20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed..Discover the Unique Need of Your Adopted Child and Become the Best Parent You Can [Paperback]

Sherrie Eldridge (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 27, 2009

Do I have what it takes to be a successful adoptive parent?
Does my child consider me a successful parent?
Will I ever hear my rebellious teen say, “I love you”?
What tools do I need to succeed?

In her groundbreaking first book, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, Sherrie Eldridge gave voice to the very real concerns of adopted children, whose unique perspectives offered unprecedented insight. In this all-new companion volume, Eldridge goes beyond those insights and shifts her focus to parents, offering them much-needed encouragement and hope.

Speaking from her own experience as an adoptee and an expert in the field of adoption, Eldridge shares proven strategies and the moving narratives of nearly one hundred adoptive families, helping parents gain a deeper understanding of what is normal, both for their children and themselves. By first strengthening yourself as a parent, you’ll be able to truly listen to your child, and to connect with him on every level, by opening the channels of communication and keeping them open forever. Then you and your child can grow closer through the practical exercises at the end of every chapter.

Discover how to
• be confident that your role in your child’s life is vital and irreplaceable
• pass on the legacy of healthy self-care by assessing and regulating your stress
• communicate unconditional love to your child
• talk candidly with your child about her adoption and her birth family
• teach your family how to respond positively to insensitive remarks about adoption
• connect with other adoptive families–and build a support network
• plus learn to become a “warrior” parent…settle the “real parent” question…cope with emotional triggers–what to do when you “lose it” . . . celebrate the miracle of your family…and much more

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A companion book and sequel to adoption expert Eldridge's 20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, this offers prospective, new, troubled or experienced adoptive parents a combination self-help manual, sourcebook and emotional touchstone featuring 20 ways to confidently and competently address the specific challenges of raising adopted children. Adopted as an infant (at age 47 she met her birth mother and learned she was the result of a rape), Eldridge is sensitive to all aspects of the adoptive parents' journey and adroitly tackles many difficult, loaded issues including the importance of telling children the truth—positive and negative—about their origins as soon as possible, communicating heart-to-heart even when angry, when to seek professional help and understanding their own needs as well as their children's. Since the advent of open adoption, the demand for secrecy has waned, but the stresses and disillusions of an adoptive family remain, and parents want to know they are doing the best they can. The author's accessible information coupled with an accepting, understanding tone and personal insights will educate and reassure readers. Each chapter opens with a story about a family problem that is bound to resonate with readers and has imagined letters to parents from the young child, teen and adult adoptee's point of view. Helpful direction and assignments appear in boxes, sidebars and bulleted lists. (Oct.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Sherrie Eldridge once again makes a remarkable contribution to adoption literature, weaving together her personal experiences as both an adoptee and an adoption expert and skillfully examining the often unspoken thoughts of adoptive parents. "—, MS, author of Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens, and executive director, The Center for Adoption Support and Education

"A must-read and must-keep resource for all adoptive parents, getting straight to the core of adoption issues. This is one of the most validating books for adoptive parents I have ever read, helping them to know not only that their experiences are different but how to turn challenges into healing moments." —Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, author of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Delta; Original edition (October 27, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385341628
• ISBN-13: 978-0385341622
• Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.6 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #160,865 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #98 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Adoption

More About the Author

Sherrie Eldridge....Coaching Adoptees to Get Strong and Move On

Award-winning author and speaker, Sherrie Eldridge is straight-shooting, transparent, and compassionate toward everyone touched by adoption. Her basic belief about adoption loss is that one can grow from the loss and grief. Thus, the online support she founded is called the 140 member international ALL-ADOPTEE GROWTH [e-mail]. It is open to adopted teens and adults.

ADOPTION RESOURCES at www.sherrieeldridge.com:
Books:
~20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
`20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed
~20 Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make
~Questions Adoptees Are Asking
~Forever Fingerprints: An Amazing Discovery for Adopted Children

Free Workbooks: (for support group use, individual, counselor)
~Under His Wings: Creating a Safe Place for Adoptees to Talk @ Adoption
~Under His Wings: Spanish edition
~Beauty for Ashes...Transforming A Painful Past
~12 Steps for Adoptees
~12 Steps for Adopted Teens

ALL-ADOPTEE Online BOOT CAMP
~3 times per year
~Join; http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ALL-ADOPTEE

Blog: Braids of Adoption: http://sherrieeldridge.blogspot.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Sound, practical help for parents, February 9, 2010

By 

L. R. Abbott (Indianapolis, IN) - See all my reviews

This review is from: 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed..Discover the Unique Need of Your Adopted Child and Become the Best Parent You Can (Paperback)

Sherrie's new book resonated with me as an adoptive parent on so many levels. Parenting is a tough job, and understanding the heart language of our adopted daughter can be challenging. As an adoptee herself, Sherrie helped me to see that I sometimes view adoption-related issues much differently than my child. She gave me lots of practical ideas to cultivate healthy conversations while my child is young, and at each step of her development. Having read this book, I felt encouraged, energized and empowered to parent. I loved all of the real-life examples from other adoptive parents that helped me understand I'm not alone on this amazing journey with my child. I appreciated the fact that while the book has lots of anecdotes, it's based on research with over 100 other adoptive parents. I'd recommend it to any adoptive parent who needs encouragement to continue in their invaluable role. What a privilege it is to raise these amazing kids. I'm glad to have Sherrie as a guide along the way.

7 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone's adoption story is so very unique and personal..., November 9, 2010

By 

jan "regifting goddess" (Virginia Beach, VA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed..Discover the Unique Need of Your Adopted Child and Become the Best Parent You Can (Paperback)

...that if there were only one "right way" to handle everything, then there would only need to be one book. As an adoptive mom of two internationally adopted children who were not babies, I have an entire library of adoption literature from about 50 different authors, each with his/her own "take" and guidance through the adoption process and beyond based on their own experience and research. Many of them would have scared me away from adoption at all had I read them prior to, but all of them have had some valuable insight, and have been helpful in some way. Some much more than others, and Sherrie's books (I've read both of the "20 Things..." books)have been extremely enlightening and useful, at least with my own experiences and situations with my kids.
I think that's what you have to remember-- no one book is going to provide all of the information and answers to your own individual adoption issues and experiences, and I don't believe any of the authors, including Ms. Elderidge, would claim to do so. Unless you are a "reviewer" and only read the book in order to rate it, it would seem that as an adoptive parent and/or adoptee, there must have been some reason why you decided to check out this book. If you found it helpful in any way, than it was worth the read. If not, and you could not find yourself relating to any of the information or experiences written, then so be it and move on to the next one... Personally, after reading the first book and referring to it many times, I was not disappointed at all after reading this one. I am quite sure that many adoptive parents wish that there was also a book about the OTHER 20+ things we may need to succeed...! Since there is no "one size fits all" book that completely covers such a personal, emotional, and highly controversial subject, I applaud Ms. Elderidge for sharing her own very personal journey and expertise with whoever may be able to relate and benefit from it. That's why people write books....

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Sherrie Eldridge Succeeds In Helping Parents Give Voice To Adoptees, April 11, 2011

By 

beth willis miller - See all my reviews

This review is from: 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed..Discover the Unique Need of Your Adopted Child and Become the Best Parent You Can (Paperback)

"Twenty Things Adoptive Parents Need To Succeed" is another of the wonderful books by the renown adoption expert, Sherrie Eldridge. As an adult adoptee, I found this book would have helped my adoptive parents to give voice to feelings which I stuffed for many years. Just having those feelings expressed in print, rather than always being buried below the surface, would have been a huge help to my adoptive parents. After you read this book, you will want to read all the fine works by Sherrie Eldridge, as well as connecting to her wisdom through her website and her blog: [...] and [...] One of the ways in which Sherrie has helped to give voice to the adopted is very visual, which she describes as, "THE BEAUTIFUL BRAID OF ADOPTION...Long ago in eternity past, God determined that He would make a beautiful braid, and He called it Adoption. The braid has four ribbons: red for the adoptee, green for the birth parents, purple for the adoptive parents, and the golden strand for His Sovereignty that weaves our lives together...God planned who my birth parents would be and who my Mom and Dad would be. Both influences, plus His, are needed to help us become all that He created us to be." Sherrie validates the worth of every person involved in adoption--what a gift!