Customer Reviews

They Don't Get It, Do They?: Communication in the Workplace - Closing the Gap Between Women and Men

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

It never ceases to amaze me how people who are in fairly privileged positions in life react so vehemently and violently to the least criticism of the social order from which they and their parents before them have benefitted. I believe that Dr. Deborah Tannen's "You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation" is a much better book that explains more objectively and empirically the cultural/cognitive differences between men and women; yet still I do not think this work should just be dismissed.

While I do not believe it is useful for anyone to accept the role of victim and take on the helplessness implied in such a label, I also am tired of men who cannot tolerate being asked for once in their lives to seriously examine the perspectives and experiences of women. (I am also tired of women who have so completely bought into a corporate and public policy culture of hierarchical competition that they dismiss the realities of a diversity of perspectives along with their potential advantages.)

As a negotiator, I would be a complete idiot to exclude the worldviews, experiences and cognitive processes of any particular group of people that I was either representing or with whom I was negotiating. Life experience shapes leadership and world views. Any successful negotiation concerning either individuals or communities and nations must necessarily include input from both men and women (or critical concerns/needs get left out and what is agreed upon becomes untenable in actual practice).

My advice: stop reacting with such violent emotion when being asked to expand your understanding of human beings, and accept that different people have had different life experiences and therefore hold different world views than you do. Knowledge is empowerment, not just for the person you are being asked to empathize with, but for yourself. If you are truly critical of this work, then seek out alternative voices on the same topic -- the true differences in life experience and cognitive processes that can be influenced by gender; such books as Deborah Tannen's. Fry and others, while excellent sources for negotiation in general, do not even touch upon these areas.

We may be inclined to prefer objectivity, but most of this world in reality is influenced more often by passions. Only in understanding the origin of those passions can we hope to achieve fair and successful outcomes.

I haven't read gender-related titles in the past, and was having some difficulty at work so thought I would give it a try. I certainly hope there are better texts out there....

I've worked in male dominated companies for over a decade and am currently the only female manager on my boss's staff of twelve. Although there are issues, they are not nearly as blatant and nearly as bad as Dr. Reardon professes. Although I am sure that the boys club still does exist, I read the book wondering if this wasn't just a rehashing off old wounds. We tend to frequently look externally for reasons why we are not advancing or are having difficulties in the work place - easily identifiable reasons why such as gender - even if they are not the root cause.

That said, the book does have some very good points, which would apply both to males and females. I have learned some techniques that I will use on the job and will become even more assertive in identifying and letting my coworkers know when I feel they are undermining my credibility and leadership.

This is a useful and constructive book, not a rant. I'm giving They Don't Get It Do They? five stars because it's a really good book. It might be helpful to quote from Warren Bennis' own words about this book, as they appear on my copy which is the paperback edition: "Kathleen Reardon has placed her perceptive stethoscope to the proverbial 'glass ceiling' and discovered some novel ways to shatter that obstacle (for women and, interestingly enough, for men, too). Finally, a book that helps men and women learn some terrific ways to communicate to make the workplace more productive, creative, convivial and fun."

Reardon has a straightforward message that goes to the heart of corporate communications. 'They Don't Get it...' is a perfect title. As many business leaders face an uncertain future, the information contained in this book adds important tools to further diversity in the workplace. Human resources professionals would gain value by improving their understanding of the gender conflict in the workplace. CEOs could empower both themselves and their key executives by closing the gap in communications with female workers.

I also was forced to read this in the MBA program at USC and can vouch for the other former-student's review here. Our class also returned our copies of this book to the campus bookstore. If you are interested in making your workplace cutting-edge, look to Noel Tichy and Warren Bennis, for starters. If you're looking for negotiation and persuasion material, try Roger Fisher's brilliant "Getting To Yes" instead. This book isn't even bottom-of-the-birdcage material.

I was forced to read this as a required text in a Negotiation & Persuasion class in the MBA program at USC, where Dr. Reardon teaches. I and many others in the class were so infuriated by the relentless "I am a victim because I am female" propaganda throughout the entirety of the book that we all returned the text to the bookstore upon finishing it because we could not stand the thought of Dr. Reardon making a dime off of sales to us. The professor that taught the class was so embarrassed by having to assign the text (it was required, oddly enough, by the head of the department who by mere coincidence, I'm sure, happened to be Dr. Reardon), that she sheepishly cut off discussion of the text after only a few minutes. The only victims we were able to find were students who were hoodwinked into paying $1900 to learn negotiation skills but in reality were held captive to the rantings of Dr. Reardon's feminist soapbox. If you are looking to waste your time trying to find out all the ways that men are EVIL and should be eradicated from the workplace, this is your bible. If, however, you are looking for inspiration on how to make your organization a great one for all employees, male and female, I'd look elsewhere, like Warren Bennis' Organizing Genius or the Jan Carlzen's classic Moments of Truth.