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22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome Paperback – May 15, 2009

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Frequently Bought Together

22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome + Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work + The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband
Price for all three: $40.50

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 112 pages
  • Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Pub; 1 edition (May 15, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1849058032
  • ISBN-13: 978-1849058032
  • Product Dimensions: 0.3 x 5.4 x 8.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (95 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #31,961 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


"There are many books that have been written about being in a relationship with a man with AS, but I have found none to be as insightful, accurate and understanding of both perspectives as this book by Rudy Simone. Each section of the book says it just the way it is; it is realistic, positive and unbiased." --- From the Foreword by Maxine Aston, author of The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome, Aspergers in Love and The Asperger Couples Workbook.

About the Author

Rudy Simone is a writer and Asperger's Syndrome educator who lives in New York.

More About the Author

Rudy Simone is the author of four best-selling books on Asperger Syndrome: "Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome" (Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2010), "Asperger's on the Job: Must-have Advice" (Future Horizons 2010) "22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man With Asperger Syndrome" (JKP 2009) and "22 Things a Woman with Aspergers Wants her Partner to Know" (JKP 2012). Three of her books have won awards, including the Independent Publishers Gold medal(Ippy), Foreword Review Gold medal and a Living Now Silver medal. Her books have been translated into several languages. A fifth AS book is on the way.

Ms. Simone has lectured at Autism/Asperger conferences around the world. She is now offering webinars for personal and professional development. Her website is the #1 resource in the world to find information on general Asperger traits, and on how AS manifests in females.

Rudy is also an award-winning singer/songwriter. Her new album "Gothic Blues" is now on Amazon ( and a second album is on the way. You can watch videos on her youtube channel and at She has also published a fantasy epic on kindle called Orsath (formerly The Fool).

Customer Reviews

This book is very informative.
Deborah A. Snyder
And now that I have a better understanding, it is SO much easier to physically interact and verbally communicate in a way that works for both of us.
Kimberli A. Bragg
When you read books on Aspergers syndrome in an want a book about RELATIONSHIPS with an Aspergers' person.
Constance M.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

38 of 40 people found the following review helpful By Mary Pissocra on February 4, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Long before a diagnosis, my husband and I knew that he had Asperger's. It just took the medical community all these years to be able to test and diagnose adults. I found this book helpful and really want to get my husband to read it as well. This author points out that ( depending on the severity of the Asperger's ) the diagnosed spouse or partner CAN learn some things to cope and behave in a more "normal" fashion. I know this to be true because I've known my husband since high school and that's been 30 years. We've only been married for 17 years. I know he can "adapt" when he makes an effort. It just seems that since the diagnosis he is much less willing to "adapt". I think this book will be useful in guiding a conversation between us about expectations going forward. It states the woman's ( or non-Asperger's) side clearly and in a way I think my husband can understand. As is typical for many AS folks, he can receive information; especially information regarding OUR relationship and my emotions much better in written form than he can just listen to me talk. I am very pleased with this purchase, and we've purchased two or three others about Asperger's in marriage. This is by far my favorite.

Wife of an AS Guy.
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347 of 412 people found the following review helpful By North Girl on July 30, 2009
Format: Paperback
Yes, there are some very attractive, brilliant and intriguing men out there who also have Aspergers, and they can make the sweetest dates in the world. But the majority of women, NT or not, who marry an aspie man end up having one or more children with some form of autism *and* being the de facto sole caretakers and coordinators of the household. Most of these women will end up with major depression and one or more autoimmune diseases from never having their own light reflected back at them as time goes on living with someone who is almost completely unreciprocal but who is supposed to be your life partner.

Books such as this one and "Going over the edge" by Kathy Marshack are lifelines for such women because leaving their marriages tends to be logistically, emotionally and economically insurmountable. (Try doing it with a special needs child, depressed, economically stretched and socially isolated, Cassandra.)

But I have a problem with publishers who aim to present the books of these authors as rah-rah solutions, or as how-to-have-a-successful-marriage guides. These are books on how to cope with a seriously challenging and dehumanizing life situation. And they are written red flags to those who haven't yet gone to the altar or had kids. Want the boiled-down version? Here it is:

***You can have a decent life with a man with Aspergers. Just do not expect anything from the marriage and be prepared to be the one doing all of the giving and most of the work. Make your own friends, because he may not have any and is likely to either avoid yours or behave strangely in front of them. Focus on how unique he is, how cute and smart and quirky he can be. Strive to understand the way he looks at the world. Be willing to teach him and explain things. Every day.
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49 of 58 people found the following review helpful By Maggie on July 16, 2011
Format: Paperback
I am an NT female married to an undiagnosed Aspie male. This book provided me validation and relief. The weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is indescribable to say the least. As a Christian, I have anguished over ending my marriage many times, family and friends think I should leave but I stayed due to my love for Jesus and felt that while I wanted to leave, which I am financially and physically able to do, I needed to wait on the Lord to provide me guidance. I am thankful that I waited on the Lord and ignored all the outside influences and my own emotions. This book has changed my view of my husband, our relationship and myself. I talked to my husband about Asperger's Syndrome/Disorder and he was very receptive and actually looked relived. He has experienced a lifetime of emotional distress that has had a profound effect on his life and how he relates in relationships. We both seem to be more comfortable with each other and are looking forward to a future together. While the future isn't what I had hoped and dreamed of in a partner, it is a hopeful future that will be different and have challenges but that's life. I saw myself and husband in just about ever chapter. This book is a must read. Rudy, Thank you for writing this book and Jesus Christ for guiding me to read it.
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59 of 75 people found the following review helpful By LizaG on August 9, 2009
Format: Paperback
There really is a dearth of literature to provide helpful guidance to the woman who has discovered her husband has Asperger's Syndrome. So I belive that publishers are rushing texts into print to capitalize on this shortage. There is clearly a need and a market for self-help literature, in part because there is so little help from a couples therapy approach. This book should have found a life as a well edited magazine article. But the content is too thin to have merited life as a book with a cost over the approximate cost of a Psychology Today issue. The 22 observations have varying applications - some to single women and some to married women.

Just read the index for free and get the substance of the book.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Venesa on March 2, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book is well written and honest, but only tells you how to cope with a man who has Asperger's. How to bend to his needs in order to keep the peace. I've been doing that with my husband for 25 years and no matter how I bend to his ways he still finds ways to be angry at everything in the world.

There is no advice on how to get what you need emotionally and physically or how to make communication easier, other than going out with your girlfriends and keeping yourself busy with activities that don't involve your husband. I'm wondering what the point is of being married to him is then. I'm thinking that these are all things you can do without an Aspi husband and then you can come home to a peaceful empty household. In other words divorce or don't marry an Aspi to start with.

I've read just about every book on Asperger's out there and I'm starting to believe that the reason there isn't any advice on how to help your Aspi husband to give you what you need is b/c he isn't capable of being "helped." This book could be written in one sentence. Put up with him and whatever heartache he gives you.

There are many women who don't particularly need to have their husband's attention, don't have a need for physically intimacy or calm communication with their husbands. I know women married to neurotypical men who would rather be out with their friends than with their husband. If this is you, then you'll be okay with the advice in this book.

For me, I was looking for pointers, things I could do or say that would help keep my husbands anger down and maybe some pointers on helping him to be comfortable with intimacy and how to talk to him about any topic without him starting a fight.
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