Customer Reviews

Things I Want My Daughters to Know : A Novel

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Although I liked "Things I Want My Daughters to Know," I didn't love it. As a daughter who lost my own mother at an early age, some of the story felt too artificial to me and the pat, happy endings for all the main characters were just a tad too unrealistic for me. Where I feel the author went wrong was by commencing this book in medias res (in the middle of things), after the mother has already died. As a result, the reader never gets the opportunity to genuinely experience the bond between mother and daughters. Therefore, an emotional disconnect exists.

What Noble does extremely well, though, is develop believable characters. In each of the daughters I could see shades of myself and how I dealt with the grief of losing my own mom. Lisa, the oldest, is "too strong for her own good" and afraid to let anyone love her. Jennifer, "proud and intent on emotional independence," strangles herself in love relationships that have long run their course. Amanda, the free spirit, uses travel as a means of escaping the real world. And Hannah, the teen who loses her mother far too soon, struggles to become a woman without her maternal role model to guide her.

In summation, "Things I Want My Daughters to Know" is a good book to pass a lazy afternoon, but it's not one I'd put on my list of all-time favorites.

As the once full-of-life Barbara Forbes is being treated for terminal cancer, she begins a journal of things that she wishes to share with her four daughters. She also writes each of her daughters an individual letter to be opened only after her death. There is Lisa, the oldest and most like her, full of life yet stubborn, too; Jennifer, married but obviously unhappy although refusing to talk to anyone about it; Amanda, the daughter who Barbara always considered her "own," as no father was around to raise her; and Hannah, Barbara's late-in-life baby, now left alone with her father, Barbara's grieving and lost second husband, Mark.

The book opens on the day of Barbara's funeral, and so the reader gets to know Barbara only through her writings. The story is told from varying perspectives in turn, including that of Mark in addition to each daughter. Initially, everyone seems to be coping as well as can be expected with Barbara's death (which was anticipated, after all) but it doesn't take long for the delicate surface to begin to give way. Each daugther must wrestle with her own demons, negotiating her own way without her beloved mother for advice and support. Eventually--and with the help of Mark, who plays a crucial role--the family is able to survive their various conflicts and emerge on the dawn side of grief. In the end, the message of this book is a simple one, if a somewhat cliched one: that love conquers all, whether it is a mother's love for her daughters, the love between sisters, or the romantic love that binds two people together forever. Overall, a worthwhile read.

This is a great book. I could not put it down. As a mother, I was moved by Barbara's need to leave something for her girls. The characters are very complicated and the author gives great insight to each of them.

This is definetly one of those books that you don't want to put down. Enjoyed reading it very much. This story has inspired me to keep a journal for my children to give them years to come.

There should be a sophisticated, respectful term for novels that are for and about women but that don't belong to the cynical-singles, brand-name-plastered shop-and-shag genre often dubbed chick lit. Although both types tend to have pastel covers, the books I'm talking about (call them sisterhood lit) are like THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA's older sibs: more mature, less brittle --- though not necessarily less fun.

Fun is an odd word to apply to Elizabeth Noble's new work of fiction, THINGS I WANT MY DAUGHTERS TO KNOW, given the lugubrious-sounding setup. Quirky, beautiful, high-spirited Barbara contracts a terminal disease and dies, leaving Mark, her devoted second husband, and her four girls to fend for themselves. But wait. Like everything Noble writes, this novel is comfort food in book form, reassuring even when it is desperately sad. By the time you've spent a year in the company of Barbara's family, you've laughed as well as wept, and when the characters achieve a sort of closure about their loss, so do you.

Female bonding has been Noble's territory from her first book, THE READING CLUB, and on through THE FRIENDSHIP TEST and ALPHABET WEEKENDS (okay, in that case the main friendship is with a guy, but many of the same principles apply). Here she focuses on four sisters (shades of LITTLE WOMEN!) who exemplify the intimate joys and rivalries of an (almost) all-female household. Each struggles differently with the conundrum of how to carry on after Barbara's death, yearning for love but also apt to run away from it.

Lisa, the eldest, has a terrific boyfriend but is suspicious of commitment. Jennifer, married but unhappy (and rather a wet blanket when we first meet her), isn't sure that she wants to have kids --- or even that she still loves her husband. Amanda roams the world and never settles (she doesn't even come home when Mum is dying). Will her new guy (and his deliciously portrayed family) help her restless soul find peace? And Hannah, still a teenager, tries to salve her pain with risky escapades involving an irresistible older boy.

These four points of view, plus that of the girls' stepfather --- one of those sensitive-yet-strong males who often populate Noble's books, proving that sisterhood can be romantic as well as powerful --- wind through THINGS I WANT MY DAUGHTERS TO KNOW like Maypole ribbons, each a different emotional color. But the presence that binds the novel together is, ironically, the person who is absent: Barbara herself. She started an informal journal when she learned she was dying, and the passages that appear throughout the book represent a legacy of grace, humor and wisdom for her girls --- as potent a gift as the diamond studs she makes sure to buy and wrap ahead of time for Hannah's 16th birthday (that's when the first of my many bouts of weeping began; be warned, too, that the ending is a real killer), or the gorgeous dress she leaves to Lisa.

If you're looking for stark realism, THINGS I WANT MY DAUGHTERS TO KNOW won't be your cup of tea (or belt of scotch). The book is more Terms of Endearment or Steel Magnolias than Wit (the unsparing play about a woman with ovarian cancer that was made into a 2001 TV movie with Emma Thompson). It's not exactly that Noble sugarcoats the ordeal, but she does make Barbara a woman who refers to cancer treatment as "C word stuff" and sends her husband away during her chemo sessions: "This is not a spectator sport." She'd rather focus on her happier hospital stays in the maternity ward (she describes her daughters' births as "the four very best days of my life"). Even her death seems quiet and rather tidy, though no less heartbreaking for that.

For all her maternal exuberance, however, Barbara is not a saint. It turns out that she had secrets, some of which she didn't divulge until after her death (an uncharacteristically cowardly decision for which her daughters both berate her and forgive her). In fact, the whole family has secrets, often of a sexual nature, and much of the plot's tension derives from how, when and with what consequences the proverbial beans will be spilled.

Juicy, huh? Yes. The book is so eventfully and passionately alive that it doesn't seem right to describe its subject as death. I think part of the message of THINGS I WANT MY DAUGHTERS TO KNOW is to be unafraid of both life and death --- to keep your sense of humor and your sense of proportion no matter what. It is Barbara's voice that dominates this book, and I'll let her have the last word. Here she is on childbirth:

"Well, I'm here to tell you, it is painful, and it is undignified. Forewarned is forearmed. If they offer you drugs, take them... If possible, lie down for all of the nine months, because for the next nine months you'll be lucky if you get the chance to lie down at all... Oh, and about stretch marks. I have them, so the chances are you will, too. Can't help, but I apologize for the genetic cock-up. My advice is to wear bikinis now."

In the end, I really enjoyed this book. It was a little hard to catch on in the beginning (slow start and the British tongue can be hard to follow). But as I continued, I couldnt put it down. I enjoyed the stories about the daughters far more than their mother's journal entries. Some were too long, drawn out and came at a bad time in the story. Maybe it's because you never really get to know the mother so sometimes I had no interest in reading what she wrote. After I finished the book, I was left with a desire to know more. How their lives continue, like I was waiting for the next episode. The last few books I've read left me with such a hollow feeling - I was pleased this book ends on a lighter note, even if other reviews say its too easy to believe. I recommend reading this book.

I enjoyed this book. It doesn't take long to get caught up in the characters. It's a book about life and relationships. An easy but heart felt read.

No matter what you think of the book, by page 30 you want want to call home to your own mother or someone close to you; by the end you will want your husband (partner) to come home earlier so you can give him a treasured hug. This book will pull you in and it is very well done. A perfect read for an evening by the fire.

Barbara Forbes knows she will die soon from cancer. She tells her second husband and her four adult daughters how she wants them to attend her funeral; none are to weep as they have shared a great life with each other and none are to dress in graveyard black as they were, are, and will continue to be a colorful family.

Barbara leaves behind four letters; one to each of her daughters offering wisdom from the soon to be dearly departed. Over the next year after she is buried each opens their late mom's last words of wisdom. Barbara encourages her oldest Lisa to allow someone to get close to her; Andy would like to be that someone. To Jennifer she advises to reach out to your husband and stop worrying about fertility and offspring as the means to save her marriage. To Amanda she says to stop running away from the truth especially that her father was neither of her mother's husbands. To her youngest teenager Hannah she says rebellion is okay as long as it harms no one including herself, but she should take her time growing up as she has a precious life ahead of her.

This concept of having a deceased provide words of wisdom has been done many times before, but Elizabeth Noble keeps it fresh avoiding cliché adages by focusing on the recipients although Barbra's diary and letters are well written. Each of her children had a different relationship with their mom; something wise Barbara recognized and encourages them accordingly; she knew her children. Although the foursome heed their late mom's guidance too easily leading to nirvana, contemporary fans will appreciate this character study of four sisters, the men in their lives, and their mother still there for them though she passed away.

Harriet Klausner

I loved every page. I have daughters of my own and found it very insightful. If only all fiction could be this griping. Recommend it for the summer and beyond.