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The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family [Kindle Edition]

Eleanor Payson
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (380 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $14.95
Kindle Price: $9.99
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Paperback $11.75  
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Soul Shifts
There are pivotal moments in the lives of all seekers when we realize that we’ve been traveling on our path of growth toward happiness and ful­fillment, but, simply put, we want to go faster.

Book Description

Every day headlines are filled with examples of narcissistic individuals in positions of power who are nothing more than impostors plundering and wrecking havoc on the lives of others. From the financial barons of Wall Street to our elected officials in government, we are confronted daily with narcissists and the self-serving systems that enable them. Helping people reclaim their lives from this sinister exploitative force is the mission behind Payson's book, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family. Using simple metaphors from the American classic, The Wizard of Oz, Payson illustrates how Dorothy's journey captures all the seductive illusions and challenges that occur when we encounter the narcissist. Empowering the reader with the ABCs of unhealthy narcissism and the unique problems that occur when a person becomes involved with the narcissist, Payson gives step-by-step practical tools to identify, protect, and heal from these destructive relationships. Largely un-addressed in the psychology and self-help literature, this ground breaking book offers hope and help to those who have been drawn into these devastating relationships. She includes illuminating case studies that identify the problems that occur in the different types of relationships, from co-workers, to friends, to parents, to lovers. Readers employing these insights and skills will find new abilities to identify and protect against the narcissist's manipulations and take back control of their lives.

Editorial Reviews


"For Some Time I have looked for a very readable book on living with narcissism that also had clarity about addiction and codependency. Eleanor Payson has written an easy to understand guide to navigate one's way out of the labyrinth that narcissism makes...Four stars for a readable, useful book therapists can give their patients." Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows --Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows

"You will recognize the narcissistic personality disorder so well described by Payson as an all too common affliction among those who wield great political and corporate power in contemporary society. This book is a useful guide to recognizing and confronting the reality, which is a first step toward nullifying the power and influence of the afflicted over our lives." David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World --David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World

About the Author

Eleanor Payson, LMSW, ACSW, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing individual, relationship and family therapy for thirty years. Graduating from the University of Michigan in 1983 with her Masters in Social Work, she has continued her education on issues ranging from chemical dependency and codependency, adult children of alcoholics, narcissism and borderline personality disorders, relationship therapy, and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Since the release of her book, Eleanor has developed seminars and support group to assist individuals in their recovery from the painful consequences that occur when dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits or who have the narcissistic personality disorder.

Product Details

  • File Size: 1565 KB
  • Print Length: 187 pages
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004MDLJW4
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #33,461 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
430 of 436 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for Those Affected by Fallout June 27, 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Since discovering the roots of narcissism in my world one year ago, I have read a great deal on the subject. This is, hands down, the most helpful book I have read to date. Most books on the market focus on identification of narcissism, or validation of those individuals left in their wake (both important concepts). But after that, we need real help! This book offers the most realistic and cogent look at what can actually be done after the damage is done. As the child and ex-spouse of narcissists, I appreciated the author gently leading me to examine my own culpability and enabling behaviors, the fallout in my life, and most importantly, how to begin undoing the damage and move on.
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419 of 430 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book helped me understand so much. October 24, 2003
As a 48 year old guy who has been working his way out of narcissistic codependence for about 15 years, this book clarified several issues I wasn't even aware of. Specifically, Ms. Payson deals squarely with the lack of self-esteem that a narcissist will imbue in a codependent's life. (The narcissist says, "I'm OK, you've got a long way to go and you'll never get there anyway.) Another thing is the insidious, clandestine way in which NPD's work their sordid magic. An NPD is someone with narcissistic personality disorder. The author goes through a 9 item list of the pitfalls and traps that keep a codependent codependent. Ms. Payson also explains in depth how being in a relationship with an NPD can happen in your love life, your work life, and your family life. Often these adult situations are a reliving of the same type of relationship from one's childhood. So much is clearer now and I feel much steadfast in my resolve to overcome this disorder. I have reassessed many of my friendships and old situations only to realize that I was unwittingly reliving my past.
Mrs. Payson's language is clear, warm-hearted, and exact. She uses examples based on experiences of clients from her practice. All in all, I highly recommend this book to those who suffer from narcissistic co-dependence and those who know someone who does.
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373 of 384 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars All I can say is WOW December 2, 2007
By Angelo
I dated someone who is described in this book, and while together I didn't know what the heck was wrong with her thinking at times...that is until I read this book. A happy relationship most of the time, it then became crazy other times, getting worse and worse as time went on. Eleanor Payson hits it right on the nose and explains the child-like behaviors that would occasionally surface from an otherwise truly brilliant and highly successful woman. Here are some of the behaviors described:
1. They are never EVER wrong.
2. They never admit to anything.
3. Nothing is ever a great idea unless it comes from them.
4. You will never get any credit for what you do. Ever.
5. They don't seem to know or care how what they say might impact you.
6. You get hopelessly entangled in their arguments, and it never leads to a resolution.
7. Emotion = Weakness.

And on and on it goes. The closer you get to them, the worse it becomes. Every chapter sent me reeling as all these behaviors are discussed. Probably half the book is highlighted in yellow and I read it twice. It was like this book was written about her. It also helped me confront my part in the whole thing as well.
READ THIS BOOK if you suspect a significant other or parent has these tendencies listed above. If so, this book will blow you away. I wish I had this knowledge DURING the relationship and not after I ended it. Understanding the dynamic has brought me some closure and the wisdom of avoiding anything like it again. The sad (and most painful) part is that the only healthy thing you can do is leave. You cannot help them. You cannot heal them. You will not change them.
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123 of 128 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What an eye opener! October 16, 2007
By Stormy
I'm a 51 year old female who needed to read this book when I was 11 and then promptly be moved to another family! Both of my parents are Narcissists, but I didn't know what it was until I read this book. The book describes exactly how I was treated by both of my parents and why I never had a sense of self. I was never asked my thoughts, I was told how I was going to think and what I was going to do. Everything this book details is real. 15 years ago I severed ties with my father because he was the more physical abuser. I just recently I severed ties with my mother. Both of them are very abusive. I didn't realize what a lacky I was to my mother but always felt she didn't like me, or was jealous of me, or always but always disappointed her. She has tried to take over my life, my husband - almost telling me how to have sex with him or someone else will do it for me and my house by walking in rearranging my furniture, putting things on the wall and telling me that she's "helping me" and how everything would look so much better her way and has divided my 2 brothers and I to where we don't speak to one another anymore and she has blamed me for it. The control, mental abuse and meanness is behind closed doors and out in the open other people always wondered why I was so sensitive around my mother because she always was so delightful to be around. I moved away from my family when I was 24,and have back around my mother for 10 years. I'm absolutely drained of emotion. I understand now why I had depression and still have it and why I feel I need to please everyone and be a non entity. From reading this book, I am working on being my own person with my own actual thoughts and views and hold my head up high. Read more ›
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars helpful
I found this a very helpful book, although it covers every kind of relationship- and only about half the information applies to me.
Published 1 day ago by Patricia Jehle
5.0 out of 5 stars The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissist: Coping...
It gives a very concise view of the Narcissist methods of operation of themselves and their views of others and uses of others. Read more
Published 9 days ago by Amazon Customer
3.0 out of 5 stars ok
Published 9 days ago by René Crombez, B.S., M.S., D.C., Ph.D.
4.0 out of 5 stars The one is one of the better ones and using the Wizard of Oz to draw...
I have read a number of books on NPD. The one is one of the better ones and using the Wizard of Oz to draw examples is very helpful
Good Job!
Published 9 days ago by Nicholas Bellino
5.0 out of 5 stars Made so much sense to me
My therapist suggested this book as a way of looking back at my relationship with my father (deceased five years now), and I immediately loaded it onto my Kindle and read it pretty... Read more
Published 11 days ago by Amy
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful in dealing with all kinds of relationships
Practical "how to" with powerful revelation of what is happening to you. Answered questions I'd had for decades. Read more
Published 12 days ago by Tracy
4.0 out of 5 stars In my opinion: A book to read.
Both as a trainee in psychiatry and as a private person I found this book very good. An easy read. Got a feeling of having the message repeating itself in the last chapters but... Read more
Published 13 days ago by Rune
5.0 out of 5 stars All Narcissistic Abuse Victims Need To Read This
This book set me on a path to understanding what I'd been dealing with for years and the mental and emotional abuse I'd experienced during those years. Read more
Published 14 days ago by Jim Gough
3.0 out of 5 stars Would have liked more psychological practice
It was an okay read. Would have liked more psychological practice.
Published 24 days ago by SouthFloridaGirl
5.0 out of 5 stars EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK! Especially if you have ...
EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK! Especially if you have to deal with a narcissist in ANY aspect of your life.
Published 1 month ago by shirley
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