Customer Reviews

101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last

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Charlie and Linda Bloom's first book 101 THINGS I WISH I KNEW WHEN I GOT MARRIED / New World Library finally puts a face on one of my favorite quotes from Teilhard de Chardin ;
The only right love is that between couples whose
passion leads them both, one through the other, to a higher
possession of their being .

As a psychotherapist , with over 30 years experience dealing
with love and relationship, I can unequivocally say that relationship is the true test of who we really are.

And relationship is what this book is all about.

Charlie and linda take on the test of marriage and relationship with humor and pathos and each of their simple one and two page lessons are tasty morsels to be slowly digested and savored .

I especially liked these ;

# 10 It isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold,
smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding.

# 35 The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage
you gain from speaking it.

# 76 Of all the benefits of marriage, the greatest is the
possibility of using this relationship to become a more
loving person.

Which leads me to my concluding point ~ this book should be
read as a prep for not just marriage but for relationship in general.
It's truths are simple and wise and are based on a 31 year marriage that has obviously made both Charlie and Linda more loving persons.

Allen L Roland, Ph.D
A practicing psychotherapist living in Sonoma , California and author of RADICAL THERAPY / Surrender To Love and Heal Yourself in Seven Sessions ~ Not Seven Years.

This book gives us simple straight forward strategies for building the kind of intimate relationship most of us can only imagine - regardless of whether or not you are in a traditional marriage, living together, straight or gay.

Imagine a relationship in which you can be yourself... a partnership in which you can speak your truth without causing harm...imagine sharing a level of intimacy that allows you to grow in love - for yourself, for your partner, for your world. A relationship that actually raises you and your partner to a higher level of counsciousness.

There is no psycho-babble or magic bullet in this book - rather Linda and Charlie Bloom give us concrete examples of how to do partnership better. They present us with ways to share, show us how to increase trust, how to lean into each others differences, how to disagree without leaving each other bloody. These examples, while simple, are often not easy. It becomes clear that improving a relationship requires both commitment and work.

By sharing their personal relationship issues, as well as their clients', we can see that the Blooms have practiced what they preach - so we don't ever feel like we're being lectured - it becomes more a case of -- look, we made these mistakes and we'd like to offer you some ways to do it better.

Linda and Charlie Bloom have raised the bar on the concept of what a marriage can be - but in their book they've given us the tools to help us begin to up-level our most intimate relationship and turn it into the kind of partnership that most of us deeply desire.

My husband and I have been married twenty four years, and we were enthralled with the clarity and understanding of Linda and Charlie Bloom's book: 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married.

The table of contents alone is a gold mine. We went down the list and checked off the concepts that we thought we ought to discuss with each other. It became an afternoon of iinsight and humor mixed with wisdom and incredible feedback of our impact on one another.

Thank you Linda and Charlie for making this contribution to peace ful understanding on this planet one couple at a time. This is high spiritual work you both are doing!

For newlyweds or those married for a number of years, this book has many gems of wisdom to offer. My husband and I have been married for 28 years and read the book together and found it refreshing and helpful in some areas where we recognized chronic tension in our relationship. The authors' overall assessments of a variety of relationships and wisdom for handling various issues that arise between committed couples is on target. It is worth reading and would make a good gift for weddings (or anniversaries!)

Co-written by Linda and Charlie Bloom (two psychotherapists with over fifty-five years of combined experience in relationship counseling), 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons To Make Love Last is a practical guide to keeping the romance in a lifelong partnership alive. Each of the 101 points offers insight into something that should be obvious but often isn't when one is submerged in the ups and downs of a long term relationship, ranging from "When you complain about your partner to your friends, remember that their feedback is based upon distorted information", to "Your primary relationship is with your partner, not your children", and "External conflicts are often outer expressions of internal ones". 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married is very highly recommended reading for two distinct groups of readers -- those who are contemplating becoming married and those who already are!

The Bloom's first book (I hope they write more) is made up of 101 short but profound chapters each of which contains an anecdote taken from their own marriage or a couple they've worked with. It's like getting advice from a wise old couple that has been though it all, and learned what works and what doesn't. They have helped clients in difficult situations and they themselves been through periods of closeness and distance, infidelity, breast cancer, deaths of parents and a beloved child, and have come out with a passionate, and intimate connection that gets better with time. No easy answers but lots of wise compassionate help.

"Marriage is not a fixed entity but a work in progress, inviting ongoing refinement." ~ pg. 20

One of the things I've realized after twelve years of marriage is that reading books about marriage has truly helped me not to become a statistic. While over half of all marriages end in divorce it is not necessary to end a relationship just because you have conflict. Linda and Charlie Bloom show couples how to communicate effectively to dissolve conflict and open the way to a more nurturing relationship. Instead of expecting there to be no arguments, the authors explain how to argue so you both win.

"Love isn't always enough to sustain a marriage." ~ pg. 63
"The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about." ~ pg. 70

I found these two thoughts to be especially true in my own marriage. When there is conflict a deep commitment to the marriage can help you survive rough spots. From the stories in this book you can also see beyond what couples are fighting about to get to what couples actually want from a marriage. Linda and Charlie Bloom encourage couples to ask for what they truly want instead of dwelling on the negatives.

Throughout this book you can learn about what holds a marriage together and what drives people apart. By reading the 101 ideas you can learn how to deepen trust and intimacy in any marriage. There is also an interesting story of how members of a tribe in Africa handle marital problems.

While the authors do spend a lot of time showing how unrealistic expectations can set you up for disappointment they also explore the idea of how raising your expectations for a good marriage can also work in your favor. By following the practical advice in this book you can heal a broken marriage and save yourself the pain of divorce.

~The Rebecca Review

this book is amazing. i stumbled upon it in the bookstore and it was the last copy on display. i picked it up and thumbed through it and i was hooked. i'd never heard of the authors and this book. unfortunately i think we give a lot of credit to authors who get on major television shows and some authors that have good stuff to say don't ever get the credit they deserve....

back to the book...it's a great book the chapters are short and sweet (but not too short) and as other reviewers have mentioned the couple has lots of experience as therapists and a real married couple. i plan to suggest to my boyfriend that we read a couple of chapters an evening and discuss them. i really like the concepts in the book and think if you're in a serious relationship leading to marriage you owe it to yourself to get this. i suspect if you're already married you can still benefit too!

We have been married 8 years.
I see myself in several of the chapters.
Common mistakes I make and now I can do better.
This is a great book for all couples.
We can benefit from the well told examples.
Also an easy read and hard to put down once you start.

I have been married for 20 years, and I can say honestly that I knew most of these concepts at some level, whether I wanted to admit it or not. Many I did not have words for. The way Charlie and Linda Bloom have verbalized and illustrated their ideas is absolutely invaluable. This book makes for great conversation within a relationship. Charlie and Linda have created an enviable marriage, and they let us in on their secrets. I would highly recommend it for couples who are struggling, couples who want to "kick it up a notch", individuals who wonder what went wrong, and anyone else seeking to create a peaceful and connected relationship.