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The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse [Paperback]

Dan B Allender
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (70 customer reviews)

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Book Description

August 13, 2008
Sexual abuse knows no religious or social boundaries. The Wounded Heart is an intensely personal and specific look at this form of abuse. Dr. Allender explores the secret lament of the soul damaged by sexual abuse and lays hold of the hope buried there by the One whose unstained image we all bear. Includes information about false memory issues.


Frequently Bought Together

The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse + The Wounded Heart Workbook: A Companion Workbook for Personal or Group Use + The Healing Path: How the Hurts in Your Past Can Lead You to a More Abundant Life
Price for all three: $35.76

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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

You may think you don’t know anyone who has been sexually abused, especially if most of your friends and acquaintances are Christians. But the statistics indicate otherwise. The Wounded Heart is an intensely personal and specific look at this most “soul deadening” form of abuse. Personal because it may be affecting you, your spouse, a close friend or neighbor, or someone you know well at church; and specific because it goes well beyond the general issues and solutions discussed in other books.

Dr. Allender’s book reaches deep into the wounded heart of someone you know, exploring the secret lament of the soul damaged by sexual abuse and laying hold of the hope buried there by the One whose unstained image we all bear.

About the Author

Dr. Dan B. Allender received his MDiv from Westminster Theological Seminary and his PhD in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University.

Dan taught in the Biblical Counseling Department of Grace Theological Seminary for seven years (1983–1989). From 1989–1997 Dan worked as professor in the Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling program at Colorado Christian University, Denver, Colorado. Currently, Dan serves as Professor of Counseling Psychology and President at Mars Hill Graduate School (MHGS.edu) in Seattle, Washington.

He travels and speaks extensively to present his unique perspective on sexual abuse recovery, love and forgiveness, worship, and other related topics. He is the author of The Wounded Heart (NavPress), and has coauthored four books with Dr. Tremper Longman III, Intimate Allies (Tyndale), The Cry of the Soul (NavPress), Bold Love (NavPress), and Breaking the Idols of Your Heart (IVP). Dan and his wife, Rebecca, have three children and live in Seattle, Washington.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: NavPress; New edition (August 13, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1600063071
  • ISBN-13: 978-1600063077
  • Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 0.8 x 8.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (70 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,378 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Dan Allender received his MDiv from Westminster Theological Seminary and his PhD in counseling psychology from Michigan State University.

Dan taught in the biblical counseling department of Grace Theological Seminary for seven years (1983-1989). From 1989-1997 he worked as a professor in the Master of Arts in biblical counseling program at Colorado Christian University, Denver, Colorado. Currently, Dan serves as president and professor of counseling at Mars Hill Graduate School in Bothell, Washington.

He travels and speaks extensively to present his unique perspective on sexual abuse recovery, love and forgiveness, worship, and other related topics. He is the author of "The Wounded Heart" (NavPress), "The Healing Path," and "How Children Raise Parents" (Waterbrook Press) and has coauthored four books with Dr. Tremper Longman, III--"Intimate Allies" (Tyndale House Publishers), "The Cry of the Soul" (NavPress), "Bold Love" (NavPress), and "Bold Purpose," (Tyndale House Publishers). He and his wife, Rebecca, live in the Puget Sound area with their three children, Annie, Amanda, and Andrew.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
48 of 48 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Potent, accurate, helpful! April 8, 2009
By JES
Format:Paperback
If you want powerful accuracy in a Christian setting this is the book! I also highly recommend getting the workbook to go along with it.

I got this book because of a friend's recommendation, and I'm so glad I did. Though I was offended at first (I realized later I wasn't at a point where I wanted to hear the truth). I put down the book for a couple of years until I wanted to try processing it again.
Please understand dealing with the issues in this book is HARD WORK! So if you need a break--take it. Honestly, the difficulty is not with the book, it's with the process of facing the truth.

I'm going through this book for the 3rd time now and still gaining more healing with it. I've also bought this book for several friends because I find it to be the most helpful in dealing with the results of abuse. I've also given it to my husband and some of my close friends for them to read to understand me and what I deal with better. And now I'm working with my church to start the Wounded Heart seminar. :)

Just remember, if you do get this book (and I hope you do), take your time and don't give up. It's worth it.
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38 of 38 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely most helpful book on this subject September 10, 2009
Format:Paperback
"The Wounded Heart" is a love letter beneficial to any person suffering from victimization, although it is specifically written to the victims of sexual abuse. Written in captivating and empathetic style by Dr. Dan B. Allender, (M. Div. and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology) it must be put down regularly in order to take in small doses the healing offered therein.

Not content to simply ruminate on the past, this book deals with the current relationships in the life of the abused, most particularly, what Dr. Allender calls the "Abuser Surrogate" because the cycle so often repeats itself throughout the lives of victims because of the repercussions of abuse. He has words for the victim as well as to the "surrogate" who may be very abusive him/herself or may just need encouragement in helping the relationship recover from the effects of abuse.

Of all the "interventions" I have known and experienced, "The Wounded Heart" is the most genuinely insightful of them all. Free of pop psychology and psychobabble, it delves into the reality of the victim. This resource sheds forgiveness, hope and encouragement abroad in the heartsick soul. It encourages the heart to dare to dream of a time when life will no longer be ruled by a reactionary lifestyle. It emboldens the heart to dare to hope, to dare to trust, and to dare to leave behind contempt for itself and contempt for others.

Such aspirations are lost in an earlier lifetime for most victims of sexual abuse. They are often encouraged to think that the route to healing is as simple as "forgiving yourself" and remembering where to place the blame. However, this self-forgiveness often comes across as a blanket statement that nothing one can do after victimization is really blameworthy. At first taste, the idea is sweet in the mouth. Deep inside, the wounded heart knows better. No stranger to abuse, Dr. Allender knows it, too. He says, in effect, "Let's take a look and what happened, how you have coped, use this knowledge, and learn to move beyond any self-defeating maladaptations."

I know of no other single resource that has helped so many to heal and to move on out of the quagmire of hopelessness and false bravado.

The initial chapters deal with the dynamics and damage of abuse. From there, Dr. Allender moves into giving insight into how the experiences have influenced the personality in negative fashions. The path sheds light on ways the heart distances itself from all relationships, thus sealing itself away from future beneficial ones right along with those with potential for pain. Finally the reader is lead into the chapters which deal extensively with overcoming this fear of cultivating genuinely intimate relationships with families and friends, including a dynamite chapter entitled "The Unlikely Route to Joy."

An excellent group resource, there is also a workbook available, "The Wounded Heart: A Companion Workbook for Personal or Group Use" which aids in discussion and in setting down on paper one's unique experiences, reactions, feelings, and present-day repercussions.

Written by a committed Christian, there is balm enough within to soothe the hearts of all who open its covers.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read For Mental Health Counselors December 10, 2008
Format:Paperback
I am a mental health counselor who specializes in abuse victims. The
Wounded Heart is the best book I have ever read on this topic and I recommend it to all my clients. Thank you Dr. Allender for your wisdom and insight.
Deedra Hunter, M.S.,LMHC
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars So many of us have wounded hearts!
a good understanding of the various aspects of how we are wounded & how much more empowering it is to understand what we go through in the process a must read to gain an... Read more
Published 10 days ago by Smokey
5.0 out of 5 stars Very insightful
This book is an invaluable tool in understanding and responding to the needs of individuals who have been the victims of trauma in their lives that hs had the effect of impairing... Read more
Published 13 days ago by Young Reviewer
5.0 out of 5 stars The wounded heart
The book is powerful!!! This is a book I would keep on my bookshelf to refer to others who have suffered abuse. I highly recommend this book.
Published 13 days ago by Kate Farris
5.0 out of 5 stars 2nd only to the Bible in transforming my life.
This book was a gift from someone I had confided the heinous situation- surprisingly, a non-Christian who knew I was a Christian. Read more
Published 17 days ago by Coleen Forward
5.0 out of 5 stars The wounded heart
Is one of the best books I have read in sexual abuse recovery in a long time. If you are a counselor, Pastor, Chaplain, or just someone who wants to learn how to heal then you... Read more
Published 1 month ago by chaplain Mark
5.0 out of 5 stars Help for victims of childhood sexual abuse and those who care about...
This book has helped me tremendously. For the first time, I understand what happened to me and how it affected me, and how I can begin to heal from the experience. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Connie Myers
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
I bought this book to help me understand someone very close to me. It delivered! I have a much better understanding of someone who has been through the horror of sexual abuse. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Crossbow46
4.0 out of 5 stars it was painfully accurate
The book addressed issue of sexual abuse the reader didn't know existed. Explaining the well of pain and emptiness. It validates the victims feelings and emotions.
Published 1 month ago by Michelle Leonard
5.0 out of 5 stars extremely helpful
This book is incredibly focused and well written. Allender strikes the perfect balance: he speaks the truth plainly while avoiding provocative or lurid language. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Andrew P. Hawkinson
5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing
I read this book to better understand a friend of mine who was sexually abused. I was surprised by how it changed my life because it deals with woundings of any sort, and we have... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Carolyn
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