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The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up Hardcover – August 10, 2010

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The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up + Letting Go (Fifth Edition): A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years + You're On Your Own (But I'm Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Atria Books; 1 edition (August 10, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1439148295
  • ISBN-13: 978-1439148297
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 1.1 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,939,020 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Middlebury College psychology professor Hofer and New York Times contributor Moore combine original research and reporting in this examination of "iparenting," their term for a new generation of parents that employs technology to stay deeply involved in children's lives, even as the kids head off to college. According to the authors, who conducted surveys at Middlebury and the University of Michigan, many parents are in constant contact with their college students via cell phone, texting, email, Facebook, and Skype. But daily contact, they contend, hinders growth, robs kids of their ability to make decisions and learn from mistakes, and detracts from their college experience. The authors also discovered that parents have become increasingly involved in academic matters; many edit their children's papers via email, and intervene in academic decisions such as choosing majors or contacting professors. This "hypermanaging" trend often continues after college and into a career search. Urging moderation, Hofer and Moore point out that excessive communication is not useful for students, and also adds to parental anxiety. Instead, they suggest that before their child leaves for school, parents create a mutually agreeable "calling plan" that takes the student's need for independence and self-reliance into account. Though occasionally repetitious, this eye-opening text provides vivid examples of iparenting culled from the lives of contemporary college students and their parents.
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"Some of the real life stories you'll read in The iConnected Parent are jaw-dropping, some simply eye-opening, and all of the advice is practical and easy to apply. Buy this ground-breaking book as a present for yourself when your child graduates from high school. It's a sound investment in your son's or daughter's future self-reliance."
--Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

“Every parent of a college-bound high school student should read this book! Hofer and Moore provide a realistic view on technology-enhanced parenting with a sincerity, humor, and wit that is uncommon in other books on this topic. Whether we like it or not, the days of the weekly phone call home from college - usually on a Sunday night after waiting in line for the pay phone - are long over. The authors provide sound advice for parents in considering appropriate boundaries for contacting their college students via e-mail, text messaging, instant messaging, and the ever present mobile phone/device, while encouraging students to advocate for themselves.”
--Beverly Low, Dean of First-Year Students, Colgate University

“The road to adulthood is longer than ever, and in some ways more challenging than ever for emerging adults and their parents. This book provides excellent information and insights about how parents can help their emerging adults navigate this road—but also about what the limits should be and how parents can learn to let go.”
--Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, Clark University, author of Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties

“[A] thoughtful and accessible guide that examines a new reality... Thanks to technology, many parents and children are in constant, daily communication. (The authors, Middlebury professor Barbara Hofer and journalist Abigail Sullivan Moore, provide compelling statistics to back up their point.) They also offer sensible guidelines about how to navigate this unprecedented access to your child’s life in college. They point out why certain behaviors — providing a last-minute edit on a term paper, intervening with a dean because your child says her roommate is mean — can damage your college kid’s ability to solve problems without you, a key element in becoming an adult.” --USA Today

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Anne M. Condon on September 5, 2010
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Hofer's research and Moore's reporting reveal the all-too-painful truths: we've lashed our kids to us for so long that they can't begin the slow separation and growing independence that are critical to maturing. For parents in high school, for parents with children in college, even for parents in the post-college years still answering cell phone calls and texts daily, this is a must-read. Includes common-sense approach to using technology for all the right reasons and learning to limit its use to help your kids grow up.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Hank and Donna Daignault on August 26, 2010
Format: Hardcover
I just started reading this book and found it to be informative right from the first page. As a grandmother, it intrigues me to see the many differences in family relationships now. I had never given a thought to how much being "iConnected" contributes to those changes. The book is well written and provides much valuable information and is enjoyable reading. I think this book is a must for any family with children who are leaving the "nest"
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I needed this book. I am a parent who may have been more involved in managing my son's work in high school than I should have, but I will not continue this pattern in college. He will take responsibility for his own schedule and his own work, with help from the Academic Support Center on campus whenever necessary. It is appalling to read that 19% of recently-interviewed students admit that their parents edited their papers electronically before submission to college professors! If your child cannot produce his/her own work now, then when? My husband had images of micro-managing our son via webcam and Skype to make sure he kept up with his schoolwork, but I hope reading and discussing this book with me has changed his mind. As hard as it is to make those large tuition payments and then leave it up to our son whether to make good use of this educational opportunity, anything else would make no sense. We will remind him to take advantage of the support that is available on campus, but his mistakes must be his own. "Staying close" should not mean keeping your son or daughter from growing up. Highly recommended reading for parents who want wisdom and advice on this difficult stage of life.
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