The Woman in the Mirror: How to Stop Confusing What You Look Like with Who You Are [Paperback]

Cynthia M. Bulik Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

Release date: December 20, 2011

Many women-regardless of income, size, shape, ethnicity, and age-are uncomfortable in their own skin. We fixate on our body image and try endless diets, implants, hair extensions, and new shoes, but it's never enough. The problem is that girls and women have been socialized to mistakenly conflate body esteem and self-esteem. Body esteem refers to how you think and feel about your physical appearance: your size, shape, hair, and features. Self-esteem refers to how you think and feel about your personality, your role in relationships, your accomplishments, and your values-everything that contributes to who you are as a person.

The Woman in the Mirror goes beyond typical self-esteem books to dig deep into the origins of women's problems with body image. Psychologist Cynthia Bulik guides readers in the challenging task of disentangling self-esteem from body esteem, and taking charge of the insidious negative self-talk that started as early as when you first realized you didn't really look like a fairy princess. By reprogramming how we feel about ourselves and our bodies, we can practice healthy eating and sensible exercise, and focus on the many things we have to offer our family, community, and job. Bulik provides us the tools to reclaim our self-confidence and to respect and love who we are.

Praise for Crave:

"More than 7 million Americans struggle with binge eating disorder (BED) . . . Crave: Why You Binge Eat and How to Stop helps shed light on the problem."-O, the Oprah Magazine

Editorial Reviews

Review

The Woman in the Mirror is all of us, and this compelling account of how feelings about our bodies affect us throughout our lives is filled with inspiration and hope. Food for thought indeed Susan Ringwood, Chief Executive of Beat, the UK's leading charity supporting people with eating disorders and campaigning with them Bulik has absolutely exposed the 'can't-talk-about-it' cultural facts of life for women and girls regarding how they feel about their body. The Woman in the Mirror is a wonderful book, written in language that speaks to all, and is a serious-must read Lynn S. Grefe, president and CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association For a variety of reasons, some women obsess about their physical shape and appearance, many believing themselves woefully wanting. The Woman in the Mirror suggests reasonable and practical ways to defuse this kind of destructive thinking, and have happier, more productive lives Marianne Legato M.D., author of Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget Bulik's practical advice-grounded in evidence-based research and coupled with the experience and wisdom of a woman, mother, teacher, and clinician-give the reader an untethered look at the reality of how both our biology and environment contribute to devastating eating disorders and other problems with self-image. Brava! Chevese Turner, CEO, Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Cynthia M. Bulik, Ph.D., is the William R. and Jeanne H. Jordan Distinguished Professor of Eating Disorders in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, a professor of nutrition at UNC's Gillings School of Global Public Health, and director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program. She has been featured or quoted in Vogue, Newsweek, the New York Times, and the Wall Street Journal. She is the author of Crave: Why You Binge Eat and How to Stop and the coauthor of Runaway Eating (with Nadine Taylor). Bulik lives in North Carolina.

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Walker & Company; Original edition (December 20, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0802719996
• ISBN-13: 978-0802719997
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 6.7 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #420,720 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read! January 19, 2012

By Cristin Runfola

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Marrying personal with professional experience, Dr. Bulik brilliantly presents relatable content to all--the 14 year-old transitioning to high school; the mother of two; the grandma in a nursing home; the father of a teenage girl going through puberty; and the therapist helping his/her patient overcome body image and self-esteem issues. You'll walk away from this book with greater perspective about the pressures faced by women today, and factors involved in women's tendency to erroneously conflate body esteem with self-esteem.

With her wit and imaginative genius, Dr. Bulik provides the insight and tools needed to develop body confidence and self-acceptance; improve self-esteem; and realize that each and every one of us has a unique contribution to give to the world. You'll not only learn how to tackle your own body image demons, but you'll develop the confidence to successfully raise a self-assured daughter and respectful son, as well as efficiently "climb the ladder" in a male-dominated society. This book is for all--mothers, fathers, teenagers, college students, feminists, non-feminists, middle-aged women, the elderly, and therapists.

As a psychologist specializing in eating disorders and body image issues, I have already started referencing this book in my work, using Dr. Bulik's analogies and stories to highlight the success of CBT, and assigning readings to stimulate discussion. It has been well-received thus far!!

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Mirror, mirror, in our minds. May 4, 2012

By Deb

Format:Paperback

Our bodies. Our selves. Somewhere along the way, the two became one. As the author describes:
"Whereas body esteem is supposed to be a minor component of self-esteem, in our society, body esteem often eclipses self-esteem and becomes the primary and sometimes only dimension on which women evaluate their self worth." (p. 2)

_The Woman in the Mirror_ offers an effective approach to start disentangling self-esteem from body esteem. The first part of this approach involves identifying and understanding the confluence of factors that contributes to women feeling badly about themselves. Part One of the book does just that with a fascinating--and often shocking--tour of how women feel about themselves and their bodies at each stage of the female lifespan, from kindergarten to the retirement community. In this part of the book, you'll also be guided through unearthing your own insidious negative self-talk and seeing the effects it has had on your attitudes, outlooks, self-esteem, accomplishments, and relationships. It becomes quite clear that "negative self-talk about appearances generalizes to negative self-talk about other areas--competence, lovability, personality, and intelligence." (p. 4)

Part Two of the book provides interventions to help you take control of--and responsibility for--your own negative self-talk. First, you'll be be provided with tools and exercises to keep track of comments, thoughts, and cues, and understand how they influence how you feel about yourself and your behaviors. With this insight, you can then challenge and revise your negative self-talk, and develop ways to turn your inner critic into your inner coach. And, change begets change--by changing your thoughts, you'll be able to change your feelings and behaviors, and ultimately your self-esteem too. After completing this part of the book "you'll be well on your way to separating your self-esteem from your body esteem and to treating yourself with the respect and admiration you deserve." (p. 5)

This book offers a pragmatic, practical, and powerful approach to helping women with the messy-yet-rewarding task of disentangling self-esteem from body esteem. By working from the inside out, it becomes possible to (finally!) like the woman in the mirror.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Practical and Enlightening! January 31, 2012

By C. Maxwell

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I generally think I am pretty "aware" of issues facing girls and women, but Dr. Bulik's book uncovered just how pervasive and insidious body image and appearance dissatisfaction are today. The first part of the book exposes the problem--and is at times shocking and sad. The second part of the book provides practical ways for women to separate their body esteem from their self-esteem, and improve both. I haven't had time to fully use the online worksheets and supplemental material but they look like they will be terrific!