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The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family [Kindle Edition]

Eleanor Payson
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (396 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $14.95
Kindle Price: $9.99
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Book Description

Every day headlines are filled with examples of narcissistic individuals in positions of power who are nothing more than impostors plundering and wrecking havoc on the lives of others. From the financial barons of Wall Street to our elected officials in government, we are confronted daily with narcissists and the self-serving systems that enable them. Helping people reclaim their lives from this sinister exploitative force is the mission behind Payson's book, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family. Using simple metaphors from the American classic, The Wizard of Oz, Payson illustrates how Dorothy's journey captures all the seductive illusions and challenges that occur when we encounter the narcissist. Empowering the reader with the ABCs of unhealthy narcissism and the unique problems that occur when a person becomes involved with the narcissist, Payson gives step-by-step practical tools to identify, protect, and heal from these destructive relationships. Largely un-addressed in the psychology and self-help literature, this ground breaking book offers hope and help to those who have been drawn into these devastating relationships. She includes illuminating case studies that identify the problems that occur in the different types of relationships, from co-workers, to friends, to parents, to lovers. Readers employing these insights and skills will find new abilities to identify and protect against the narcissist's manipulations and take back control of their lives.

Editorial Reviews


"For Some Time I have looked for a very readable book on living with narcissism that also had clarity about addiction and codependency. Eleanor Payson has written an easy to understand guide to navigate one's way out of the labyrinth that narcissism makes...Four stars for a readable, useful book therapists can give their patients." Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows --Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows

"You will recognize the narcissistic personality disorder so well described by Payson as an all too common affliction among those who wield great political and corporate power in contemporary society. This book is a useful guide to recognizing and confronting the reality, which is a first step toward nullifying the power and influence of the afflicted over our lives." David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World --David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World

About the Author

Eleanor Payson, LMSW, ACSW, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing individual, relationship and family therapy for thirty years. Graduating from the University of Michigan in 1983 with her Masters in Social Work, she has continued her education on issues ranging from chemical dependency and codependency, adult children of alcoholics, narcissism and borderline personality disorders, relationship therapy, and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Since the release of her book, Eleanor has developed seminars and support group to assist individuals in their recovery from the painful consequences that occur when dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits or who have the narcissistic personality disorder.

Product Details

  • File Size: 1565 KB
  • Print Length: 187 pages
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004MDLJW4
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #30,963 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
445 of 452 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for Those Affected by Fallout June 27, 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Since discovering the roots of narcissism in my world one year ago, I have read a great deal on the subject. This is, hands down, the most helpful book I have read to date. Most books on the market focus on identification of narcissism, or validation of those individuals left in their wake (both important concepts). But after that, we need real help! This book offers the most realistic and cogent look at what can actually be done after the damage is done. As the child and ex-spouse of narcissists, I appreciated the author gently leading me to examine my own culpability and enabling behaviors, the fallout in my life, and most importantly, how to begin undoing the damage and move on.
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429 of 440 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book helped me understand so much. October 24, 2003
As a 48 year old guy who has been working his way out of narcissistic codependence for about 15 years, this book clarified several issues I wasn't even aware of. Specifically, Ms. Payson deals squarely with the lack of self-esteem that a narcissist will imbue in a codependent's life. (The narcissist says, "I'm OK, you've got a long way to go and you'll never get there anyway.) Another thing is the insidious, clandestine way in which NPD's work their sordid magic. An NPD is someone with narcissistic personality disorder. The author goes through a 9 item list of the pitfalls and traps that keep a codependent codependent. Ms. Payson also explains in depth how being in a relationship with an NPD can happen in your love life, your work life, and your family life. Often these adult situations are a reliving of the same type of relationship from one's childhood. So much is clearer now and I feel much steadfast in my resolve to overcome this disorder. I have reassessed many of my friendships and old situations only to realize that I was unwittingly reliving my past.
Mrs. Payson's language is clear, warm-hearted, and exact. She uses examples based on experiences of clients from her practice. All in all, I highly recommend this book to those who suffer from narcissistic co-dependence and those who know someone who does.
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391 of 403 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars All I can say is WOW December 2, 2007
By Angelo
I dated someone who is described in this book, and while together I didn't know what the heck was wrong with her thinking at times...that is until I read this book. A happy relationship most of the time, it then became crazy other times, getting worse and worse as time went on. Eleanor Payson hits it right on the nose and explains the child-like behaviors that would occasionally surface from an otherwise truly brilliant and highly successful woman. Here are some of the behaviors described:
1. They are never EVER wrong.
2. They never admit to anything.
3. Nothing is ever a great idea unless it comes from them.
4. You will never get any credit for what you do. Ever.
5. They don't seem to know or care how what they say might impact you.
6. You get hopelessly entangled in their arguments, and it never leads to a resolution.
7. Emotion = Weakness.

And on and on it goes. The closer you get to them, the worse it becomes. Every chapter sent me reeling as all these behaviors are discussed. Probably half the book is highlighted in yellow and I read it twice. It was like this book was written about her. It also helped me confront my part in the whole thing as well.
READ THIS BOOK if you suspect a significant other or parent has these tendencies listed above. If so, this book will blow you away. I wish I had this knowledge DURING the relationship and not after I ended it. Understanding the dynamic has brought me some closure and the wisdom of avoiding anything like it again. The sad (and most painful) part is that the only healthy thing you can do is leave. You cannot help them. You cannot heal them. You will not change them.
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88 of 89 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Why Can't They Love? December 25, 2007
Eleanor Payson deftly exposes the manipulative behavior and pathology of a narcissist.
She reveals why these "charming" creatures suck you in.....project their behaviors on to you, exploit you, demoralize you, then leave. Reading this book will restore your sanity.

--They are extrordinarily inteligent,charming, manipulative, and "successful."
--Believe they are superior and above reproach.
--Are totally incapable of intimacy,but come across as attentive and sensual.
--Are self-absorbed and completely incapable of empathy.
--Have grandiose ideas and an unquenchable need for recognition and admiration.
--Cannot apologize or be accountable because to admit mistakes would suggest that they are imperfect.
--Have secret lives: addictions, affairs, perversions, and fetishes.
--Have at least two distinctly different personalities and corresponding mood disorders.
--Play mind games,and call you crazy when you react.
--They are emotionally and financially exploitve; when your money is gone, they are gone.
--Once they break you down, they detest you.
--Have a strong need to associate with others whom they perceive to be powerful, wealthy, prominent, or otherwise "special."
--Will replace you before they leave you. Cannot be alone.
--Will circle you like a vulture, find your weak spot, and attack.

If understanding is affirmation, Payson opens the door to healing and the subsequent recapture of the energy and vitaity that defined you before he/she entered your life.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars OMG
With the help of this book, I finally understand what narcissists are and the way they are and who they are. Read more
Published 7 days ago by Kathleen P.
5.0 out of 5 stars I strongly recommend this book to anyone trying to cope with a ...
This is an incredible book! It helped me so much that I bought it for my daughter who was having problems with a person at her work. Read more
Published 12 days ago by Freddie Keel
5.0 out of 5 stars When the World Revolves around your Spouse-Parent-Boss, read this book
This book may have literally saved my life, or at least my sanity. As a (now recovering) co-dependent married to someone whose narcissism had slipped into full blown NPD, seeing... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Elizabeth L. Robinson
2.0 out of 5 stars Not what I was hoping it would be
Could have used a good content editor as the examples and narrative are all over the place.
Published 1 month ago by Laura85
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, well organized
Excellent, well written. Gives a good understanding of the place you are stuck when involved with a narcissist. Read more
Published 1 month ago by mewhi
4.0 out of 5 stars eye-opening
Very eye-opening for me. If you have someone in your life who seems to only care about him/herself, this book will give you some greater understanding of the relational dynamic.
Published 1 month ago by S. Vanderveer
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Good explanation of painful family dysfunction. Understanding the dynamics can help the healing process.
Published 1 month ago by Carole Veschi
3.0 out of 5 stars I found the text to be a bit cumbersome and not that easy for a lay...
I survived a relationship with a narcissist after the suicide of my late husband. I already read a number of books on narcissism, and I found this book to be too psychologically... Read more
Published 1 month ago by E. G. Power
5.0 out of 5 stars This is one of the best books I have ever read
This is one of the best books I have ever read. It's a life saver and a game changer. At 56 I am amazed at how unaware I have been about the way I have looked and family amd... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Ann Wilmot
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
we are all sharing this book .... work and friends.
Published 1 month ago by WVU Girl
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