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This Is Your Captain Speaking: A Novel [Deckle Edge] [Paperback]

Jon Methven
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)

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Book Description

June 5, 2012
A PILOT, A JOURNALIST, AND A SEMEN TRAFFICKER WALK ONTO A PLANE . . .

When flight AW2921 crashes into the Hudson River and all 162 passengers survive, it’s a Monday morning miracle. What the rapturous public doesn’t know: the whole thing was staged as a last-ditch attempt at resurrecting the Air Wanderlust stock price.

Captain Hank Swagger piloted the miracle plane into the river. Disgraced TV news anchor Lucy Springer was “luckily” the only reporter on board, and the first to capture the story. Con man Normal Fulk recently faked his own death to escape the consequences of his barely legal career as a celebrity semen trafficker. Toting his last big score—the “John Lennon”—Normal has to leave it behind on the sinking plane or risk being identified and arrested.

In the aftermath of the crash and the chaotic week that follows, Lucy, Normal, and Captain Swagger are all about to discover what it means to be at the center of a miracle that is anything but.


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Editorial Reviews

Review

“The cheeky send-up is aggressively experimental, but Methven manages to tell an engaging story amid the antic high jinks. B+”Entertainment Weekly

“Targeting celebrity-obsession, the always-on news cycle and corporate America, Methven raises both questions and laughs.”New York Post

“Relentlessly inventive. . . . Beneath the snappy dialogue and quirky plot twists, Methven is posing a profound question: What happens when a country can no longer live up to its own mythos? . . . Methven keeps the plot humming, all the way to the sticky end. He's an exciting new voice.”—Steve Almond, The Boston Globe

“You know who really had a satire coming? Sully Sullenberger. The heroic pilot who avoided crashing a damaged US Airways passenger plane by belly-flopping it onto the Hudson River became the first celebrity airman since Capt. John Yossarian. . . . A similar ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ event kick-starts Methven’s very funny, slightly batshit debut novel. . . . Methven’s energy and clear enthusiasm for the ridiculousness of his book translates to the read.”Time Out Chicago

“Do we take this seriously? We think not. We are big fans, though, of such inspired silliness.”Asbury Park Press (NJ)

“Jon Methven’s fiction debut is so inventive, assured and hilarious that it instantly establishes him as a major satirist for these times. . . . Entertaining subplots abound. Zinging up and down the ladder of comedy in pitch-perfect prose, This Is Your Captain Speaking is a shrewd response to an America besotted with image, celebrities and reality shows.”Bucknell Magazine

“A Pynchonesque, offbeat parody of American media coverage and celebrity. . . . a smart, fast-paced farce in which Methven ably satirizes America’s signature take on reality and culture of greed.”Booklist

“What if the ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ were completely faked by an unscrupulous airline company in order to boost prices? And what if we got a guy to write the whole thing up just like Carl Hiaasen? . . . Don’t miss Methven’s psychotic, if interactive, reading group guide at the end.”Kirkus Reviews

“[A] buoyant debut . . . Fans of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency will relish this frequent contributor’s snappy farce about publicity, celebrity culture, and a ne’er-do-well’s attempt to save some crippled orphans by way of one Beatle’s frozen swimmers.”Publishers Weekly

“Every so often a first novel comes along that blows your hair back with its ingenuity, that jumpstarts your faith in imaginative literature, and Jon Methven has written one of those novels. This Is Your Captain Speaking is an astonishing debut, a comedic masterwork worthy of the great Joe Orton and Stanley Elkin. Outrageous and gorgeously absurd, it shows us, with fearless accuracy, what a twisted tribe we have become.”—William Giraldi, author of Busy Monsters

About the Author

Jon Methven has worked as a paperboy, a dishwasher, a Ponderosa meat cook (everything medium well), a pizza deliverer, a golf course grounds crewman, a barbecue seasoning filter employee, an illegal barbecue seasoning filter employee since he was living in Australia without a work visa at the time, a bartender, a mascot at Yankee Stadium (Mr. Popcorn), a journalist, a taste tester, and a cubicle dweller. He knows things you can only dream of knowing, or can learn if willing to work for minimum wage. His work has appeared at Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, n+1, The New York Times, and New York magazine, and he currently writes the “Analytically Speaking” column that appears Mondays at The Awl. He lives in New York City with his wife and son.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster; Original edition (June 5, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1451642156
  • ISBN-13: 978-1451642155
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.7 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #947,451 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I am a novelist and humorist out of New York City. My work has appeared in Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency, The New York Times, New York Magazine, Buzzfeed, The Morning News, n+1 and The Awl. My first novel, This Is Your Captain Speaking, was published by Simon & Schuster in June 2012.

Customer Reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
(12)
4.3 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars This is your lawyer speaking January 24, 2013
Format:Paperback
While Mr. Willis was staying in the aforementioned hotel the evening the semen trafficking chapter took place, and Mr. Willis was filming a movie in New York City during this period, there is no proof he is the Mr. Willis cited in these pages. Mr. Willis is an international movie star of unprecedented importance. Every time an illegal celebrity semen syndicate claims it obtained a "Bruce Willis Specimen," the American public should not be so quick to assume it belongs to my client. We have since trademarked each of Mr. Willis's spermatozoa to prevent future complications. Contrary to what is presented in this novel, vials of Mr. Willis's semen are not for sale. Should Mr. Willis decide to sell his semen to fans in the future, it will be done through his website like the rest of the official Mr. Willis merchandise.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars About the author (`s demise) January 23, 2013
Format:Paperback
"Home of the Whopper!" I may have stolen that review from Burger King, but it definitely applies here also. Mr. Methven has managed to capture the dullness and ethics of a typical hit man's day-to-day life, albeit with a rather unnecessarily complicated plot.

Mr. Methven is on the fast track to becoming America's next literary satirist. Which is unfortunate since because he outed me as a hit man, making himself a potential witness for the prosecution if I'm ever indicted, I have no choice but to kill him immediately.

Come to think of it, that's a pretty cool concept for a book - a writer who invents a hit man character, and the fictional hit man comes to life and must kill the writer for whatever reason. You know who would be perfect to write that - Mr. Methven. Except, again, I have to kill him.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the best books I've read in years July 27, 2012
By altshmi
Format:Paperback
It's not often that I write a review, but felt compelled to after reading this book. If you are tired of reading the same poorly-written Patterson type books that are written on the a 5th grade level, take a chance with this one. The author has packed several different stories into this cleverly-written novel that makes you want to keep turning the pages to find out what happens next. Very interesting story lines, very well written, and the way the author uses his words is so clever it's almost astonishing.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars I should not be considered a supporting character
Despite not being the main character, this novel is really a story about me and my uncanny abilities at faking a plane crash for personal gain. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Blackie Spin
5.0 out of 5 stars Baggage Handle the Truth!
I'm so glad that this book was written and that this story is finally accurately being told! I was working on the ground crew for Air Wanderlust Flight 2921 and so many things... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Roy
5.0 out of 5 stars This is your 18B speaking.
I was sitting in 18B, and I knew something was going on from the moment I stepped into the aircraft. I always imagined my first plane crash to be more hectic. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Jessica
5.0 out of 5 stars The Late John Lennon
It is literally impossible to write a product review on anything from the afterlife. You need a credit card to open an account. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Marcia Lathroum
4.0 out of 5 stars Reviews the best part of Amazon, incarceration.
As the second celebrity semen trafficker in this story, I agree with my former partner - this is a completely erroneous account of illegal celebrity semen trafficking. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Debra Nelson
3.0 out of 5 stars I was on the plane, I swear
Far be it for me to point out that I almost died on that plane. There I was, pinned to the fuselage's ceiling, wondering if I would ever see my kids again. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Passenger 12B
4.0 out of 5 stars Issues with the use of puppets
While the events of this novel are mostly accurate as told by the author, being the only journalist aboard Flight AW2921, it goes without saying that I have sole rights to the... Read more
Published 3 months ago by T.S. Hack
5.0 out of 5 stars This is your captain speaking, literally
I loved "This Is Your Captain Speaking," and not just because I am the captain the author based the novel around. Read more
Published 4 months ago by J. Methven
5.0 out of 5 stars Best and funniest book ever!
This book is a page turner - to say the least!
You really enjoy the characters and need to see how they get out of
The messes they find themselves in! Read more
Published 9 months ago by Jojo buffet
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