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If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? Mass Market Paperback – July 1, 1990


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If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? + The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships + Life Without Jealousy: A Practical Guide (10-Step Empowerment)
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Product Details

  • Mass Market Paperback: 416 pages
  • Publisher: Fawcett; 1st Ballantine Books Ed edition (July 1, 1990)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0449218597
  • ISBN-13: 978-0449218594
  • Product Dimensions: 4.2 x 1.1 x 6.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (46 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #216,573 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

New Hampshire psychologist Hindy, Schwarz, professor of psychology at the University of Connecticut, and Brodsky, coauthor of Love and Addiction , here present the impressive results of a research project on insubstantial relationships. Charts and questionnaires accompany stories of people whose marriages and/or romantic affairs fail, predictably and consistently. Case histories gleaned from the 1700 participants in the study dramatize situations that reveal how even accomplished men and women lose partners through self-defeating behavior. There are examples of anxious lovers exhibiting servility or belligerence, jealousy and possessiveness, etc., emotional flaws rooted, according to the authors, in childhood. Readers suffering from fears of rejection will find numerous parallels to their own experiences in the depictions of ways people drive away those they love. 50,000 first printing; $50,000 ad/promo; author tour.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Basing their discussion on the results of tests taken by 1750 people as well as on numerous studies and interviews, the authors focus on what they call anxious romantic attachment or insecure love. In contrast to stable relationships, such attachments exhibit excessive anxiety, jealousy, detachment, and depression. To discover why some people are prone to these attachments and how they can help themselves, the authors offer tests, real-life examples, and concrete advice. Parents will find important chapters on how they affect the love relationships of their children's adult life. Challenging, informative, and helpful, this book is highly recommended.
- John Moryl, Yeshiva Univ. Lib., New York
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

Very enlightening book.
B. Mills
Many people have difficulty relating to the person they love most and torture themselves with anxiety, insecurity, obscession, jealousy, or depression.
jacqueline hruska
I am hoping this is a good step to start changing my behavioral patterns.
Carmen A. Ovalle

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

60 of 62 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 13, 2004
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I purchased this book at a bookstore just a few days ago because I am suffering disproportionately over a relationship that ended almost as long ago as the relationship itself lasted. Through this book, I've discovered that I am a textbook case of a woman grappling with both romantic anxiety AND romantic obsession. I always knew something wasn't "right" with me, but this book (and I've read countless self-help books and received glimmers of truth) really nailed it on the head, outlining how my upbringing (a distant, passive, uninvolved, and angry father and a lenient mother who drew all of us kids into coalition with her) created a deep-seated inability to connect with the opposite sex in a healthy way. Sadly, I discovered this book 24 hours AFTER exploding at the man with whom I was attached, thereby eliminating the possibility of even cordiality. I realize now that it had FAR more to do with me than him, and, of course, I regret so many things. An amazing book, albeit extremely painful to read. My main complaint with the book is that, while it does a SUPERB job at identifying your insecurity and its origins, you're left asking yourself, "OK, now I know what's wrong with me. What do I do now?" All you're given is one small chapter. I would recommend to the authors that they develop exercises for people suffering from this debilitating and intimacy-stealing condition -- perhaps a workbook. Luckily, I have a therapist who can help me, but most people don't have that luxury. I HIGHLY recommend this book!
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43 of 44 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 10, 2000
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I knew I was controlling in relationships but I didn't know why. This book answered a lot of questions for me. It makes you see how annoying some of your behaviors can be. You will identify with some of the characters. You will realize how you push people away by acting insecure. It really helped me ease off on people and not need to be the boss anymore.
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59 of 64 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on May 29, 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback
If your love life is plagued by insecurity and jealousy and too much overall emotional drama, please do yourself a favor and read this book. Read it with a hilighter in hand and mark all the parts that really hit home with your particular situation. Then go back and read all the parts you hilighted. If you apply what you learn in doing this, you will be a thousand times happier than you are right now and be able to find the love you have been looking for.
I was addicted to self-help books, but since reading this one, I haven't read another one. Haven't needed to. I can't recommend it highly enough. Good luck!
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18 of 18 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 21, 2003
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I would often end up in relationships that I knew were bad from the start. I would immediatly feel a sense of insecurity and jealousy. Deep down, I knew it was something I was "going through". After years of relationship turmoil a close friend recommended this book. I was told it cold be a hard read at first but to bear with it, and it would work miracles. Well, it did! I am now in a wonderful relationship and able to identify feelings or thoughts as they enter in. I am able to recognize them for what they are and not what they have always been. I am now closer to my friends and my parents than ever before. I thank Dr. Hindy and his co-writers for this new chance at life. I may actually venture to Dr' Hindy's office in NH to meet him to thank him personally.
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on October 2, 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback
This book is absolutley fabulous! I did not purchase it off Amazon.com, but at a bookstore. I read a little of the later chapters and put it back in search of another book. I found myself back at this book once again. I took the time to read the first few chapters, and it is so elightening. I always thought my partners were the one's who caused my relationship problems, and this book has made me take a good look at myself and realize my actions and feelings were the true problem. For anyone that feels they never seem to get what they need out a relationship, it may be time to read this book and do some self-reflection. It may not be you that is the cause, but those that you engage in relationships with. This book will help. BEST MONEY I EVER SPENT!
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 29, 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I was skeptical at first when a good friend told me to read this book. Boy was I worng. This is a true testimonial of why we behave in certain ways in love relationships. I have read it twice over the past two years and learned more each time I read it. My feelings and emotions are normal. What a great feeling. I am feeling better about myself and the relationship I am in and by readingthe book can understand manyh concepts of insecurites I didn't before. The auther is to be commended for his brilliant work. It has truly changed my life.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Carmen A. Ovalle on June 15, 2005
Format: Mass Market Paperback
Excellent Book !! This book was a gift for myself, and I am amazed at the extensive analysis of anxiously attached people, that it provides. I have a clearer view know as to why I behave like I behave in relationships, as well as why I tend to choose the partners I have chosen. It's all a cycle. It was a long read, but it's really, really worth it. All the examples of other people's experiences that are described in the book, were real eye openers. I am hoping this is a good step to start changing my behavioral patterns.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Brooklyn Mueller on December 4, 2004
Format: Mass Market Paperback
This book was very helpful to me. I was in a very abusive relationship, and it was very helpful to know how to overcome being insecure, so I could move on and live my life to the fullest. I would recommend this book for anyone who needs to know what they're so insecure about, and also about whats going wrong in your relationship. It is very helpful--take it from someone who now isn't insecure about themselves, and can love people once again.
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