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The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family Paperback – October 1, 2002


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The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family + Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism + The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 187 pages
  • Publisher: Julian Day Publications; Third edition (October 1, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0972072837
  • ISBN-13: 978-0972072830
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (318 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,557 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"For Some Time I have looked for a very readable book on living with narcissism that also had clarity about addiction and codependency. Eleanor Payson has written an easy to understand guide to navigate one's way out of the labyrinth that narcissism makes...Four stars for a readable, useful book therapists can give their patients." Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows --Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows

"You will recognize the narcissistic personality disorder so well described by Payson as an all too common affliction among those who wield great political and corporate power in contemporary society. This book is a useful guide to recognizing and confronting the reality, which is a first step toward nullifying the power and influence of the afflicted over our lives." David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World --David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World

About the Author

Eleanor Payson, LMSW, ACSW, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing individual, relationship and family therapy for thirty years. Graduating from the University of Michigan in 1983 with her Masters in Social Work, she has continued her education on issues ranging from chemical dependency and codependency, adult children of alcoholics, narcissism and borderline personality disorders, relationship therapy, and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Since the release of her book, Eleanor has developed seminars and support group to assist individuals in their recovery from the painful consequences that occur when dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits or who have the narcissistic personality disorder.

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Customer Reviews

This book changed my life.
P. Pate
Very insightful book that helped me understand narcissist personality disorder and gave me skills to cope with family members with NPD.
EmilyR
This is a very well written book.
Me Gusta

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

392 of 396 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 27, 2004
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Since discovering the roots of narcissism in my world one year ago, I have read a great deal on the subject. This is, hands down, the most helpful book I have read to date. Most books on the market focus on identification of narcissism, or validation of those individuals left in their wake (both important concepts). But after that, we need real help! This book offers the most realistic and cogent look at what can actually be done after the damage is done. As the child and ex-spouse of narcissists, I appreciated the author gently leading me to examine my own culpability and enabling behaviors, the fallout in my life, and most importantly, how to begin undoing the damage and move on.
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396 of 406 people found the following review helpful By John B. Collins on October 24, 2003
Format: Paperback
As a 48 year old guy who has been working his way out of narcissistic codependence for about 15 years, this book clarified several issues I wasn't even aware of. Specifically, Ms. Payson deals squarely with the lack of self-esteem that a narcissist will imbue in a codependent's life. (The narcissist says, "I'm OK, you've got a long way to go and you'll never get there anyway.) Another thing is the insidious, clandestine way in which NPD's work their sordid magic. An NPD is someone with narcissistic personality disorder. The author goes through a 9 item list of the pitfalls and traps that keep a codependent codependent. Ms. Payson also explains in depth how being in a relationship with an NPD can happen in your love life, your work life, and your family life. Often these adult situations are a reliving of the same type of relationship from one's childhood. So much is clearer now and I feel much steadfast in my resolve to overcome this disorder. I have reassessed many of my friendships and old situations only to realize that I was unwittingly reliving my past.
Mrs. Payson's language is clear, warm-hearted, and exact. She uses examples based on experiences of clients from her practice. All in all, I highly recommend this book to those who suffer from narcissistic co-dependence and those who know someone who does.
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320 of 330 people found the following review helpful By Angelo on December 2, 2007
Format: Paperback
I dated someone who is described in this book, and while together I didn't know what the heck was wrong with her thinking at times...that is until I read this book. A happy relationship most of the time, it then became crazy other times, getting worse and worse as time went on. Eleanor Payson hits it right on the nose and explains the child-like behaviors that would occasionally surface from an otherwise truly brilliant and highly successful woman. Here are some of the behaviors described:
1. They are never EVER wrong.
2. They never admit to anything.
3. Nothing is ever a great idea unless it comes from them.
4. You will never get any credit for what you do. Ever.
5. They don't seem to know or care how what they say might impact you.
6. You get hopelessly entangled in their arguments, and it never leads to a resolution.
7. Emotion = Weakness.

And on and on it goes. The closer you get to them, the worse it becomes. Every chapter sent me reeling as all these behaviors are discussed. Probably half the book is highlighted in yellow and I read it twice. It was like this book was written about her. It also helped me confront my part in the whole thing as well.
READ THIS BOOK if you suspect a significant other or parent has these tendencies listed above. If so, this book will blow you away. I wish I had this knowledge DURING the relationship and not after I ended it. Understanding the dynamic has brought me some closure and the wisdom of avoiding anything like it again. The sad (and most painful) part is that the only healthy thing you can do is leave. You cannot help them. You cannot heal them. You will not change them.
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104 of 108 people found the following review helpful By Julie Horn on September 27, 2005
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Wow. After quite a few years with therapists and plenty of self-help books, this book is probably the most comprehensive, most helpful, and most accurate in its description of the narcissistic personality and those of us who are drawn into their orbit. The initial relief comes in realizing that someone recognizes that the damage that parents with this disorder can do to their children is real, and that those of us who grew up in this kind of environment really aren't crazy, as they have tried to have us believe. The next breath of relief comes in Ms. Payson's recognition of the relationships that exist, and the difficulties therein, between narcissists and non-narcissists in various settings...not simply parent/child, but also in romantic relationships, friendships, and in the work environment. Of course, recognizing that these relationships exist, and that they can be extremely difficult, is the first step toward healing. Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot that can be done to create healthy relationships out of these dysfunctional pairings, but Ms. Payson does provide some valid suggestions as to how those of us who suffer at the narcissists' whims can learn to sidestep their vortex, remain calm and disengaged, and gain the strength needed to feel healthy within. Anyone who has felt the damage done by such a person can gain incredible insight and wisdom from this book.
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318 of 342 people found the following review helpful By carolyn daitch,ph.d on November 29, 2002
Format: Paperback
This reviewer is delighted to offer appreciation for a most comprehensive coverage of the interpersonal impact of narcissim on relationships. Ms. Payson directed her book toward the lay person, who has struggled in relationship with the narcissist. Yet as a therapist, I believe it should be mandatory reading for my professional colleagues. The book is well organized and cleverly structured with the Wizard of Oz theme.It covers the subject in depth, yet it is easy to understand.The author offers the reader perspective on a variety of relationships(spouse, adult child, employee, friend) and clearly describes how this prevalent character disorder can have an injurious impact. She leaves the reader with hope, providing concrete suggestions for protection of the self and for minimizing the wounding that can arise from the narcissitic relationship. Everyone I know who has read this book has sung its praises.
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