'I'm not sure I'm cut out for parenthood. It's not in my plan. All right, I haven't actually got a plan, but if I had one, this wouldn't be in it. I don't even like babies---nasty, small, noisy, smelly things that take over your life. But this is a different baby. This is not just a baby; this is our baby ...' Newlywed Theodora discovers a slight oversight she and Kevin made on their honeymoon. Now she's gained an important new subject for her famous diary---but at such a cost! 'Tom opened the oven door and got out the most enormous chocolate pudding and placed it on the table in front of me. 'Especially for you, dear sister,' said Ariadne. I swallowed hard a few times then took off for the bathroom. Ariadne looked at Tom and said, 'I told you so.'' What? Theodora sick (literally) of chocolate? How will she survive without her favorite food group? Answer: with typical irrepressible humour that finds much to laugh at about marital bliss, faith, friendships, and the foibles of pregnancy. But will she be reunited with her lost love? Never fear---Theodora and chocolate can't be separated forever.
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About the Author
Penny Culliford attends her local Anglican church, which bears no resemblance to Saint Norbert's. The author of Theodora's Wedding and Theodora's Diary, she likes chocolate, TV sitcoms, and unexpected acts of kindness. She dislikes celery, stick insects, and people who take themselves too seriously. She lives in Kent, England, with her husband and children.
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July Sunday 2 July 11:45 p.m. Shhh! I'm writing this really quietly by torchlight so that Kevin doesn't know I'm doing it. It feels a bit dishonest, but after two years of jotting down my thoughts in a diary, I feel as if I can't think properly without it. He's not at all happy about me keeping the diary. I'm not actually banned from writing in it; he just makes little whimpering noises and looks pathetic when he sees me scribbling away. He even tore out the pages describing our Greek honeymoon on the grounds that if Diana's grandma found them, she'd have a heart attack. I tried to explain that (a) Yaya doesn't read English and (b) if she could read it, it would probably brighten her day considerably. Kevin would have none of it, though. 'I just don't like it. It's like you're keeping things from me, Theo,' he whined. 'They're nothing, just thoughts.' 'If they're just thoughts, why don't they stay in your head? Mine do.' 'I don't know. It's as if I can sort things out better if I see them written on the page.' 'You could talk to me.' He pouted. I couldn't deny it, he had a point. And I did talk to him; of course I did. 'It's just that . . .' I hesitated, trying to think of a reason. 'Most of it's boring stuff like . . . what colour nail polish should I wear today, or do I need to order an extra pint of milk? What was the name of the guy with the spiky hair in the Bay City Rollers? Stuff like that.' 'Then why don't you like me reading it?' 'Because you laugh at me.' Now it was my turn to pout. He went to the table and picked up the diary. He held it closed as if the pages were fastened with an invisible padlock. 'Sometimes it's like you're . . . shutting me out. Theo, please don't write in the diary any more.' I took the diary from him and put it in a drawer. 'I'll think about it.' He looked at me for a long time as if he was weighing me up. I thought he was going to say something else, but he didn't. I love him, and I don't want to keep things from him; on the other hand, he doesn't have a right to know all my thoughts, everything that is going on in my head. Does he? Monday 3 July Didn't sleep well last night. Dreamed that God was reading my diary. God didn't say anything, but I watched his expression, which passed from puzzled, to amused, to irritated, to completely perplexed. If I asked Charity Hubble about my dream, she'd pray for my deliverance; if I told my sister, Ariadne, she'd blame it on the blue-cheese dressing I had on my salad last night. The irony is, if I wasn't so worried about whether to keep a diary or not, I wouldn't have to keep a diary! What is a girl to do? One thing this girl must do is to go job-hunting. Despite Kevin's pseudo-chivalrous offer to be the sole provider, I'll go mad with boredom and drive Kevin mad, moaning about it. The job as church secretary occupies less than one day a week, and the only intellectual challenge is how to change the photocopier's toner cartridge without looking as if I'd just swept a chimney. I can't deny it's kind of Chrissie to keep the job for me, but I prefer her being my friend and my vicar to being my boss. I've never met anyone so disorganized. I discovered that she'd mixed up the burials register with the register of marriages. Poor Darren Clooney nearly got booked in for a full service at the local crematorium, and goodness knows what would have happened if his fiancee, Janice, had turned up at the church and found the mortal remains of ninety-seven-year old Mr Gainsborough waiting for her in his wooden box. 11:30 a.m. Just flicked through the small ads in the local paper. Unless I have a burning ambition to be a barmaid or an offi ce cleaner, options are limited. I have no burning ambition to be either. I got rather distracted by the 'pets for sale' and was very tempted to 'provide a loving home' for a pair of unwanted ginger kittens. I decided against it on the grounds that I preferred Kevin the budgie without a feline overcoat. Needless to say, the budgie's name was my mother's choice. She cared for 'Kevin' while we were on honeymoon. 'But, Mum,' I protested, 'you can't call it Kevin. Half the time I won't know if I'm talking to my husband or the budgie.' 'If he turns out anything like your father, you'll get more sense out of the bird.' Tuesday 4 July Woke up early, made Kevin a cup of tea and brought him breakfast in bed. As we snuggled up, a picture of contentment, Kevin asked me if I was happy. 'Of course,' I replied. 'You're not worried about anything?' 'No.' 'Are you sure?' 'Positive. Now would you mind telling me what this is all about?' He opened my underwear drawer. I was starting to get worried. 'If everything in your life is so hunky-dory, then why are you still writing in that blasted diary?' He rummaged through the bras and pants and pulled out my diary. Discovered. What could I do now? I looked away and pretended to brush some toast crumbs onto the fl oor. I'd managed to keep away from the diary for nearly a fortnight after we got back from honeymoon, but I'm like an addict. I just can't stop. The compulsion is even worse than the worst kind of chocolate craving -- and I should know. The only solution would be to agree to let him read it. I was just about to make my magnanimous offer when I discovered a large blob of marmalade in my hair. By the time I'd scraped it off, the moment had passed. He gave me a peck on the cheek and a hug. 'You smell of oranges. Do you know what you remind me of?' I shook my head, expecting him to say, 'An orange grove in springtime,' or something equally romantic. He grinned and gave me another squeeze. 'You're just like a big cuddly Paddington Bear.'
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More About the Author
Penny Culliford attends her local Anglican church, which bears no resemblance to Saint Norbert's. The author of Theodora's Wedding and Theodora's Diary, she likes chocolate, TV sitcoms, and unexpected acts of kindness. She dislikes celery, stick insects, and people who take themselves too seriously. She lives in Kent, England, with her husband and children.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Expect high quality entertainment and nothing less,
This review is from: Theodora's Baby (Paperback)
There's a surprise bun in Theodora's oven. Theodora's Baby is the third book in the series by Penny Culliford, with Theodora's Wedding and Theodora's Diary being the earlier two. Theodora loves writing in her diary, but her husband Kevin isn't so fond of being replaced by a book with blank pages. He doesn't understand why she can't spell out her thoughts and concerns to him. This doesn't stop Theodora's journaling, though. Whether she's faking a bowel problem or simply lying through her teeth, she just keeps writing and readers won't want to stop reading.
Readers can't help but feel like an important part of this vibrant woman's life, being able to read the secret diary not even her husband is allowed to touch. She's a convincing character, brutally honest, and three-dimensional. The dialogue is snappy and true to life. Each character Theodora comes across is memorable. Expect to meet loveable, fun people as Culliford finds witty ways of introducing the characters into her story. The author portrays married life the way only an experienced individual can, with high energy and genuine humor. If you've ever been afraid of asking God for direction in your life, or if you can sympathize with the demands of a chocolate addiction, or you need a good laugh, then Theodora's Baby is right for you. Penny Culliford's creation is a literary work after the Christian woman's heart, as she addresses the everyday struggles of Christian life. Readers won't need to read the previous books to lose themselves in this one, but I don't see how it could hurt; especially if Culliford's earlier works are as enjoyable and clever as this one. Expect high quality entertainment and nothing less. - Stephanie Simpson, Christian Book Previews.com
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wonderful!,
This review is from: Theodora's Baby (Paperback)
I've read the two previous books in the Theodora series and was eagerly anticipating the release of the third. Theodora's Baby was everything I was hoping for and more. Kevin, Theodora's family, and the people from St. Norberts were all back and as quirky as ever. I was also pleasantly surprised to see how much Theodora had grown; I'd always enjoyed reading her funny journal entries, but was glad to see that in this book she seemed to be maturing somewhat, both spiritually and personally. A fantastic book that I would recommend to anyone.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Swap chocolate for a baby,
By
This review is from: Theodora's Baby (Paperback)
Theo and Kevin have just gotten married and now are expecting a baby! Being pregnant isn't all fun and games for the couple. It means Theo can't stand the sight of chocolate! The couple are going through their first days of marriage and already they are having issues. From Kevin not wanting Theo to write in her diary to Theo leaving for a few days because Kevin wouldn't fix the bathroom, the newlyweds sound like their having lots of fun in their new life. With Theo's pregnancy comes cravings for weird food, having to wear Charity-like maternity clothing (gasp!), trying to find a job that will take her in her "condition" and her sister-in-law getting pregnant at the same time. Plus Declan keeps showing up. Thank goodness Kevin lets Theo have her diary back. She'd be lost without it.
Theodora is one of my favorite characters as of lately. I love everything that she goes through and how she handles situations. I thought it was pretty arrogant of Kevin to refuse Theo to write in her diary. His reason is that he wants her to talk to him instead of writing. Really though, guys stop listening after a while. If Theo had really stopped her diary and talked to him all the time, I guarantee Kevin would have gotten fed up and been like "why don't you talk to you friends about this stuff?" I mean Theo gets frustrated with him and football but she never asks him to quit it completely. Arrgh, men. I do like how Theo and Jeremiah finally sort of get along. Although I really didn't like his earlier viewpoint on her especially when he think they've gotten married after she got pregnant. I hate people who jump to conclusions and especially Christians who think they are better than everyone else. I'm glad she took a stand though and I'm glad they were able to make up. There's not much Charity in this book but her and Theo have settled down and are more friendlier with each other. It's also interesting to read how Charity's oldest son has started to rebel against their conservative lifestyle. I hope this isn't the last we'll hear from Theodora and her diary. I want more!
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