But How'd I Get in There in the First Place? Talking to Your Young Child About Sex [Paperback]

Deborah Roffman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 2, 2002

Young children ask questions about sex, sexuality, conception, and birth that can be embarrassing or uncomfortable for parents. With her characteristic good sense and cool head, author Deborah Roffman will put even the most awkward parents at ease, giving them the skills to talk confidently with young children about these important but delicate issues. In this wonderfully reassuring book, readers will learn that the key to talking with children about sex is knowing that their questions fall into three easily recognizable categories. At age three or four, kids are curious about geography ("Where was I before I was here?"), and at four or five, about delivery ("Exactly how did I get out of there?"). Finally, the six year old's classic stumper--"But how'd I get in there in the first place?"--is about cause and effect, not about imminent sexual activity! With the emotional and developmental underpinnings of a child's curiosity understood, parents will find their tongues; with Deborah Roffman's wise, warm and practical advice, they will be well prepared for the inevitable flow of questions in the years to come.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

The "Go Parents!" series (e.g., Teaching Your Children Good Manners) is designed to infuse the task of carrying out parental responsibilities with humor and enjoyment. The latest entry tackles sexuality issues. Berkenkamp, a mother of four, and Atkins, a child psychologist, offer basic advice and information on what to expect for each age group, toddler to age 12, with a short sample question-and-answer section at the end. In a useful twist, they recommend asking children what they think is the answer to a question before beginning an explanation. Each chapter contains a games-and-activities section, a nice feature. This book is accessible, easy to read, and free of intellectual leanings. Recommended for public libraries with the caveat that it does not address teenagers. Roffman is a certified sexuality educator and author of Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex. Like her first book, this one takes a highly intellectual approach while conveying information through an excellent "five universal needs" structure (i.e., affirmation, information giving, values clarification, limit setting, and anticipatory guidance). But there are few sample dialogs, questions raised in one section may be answered unexpectedly much later or sometimes not at all, and the author assumes upper- to middle-class intellectual/cultural background and knowledge. An optional purchase; better buys are Sol and Judith Gordon's Raising a Child Responsibly in a Sexually Permissive World, which also addresses disabled youth, and Mary Calderone and James Ramey's Talking with Your Child About Sex, still valuable for its copious sample questions and answers. Martha Cornog, Philadelphia
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"Explains which questions to expect from children of different ages and gives sample answers in age-appropriate language." -- Child, September 2002

"This book is accessible, easy to read, and free of intellectual leaning." -- Library Journal, August 2002

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Perseus Publishing; 1st edition (April 2, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738205729
• ISBN-13: 978-0738205724
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.5 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #329,255 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful book--and not just for parents of young children, May 22, 2002

By 

Lawrence J. Cohen (Brookline, MA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: But How'd I Get in There in the First Place? Talking to Your Young Child About Sex (Paperback)

This is a wonderful book--informative and easy to read, which is pretty impressive for a topic that makes most parents uncomfortable: talking with our children about sex. Roffman understands that sex education does not begin or end with learning about periods and puberty in fifth or sixth grade--she offers insightful guidelines for discussing important issues at different ages. My daughter is out of the target age range for this book (she's eleven) but I found the book very useful anyway, helping me understand the lessons I missed along the way and giving good basic information and ideas for communicating it. Read it!

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars great reading before your kids start asking -- or after!, July 22, 2007

By 

book lover (New Haven, CT) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: But How'd I Get in There in the First Place? Talking to Your Young Child About Sex (Paperback)

I bought this book from the author after attending a super educational conference which she led (I am a middle-school teacher who was reviewing the health & sexuality component of our school's curriculum). However, I bought this book with my then-four-year-old in mind, and it's fantastic. Its down-to-earth, concrete language helps demystify the idea of talking about sex with kids -- an effort which she reminds us we are usually trying to learn from scratch, without the help of effective, adult role models to follow.

Roffman gives wonderfully humorous examples of how to follow a child's lead -- and when to listen and find out what the kid is actually asking, rather than what you, with that frog in your throat, mistakenly assume that he may want to know.

Having worked with many teens whose parents have waited until they are so old that talking about sexuality and relationships is viewed as a "hush-hush" conversation, I highly recommend this book to all parents as a way to help open up conversational ground wihtout fear. The more correct information that kids have from parents, from the start -- about their bodies and about healthy human relationships -- the better equipped they will be to interpret all the MISinformation that comes at them later, from the media and from their peers!

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars better than a couple of other resources..., August 1, 2007

By 

Yvonne K. Fulbright - See all my reviews

This review is from: But How'd I Get in There in the First Place? Talking to Your Young Child About Sex (Paperback)

Roffman's book is well-written but lacks direction at points. The information seems out of order in places and is a bit repetitive. It's not easy to locate info if parents are looking for quick tips. Roffman does a nice job including her own teaching, mothering and childhood experiences and is a sold resource. The book loses focus at the end, giving info geared more towards educators than parents.
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright
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