monkey Spam." Upon reading it you'll never feel the same about spam email, the inside of your computer, cobwebs, life, death, and relationships. "Gnarly Ho-Tep Hoedown Two-step" concerns mythos, human-hatched eggs, poker and potato chips. Like many humorous talents, Vernon can make an easy transition from the comedic to stark tragedy, and "Hunger Time at the Midnight Mall" takes the reader straight into the mind of a serial killer. (I enjoyed this story the least.) He interjects a bit more light into his final tale, "The Last Curl of Gut Rope," in which there are eggs again, as well as chickens, and a sort of eternal restaurant probing the eternal riddle as to what comes first . . .

These stories are not for everyone. But if you are willing to let go of traditional standards of good taste and political correctness, Vernon takes you for one wild ride after another.

Maugham once stated that only mediocre writers write well all the time, and I confess to finding Vernon's writing occasionally self-indulgent.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Mind-bendingly brilliant September 26, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
A heady mix of delightfully descriptive prose and disturbingly dark ideas - this collection of stories: one Novella and 3 shorter stories - manages to combine a light-hearted belly laugh at the insanity of today (spam mail, serial killers and so on), with a metaphysical journey into the heart of Dark Fiction.

With a host of wacky characters - finding time to battle a Demon between card games, the relentless Spider-God and Blue Monkey, the Diner chef who just wants to see dinner eaten and paid for - this is an astounding romp through the loopier corridors of Mr Vernon's impressive imagination.
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More About the Author

Hi! I'm Steve Vernon and I'd love to scare you. Along the way I'll entertain you. I guarantee a giggle as well.

If I listed all of the books I've written I'd bore you - and I am allergic to boring.

Instead, let me recommend one single book of mine.

Pick up SUDDEN DEATH OVERTIME for an example of true Steve Vernon storytelling. It's hockey and vampires for folks who love hockey and vampires - and for folks who don't!

For more up-to-date info please follow my blog at:

And follow me at Twitter:

yours in storytelling,

Steve Vernon


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