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The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart: An Emotional and Spiritual Handbook Paperback – April 6, 2010


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: New World Library (April 6, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1577316983
  • ISBN-13: 978-1577316985
  • Product Dimensions: 8 x 5 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (66 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #121,395 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Known primarily for books on relationships (Coming Apart), Kingma's latest is a lifeline for those in the isolating depths of personal tragedy. Its purpose is to hold, to heal, and to listen, and it comes from a very real place: a friend of the author's in the midst of physical and financial hardships asked for a list of 10 practices to survive his crisis. With chapters dedicated to the necessity of tears, the freedom of letting go, and the fulfillment found in simple living, these techniques are all about practicality. Realistic indeed, yet underlying the straightforward advice is an enlivening spiritual message that isn't content with just soldiering on through the darkness. Rather than being random assaults from an uncaring universe, the difficulties you are going through have meaning and purpose, the author writes. Kingma relates her worldly and spiritual survival tools in graceful prose and includes illustrative, though somewhat broad, real-life stories of people who rise above catastrophe. This work is about more than just getting by; it directs the reader toward transcendence and peace. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

“Anyone going through a dark night of the soul needs to have this book. It will be your closest companion and your most tender angel. Daphne Rose Kingma more than speaks to your soul; she knows how to heal it.”
Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love

“What if, during the worst times you can imagine, you felt a warm and steady hand on your back guiding you forward? What if it helped you remember to turn toward what can be possible instead of against yourself or away from what you are afraid of? This book is that hand. Put it by your bedside and you’ll sleep better. Read it and you’ll live better.”
Dawna Markova, PhD, cocreator of Random Acts of Kindness

More About the Author

An undisputed expert on matters of the heart, Daphne Rose Kingma has been a therapist for more than twenty-five years, and is a frequent guest on television programs like "Oprah," "Sally Jessy Raphael," and "Leeza." She is the author of six previous books, including the bestsellers Finding True Love and Coming Apart. Kingma lives in Santa Barbara, California.

Customer Reviews

The first step in this book was to "cry your heart out."
InfoFish
This book was very helpful, i am going through a divorce and it has really helped me focus on whats important and how to let go of things.
emily
I found this book to be both very inspirational and practical as well.
Jeff Maziarek, author of Codi's Journey

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

77 of 77 people found the following review helpful By Marsha on May 30, 2010
Format: Paperback
I can safely say that this book jumped off the shelf in a bookstore precisely because my life is coming apart. Had I read the reviews first, I probably wouldn't have purchased it, but having read the book now, probably two or three times, I highly recommend this gentle, easy read which has a way of making the reader feel that he/she is not alone. You are encouraged to read the chapters as needed and not necessarily in simultaneous order. The ten things outlined are not rocket science, but they are so logical and comforting to read, whether you are experiencing job loss, death, or any other various tragedies that are mentioned, but not singled out or dwelled upon. I started with the chapter on Simplifying, clearly a common theme in today's news, but this one hits home in a precise, memorable way, which encouraged me to not just clean out once, but go back and get rid of more and more. As the author explains, you cannot hope to deal with the clutter around you even when you are feeling 100%, but when everything else is coming apart, it is essential to free up your surroundings.

The chapter on "Letting Go", again not a new concept, but written in a conversational way that makes sense when your life doesn't... says, "You can't begin to fly when you have concrete on your feet." Take it for what it's worth. If you think this is corny, so be it, but for me it is a great spiritual and uplifting go-to manual. My head is swimming, thus I need the gift this author handed me at this specific time in my life.... order, peace and hope. And, one last thing, a chapter on the great healing value of crying. I really enjoyed the quick read, quick lift quality.
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36 of 37 people found the following review helpful By L. Maupin VINE VOICE on April 26, 2010
Format: Paperback Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
I liked this book. it is not the placating stuff many self-help books are made of, and not an accumulation of many old books put into one.

i found this book very sweet and encouraging. she explains how we have dealt with things in the past and how these times are different

she had a friend going through tremendous crisis and asked for a list of ten things he could do to help himself

some chapters include

Cry your heart out

Face your defaults..habitual behavoirs

Do something different...changing your consciousness acting from courage..feeling gratitude no matter what

Let go..of old identities,frees your energy for new possibilities, holding on keeps us attached to our problems,your heart will lead the way,

Remember who you've always been...you are still you,know your strengths and connect with them,

Persist,don't give up,

Go where love is--it is all around you

Live in the light of the spirit..resuming our spiritual lives,change is not just happening to you
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24 of 24 people found the following review helpful By K. Corn TOP 500 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on June 14, 2010
Format: Paperback Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
The author lost a spouse but this book is not just for those in her situation. I'm grieving a far different kind of loss and found the suggestion in this book to be extremely useful. Since grief can encompass anger, despair, loneliness and far more, the author shares those feelings with us.

It is easy to feel alienated and out of touch with the world when trying to survive grief with some measure of self intact. One of the most reassuring things about this book is how it validates feelings which may feel crazy or cause the sufferer to be ashamed. However, because the author shares her anger and grief, with full reactions to insensitive comments or her inability to move from bed on some days, I was left feeling less alone and more understood.

Ideally, friends and relatives will step in to provide support. Even so, this book can offer extra solace.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By An Avid Book Lover VINE VOICE on June 18, 2010
Format: Paperback Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
I wondered about whether this book would really be helpful to me as I am facing some challenging experiences. Since I have read many non-fiction books in this genre, I figured there wouldn't be anything "new" here. The author acknowledged that most likely this book wouldn't contain new strategies and I was impressed with her candor.

I was pleasantly surprised that the author explained, with examples, the initial shocking phases of how life goes haywire. Sometimes, this happens all at once and other times in ways that accumulate over time. When she described this, it made me feel better about my own situation because I could see myself in her examples. I knew I wasn't alone.

She had some excellent strategies for dealing with life's difficulties including allowing ourselves to cry first - for as long as it takes - before starting to figure out what to do to get through it. That seemed like very sound advice to me.

Then, she gives some pretty specific guidelines for ways to gently get through whatever has happened including finding some quiet time every day to allow our reactions to surface, noticing what our usual ways of coping are and how they work for us, and gives us some ideas for doing something different. These are just a couple of her very valuable suggestions which all work together, and are appropriate in different moments.

I am giving this book 4 stars because at times it dragged on and some of her strategies seemed repetitive, particularly when she talked about the importance of persisting in making changes.

Having said that, when times are difficult, often repetition is one of the strongest ways for me to change my thinking and behavior. I'm sure I'll revisit this book again in the future.
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