Most helpful critical review
76 of 89 people found the following review helpful
useful but limited in scope
on January 20, 2010
poignantly written, has some helpful exercises, but is limited in scope towards heartbreak resolution...ultimately it's about honouring one's grief, accepting it, in the body and working with it to release it... but not much else in terms of a more proactive comprehensive package.
despite the author's good intentions this approach to heartache resolution only succeeds so far.. you'll continue to get caught up in prolonged heartache and carry your baggage (which we all have)into your next relationship unless you also question your belief systems/experiences of closure from the past...ie what of codependency, or lack of closure, or addiction, or abandonment, or abuse, or 'victim' mentality?...using mindfulness only goes so far to resolving these greater themes of baggage and hurt that can be mixed in with heartache...'feel the feelings and drop the story' to quote pema chodron, is fine to allow us to process the feelings, get out of the mind chatter and ultimately to help with the healing, to be sure, but there IS a story to be confronted and worked upon, too....sure piver suggests journalling (as most breakup recovery books do also) but there must be more.
where is the 'wisdom' of a broken heart, for example, if you haven't ''completed'' your previous relationships properly, thus mixing so much current grief with old grief, thereby lengthening your emotional heartache? (russell & friedman's 'Moving on..' book at bottom discusses this at great length with many practical & useful exercises)...their take, and I agree is: if you haven't healed and understood better your heart's baggage you'll only revisit these themes onto your next romantic relationship, most likely once more encountering disappointment.
i've used mindfulness at times when feeling overwhelmed emotionally to get out of my head chatter and allow my body to process my pain more efficiently...yet at other times I also took time out to question my thoughts' validity, too (in the katie byron venue) ie using mindfulness to stay in the mind but watch/observe where my thoughts lead...both have succeeded to varying levels of success...at one time I was listening to a song that triggered me going down the 'sadness/missing her' loop...so i just mindfully followed my thoughts and to where they led...but then I started to question how true they actually were (an approach by cbt or mbct (mindfulness based cognitive therapy) ...so I didn't move into my body...yet I was perfectly able to come back to being emotionally balanced and present....like so much in life often the approach to healing is multivaried...mindfulness thus is but one tool...actually I find the approaches of mbct (mindfulness based cognitive therapy/mbct) even more encouraging for heartache resolution than just mindfulness alone (see 'the mindful way through depression')
to me the approach to heartbreak resolution is three pronged: 1/allowing and exploring the grieving process in an effective/strategic manner to explore and question the origins of one's heartache and arrive at more 'completion' to lesson the baggage (we all have) along with 2/cogntive exercises to question your emotions/thoughts' validity and background when they start to spin out of control (inner emotions don't always equate with outer reality afterall)... and also finally with 3//mindfulness work to move into the body and allow for healing and being gentle towards oneself ...these all should all go hand in hand towards heartbreak resolution at different times.
on this note, i admire Piver's poignantly written work which one can consider as another tool to combat and overcome heartache, but on its own it's incomplete (as are most heartbreak helper books)...if you do read buy it i'd also check out both Susan Elliot's ''Getting past your breakup''(the author also has a kick ass website 'getting past your past'... do a google search as there is tons of useful and practical info there, too') and John Russell/John Friedman's ''Moving on: dump your relationship baggage and make room for the love of your life''(founders of the
Grief Recovery Institute and authors of the 'Grief Recovery Handbook')...also Bruce Fisher's classic 'Rebuilding' is well written, too...lastly even Susie and Otto Collins' website and works on overcoming a broken heart offer a combined approach to using mindfulness and cognitive and psychodynamic work through grief more effectively.
So while I enoyed this book and its personal poignantly written style, it's not the only tool to use in one's arsenal towards overcoming heartbreak and moving forward more proactively.