Customer Reviews

Things You Need To Be Told

5 star:		(26)
4 star:		(10)
3 star:		(10)
2 star:		(9)
1 star:		(32)

 

 

First of all, it is Very Tiresome to have things Randomly Capitalized. It may be Slightly Charming in the context of a Short Article, but in a Terribly Long Book it is distracting and Difficult To Read. Secondly, using Quaint Expressions is also Mildly Cute for awhile, but after they use the Childish Adjective "wee" for the twentieth time, it gets old as well. Dear Readers, are we really to think that The Etiquette Grrls speak this way in their Daily Lives? I doubt it. The Affected Tone of this book makes it Difficult To Relate To.

Another thing that makes it hard to relate to the Etiquette Grrls is their Attitudes. The only Actual Etiquette in this book involves things like introducing people to Each Other, and not talking on your cell 'phone (yes, they Do Indeed write it 'phone) During A Movie. The rest of the book is full of things like their fashion advice--which is not All That Good. Be warned, Dear Reader, that The Etiquette Grrls think the height of slightly edgy fashion is wearing Doc Martens and Urban Decay nail color. Also interesting is the Dating Advice, in which you learn that girls should not Ask Boys For a Date, and the best way to Manage Your Boyfriend is with a system of punishments based on the Demerit Systems of their New England Boarding Schools. Sadly, I am Not Kidding.

They also sound Quite A Bit Snobby, managing to offend my Southern Sensibilities by claiming that "Grits is not a food." They make fun of clothing, music choices, and events which are Not To Their Taste. Which seems to me to be The Height of Rudeness. I, like the Etiquette Grrls, do not enjoy NASCAR, but I would never suggest that it is not a "proper" place for anyone to be.

So the advice of The Etiquette Grrls will only Be Of Great Interest to other well-bred women who are products of New England boarding schools, and I'd imagine those "grrls" need no help from The Etiquette Grrls as they would have learned All Of These Things Already.

While some passages in this book appealed to me, I did find their style of writing and their opinion to be nothing but pretentious.
I was myself raised in Paris till my late teens, and have travelled quite a deal around the world and mastered several languages, including Latin and Classical Greek. However, I consider it outmost pretention and rudeness to drop in foreign words in my English conversation in order to sound "sophisticated".
Also, what is up with all the capitalized words? Improper use of grammar is tacky.
As far as choosing which cocktail, I consider it ridiculous to judge who you are by what your taste buds crave for at the moment. There are times that I enjoy a blue Hawaiian, and others when I could get by with a French 75. It all depends on MY mood, not some other person's opinion.
Real sophistication and class is within. People who look for material things to seek validation are extremely insecure, and that is the outmost lack of style.

The Etiquette Grrls, as they refer to themselves throughout the book, might have some advice to give someone some day, perhaps after they've done something other than dress themselves, shop, make artichoke dip, and then "toss back a few". However, unless you need to be told not to prune the potted plants in hotels (this is really in the book) you certainly do not need thier advice on anything.

They start out by telling you how to set a table (something covered much more adequately in either Emily Post or Miss Manners). They don't get much wrong there, but once they start on fashion their advice becomes laughable. The Etiquette girls have confused Good Manners and Good Grooming with Purchasing Power. The quality that sets one apart from the unwashed masses, is, apparently, the ability to afford Coach bags and Ann Taylor Cashmere twinsets. Indeed, the only thing that seems to save them from the black skirt/twin set automaton look is their bravery in choosing nailpolish colors. Urban Decay creates colors that make the Etiquette grrls feel a little better in their extremely limited world of fashion. On the back of the book, the picture of the Etiquette grrls shows them dressed exactly alike: Little black dress, string of pearls. They look like a matched set of bookends.

When they tackle the social scene, it really does become pathetic. They are truly convinced that making catty remarks about the clothing and appearance of other party guests makes them seem witty. They think their ability to mix canned artichoke hearts with mayonnaise and bake it in the oven makes them accompmlished hostesses.

By the time they get to relationships, they have long since lost all credibility and the book becomes merely laughable. Freud would have a veritable field day with their directions on "disciplining boyfriends" with the nostalgic longing for the
strict discipline of their prep school headmaster. And indeed, if there is a poor chap out there who has really served a two-week sentence of early morning dog-walking for forgetting to call one of the etiquette girls, please let him come forward so that we can get him into therapy as soon as possible.

Their advice on travel really is nothing more than one long whine about how expensive first class has become. There is no good advice here, they simply tell you to keep your shoes on, because the Etiquette Grrls simply do not want to see your socks.
These are not women who have ever taken a 12 hour red-eye in an emergency situation.

The Etiquette Grrls only source of entertainment seems to be Gin and Tonics. They do not talk about many other activities, and, indeed, a High Etiquette Crime seems to be anything that would impede or slow down an Etiquette Grrl from making or purchasing a good stiff drink. Perhaps after their first stint at the Betty Ford clinic, they might broaden their horizons a bit.

One has to also bring the editing of this book into question. They are trying really hard to copy Judith Martin's style of refering to herself in the third person and waxing nostalgic for days of yore, but the Etiquette Grrls can't quite pull it off. They declare themselves as equipped with complete mastery of the English language, Dear Reader. They use Dear Reader ad nauseum (at one point, three times in one three sentence paragraph). Their use of capitalization, which they defend as being perfectly correct, may indeed be so. But correct and irritating are not mutually exclusive terms. The only way this could have been published is if one of the Grrls Mum or Daddy has a connection in the publishing world, and the editor just didn't care enough to put much into it.

In short, if you are interested in matters of Etiquette, please stick with Judith Martin. She is timeless, smart, and witty. The Etiquette girls are confused. Skip this one, I wish I did.
It is the one book I have bought in my long life of reading that I would return.

As an Etiquette Consultant, I find the Etiquette Grrls right on the money with their concern for manners (or lack thereof) in our society today. The Writing Style, however, makes it difficult to find the True Gems of Appropriate Behavior. The over-use of Random Capitaliztion and Wee bits of French thrown in for good measure clutter up the Finer Points the Etiquette Grrls make so well. As a Southerner, raised by Maman et Papa Avec Impeccable Manners, this Etiquette Consultant was taught that if one couldn't say something Nice, then one shouldn't say Anything At All. The Etiquette Grrls would do well to heed this Teaching when Looking Down their Noses at those living outside of New England. Also, it might help the Etiquette Grrls to travel (first-class, of course) and actually Visit the South. Upon doing so, they will find that Grits are not only a Food, but a Food Group. They will also find that Grits are Tres Tasty when made from pure stone-ground corn, cooked Avec Beaucoup Butter and Milk. Bottom Line? While timely Etiquette Information exists in this book, there are much better and easier to read Volumes on the shelves from which Dear Readers may choose. One such Volume would be Etiquette by Dorothea Johnson, founder of The Protocol School of Washington. Or peut etre The New Guide to Executive Manners by Letitia Baldridge.

I'm torn. This is a cute read if you are willing to take the authors' affectations as tongue-in-cheek. The Grrls are witty and I cannot fault their actual etiquette advice.

However, the book is loaded with instructions on imitating their lifestyle, disguised as rules of etiquette. For example, they include sections on choosing a neighborhood bar, what constitutes a real martini, and their own category of dress code called "See You In Hell." These sections made me laugh out loud, but are not even loosely issues of etiquette. I did not sense an underlying desire to show respect for others, which is the basis of etiquette. Rather, it seemed that the Grrls use manners to try to prove their personal superiority and "good breeding."

Read the book and enjoy its clever criticism of our "tacky, rude world." Don't, however, take it very seriously or try to follow its advice, or you will risk seeming like a snob.

I love reading etiquette books. I love the mannered style of actual etiquette authorities, and if I want a good chuckle as well, the gently cutting humor of Miss Manners always satisfies. So I thought this would be a fun read. What it is, in fact, is an exercise in self-indulgence from a couple of authors who fancy themselves quite witty, but who have little of worth to impart. For instance, they tell us that no one who knows anything about anything would drink so vulgar a liquor as tequila, but that only shows they know nothing about tequila. Sure if you order a frozen margarita with Cuervo and sour mix you will come off rather déclassé (if that matters to you), but the point is, they are making judgments about issues on which they are clearly ignorant. Not charming - and not even correct.

Moreover, this book seems to exist in a weird time warp. What is their fascination with Doc Martens? Is it 1994? I could understand if this book had actually been written in 1994 (although it's best never to date your material by referencing so specific a fad), but apparently the book was published in the twenty-first century! I was supposed to be charmed by their "quirky" habit of pairing twin-sets with combat boots, but I was merely jarred by the anachronistic reference. Some advice for the grrls: if we are going to make fun of others' fashion choices, it is well to remember that Grunge is Dead.

I should add that I am not terribly offended by snobbery (particularly the tongue-in-cheek kind); I simply feel that if this book was supposed to be funny and useful, it failed on the first function and got a barely-passing grade on the second. If you go in for obvious and overdone affectations (like the lamented Random Capitalization), you might find this book as charming as the authors hope you will. I found it simply tiresome and will be returning to my trusty Miss Manners forthwith.

These "grrls" are so incredibly wrong that I sincerely hope that they were trying to be funny. The point of etiquette is not: to make fun of people who have different tastes than you, to purposely embarrass others, to congratulate yourself on how "wild" you are because you wear *gasp* Doc Martens and Urban Decay nail polish, to spend your life pointing out flaws in others, or to flaunt your drinking habits to those who don't give a damn. The point of etiquette is to treat others how you would like to be treated. If you want to know how to be a first class pain-in-the-ass and a label snob, then this is the book for you. If you want to be well mannered and well liked, simply be yourself and buy the latest edition of Emily Post's Etiquette.

The primary aim of any etiquette guide is to gently remind people that etiquette doesn't exist to reinforce social strata, but rather that it is a tool for helping people treat others with consideration and courtesy, and for helping people react to inconsiderate or uncourteous behavior with aplomb.

Unfortunately, this book tends to fall into the etiquette-as-social-strata category, stressing dictums that have less to do with etiquette and more to do with signifying that you are One Of The Smart Prep Set. If you, like the authors, yearn to swaddle yourself in the tweedy cocoon of the New England prep-school set, you'll like this book because it's a manual of how to pass as one of them. You will not know how to comport yourself with social grace, but that probably wasn't why you were interested in this book to begin with. Buy your little Coach bag at the mall and pass our best wishes on to the Grrls.

If you smile indulgently at the idea of Urban Decay nailpolish being either wildly rebellious or an appropriate topic for an etiquette guide (two opinions the authoresses put forth, since to them, Brand Names Are Appropriate For Etiquette Discussions), then you're better off with that great wit and grand doyenne of manners, Judith Martin. Her books will impart what you need to be told, and do so in a lively, pleasing manner. This one will not.

When did we determine being a snotty prep school grad made you an ettiquite guru? Deluded much?
haleth- I hate to tell you but knowing the "grrls" personally I have to inform you that they are not "characters", they portray themselves as they would like to be seen- which is better than everyone else.
Real class is making those around you feel special no matter what their background, ethnicity, upbringing, education, or outfit.

Their tone and "quirky" little nuances like RANDOM CAPITALIZATION are old because they have already been DONE. Cynthia Rowley & Ilene Rosenzweig?
Time to get a new gig grrls.

"Things You Need To Be Told" by the Etiquette Grrls, Honore McDonough Ervin and Lesley Carlin is not really, when you get down to it, an etiquette book at all. It's more a book of how to behave, think and shop like Honore and Lesley, two obviously very privileged New England women, who come off many times like snobs. Whilst their style of Random Capitalization and Franglais can be funny at times, the overall impression is that etiquette is a way of distinguishing the "well-bred" from the Great Unwashed. I was under the impression that etiquette is useful because it is rooted in mutual respect, not snobbishness. I find the EGs to be very snobby, indeed.

There are some interesting things in the book, and some good etiquette tips are here to be gleaned, but you have to get through the sections on why you should wear a particular brand of nail polish (Urban Decay), what kind of writing paper you should use(never say stationery for some reason, and it should be Crane's) and what kind of neighborhood bar you should frequent (huh?). I found the most offensive part of the volume to be the EGs' Patois (a glossary) in the back, which seemed to nail down their particular prejudices and personal beliefs of their own superiority.

I think I'll stick to Miss Manners, Judith Martin, from now on. Ms. Martin seems genuinely concerned with helping people to feel comfortable among each other instead of giving them reasons to dislike -- and feel superior to -- the others around them.