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This Lovely Life [Paperback]

Vicki Forman (Author)
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)

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Book Description

July 23, 2009
Vicki Forman gave birth to Evan and Ellie, weighing just a pound at birth, at twenty-three weeks’ gestation. During the delivery she begged the doctors to "let her babies go" — she knew all too well that at twenty-three weeks they could very well die and, if they survived, they would face a high risk of permanent disabilities. However, California law demanded resuscitation. Her daughter died just four days later; her son survived and was indeed multiply disabled: blind, nonverbal, and dependent on a feeding tube.

This Lovely Life tells, with brilliant intensity, of what became of the Forman family after the birth of the twins — the harrowing medical interventions and ethical considerations involving the sanctity of life and death. In the end, the longdelayed first steps of a five-year-old child will seem like the fist-pumping stuff of a triumph narrative. Forman’s intelligent voice gives a sensitive, nuanced rendering of her guilt, her anger, and her eventual acceptance in this portrait of a mother’s fierce love for her children.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. Forman's enormously affecting memoir—winner of the Bread Loaf Writer's Conference Bakeless Prize—about the drastic disabilities of her extremely premature child poses challenging questions about parenthood and human compassion. Having given birth to twins at just six months' gestation (23 weeks), due to an undetected infection she learned of only much later, the author, living with her husband and three-year-old daughter in Southern California, and aware of the daunting health issues facing these babies, begged the doctors to let them go. However, the doctors refused the do-not-resuscitate order, offering the infants every form of neonatal intensive care available, and while one of the twins died within days, the boy, Evan, survived, spending six months in the hospital before the family could take him home. Evan was plagued by severe developmental difficulties, including seizures, cerebral palsy, mental retardation, congenital heart defect and blindness, and the author writes with unflinching honesty about her raw fear and conflicted feelings. With time, Forman persevered as Evan's advocate, finding solace in friendships with other mothers of special-needs children and open to experimental therapies that might prove helpful. Numbed by the crass exigencies surrounding the burial of one child (cemetery plots, tax forms), and hardened by what she terms post-traumatic stress syndrome, Forman portrays herself (sometimes shockingly) as deeply flawed and forgivingly human. (July)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

“It would be difficult not to be stirred by Vicki Forman's story; but what makes This Lovely Life so good goes well past story and into idea, with which her book is so rich. The idea of love; of choice; of ambivalence; of imperfection; of purpose: these are all here, in a narrative that is propulsive, startling and vivid, like motherhood itself.”
—Meg Wolitzer, author of The Ten-Year Nap

“Intimate, compelling, and hopeful—an absolutely important book.
—Rachel Simon, author of Riding in the Bus with My Sister

“Vicki Forman's This Lovely Life is its own kind of koan--a story about death that is full of life, a story about loss rich with things gained, a story of letting go, while at the same time holding on tightly to what we love best. Spare, bracing, lovely.”—Jennifer Graf Groneberg, author of Road Map to Holland

“If such a heartbreaking story must be any parent's to tell at all, I'm thankful that it should fall to such a talented voice as Vicki Forman to bring it to the rest of us. Forman writes with sensitivity and clarity; her love is powerful and her eyes are wide open. This Lovely Life is a beautiful story of loss and love, and ultimately of understanding, one that left me shaken, haunted and deeply moved long after I finished reading.”
—Robert Rummel-Hudson, author of Schuyler's Monster

"Forman’s enormously affecting memoir…about the drastic disabilities of her extremely premature child poses challenging questions about parenthood and human compassion…. Forman portrays herself (sometimes shockingly) as deeply flawed and forgivingly human.
—Publishers Weekly, STARRED

"A searing tale of heartache and impressive depth of character" —Kirkus


Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Mariner Books; Original edition (July 23, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0547232756
  • ISBN-13: 978-0547232751
  • Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #517,737 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

26 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.7 out of 5 stars (26 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars From sadness to affirmation, June 21, 2009
By 
DG (New Jersey, USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: This Lovely Life (Paperback)
The description of this book is heartbreaking, but I came away from reading it moved, overwhelmed, and possessed by the joy you can only feel in the presence of truth. Forman has been through pain that most of us will never experience -- by taking us with her on that journey, we are able to see her growing through sadness, anger and denial into a warrior, teacher and healer who advocates fiercely for her multiply disabled, but no less beautiful or important child. Through her eyes we are able to learn truths that we might never reach on our own; when she writes, "Even a short life is a whole life; this I have learned," I cried, not with anguish, but with joy.

There is a Zen saying, "If you want to find the path, set fire to your own life." By enduring the flames of her rage, pain, and ultimately love, Forman illuminates truths that will stay with me forever. I am grateful for this book.
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7 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Facing the Unimaginable Head-On, July 13, 2009
This review is from: This Lovely Life (Paperback)
Vicki Forman begged to let her micropreemie twins slip away from the unimaginable, and was talked into holding on. This Lovely Life is the story of her and her family's lives for the next two years. The author describes -- without vanity, with unyielding honesty -- how the unimaginable encompasses more, asks more than some parents ever thought they could handle -- and the lessons we all can take from such experiences.

Though her journey is underpinned by strength, love, and acceptance, the realities of the author's son's first two years are often brutal. Thankfully Ms. Forman, like Dickey and Nabokov before her, writes so beautifully that I found myself sighing with pleasure at her prose, even though her generosity and story had me in tears.

Please, read this book.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Heartwrenching, January 13, 2010
This review is from: This Lovely Life (Paperback)
I have been remiss in reviewing This Lovely Life and it is not from any fault of the book. It is because I have been waiting for the right time to read it. A time where I would be emotionally able to deal with the subject matter of this book. I needed to be sufficiently busy so I could step away from the book if I needed to, cheerful enough so I would not become overwhelmed with sadness and sensitive enough so that I could properly engage with the story.

This Lovely Life was heartbreaking to say the least. It was gut twisting following Vicki through her early days with her twins to the death of her daughter, Ellie, to the treatments her son, Evan, had to go through. I admire Vicki for how strong she was throughout. Even though it is a mother's job to be strong for her children despite all of the obstacles (as my mother says), a woman of weaker stuff would have crumbled under the pressure in the beginning but Vicki just kept trudging on and I really admire her for that. I was also absolutely flummoxed at some of the doctors behavior. They seemed to be more interested in protecting their statistics than the life of a baby. To tell you the truth it made me quite sick.

This book was one of the reading highlights of my year. The writing was beautiful. There is, however, a lot of medical language involved but not so much that you will need to sit with a dictionary. My mother is also a nurse in a hospital nursery, so, I grew up with the terminology and language used in those wards. This is not a book that will be an easy read. It will take a strong emotional investment to be able to fully appreciate this book. It will rip your heart out but the book shows the rewards of loving and fighting for the people we love.
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