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Comment: Copyright 2010, softcover. All pages are clean.
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Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married Paperback – September 1, 2010

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Editorial Reviews


"Chapman provides a compact discussion of the skills couples need to manage the challenges involved in a mature marriage. The veteran counselor and author, whose Christian sensibilities are more loving than doctrinaire, uses his own early marriage struggles to illustrate how easy it is to underestimate the work that long-term partnerships require. Succinct chapters on topics like family-of-origin habits, attitudes about money, sexual fulfillment, household chores, and making apologies unfold seamlessly with the help of narrator and fellow Christian radio personality Chris Fabry. His appealing enthusiasm makes this wisdom sparkle with promise. Questions for premarital conversations follow each chapter and can help couples see where the challenges will be when being “in love” evolves into the daily work of emotional intimacy and issues of compatibility." 
T.W. © AudioFile Portland, Maine
--This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

About the Author

GARY CHAPMAN--author, speaker, counselor--has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the #1 bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages series and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. For more information visit his website at

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Northfield Publishing; New Edition edition (September 1, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0802481833
  • ISBN-13: 978-0802481832
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.4 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (484 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,246 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over thirty-five years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit this continual New York Times bestseller with saving their marriages by showing them simple and practical ways to communicate their love to their partner.
Since the success of his first book, Dr. Chapman has expanded his Five Love Languages series to specifically reach out to teens, singles, men, and children (co-authored with Dr. Ross Campbell).
He is the author of numerous other books published by Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing, including The World's Easiest Guide to Family Relationships, Anger, The Family You've Always Wanted, The Marriage You've Always Wanted, Desperate Marriages, God Speaks Your Love Language (Jan 09), Parenting Your Adult Child, and Hope for the Separated. He co-authored The Five Languages of Apology with Dr. Jennifer Thomas.
Chapman speaks to thousands of couples nationwide through his weekend marriage conferences. He hosts a nationally syndicated radio program, Love Language Minute, and a Saturday morning program, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, that air on more than 100 stations. Dr. Chapman also serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.
Dr. Chapman and his wife have two adult children and two grandchildren, and currently live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

232 of 238 people found the following review helpful By wogan TOP 500 REVIEWER on October 6, 2010
Format: Paperback
This is not just a manual for those who have set their wedding date; it should be required reading for anyone who has begun to date. It helps to have a guide to know what to look for. It contains discussions on: love is not enough, 2 stages of romance, like mother-like daughter-like father- like son, solve disagreements, apologizing, forgiveness, toilets are not self-cleaning (this part should be required for getting a marriage license), handling money, sexual fulfillment, marrying into the family, spirituality, personality and behavior.
There are questions for talking it over at the end of each chapter and an appendix that really should be at the beginning on developing a healthy dating relationship.
Gary Chapman speaks as a spiritual advisor, a marriage counselor and from his own experience.
This book will give anyone a guide and a basis for discussions and thoughts on what is needed for a compatible and good marriage
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152 of 157 people found the following review helpful By D. Durham on October 1, 2010
Format: Paperback
As a pastor who regularly takes couples through pre-marital counseling, I am thrilled to see this book. I'm about half-way through it, but already I've read enough to order a copy for each of my daughters to read. Chapman's writing style is engaging, instructive, and transparent (he shares lessons learned from his own marriage). From this point forward, I will be strongly recommending this book to every couple I work with. Oh, and for those who are not religious, this book still works. Chapman talks about faith issues, but in a way that doesn't put faith at the forefront. A non-religious person will still find this book incredibly helpful.
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91 of 96 people found the following review helpful By Ryan on February 7, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I'm a 30 year old male about to propose to my girlfriend. I picked up this book on a whim. I cannot overstate how much I have learned from this book. I started highlighting things that I thought were important to me or that really hit home or made sense. I wrote notes in the margin. I ordered a copy for my soon to be fiance and she is going to do the same thing with her copy. Then we'll switch so we can both learn from each other. Anyone that wants to be a better partner, regardless of weather or not that includes marriage, should pick this book up and read it front to back. I really can't say enough good things about this book.
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59 of 68 people found the following review helpful By Kindle Customer on July 1, 2011
Format: Paperback
As you can tell by the title of this book, it targets those who are thinking about getting married, in the process of, and newlyweds. I would even suggest this book for a marriage on the rocks; it might help give that couple the chance to step back, look at everything, and possibly see where they can work in order to save the marriage.

I have to admit, my first reaction when I opened this book wasn't that great. The first thing I read was "On a scale of 0-10, how strongly do you feel the "tingles" for the person you are dating?" Don't worry, it does get better.

Chapman keeps this book very practical. One of the chapters is called "That toilets are not self-cleaning" - all about the contemporary confusion of gender roles. Some of the best practical advice is to recognize each others' abilities, and leverage them for the benefit of the marriage (i.e. If she is better at handling the money then she should).

One of the main points, as Chapman expounds on the two stages of romantic love, is that most men do not understand or comprehend female sexuality. We go in assuming that they are like us - even if we give lip service to the differences in the sexes. One of my favorite quotes: "If I had known that taking out the garbage was sexy for my wife, I would have been taking out the garbage twice a day."

Probably one of the most relevant chapters is the one called "That spirituality is not to be equated with `going to church'," One of the things that stresses out more Christian marriages is when one of the spouses stops going to church as regularly after getting married. He is not saying that you shouldn't go to church, but that we shouldn't hold that as the golden standard of spirituality.
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26 of 28 people found the following review helpful By ssholt2001 on October 3, 2010
Format: Audio CD Verified Purchase
Very practical for couples. I bought it for my daughter whose boyfriend asked if I thought they were ready for marriage. This book is a great way for future couples to talk about issues like finances, arguing, household chores, in-laws...thinks you don't think about when you are in love. It is after you say "I do" that you get bombarded with the daily stresses of life that can really tear a marriage a apart. The chapters in this book deal with these stresses and challenges and if it is read, either together or separately, can provide great conversation starters.
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19 of 22 people found the following review helpful By Colossus on February 13, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My fiance and I had this book recommended by her mother. I was a bit skeptical at first as I'm not big on relationship books, but I really enjoyed it and got a lot of value out of it.

We chose to go through it a chapter at a time together. I recommend this. It is a good exercise while taking a flight together or just having a glass of wine while unwinding in the evening. We derived value in 2 ways from this. First, the chapters generally cover one topic and end with discussion questions. While the chapter was fresh in our heads, these discussion questions helped guide us in a conversation on the topic. The topics are relevant. Some were things we had discussed already, but some were not issues we had considered and we were glad this book brought them to our attention.

Perhaps more important than the topics themselves is that going through this book together gave us an extra reason to spend some time together learning about each other. Sometimes in the hectic day-to-day, it is easy to avoid those conversations. Often, when you have a free minute, you just want to turn on the tv. Deep conversations can be scary or challenging to start. Having this book around, made it a bit of a fun exercise.

This is a book I'll recommend to any of my friends considering marriage and probably to any couple I know which is struggling, as it has some tips for conflict resolution as well. I highly recommend it. It is worth your money.
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