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The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up [Kindle Edition]

Barbara K. Hofer , Abigail Sullivan Moore
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $16.00
Kindle Price: $10.38
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Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc

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Book Description

"Just let go!"
That’s what parents have been told to do when their kids go to college. But in our speed-dial culture, with BlackBerries and even Skype, parents and kids are now more than ever in constant contact. Today’s iConnected parents say they are closer to their kids than their parents were to them—and this generation of families prefers it that way. Parents are their children’s mentors, confidants, and friends—but is this good for the kids? Are parents really letting go—and does that matter?

Dr. Barbara Hofer, a Middlebury College professor of psychology, and Abigail Sullivan Moore, a journalist who has reported on college and high school trends for the New York Times, answer these questions and more in their groundbreaking, compelling account of both the good and the bad of close communication in the college years and beyond. An essential assessment of the state of parent-child relationships in an age of instant communication, The iConnected Parent goes beyond sounding the alarm about the ways many young adults are failing to develop independence to describe the healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships that can emerge when families grow closer in our wired world.

Communicating an average of thirteen times a week, parents and their college-age kids are having a hard time letting go. Hofer’s research and Moore’s extensive reporting reveal how this trend is shaping families, schools, and workplaces, and the challenge it poses for students with mental health and learning issues. Until recently, students handled college on their own, learning life’s lessons and growing up in the process. Now, many students turn to their parents for instant answers to everyday questions. "My roommate’s boyfriend is here all the time and I have no privacy! What should I do?" "Can you edit my paper tonight? It’s due tomorrow." "What setting should I use to wash my jeans?" And Mom and Dad are not just the Google and Wikipedia for overcoming daily pitfalls; Hofer and Moore have discovered that some parents get involved in unprecedented ways, phoning professors and classmates, choosing their child’s courses, and even crossing the lines set by university honor codes with the academic help they provide. Hofer and Moore offer practical advice, from the years before college through the years after graduation, on how parents can stay connected to their kids while giving them the space they need to become independent adults.

Cell phones and laptops don’t come with parenting instructions. The iConnected Parent is an invaluable guide for any parent with a child heading to or already on campus.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Middlebury College psychology professor Hofer and New York Times contributor Moore combine original research and reporting in this examination of "iparenting," their term for a new generation of parents that employs technology to stay deeply involved in children's lives, even as the kids head off to college. According to the authors, who conducted surveys at Middlebury and the University of Michigan, many parents are in constant contact with their college students via cell phone, texting, email, Facebook, and Skype. But daily contact, they contend, hinders growth, robs kids of their ability to make decisions and learn from mistakes, and detracts from their college experience. The authors also discovered that parents have become increasingly involved in academic matters; many edit their children's papers via email, and intervene in academic decisions such as choosing majors or contacting professors. This "hypermanaging" trend often continues after college and into a career search. Urging moderation, Hofer and Moore point out that excessive communication is not useful for students, and also adds to parental anxiety. Instead, they suggest that before their child leaves for school, parents create a mutually agreeable "calling plan" that takes the student's need for independence and self-reliance into account. Though occasionally repetitious, this eye-opening text provides vivid examples of iparenting culled from the lives of contemporary college students and their parents.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


“[A] thoughtful and accessible guide that examines a new reality... Thanks to technology, many parents and children are in constant, daily communication. (The authors, Middlebury professor Barbara Hofer and journalist Abigail Sullivan Moore, provide compelling statistics to back up their point.) They also offer sensible guidelines about how to navigate this unprecedented access to your child’s life in college. They point out why certain behaviors — providing a last-minute edit on a term paper, intervening with a dean because your child says her roommate is mean — can damage your college kid’s ability to solve problems without you, a key element in becoming an adult.” --USA Today

Product Details

  • File Size: 1918 KB
  • Print Length: 289 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: B00BORYURM
  • Publisher: Atria Books (August 10, 2010)
  • Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B003L785ZQ
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #519,729 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars When the good-byes are over, read this book September 5, 2010
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Hofer's research and Moore's reporting reveal the all-too-painful truths: we've lashed our kids to us for so long that they can't begin the slow separation and growing independence that are critical to maturing. For parents in high school, for parents with children in college, even for parents in the post-college years still answering cell phone calls and texts daily, this is a must-read. Includes common-sense approach to using technology for all the right reasons and learning to limit its use to help your kids grow up.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Informative and enjoyable August 26, 2010
I just started reading this book and found it to be informative right from the first page. As a grandmother, it intrigues me to see the many differences in family relationships now. I had never given a thought to how much being "iConnected" contributes to those changes. The book is well written and provides much valuable information and is enjoyable reading. I think this book is a must for any family with children who are leaving the "nest"
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I needed this book. I am a parent who may have been more involved in managing my son's work in high school than I should have, but I will not continue this pattern in college. He will take responsibility for his own schedule and his own work, with help from the Academic Support Center on campus whenever necessary. It is appalling to read that 19% of recently-interviewed students admit that their parents edited their papers electronically before submission to college professors! If your child cannot produce his/her own work now, then when? My husband had images of micro-managing our son via webcam and Skype to make sure he kept up with his schoolwork, but I hope reading and discussing this book with me has changed his mind. As hard as it is to make those large tuition payments and then leave it up to our son whether to make good use of this educational opportunity, anything else would make no sense. We will remind him to take advantage of the support that is available on campus, but his mistakes must be his own. "Staying close" should not mean keeping your son or daughter from growing up. Highly recommended reading for parents who want wisdom and advice on this difficult stage of life.
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