22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome [Paperback]

Rudy Simone (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 15, 2009

Although having Asperger Syndrome (AS) can make romantic relations difficult, having a fulfilling relationship with an Asperger man is certainly not impossible. A woman in love with a man with AS may interpret his difficulties with communication and socialization as a lack of interest in the relationship. He may vacillate between being gentle and caring to seeming cold and distant. She may find his behaviour hard to understand, resulting in feelings of loneliness, isolation, and confusion. This book shows how to overcome these difficulties and maintain a loving relationship with an AS partner. From an unwillingness to show affection in public or even sleep in the same bed to problems holding down a job, this book looks at 22 common traits that women may discover when they are dating, living with or married to a man with Asperger's Syndrome. Rudy Simone explores the complications of Asperger's relationships with honesty and understanding, drawing on research and personal experience to inform and advise women with AS partners. She offers helpful tips for improving the relationship and finding fulfilment both individually and as a couple. This book will help women to understand the male Asperger's mind and, equally, it can help men with AS to see things from their partner's perspective. It will also be of interest to counsellors working with couples where one partner has Asperger's Syndrome.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"There are many books that have been written about being in a relationship with a man with AS, but I have found none to be as insightful, accurate and understanding of both perspectives as this book by Rudy Simone. Each section of the book says it just the way it is; it is realistic, positive and unbiased." --- From the Foreword by Maxine Aston, author of The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome, Aspergers in Love and The Asperger Couples Workbook.

About the Author

Rudy Simone is a writer and Asperger's Syndrome educator who lives in New York.

Product Details

• Paperback: 112 pages
• Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Pub; 1 edition (May 15, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1849058032
• ISBN-13: 978-1849058032
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #119,337 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Rudy Simone is the author of three top-selling books on Asperger Syndrome: Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome (Jessica Kingsley 2010), winner of the Independent Publishers Gold Medal and ForeWord "Book of the Year" nominee. Asperger's on the Job: Must-have Advice (Future Horizons 2010) a ForeWord Review "Book of the Year" Gold Medal winner. 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man With Asperger Syndrome (Jessica Kingsley 2009). Rudy has also published a fantasy novel The Fool - Part I: Orsath the Singer and has just signed a contract for a female "22 Things". Her books have been translated into Dutch and Japanese, thus far.

Rudy's books have received endorsements and forewords from some of the top names in autism--including Liane Holiday Willey, Temple Grandin and Tony Attwood. She has penned forewords for other popular ASD books, including Asperger's in Pink, and the Aspie Teen Survival Guide, (both Future Horizons 2010). Ms. Simone lectures regularly at Autism/Asperger conferences, and has been keynote speaker at large conferences around America. She has an extensive tour of Australia and New Zealand later in 2011.

Ms. Simone also writes a very popular blog for Psychology Today called "Aspergirls," which covers all things AS. Her own website www.help4aspergers.com is the #1 resource in the world to find information on general Asperger traits, and also on how AS manifests in females. Her mission is to help other spectrum individuals realize their full potential and believes in a 'cultural exchange' between the autistic and non-autistic populations. The myriad gifts of ASDs are often overlooked because of a lack of understanding and mishandling of social, sensory and cognitive differences.

When she is not consulting, writing or presenting, Rudy is also a standup comic and jazz singer.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

165 of 187 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Let's be honest here., July 30, 2009

By 

North Girl "Do the homework" (Ontario, Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: 22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome (Paperback)

Yes, there are some very attractive, brilliant and intriguing men out there who also have Aspergers, and they can make the sweetest dates in the world. But the majority of women, NT or not, who marry an aspie man end up having one or more children with some form of autism *and* being the de facto sole caretakers and coordinators of the household. Most of these women will end up with major depression and one or more autoimmune diseases from never having their own light reflected back at them as time goes on living with someone who is almost completely unreciprocal but who is supposed to be your life partner.

Books such as this one and "Going over the edge" by Kathy Marshack are lifelines for such women because leaving their marriages tends to be logistically, emotionally and economically insurmountable. (Try doing it with a special needs child, depressed, economically stretched and socially isolated, Cassandra.)

But I have a problem with publishers who aim to present the books of these authors as rah-rah solutions, or as how-to-have-a-successful-marriage guides. These are books on how to cope with a seriously challenging and dehumanizing life situation. And they are written red flags to those who haven't yet gone to the altar or had kids. Want the boiled-down version? Here it is:

***You can have a decent life with a man with Aspergers. Just do not expect anything from the marriage and be prepared to be the one doing all of the giving and most of the work. Make your own friends, because he may not have any and is likely to either avoid yours or behave strangely in front of them. Focus on how unique he is, how cute and smart and quirky he can be. Strive to understand the way he looks at the world. Be willing to teach him and explain things. Every day.***

Does this sound like a success story to you? It isn't. If it were, these authors wouldn't have poured their guts and knowledge into books to get the word out. And thank heavens that they've done so.

(And yes, Aspie guys can be as giving as the next person, sometimes moreso. The difference is that in marriage and affection you will need to tell them what to do, when and how to do it. (i.e. "You have to sleep with me once in a while. I need you to comfort me when something really bad has just happened. You have to acknowledge me when we're in the same room / eat with me for some meals", etc.) ...Then you will need to tell them again a few days later. For years. (Readers of publisher's reviews read: "But don't give up! You want to make your marriage work, don't you??")

30 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Not helpful if you need a guidebook, August 9, 2009

By 

LizaG (Houston, Tx) - See all my reviews

This review is from: 22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome (Paperback)

There really is a dearth of literature to provide helpful guidance to the woman who has discovered her husband has Asperger's Syndrome. So I belive that publishers are rushing texts into print to capitalize on this shortage. There is clearly a need and a market for self-help literature, in part because there is so little help from a couples therapy approach. This book should have found a life as a well edited magazine article. But the content is too thin to have merited life as a book with a cost over the approximate cost of a Psychology Today issue. The 22 observations have varying applications - some to single women and some to married women.

Just read the index for free and get the substance of the book.

16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Want to know when the Man with Asperger's companion book will be out?, November 8, 2009

By 

B. GEORGE "Read-A-Plenty" (Hockinson,WA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: 22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome (Paperback)

This is a great book for women who are able and willing to 'give their all' to their guy. Personally, I am a woman married 15 years to a man JUST diagnosised...though we knew something was 'up'. I am also a brain injury survivor, with the memory of burned toast.
It seems to me, that a book that would (review) what the Asperger's person needs to work on (more) would be good. It bothers me that the book basically states 'this just is the way it is'. I have been working hard on my own stuff in the five years since my injury--if I hadn't put something in place, I would still be in the 'drool pool' and unable to speak/write or walk.
I like the book---he actually READ it. That was one thing. But it seems to be more a road map for ME than for HIM--guess the title is true to form... but still...