Customer Reviews

The Third Choice: A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption, Second Edition

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

As a birthmother I found this book very helpful and even comforting. There are no words to say how wonderfully the authors captured the difficulty of the decision to place a child for adoption nor the greatness of the openness that they talk about in the book.

While would-be adoptive parents have many books to help them in their journey, I have seen very few that address the trials facing a woman who is contemplating an adoptive placement. This book is an excellent resource for a woman in that position. Written by two adoption social workers, the book covers all aspects of an adoptive placement: deciding whether adoption is the right choice, choosing the type of adoption, finding the right adoptive parents, getting through the pregnancy and birth, and processing the grief and loss. No book can replace counseling, but this one would be the next best thing for those who refuse counseling (and a great adjunct for those who are getting counseling). I would also recommend it for waiting adoptive parents, because it will help them to better understand what birth parents go through.

My only nit with the book is that it tries to cover a lot of ground without getting too long, resulting in fairly shallow treatment of some topics that deserve more depth.

I am an adoptive parent seeking to adopt again, and I will try to make sure that any prospective birth mother we work with reads this book!

Mosconi and Foge are right on. They have provided an excellent and unique book for the adoption triad. This is an amazing book for birthparents and a terrific guide to help them through the adoption process. Mosconi and Foge are knowledgeable, informative and true advocates for birthparents, adoptive families and the open adoption process. This book is a 10 and I would recommend it to both birthparents and adoptive parents. There is no other adoption book like it, it is unique and very easy to read. Thank you Mosconi and Foge for making a difference in the wonderful world of adoption.

When I read The Third Choice, while deciding to place my child for adoption, every word spoke directly to my heart. I found myself relating to every topic and question. Yes, I know the choice to place is one of the most difficult choices anyone may every have to make, but you overcome your grief. Your child is never forgotten, and he or she remains within your soul forever. Very few right choices are easy ones to make. In my opinion, reading The Third Choice was like taking a journey with an understanding friend. A comforting and empathetic read that came into my life at exactly the right time.

ten years ago, i found myself sitting in the office of an adoption attorney. only 3 months pregnant, i was still quite stunned at my situation. knowing nothing about open adoption, i was handed a copy of "the third choice". it was my first glimpse at open adoption. the authors decreased the shame i felt and gave me practical tips on what the next right action was. during my pregnancy, i read somewhere between 30-40 books on adoption. when asked which book helped me most, the answer is ALWAYS, "the third choice". this was the book that i referred to time and time again when i had questions about how to provide my birthdaughter with the most thoughtful, loving, healthy and balanced adoption plan.

when i considered suicide the first 3 months after relinquishing, it was words from "the third choice" that rang in my mind. the authors wrote something about the first year being the most difficult in terms of grief. it was that promise that allowed me to hang on. i marked my calendar for a year in advance and set out to get help during that first year. had this book not been available, i don't know that i would have believed the grief could be endured.

please know that a book cannot solve all your problems. if you're a birthmom, you'll need lots of help from many lighthouses. "the third choice" was merely one of the first i used to make it through the fog. if you're hurting, you don't need to go through it alone. find a therapist and a birthmom support group. your birthchild deserves a healthy, happy birthparent...and you deserve peace.

This book is an important read for anyone on either side of the adoption process. It was a tremendous help to a dear friend of mine and helped her through the entire process. The adoption went beautifully because she was well informed and could make the choices that were best for her, her child and the adoptive parents. The entire family is balanced and happy and I believe it is partially due to the guidance this book provides. I am grateful my dear friend had this book for a resource in the most difficult time in her life.

This book saved my friend's life. I am sooooo glad it was written for birthmoms and that it came across her path, or her lovely spirit might not be w me here today. Thank you for writing it!!!!

The book starts out okay and I had some hopes for it. However it breaks down completely whenever the author deals with the issue of Birth Parent grief. Birth Parent grief and pain doesn't decrease or disappear after a year...it's a lifelong process that never ends. Some women do become overwhelmed with grief the first year and turn to emotional numbness as a temporary way to find relief from the pain....but this emotional defense only lasts so long...eventually the pain & grief resurfaces in their life in the forms of: depression, anger, low self-esteem, etc. It's a shame that the authors didn't talk to any experienced Birth Parents about the true course and direction of grief. They took the easy way out and claimed that the pain goes away in a year...comforting for adoptive parents to hear...but none of my Birth Parent friends would agree with this claim!! Read books written by real Birth Mothers if you want to understand how wrong this book is about adoption loss & grief.

All the legal information in this book is spot on. That's all I can say that is positive about this book. The sections on emotional processing and grief, I felt, were directly damaging to the reader. The essence, I felt, was "get up and walk it off". I've not seen a book written by social workers that was this emotionally dishonest in years! What little information there was about the emotional and personal ramifications of an adoption plan were notintegrated into a fully human understanding.

The "section" on birthfathers was positively insulting! A scant paragraph remarking that they usually aren't there and may or may not experience many of the same emotions as the birth mother was all the effort the authors put in. Combined with language and syntax choices that were generally mildly to moderately sexist (against men) this book made me feel angrier, more ashamed and more powerless than before I had read it!

Best used as kindling.

Birthmothers get over their grief in a year? Get real!! It's too bad these two authors (who just happen to be social workers) didn't get it right! That part of the book is very misleading for those contemplating adoption; it takes us back to the Dark Ages (i.e. most of the last century) when birthmothers were told they would get over it. (Most didn't!) For another slant on adoption, I suggest the book written by Merry Bloch Jones. Also the book by Gediman and Brown. A biography on this subject is Search for Paul David.