Customer Reviews

There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate

5 star:		(32)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

Over my the past ten years, I have done a great amount of reading, research and soul searching in the effort to find treatment to my OCD, anxiety disorders, depression, blocks ETC. I have been to many psychologists "specializing" in anxiety disorders. I have established relationships with the top and most cutting edge specialists in the field of the treatment of anxiety disorders.
The common denominator that the world of psychology is just starting to understand is that these disorders are, in truth, just the tip of the iceberg of a deep seated rejection of self. The ONLY way to end the living hell of a life full of anxiety is acceptance. Acceptance is the key. A deep comprehensive acceptance of self. The "new wave" of the psychology world is just beginning to get it.
Cheri Huber's book is a very important and fun read to get the basics of the dynamics of the root to these disorders. What is important to understand is that the ideas given over in this book are the same ideas that people are paying $250.00 an hour to hear from the top-anxiety disorder therapists in the country. I recommend buying this book and doing some more Amazon searches under "self-acceptance" and beginning a library to educate yourself on these fundamental truths. If you are among one of the lucky ones-You will begin a life changing process of self restoration, one of spontaneity, intimacy, and life.

I have read several of this author's books, and have found all of them to be full of insights and helpful reminders about various things we can do to bring ourselves back to the present, and find the joy within ourselves.

"There is Nothing Wrong With You" discusses the fact that many of us were conditioned as children to believe that we are not inherently good. Although those words may not have been said to us directly, we got the message everytime we were told that we "should have done this", "should be ashamed of ourselves", "shouldn't have done that", etc... And that it's these types of messages that led to the creation of the "internal committee" that exists within all (or at least most) of us - you know, that comittee in your head that judges you harshly, reminds you of the negatives about yourself and others, and basically drives you crazy whenever you're trying to make a difference in your life (smile)...

The author ties all of this in with the ego - that part of ourselves that thrives on the power that we give to our "internal commitee" each time we believe the negative self-talk going on in our heads.

Evolving through this idea of the ego & internal committe, the author provides several ideas of how to deal with, and overcome the belief that we're not inherently good - a belief which leads us to beat ourselves up within our mind all too often (we come to believe that this punishment of ourselves will somehow make us be "good" people - but does it really???).

One of the main things I got from this book is the idea of having compassion for yourself. To ask yourself, if my best friend said to me the same things I'm saying to myself, would they remain my friend? Or, would I ever say this to someone I loved? If the answer is no, than it's a good idea to stop the voices in your head, and choose to have compassion for yourself - we all need compassion, so why not give it to yourself?

Another good insight was Cheri Huber's "rule of thumb" which states: if the voice within you is saying anything that isn't loving & compassionate, it's your ego talking, and it's a lie - DON'T BELIEVE IT!!! YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON JUST AS YOU ARE!!!

Overall, I found this book to be an interesting, insightful, easy read, and would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to silence the negative self-talk going on within your mind. Although this book is written from a buddhist perspective, you definitely don't need to be a buddhist to gain from all of the wonderful insights included within the pages of this book.

Cheri Huber is an excellent speaker and author. I have read most of her books and I always get a lot out of them. In fact, I frequently recommend them to my clients because they are simple, straightforward and easy to relate to. They are written in an upbeat fasion and they get practical very quickly.

Cheri Huber is actually a founder of a Zen monastery and a big advocate of sitting still and listening to the wisdom within. Her general approach is to get quiet and experience the layers that are beneath the everyday mental chatter. She advocates staying with difficult emotions including shame and approaching your areas of discomfort with love and compassion.

Krishamurti once said, "Seeing the truth deeply is what liberates, not your efforts to be free." I suspect Cheri would add that what limits your ability to see deeply so that shame and self-hatred unravels is self compassion. Without this quality of acceptance, inevitably defense mechanisms will kick up.

This booka and many of Cheri's other books combine the insights of Buddhism with some cognitive therapy techniques. This particularly evident in her Self Acceptance course which I highly recommend as an accompaniment to this book.

You really can't go wrong with any of Cheri Huber's books. They are filled with compassion, practical wisdom and are characterized by a simple, direct and powerful way of moving through the world.

I cannot pick holes in the content of this book, very simple but useful information. I would have preffered a more concise grouping of themes and different formatting, the book does tend to wander among different points, but coming back to issues seems eerily to drive the point in with little effort required of the reader.
I never felt like I hated myself, though I do have a tendency to mull over past issues with feelings of guilt or inadequacy. This book has helped me to let go, and deal with parts of me that stop me from being the kind of person I think I could be. Also to discover that these negative parts of my character cause me to apparently fall short of my best self rather than keep me in check or guide me constructively.
I was able to use the information in this book from the second I read it, I didnt really have to learn anything but to try. OK, so shes not a doctor or Professor or whatever, I have seen fully qualified psychiatrists and, although they provided some useful guidance, this book provided more in a shorter time, and was much less expensive.
PS. Some fully qualified people are terrible counsellors/shrinks and mess people up way way more than they ever were before they walked in the door. Letters after your name are just letters, they dont make you a better person (mine dont anyway).

Really, I read from this remarkable book everyday. It's a book for people who have long suspected that really, There Is Nothing Wrong With You, and it should be in every home, shool and public library - put this on the Gideon Societies new list now!

Quit searching for that quick fix ,that elusive magical cure to all your woes, your pain and suffering.

For those unfamiliar with Zen Buddhism, the concepts here can seem too simple and even silly to people in this over-abundant, pseudo-secure society that believes there is the right pill or the right therapist OUT THERE to fix all the things wrong with me. (which may account for the two negative reviews).

But as with all writings of pure Buddhism eventually you can't run from what you already know within, deep down. There is nothing to get, nothing to do except to begin accepting yourself for who you are and start ignoring that voice in most peoples heads saying, "there's something wrong with you...your really no good..." etc. And this book will help to illustrate this in an often comical, light-hearted way.
Sounds simple, and it is. But it won't just happen, well, actually it will - hmm..see how silly Zen can sound in words. I mean, you'll have to do some serious WORK to wholly realize the title of this book . This could be your first step.

I borrowed this book from a friend after I realized the committee of a**holes yammering in my head was anything but loving and compassionate. Somehow I had to learn to love myself. I signed up for a Debbie Ford telecourse (Love Beyond Belief--excellent course) and supplemented it with this book, and Be the Person You Want to Find, also by Cheri Huber. Both books are excellent but this is my favorite. It's simple, it's fun, it's brilliant. It got me back into meditating which has been wonderfully calming and enlightening. Reading this reminded me that it's not about what I do or become but about who I am BEing right now in this moment. I dont have to prove anything! I started taking notes as I read my borrowed copy and quickly realized I needed to buy my own copy and did. Now I can scribble in it and read it whenever I need a reality check. I can honestly say now, there is nothing wrong with me! I also plan to read The Depression Book since I have been thru some depressions in the past and believe it is hereditary in my family. These books are good medicine. Since taking the Debbie Ford course and reading Cheri's books I have been able to wean completely off the Lexipro antidepressant I'd been taking for over a year. I feel great and my libido is coming back from the dead. Thank you Cheri!!

I am very pleased to see all of the powerfully positive reviews given about this book. And I concur with the best of them: This book has been life changing to me, it is my Bible, it is by far the best spiritual and Buddhist book I have read, (I think you get the idea now). And Cheri Huber is the best, most practical and realistic spiritual teacher I have come across. I consider myself a student even though I only met her once at a talk in Harrisburg, PA earlier this year.

In my personal experience as a committed Buddhist and Bodhisattva (Buddhist spiritual warrior), everything Cheri says in her book is absolutely true. It has taken some courage on my part to find this out for myself, but there is absolutely nothing, no past, current, or future thought, act, or experience, that is beyond the realm of or undeserving of compassion. Self-acceptance no matter what! Period !

Perhaps the only other ingredient here is self-honesty and a willingness to uncover and embrace our negative shadows. Do this as Cheri teaches, and these negative traits will, over time, just fall away. This is quite counterintuitive from what we have learned during our conditioned upbringing, and counter to the very toxic Judeo-Christian (and Moslem) notion that we are somehow broken and salvation can only come from outside of us.

A favorite passage ([...]) - "We do not need to beat, punish, chastise, berate, and belittle ourselves and we never did. THE IRONIC TWIST IS THAT PUNISHING OURSELVES IS WHAT KEEPS US FROM SEEING THAT WE DON'T NEED TO PUNISH OURSELVES. If we can ever become aware and willing enough to break the internal battering cycle and NOT INDULGE IN THE BEATING, we can begin to see how this is so. It takes courage and patience and faith in our inherent goodness."

Another wonderful quote I use for guidance [...] - "Everything you need to know will come to you in compassion".

I would like to make one recommendation that goes beyond the content of this book, however. If you have suffered from serious trauma such as abuse or abandonment during infancy, there will be elements in your psyche, often manifesting somatically (as distress or tension somewhere in your body), that will need other modalities beyond meditation and self-acceptance work to completely heal. Some of these modalities include somatic psychotherapies such as Hakomi ([...]) and Sensorimotor ("Trauma and the Body" by Pat Ogden, et al.) psychotherapy which can uncover and heal traumas that happened during preverbal times of you life, which insight meditation may not be able to reach.

Some other of Cheri Huber's book that I wholehearted recommend include: "The Fear Book", "There is Nothing Wrong With You For Teens". "Time-Out For Parents: A Guide to Compassionate Parenting", "That Which You Are Seeking Is Causing You to Seek", and "The Key: And the Name of The Key is Willingness".

I'd also suggest a couple of other Buddhist authors you might like to read: Pema Chodron (all of her several books are very good) and Tara Brach - "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha". I find it interesting that my 3 favorite Buddhist authors are female: their books are just much more practical and earthy than any male Buddhist authors I have read (I admit there are a number male Buddhist of authors I have not read).

Pema Chodron talks a lot about approaching life as a Bodhisattva (Buddhist spiritual warrior). One of her major premises is following the natural ebb and flow of spiritual challenges and growth. A movement forward into new challenges and situations, the unknown, balanced with the ability to retreat, to nuture yourself completely with deep compassion when you decide not to venture forward. I find this approach very helpful for myself, you practice courage, but at other time you completely take yourself off-the-hook for any perceived limitations you have. With this approach there is always self-acceptance and you will find that you will naturally and almost effortlessly be willing to take on new challenges.

Tara Brach's book is a nice treatice an self-acceptance and gives instructions on some wonderful meditations (e.g., Lovingkindness; Self-compassion meditation) that can be helpful along the path of self-acceptance and acceptance of all things. But I find that Tara is a bit conditional when she discusses self-acceptance while Cheri Huber stresses complete unconditional self-acceptance. And, of course, Cheri is correct.

I bought this book from Amazon a few years ago and it is one of the best purchases I have ever made. I keep referring to it again and again. This book never fails to make me feel better when I am low or when I am being hard on myself. The message is so simple - be your own best friend, realise that your family is not able to give you what you need (if they could, then they would have) and instead give yourself the love and nurturing that you missed out on as a child. The layout of this book makes it so easy to read and I love the narrative style, it's like having an old friend who is always on your side. By the way, I'm from England and purchased this book from the US, but the messages contained here are universal and applicable to us all. Only you can give yourself the love and acceptance you crave - buying this book is a great first step.

Hi,

I find Cheri's books to be WONDERFULLY enlightening, interesting, deep and profound, yet fun and funny. A FANTASTIC way to understand deep Zen teachings and apply them to every day life.

The books "There is Nothing Wrong With You" and "Suffering is Optional" especially spoke to me.

I REALLY like the handwritten look text. It is both easy to read, and seems more "fun" somehow than regular book type. Her approach is very conversational and fun, and at times, humorous. She draws me in, and I don't want to stop reading (except to do the exercises).

I previously tried to read some of the Zen classics, by both oriental and western writers, but their writings just seemed to philosophical, too dry, too hard to understand and apply, not to mention too small type to read comfortably. I just happened on Cheri's books at my local bookstore. Once I read one, I was hooked! I've read 5 and counting!

Thank you Cheri!

Parents, read the beginning of the book and the words that injure a child's self esteem. All individuals....... realize there is nothing wrong with any of us. Only what culture deems is not the 'norm' but there is no such class as normal. CHeri Huber writes with playful ideas, direct issues, encouragement to break old habits of self-judgment. Excellently written. Have had all my patients take the time to read it. Worth at least a month of therapy sessions.