There When He Needs You: How to Be an Available, Involved, and Emotionally Connected Father to Your Son [Hardcover]

Neil Bernstein (Author), Brooke Lea Foster (Contributor)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 13, 2008

Men want to be better fathers, and today they're trying harder than ever. They jog behind strollers, leave work early for parent-teacher conferences, and roughhouse with their kids before they've had a chance to change out of their suits.

But many men aren't building the relationships with their sons that they'd hoped for. And sons are finding it hard to confide in fathers who must devote so much of their time to building careers that both keep them from their families and keep their families comfortable. Many fathers admit that they don't have a clue what's going on in their sons' lives, from ball game schedules to online communities to fears and anxieties about school, friends, and relationships. Fathers often walk around burdened with guilt, worried they're just not able to do the right thing, even though they're trying to be equal partners in parenting with their wives.

There When He Needs You is the first book to tell the truth about the challenges that fathers of sons face today -- including the intergenerational legacies of self-doubt that they anxiously carry from themselves having had distant, unavailable fathers. A self-treatment program as well as a psychological X-ray of today's father, There When He Needs You shows you how to create and strengthen a real, meaningful bond with your son. Through real-life stories of real-life dads who have lost and found their way, you as a father will learn to reorder your priorities, express yourself more openly, connect with your loved ones, and become the role model that your son needs.

Wives will learn how to gently help their husbands do this -- no nagging, threatening, or criticizing -- while becoming their husband's best friend, cheerleader, and coach. Turning the father-son dynamic inside out, There When He Needs You helps fathers, sons, and mothers to understand their roles in the family and create relationships that fuel closeness and trust.

There When He Needs You will open your eyes, tickle your funny bone, and touch your heart. Ultimately, you'll understand what it really means to be a father to your son and discover new ways to be there for him.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This straightforward look at the dos and don'ts of good fathering should be handed out to all men as they leave the hospital with a newborn son. Bernstein draws on years of experience as a clinical psychologist focused on family therapy to thoroughly explore what he calls the father trap—men who are drawn to fatherhood by their desire to out-father their own dads after they become parents, only to realize that they have no idea how to go about being different. Using many real examples of conflicts faced by his patients, Bernstein makes convincing arguments on a range of fatherhood issues, from explaining how new dads have to confront the legacy of their own often conflicted feeling about their own fathers to detailing specific ways to Take steps to get involved in your son's life. Bernstein's writing style is fairly simple but not simplistic, and he is consistently enlightening whether he's discussing the importance of baby talk or showing how dads can best deal with a teenager's interest in pornography. He concludes with a list of Top Ten Fathering Tips (10. Never tell your son to 'suck it up.' ) that all dads should memorize. (May)
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Review

"There When He Needs You poignantly captures a man's struggle to become the father his son needs. Neil Bernstein's timely book is filled with real-life stories that entertain, inform, and inspire better parenting. It's a wonderfully written gift that I highly recommend to all families." -- Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls

"Our kids only get one father. So we dads better make sure that we get it right. The good news is that Neil Bernstein has written the book to show us the way. This gem is easy to read, down to earth, practical, and solid. What a gift to us guys who are trying to get it right for our kids' sake." -- David Walsh, Ph.D., author of No: Why Kids -- of All Ages -- Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It

"There When He Needs You is a superb, vibrant, and comprehensive guide for fathers at every stage of development. Both practical and inspirational, and with abundant, useful, and poignant case examples, it is a significant contribution to the parenting literature, and will be of inestimable value to fathers and their families. Dr. Bernstein is to be commended for authoring a book that will surely deepen and enrich the lives of the men who read it, as well as the lives of the children whom they raise." -- Brad E. Sachs, Ph.D., author of When No One Understands: Letters to a Teenager on Life, Loss, and the Hard Road to Adulthood and The Good Enough Child: How to Have an Imperfect Family and Be Perfectly Satisfied

"Finally, a father-friendly book on the topic of dads raising sons! Neil Bernstein is wise and passionate as he reminds fathers how much good we do when we seize the chance to connect with our sons." -- Neil Chethik, author of FatherLoss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Deaths of Their Dads

"In a wake-up call for today's fathers, Dr. Bernstein targets the 'half-there dad' -- the father trying to do everything but inadvertently cutting corners and shortchanging his son. Humane, blunt, with compelling stories throughout, Dr. Bernstein's useful advice will help men break through any generational and emotional barriers they face and allow them to become the 'all-around dad' that every son wants. If you read one fathering book, make sure that this is it." -- Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of Parents Do Make a Difference: How to Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts

"This. . . should be handed out to all men as they leave the hospital with a newborn son. Bernstein makes convincing arguments on a range of fatherhood issues. . . Consistently enlightening." -- Publishers Weekly, April 21, 2008

"Refreshingly unpreachy. . . Bernstein's overall message is enlivening. Using real-life examples to the best possible effect, he quickly and effectively shows readers how other fathers have broken negative cycles and corrected mistakes that have, in some cases, persisted throughout generations." --Douglas C. Lord, Library Journal, April 1, 2008 --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Free Press (May 13, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416560734
• ISBN-13: 978-1416560739
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,165,199 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars There When He Needs You, May 12, 2008

By 

Linda Michaelson (Los Altos, CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: There When He Needs You: How to Be an Available, Involved, and Emotionally Connected Father to Your Son (Hardcover)

While There When He Needs You focuses on best ways to understand, develop and improve the connection between "half-there" Dads and their sons, I fervently believe it is a wonderful gift to all overextended/overcommitted fathers and their families. This is a book written in Washington, D.C. that totally resonates here in Silicon Valley; this is a book that will richly benefit all who take the time to read it (and I hope many will do so).

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars By an expert who also knows how to teach, June 2, 2008

By 

Ejames LIEBERMAN (Potomac, Maryland United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: There When He Needs You: How to Be an Available, Involved, and Emotionally Connected Father to Your Son (Hardcover)

Neil Bernstein brings experience and expertise to the kitchen table of every parent. His parenting style and advice reflect his admirable record as a therapist and father. Highly recommended.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars For Mothers Too, May 30, 2008

By 

Washington, D.C. Mom (Washington, D.C.) - See all my reviews

This review is from: There When He Needs You: How to Be an Available, Involved, and Emotionally Connected Father to Your Son (Hardcover)

I'm a divorced mother and bought this book hoping it would help me to be more sensitive to what my son needs from his father. It did exactly that and offered a lot more than I expected. I very much enjoyed reading the father-son stories and now understand their relationship much better. We're giving his dad a copy for Father's Day. Dr. Bernstein's book should be required reading for mothers as well.