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7 Things Your Teenager Won't Tell You: And How to Talk About Them Anyway Paperback – March 1, 2005


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7 Things Your Teenager Won't Tell You: And How to Talk About Them Anyway + How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Ballantine Books (March 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0812969596
  • ISBN-13: 978-0812969597
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.2 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #142,373 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

Any resource that helps parents decipher the thoughts, feelings, and actions of teenagers is sure to have great appeal. Lippincott and Deutsch, an educator and a psychologist, offer straightforward advice on understanding teens and keeping them out of harm's way as much as possible. The first section of the book reviews psychological and physiological research on brain development in adolescents. The authors then identify seven important facts to keep in mind, among them: truth is a malleable concept for teens, they suffer from distorted self-images, and they are attracted to risks. Throughout, the authors focus on three clear and simple rules of engagement--stay safe, show respect, and keep in touch--with helpful vignettes to demonstrate how parents can apply the rules in a variety of situations aimed not at controlling teens but minimizing their exposure to risky situations. Parents of teens will recognize the us-and-them dialogues and will find encouragement and guidance. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review

“Page-turners are rare on the parenting bookshelf, but Lippincott and Deutsch have given us just that. Their insights, humor, and excellent judgment make this a must for parents looking for the road map through the adolescent minefield. It is worth every minute you spend with them.”—Kyle Pruett, M.D., professor of child psychiatry, Yale School of Medicine, co-author of Partnership Parenting

7 Things Your Teenager Won’t Tell You provides valuable new insights based on contemporary research, while showing parents how to identify the seven features of adolescent thinking through language and behavior. This book offers not only the understanding that is essential to effective and supportive communication but also helpful examples of how to put that understanding into practice.”—David Elkind, PhD., author of The Hurried Child
 
“Sound, concrete advice . . . This book gives a wealth of examples to help guide parents who struggle to stay connected during this critical time in their children’s lives. I highly recommend it.”—Alvin F. Poussaint, M.D., professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School
 
“All teens pose unique challenges to their poor unsuspecting parents, but thankfully there are some commonalities. This book shares them with a goldmine of information, and offers concrete suggestions on how to deal.”—Robin Raskin, former editor-in-chief of Family PC magazine


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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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See all 21 customer reviews
You will see the mistakes you've made, and learn to correct them.
No Suspicion
The book is written in an upbeat manner and offers a number of suggestions as to both how to and not to talk to teens, offering sample conversations.
Timothy Kearney
I have read dozens of books on raising teenagers, but this is the ONLY ONE that has captured the attention of every member of our family.
Kay Winslow

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 35 people found the following review helpful By No Suspicion on April 8, 2005
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I don't review many items on Amazon, but this book is special. Teens drive parents crazy; but if you follow the suggestions in this text, and listen to its message, I suspect that you, like me, will find yourself parenting with new skill and renewed inspiration. I can't recommend this highly enough. I shared my copy with several friends, all of whom are parents of teenagers, and everyone was wowed. You will get practical hints. You will learn to separate what's important and what's not; you will learn when to communicate, when to listen, and how to discipline. You will see the mistakes you've made, and learn to correct them. Simply awesome.
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27 of 27 people found the following review helpful By Sara Hunter on April 29, 2005
Format: Paperback
I am so impressed with the overall usefulness of this instruction manual for healthy interaction with teenagers. The sample conversations are never cutesy or forced but imminently practical and relevant. Lippincott and Deutsch have done a terrific job packing a ton of valuable content into a book accessible for busy parents and educators. The writing is clever and the content substantial. In addition to the impressive group of endorsers already praising the book from Elkind to Poussaint, I feel any expert in the field of adolescence will want to know about this one. Don't let the book's trendy appearance deceive you; this is a work of substance that should be around to help people for a very long time. I particularly appreciated the clarity and fairness of the "Rules of Play" the authors propose as the basis for productive interaction between teens and parents. Unlike so many approaches, these rules of play promote effective communication rather than taking sides. This objective approach may frustrate teens with a rotten agenda as much as adults with a self-righteous one, but, if followed, will result in safety for kids and balance for parents. What an accomplishment!
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20 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Kay Winslow on April 4, 2006
Format: Paperback
One of Mother Nature's cruelest tricks is to lock mothers who are marching toward menopause in the same house with teenagers who are fighting for independence. But finally I found a book that actually helped the hormonally-challenged generations in our house come to some important agreements.

I have read dozens of books on raising teenagers, but this is the ONLY ONE that has captured the attention of every member of our family. It's well-researched and fun, but most importantly, it offers 3 simple rules--Stay Safe, Show Respect, Keep in Touch--that our teenagers agree they can follow!! And when they slip up, it offers reasonable consequences that even they can swallow.

READ THIS BOOK AND THEN LEAVE IT OUT WHERE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS CAN FLIP THROUGH IT. I am not exaggerating when I say that it will change the way you and your teens interact.
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22 of 23 people found the following review helpful By Kathryn K. Baran on March 2, 2005
Format: Paperback
This book is something really special -- it took my breath away with its keen insights, new analyses, and helpful suggestions for every parent of every adolescent. In brief, the substance is outstanding. I've parented my 3.5 children through adolescence (one is only half-way there), and I promise that what this offers readers is truly helpful . . . brilliant actually, and that the methods suggested will truly work. The writing is clear and direct, funny, reasonable, and chock-o-block with legitimate examples of situations and genuine dialogue. The authors have created a new approach to an age-old problem, one that every parent faces, and for which most parents have sought some guidance. My own little home library has quite a section devoted to adolescents, like "How to talk so your teenager will listen," and "The angry teenager," and a few others with "teen" or "adolescent" in the title. This is the best book I've read, by far.
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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful By C. Antunes on April 14, 2005
Format: Paperback
Terrific. I married into a family with a teenage stepdaughter. I had no children before that. This book has quickly become my most trusted companion. Just being able to refer back to the three rules - stay safe, keep in touch, and show respect - with my daughter has given both of us a firm place to work from. It's an enormous help in my dealings with her version of the truth, my too frequent need to control her, her good and bad friends and what she does with them, and keeping respect for the house, family and each other. Wow. Indispensable.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Timothy Kearney VINE VOICE on October 14, 2005
Format: Paperback
I did not purchase SEVEN THINGS YOUR TEENAGER WON'T TELL YOU AND HOW TO TALK ABOUT THEM ANYWAY because I am a parent. I do work with young people and their parents on a frequent basis. I also have to lead discussions about difficult subjects and have found many of the young people I have worked with in the pages of this book. I have also had to listen to parents and teachers speak about day to day issues with teenagers, suggested this book to them, and they too have found the same things I did. Professionally, the book piqued my interest. I also had a second motivation. I am attempting to write a novel and the main character is a father of four children, three of them in their teens. Like most people attempting to write, I want my characters to be accurate and non-stereotypical. I am not sure whether the book has helped me with my writing, but after reading it and recommending it to teachers and parents who have also read it, I can say this book is sure to become a godsend for many people involved in the lives of young people.

Jennifer Marshall Lippincott and Robin M. Deutsch discuss the issues facing teenagers and the best way parents can talk with them about these issues. The two present current theories about adolescents as well as the most recent research regarding adolescent brain development. They have insights as to why adolescents can lie, acknowledge the importance of friends in the lives of adolescents, but offer evidence that contradicts popular theory, namely that friends have more of an influence than parents and other trusted adults. This seems to be what prompted them to write this book and encourage communication between adults and teens in spite of what appear to be obstacles.
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